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2011 21 April :: 12.23pm
:: Mood: okay
Beauty of Cemeteries
Last Sunday, my mom's friend drove through Colma to Pitco Foods to buy stuff for their mini market. I went with them. I had always wanted to visit Colma because of what it was always known for being "the city of the silent" means the city where they buried the dead. I read this on wikipedia "the population of the dead outnumber the living by over a thousand to one." It's not very far from where I live. I always wanted to go there, relax, have a picnic and spend my whole day there, but my mom don't want me going there alone because she says cemeteries are usually quiet and someone might hide in the bushes. So it's not safe or something. When I try to ask someone to go with me, it didn't seem like anyone was interested. I even asked my mom's friend if she wanted to live there and she said, "It looks okay, but wouldn't be my first choice. I want to live somewhere with nice view. Not looking out the window and all I see is that (tombstones and graves)."
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2011 18 April :: 11.32am
:: Mood: irritated
I wish some people would just stop Bulls**ting me. I hate to use words like that, but it's the most accurate. I have this friend who I'm always waiting on. Movie screenings. She says she wants to go, text me on the same day that she is coming, but when the time comes, she never shows up. This happened at least 2-3 times that I had to wait on her. She did came once, but sort of talked during the film, which annoyed me greatly. Today, she tells me she wants to see me. What's the point? Why set up an appointment if you're not gonna show up and flake on me all the time? I get annoyed easily and I don't need people to waste my time. I barely have free time now, and I'm not gonna risk it for someone who's going to flake.
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2011 15 April :: 11.11am
:: Mood: hungry
No freedom
Life is pretty good. I just have to make things work. I have to plan what I will do after my internship ends. The good part is not coming home late, but the bad part is figuring out where I should be, and what time I should be coming home. If I go home early, I wouldn't have much to do except sit in the living room, eat tons of food and snacks, look at the kids, listen to the lady lecturing to me about various subjects, watch what I say otherwise it might offend her and I probably have to ride in the car with her everywhere she goes. She's nice and provides the necessities and foods, but I can't watch anything I want to watch. Let's say I want to watch DEVIL, she probably wouldn't like it so I won't bother trying. Violent zombie movies are not appropriate for kids, so I'm left with watching animated films that I've already seen. I like them, but I would like to catch up on my movie watching. I missed out on so many screenings. Being busy with internship and cleaning..
The school feels like my temporary new home now. I can do whatever I want. No one isn't going to bother me here. I feel comfortable here and the food is cheap. Plenty of stuff to eat, but just too many people and long lines. It's okay I guess. Fast computers too. I need to upload my pictures from spring break also. I don't have my own computer anymore so I'm not quite sure if I should.
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2011 14 April :: 1.46pm
:: Mood: accomplished
Writing an entry before I leave for my internship. Not counting today, I would have 4 days left! Pretty excited. I wouldn't have much to do except going to my 3 easy classes. Passed the math test. Thank you Lord. I prayed a lot that I would pass. I really put work into studying. 2 more tests to go! If I pass both, I'm not taking the final. Can't wait to sit back and relax. I'm reading some websites about Utah, and most of them are negative comments. What people list as bad seems good to me. Maybe I'm just a weirdo. It's a perfect place for me to live because I like to do nothing. There is a lot to do, but for some reason they say Utah is a place for people who do nothing. There are winter sports, hiking, biking, camping, movies, eating, etc.. That seems like a lot to me. The big space is good because SF is crammed. Everyone just wants to live here. It's cold most of the time, plus there's no snow. Makes everyday boring. Cold and rain.
Overall, Cali is a good state. Good schools, colleges and jobs. It just depends who you are and what you want to do with your life. For me, I don't belong here. That's all. For most people, they like living here. I just want to get away from the craziness and rest from people. I feel old.
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2011 13 April :: 11.34am
:: Mood: blah
I'm feeling happy and sad at the same time. The good part is that I am close to being done with school. I have a total of 7 math tests, but I already took 5, so that means 2 more to go if i pass the 5th one. I might not have to take the final if I pass all 7 tests. I am almost done with my internship. My hours are almost complete. I have 5 days left! So happy and relieved, but at the same time, I am scared that it will end because I don't feel like going home so early in the morning which is 11am. I don't want to go home period. I just want some freedom for once without being told what to do.
