lalala

lalala

:: 2011 21 July :: 9.09pm

I am a worthless sack of shit.

I don't deserve happiness.

I don't deserve life.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

godessalthena

:: 2011 19 July :: 11.18pm

My heart is heavy.

godessalthena

:: 2011 18 July :: 10.32pm

If you have a minute why dont we go talk about it somewhere only we know?

I miss you.

godessalthena

:: 2011 18 July :: 12.40pm

I fucking hate Alyson.

godessalthena

:: 2011 18 July :: 12.32am

I am in SUCH a good mood!

Today was pretty much epic despite humble beginnings.

And tonight is looking to be fanastic too!

45 mins tim I'm off work! I did so many faxes it would make your head spin!

:) I'd like to thank everyone I've talked to today for making it epic. I am sitting on cloud 9.

godessalthena

:: 2011 17 July :: 1.58am

Things fall apart

godessalthena

:: 2011 17 July :: 12.55am

Nothing ever changes.

Empty promises. Just pacifiers.

Sigh.

labyrinth

:: 2011 16 July :: 11.05pm

This may sound silly, but Twilight was there for me when I was bored, lonely and alone. It made my first year of college bearable.

godessalthena

:: 2011 14 July :: 9.35pm

It takes every fiber of my being to keep going. I don't see the point anymore.

godessalthena

:: 2011 14 July :: 12.49pm

Stay positive. Try your hardest.

It feels completely one sided.

godessalthena

:: 2011 12 July :: 8.07pm

Every little thing I do.. I do it for you.

I have abandoned all hope and entered the depths of Hell. I'm alone, sad, angry and no one notices I'm missing.

godessalthena

:: 2011 11 July :: 7.30pm

We can drive it home with one headlight..

godessalthena

:: 2011 10 July :: 11.49pm

I don't know who I'm kidding imaging you care.

godessalthena

:: 2011 10 July :: 3.21pm

You put yourself in stupid places, I think you know it's true. You put yourself in situations where it's easy to look down on you. I think you like to be the victim. I think you like to be in pain. I think you like to play the victim almost every single day.

godessalthena

:: 2011 10 July :: 4.26am

Sometimes I run.. Sometimes I hide.. Sometimes I'm scared of you. But all I really want is to hold you tight, treat you right, be with you day and night..

godessalthena

:: 2011 10 July :: 12.53am

Easily manipulated.
Readily the victim.
Stupid girl.

godessalthena

:: 2011 9 July :: 7.18pm

Build me up, buttercup, don't let down..

godessalthena

:: 2011 8 July :: 2.10pm

Nothing good.

godessalthena

:: 2011 7 July :: 8.42pm

I miss the days when I still felt alive..

godessalthena

:: 2011 6 July :: 5.34pm

I really just want to give up on my life.

I can't find meaning in nothing.

godessalthena

:: 2011 6 July :: 2.00pm

Finally jaded. My heart has grown hard and cold. I don't know if I believe in fairy tales anymore. People cause pain.

godessalthena

:: 2011 5 July :: 6.44pm

My girlfriend spoils me. She feeds me, let's me have all the pot I want, my own bed, any movie I want to watch, she let's me vent, she cares about how I feel. She takes me out to eat my favorite foots and gives me massages. She laughs at all my jokes and thinks I'm great. She likes my brutal honesty and she accepts me for who I am. She wants the best for me. She even offered me a room in her home if I need it.

She feels like my best friend. And I haven't known her for very long. But it's so nice to finally find someone like that. It's exactly what I need in my life right now.

She doesnt get jealous. She'll wait for me if I have to deal with other things. I feel like I always have somewhere safe and welcoming if shit hits the fan.

I get a mini vacation every other day.

And I give her butterflies :3

godessalthena

:: 2011 4 July :: 2.47pm

I just want to give up. I'm done fighting. I'm done trying to be happy.

Life, you win. I'm just not cut out for you.. Or anyone else in my life for that matter.

I just wish for once I'd get what's coming to me.

godessalthena

:: 2011 4 July :: 10.40am

Just once I'd really love....

But I don't deserve it.

godessalthena

:: 2011 3 July :: 8.29pm

I just want to get fucked up and die.

godessalthena

:: 2011 2 July :: 4.44pm

Hello.

I recently became aware that I am a heartless monster.

That is all.

labyrinth

:: 2011 2 July :: 5.22pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable

Should get out more
In my mind, I feel like a trespasser. I've looked up some "haunted places" that I want to visit for fun. I don't think they'll be anything spooky or scary happening. I just want to get familiar with the city in a fun kind of way. This is the type of fun that doesn't cost any money. The weather has been hot. Just makes me want to stay home all day and be lazy. I hate to feel lazy when I'm bored, but I can't get myself out if the weather is going to be 92 degrees. Tomorrow is even worst! 97 degrees. Man, that's crazy! But it gets better afterwards. Isn't this what I wanted? To experience hot weather? I guess.

I have always been fascinated by spooky things/places. I don't really need to see anything. Just want to get out and see some new things. I've been here for like a month. I should not treat here like San Francisco. Being inside an SRO everyday. Salt Lake is nice and I should get out more.

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 8.08pm

Will it ever end?

I'm feeling really disheartened. Disillusioned. I just want my old life back. I just want the last two years back. I feel a great injustice has been done to me and Sus. I feel like my life has been needlessly ruined.

And now we are both suffering more than ever. And all I want is tofeel loved and important. And that's all he wants too. But will we ever get back there? I feel so hopeless.

I honestly can't wait to have the apartment back. I can't wait to have the freedom to do whatever we want again. To not have to feed a deadbeat child trapped in a teenager's body.

labyrinth

:: 2011 1 July :: 2.05pm

Not going to check FB that often anymore. Going to do something else online like play Subeta.net/Neopets.com. Haven't visited those sites in a while.

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 3.35am

When I'm angry I catch a mean bug. I need to get it out of me before it ruins my life. I'm kinda afraid it's too late.