The bad part is that my sister just told me that my dad is going in for more surgery and his condition is worst. Makes me sad that I can't visit him right now because I need to be done with school.
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godessalthena
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2011 12 April :: 1.39am
Happy birthday to me!!
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godessalthena
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2011 10 April :: 8.56pm
April fools about the baby.
I actually am considering getting my tubes tied since the age to do it is 23 now from what I hear..
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godessalthena
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2011 9 April :: 7.13am
New metal DDR pad :) lotsa booze breasts and fine friends. Over all a very epic birthday :D
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2011 8 April :: 11.27am
:: Mood: anxious
Decisions, my mom, interning
Sometimes I hate myself for not thinking thoroughly before I do something. My problem right now is that my mind isn't focused. I tend to make lame decisions. I guess classes like math does help me to think, plan, understand and remember better. It might help me to not make any stupid decisions in the future. I'm glad I have school. Sometimes it's frustrating, but overall it's rewarding. Paranoia is good at times. I've been paranoid before, but now I have to be more paranoid for the better so that I don't make rash decisions.
And I miss my mom very much. She's my role model. So strong and tough. No one else is like her and I admire her with all my heart. No one can replace her. She is truly amazing and a daredevil. I love how she does things. She is so smart. It's hard to describe or put into words. She's like no other. Unique, selfless, strong.. I'm becoming like her more each day.
Intern yesterday was alright. I got to work with the new girl, and she's kind of weird. She never went to Culinary school. The way she works annoys me because she would put the dirty spoons in a hotel pan next to the food. No one does that except for her. That doesn't make sense to me. Dirty equipments shouldn't be mixed up with foods served to customers. She would tell me to do this and that, and it would be all wrong. She works really fast no doubt. Faster than anyone in the kitchen, but it wasn't organized/clean. I'd rather work slower and put things in order rather than rush through everything and put things where they don't belong and piss off the dishwasher guys. She uses the wrong plate for desserts. I mean, come on. It's a fine-dining restaurant and you put a creme caramel into a tiny plate. You've got to be kidding me. Fine-dining restaurants use big plates. You go on google and see the plating style. They leave some room for the caramel liquid. I told her we always use the big plates and she said, "But that's what I've been using." Well, it's wrong. I didn't bother to say anymore, but just stay quiet. Didn't want to be rude. She said she couldn't tell if I was sad or happy. My face expression tends to look blah and emotionless. It just simply means I am tired. There isn't anything wrong with her. She's nice and polite, but I don't really like working with her. Some things I leave out she eats. I prefer to work alone and go home at 11pm something rather than work with someone who constantly does something annoying and inappropriate. I have nothing against her, but she just doesn't hear me or communicate. I go to Culinary school. She didn't and she's teaching me how to do things. It's wrong. That's all I gotta say.
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godessalthena
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2011 8 April :: 3.02am
Birthday party tomorrow. Maybe the baby won't like the alcohol and leave. Maybe I can still have a good birthday. I hate people.
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godessalthena
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2011 7 April :: 11.55am
There's a hole in my heart.
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labyrinth
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2011 6 April :: 3.03pm
:: Mood: okay
Escape
This may sound funny, but it feels like I sort of turned fiction and fantasy into real life experiences. I love road films, and enjoy the feel of those films. I rode on the Greyhound to visit my mom in Utah, and met some strangers that I talked with on the Greyhound. It was a weird experience, but I like to hear different perspectives from different people who don't live in the city. Even though I don't know them, we had really good conversations. Thinking about Utah is like an escape. I just want to run away and get out of California as soon as possible. I don't like living here. It's the vibe that ruins it for me. I don't want to be around people who smoke, use drugs all the time and fornicate. I want to be around someone who appreciates nature and beauty and isn't under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I see drug addicts as zombies because they don't think and aren't aware of anything even themselves. They don't care about themselves.
Being in Utah and thinking about Utah makes me happy. The beautiful weather, outdoors, mountains, people with manners, nature. And I like looking at empty roads. It was a relief to get to see God's creation. I wasn't bored when I rode the Greyhound for 20 something hours. It's because I'm not disturbed. I don't have to do laundry. I don't have to work or deal with people. The people on the Greyhound didn't bother me. Overall, a good trip and a great experience. I must sound crazy talking to myself on this blog and daydreaming everyday. I just want to get out.
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2011 6 April :: 2.55pm
:: Mood: irritated
Cockroaches & Bedbugs are annoying
I'm finally out of the old place. Moved to a different district in SF at my mom's friend. It's a nice room by the garage with another room where I put stuff. I'm still annoyed at the fact that some of the cockroaches followed me to the new place. I can't let them know that I found 3 cockroaches (which I killed). I hope it doesn't get pregnant or else their place will be infested with cockroaches. That would be messed up. I actually sprayed the cockroaches, so I hope it took some of that poison with it. I hate killing bugs like cockroaches and bedbugs because I hate killing any living thing, but if I don't do it, it'll leave trails of feces everywhere and make me sick. I got sick several times. It's bad for the health. I noticed that some of the bedbugs are very tiny. It might have came with me. I don't know. I guess overtime, I will find it and kill it before it matures into an adult and lays more nasty eggs. I think bedbugs and cockroaches have to mature into full size before it could do that.
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godessalthena
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2011 5 April :: 6.29pm
I hate my life.
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2011 4 April :: 12.15am
:: Mood: tired
Moving out
Came back from Utah today. My day is super hectic. No rest. Moving out tomorrow to stay with my mom's friend. Cleaned and cleaned all day until now. Still didn't finish because I have too much junk. Still trying to decide what to keep and what to throw away. Very exhausting. My goal is to only have a luggage, duffel bag and a backpack. It's hard to decide. I'll be moving to Utah next month when I graduate. I have to be out by 6pm tomorrow, but I still have all this junk. *sad face*
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godessalthena
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2011 3 April :: 4.59am
This will be the death of us
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godessalthena
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2011 1 April :: 3.54pm
Well it's official.. I'm going to be having a little bun growing in my oven... I honestly don't know what to think. Or do. I feel so confused. :(
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godessalthena
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2011 31 March :: 5.45pm
I feel used. Taken advantage of. Pissed.
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godessalthena
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2011 26 March :: 12.50pm
Last night I dreamt I had a little crab and didn't die.
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labyrinth
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2011 25 March :: 11.44pm
I planned on taking off today, but the snow storm caused the road to close down. Hopefully, tomorrow will be okay. I want to leave as soon as possible because my spring break starts today. I cancelled my internship for a whole week, so I want this trip to be worth it.
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2011 25 March :: 1.35am
:: Mood: sleepy
Obsessed with vegetables
Vegetables are my candies/snacks. I always wolf down vegetables whenever I get the chance because I barely cook at home nowadays. Not having time means I have to buy food at school. I get 50% off, which makes it perfect. I like that my classmates always piles my plate with great amounts of veggies. I don't know why I came to be obsessed with eating veggies and fruits. When I'm hungry, I go for vegetables. I think it's cuz I feel the difference. I used to be weak and can't really run. Now I can run/walk fast when I stop eating meat. I eat it once a week because my sister doesn't have taste buds for vegan foods. She said it's not filling. I would like to make yellow curry veggies, but she doesn't like eating only veggies. So I had to do chicken. Here is my lunch. I eat something like this most of the time.
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godessalthena
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2011 23 March :: 9.52pm
I'm so tired of feeling.
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2011 19 March :: 11.33pm
Mars Needs Moms, a terrific film
Saturday was the weirdest movie-going experience I have ever had! I thought I might have been the only one in the whole theater auditorium watching Mars Needs Moms, but some old guy came in, so I wasn't the only one. I sat in the upper top and he sat in the middle. The theater should have been more prepared though. I paid money to watch this movie in the morning. Yes, I know it's 11am, but there is a morning show. They should get their stuff together. They tried playing the movie for 25 minutes. The movie ended up starting at 11:30am I believe. Towards the end, the sound went off. I was very irritated, so I told the theater worker to go back to the part when the sound went off. She was nice and did it for me. I was able to finish watching Mars Needs Moms even though there was an interruption towards the end. I finished watching the film alone because I guess the old guy was fed up, so he left. He should have stayed. Oh well. It was indeed an excellent film. I knew about the film last year, and always wanted to watch it, but since there are so many movies I thought I would skip it. Glad I didn't. It was way too amazing! That explains why it's a box office flop. People don't like to watch good movies. In a way, the movie was sort of 80's in the sense. I thought it was very science fiction for an animated film. Aliens, outerspace, very emotional. The reason I really loved this movie is because I love my mom. This movie is obviously about moms. A kid saving a mom sounds neat. That's exactly what I would do if my mom was in any danger. I just love this movie so much. I can understand why it didn't appeal to the majority because it looks very appealing to me. What is appealing to me doesn't appeal to others. No one has ever heard of these movies: Paperhouse, Mindwarp, A Troll in Central Park, etc.. etc.. Some bands I love that no one listens to: Ex-Voto, Nosferatu, Theatre of Ice...
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godessalthena
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2011 19 March :: 10.27pm
I miss the muppet show haha
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2011 18 March :: 2.50pm
Last night was a blast!
I'm super sleepy but drunken debauchery is so worth it!
The kitchen is a mess. And the puppy.. Fucking cute as ever!
I think as long as I just stop thinking about where I am the next year won't be so bad. It's hard to think of leaving this job too.. It's just so good. In so many ways.
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godessalthena
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2011 17 March :: 4.29am
I wish I had a best friend.
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2011 16 March :: 7.25pm
Outdated
I don't realize how much the world had changed. I was stuck in the past. I hadn't gone shopping for a few years due to not having a lot of money. Two days a week, I cleaned my room little by little so last day of staying in San Fran wouldn't be much of a burden. I noticed the stuff and the pricing at certain stores I used to love really have changed so much. 1) Hot Topic: No longer dark/black, not everything is about rock music anymore. 2) Rasputin: The Gothic music section became smaller. DVD's seem cheaper?
Okay I'm not making sense. People prefer to watch their stuff online probably. I feel old/outdated at the fact that I still use CD's, CD player and a 1GB mp3 player. I noticed my mp3 is starting to broke down. The back cover went soft and it broke on it's own because it's fragile. I still use it because it plays the music well. The sound is fine. I don't plan on buying a new one yet. I don't really like to listen to music when I'm walking. Now I hate taking the bus. I prefer to walk. It seems like the bus is always packed now? or is it bad timing? It just seems like everywhere is crowded now. It didn't use to be like that..
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2011 15 March :: 1.34pm
Giving away DVD's
Giving away some of my DVD's to my good friends. I figured I couldn't keep all of them for a lifetime. I'm keeping some which includes House of the Devil, Zombieland, Avatar, George Romero zombie movies, etc.. I am keeping these because when I feel lonely, I can watch them over and over again. House of the Devil and Zombieland are lonely films.
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godessalthena
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2011 14 March :: 10.05pm
Got a bitching raise and bonus! Got a cute little puppy! Got a handsome boyfriend and I got a good job!
Things are looking good.
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2011 14 March :: 6.33pm
I cleaned my room yesterday. Then I threw out my yearbooks into the trash. I don't need yearbooks for memories. I prefer to leave all the old memories behind and start off fresh in Utah. I can't be carrying yearbooks with me everywhere I go if I'm going to travel. Yearbook autographs were pointless. I prefer to live life like right now. Finishing up and doing my own thing. Occasionally hang out with a long time friend who I feel comfortable around.
I'm going to have the time of my life during my spring break. My whole life, I spent my break suffering through spring breaks. It's either I'm sick or my family having big fights/arguments. I don't care if I have to work during my break because I actually like to work sometimes, keeps me from being bored. Being up on my feet doesn't allow me to be lazy. Working around food is the best part. I won't have to plan what to eat during that week. It's difficult to think up menu ideas when I don't have a kitchen, oven and utensils. I love cooking, but I would like a big sink please.
I really look forward to this spring break. I'm waking up early in the morning the day I'm leaving. I have to keep myself entertained. I don't have an itouch, so that's not a problem. I keep my old music CD's. Yes, I'm ancient. I like carrying CD cases and player with me.
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