labyrinth
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2010 24 July :: 12.34am
:(
I shouldn't have thrown that Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt I got at Warped Tour away! I know it's been like 4 years, but I'm still regretting. My mom went and bought it with me. What a jerk I am. If anyone happens to read this, can you tell me how to stop regretting? Silly, but I still feel bad. It's the fact that the shirt was a memory, and it's GONE. I don't have memories like that with my mom anymore. She doesn't go anywhere with me anymore because she can't walk really far. She has problems with her legs. When she walks too much, it starts to hurt. :(
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labyrinth
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2010 23 July :: 9.13pm
Movie!!
I'm so excited right now! I can't eat. I can't think! I'm going to watch the most awesome movie next week!!!!!!! I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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godessalthena
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2010 23 July :: 7.26am
Hello, exhaustion, my constant companion.
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godessalthena
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2010 23 July :: 12.59am
Tonight: HELLA FUN and serious possible new bff in the mix
Tomorrow: looks to be HELLA FUN with parents and Emily :3
Sometime this weekend: fabulous sister of wonderful doom!!
this weekend is looking to be fan-FUCKING-tastic :3
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labyrinth
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2010 23 July :: 12.19am
Obsessed with movies
I feel like a stupid kid for wanting/needing to go to Comic-Con really bad. This is purely for my own entertainment, and I would be willing to go alone. That's how much I'm dying! LOL Yes, very silly. It's like the feeling of wanting to go to Vampire-Con. Yes, it's pop culture. But sadly, that's what entertains me and I can't help myself but love films, movies and music. Not sure if anyone would understand. It's like when I was 6 years old, and was excited to go to Disneyland. Now for me, it's Comic-Con. All of a sudden, my interest for movies grew and grew each time. I feel like I have to watch 3 movies a week.
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labyrinth
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2010 22 July :: 11.19pm
Too bad I'm not at Comic-Con. The twitter updates are driving me crazy! I'm not obsessed about pop culture. I just like watching movies, so I don't have to think about not having a lot of money. I don't really want to say I'm broke because I do have some money. Just have to wait until I'm finished with college.
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labyrinth
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2010 19 July :: 11.34pm
Death in June sounds different to me now. It sounds better for some reason. I tried listening to them few years ago, but they sound okay to me. I'm in the mood to listen to this band now.
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godessalthena
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2010 19 July :: 6.43am
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: "missed the boat" by modest mouse
something that's been nagging for a looooong time
We're all just trying to figure shit out. Why do we have to make it so god damned hard for each other?
I can't help but think most people are pieces of shit because they'd rather focus on how fucked up everyone else is rather than fixing their own internal issues.
If you don't like who I am or what I do: a. it's none of your business b. I probably don't care your opinion if I didn't ask for it and c. think about it - you're probably just jealous because I can make radical changes in a day that you will never be able to do in your whole life time.
So just jog on and worry about your shit and I'll worry about mine.
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godessalthena
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2010 18 July :: 9.37pm
Congrats on finally admitting it............
4 years later.........
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godessalthena
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2010 18 July :: 2.53pm
Drinks + cute girl + me + Sus + joy = one helluva fantastic night
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godessalthena
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2010 16 July :: 6.19am
Eeeee! I've lost 3 lbs this week!!!
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godessalthena
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2010 14 July :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: happy
happy belated birthday to me!
I just got home from a truely WONDERFUL FANTASTIC MAGICAL dinner with my mom, dad and Zuzu!
We went to Scratch and had drinks and food and talked about silly things and funny things and there was a whole lot of laughing and it felt just like i've always wanted.
I felt like I was finally part of the family again and it felt like they all really wanted to be around me. I felt happy and loved and myself.
I really can't express how happy I was at that dinner. And how excited I am for the future.
I feel like taking a nap and having sweet dreams finally.
ahh! :D best birthday dinner ever!
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godessalthena
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2010 13 July :: 1.02pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
finally change is coming...
Ahhh! :D
I love things.. And stuff.. And things :)
[ e d i t ]
the last few days have made me very happy.
happiest i have been since i lived in everett.
i finally get to have my family back..
i finally get to move on past all the trauma and bad feelings..
all the things in my life that have been difficult or fucked up are now on the mend. and while its only taken me forever to finally do something about it, i'm so glad i waited and the way it happened (for me) couldn't have been better for my mental health.
I feel like i may acutally have a chance at getting better. at being off my pills, at feeling like i'm worth something. i can't wait for the future.
i'm going back to school, i'm starting a fantastic career with a fantastic company, i'm getting out of debt on my own, sus is going back to school and starting a fantastic career. we're starting a beautiful life and i'll have two families who love me.
i can finally believe i'll be successful. i can finally believe i'm loved. i can finally know that there is something to wake up for and the sun is just as beautiful as it was so long ago.
i'm just SO fucking excited.
and SO fucking ready to get my life on track.
and compared to the road that i've been on, everything in my future feels like it's going to be a cake walk.
i love life.
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godessalthena
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2010 10 July :: 7.26pm
There goes my pain there goes my chains - did you see them falling?
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godessalthena
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2010 8 July :: 8.51am
Ahhh I love happy visiting time with friends :)
finally having some company over tonight! And tomorrow! And going out Saturday :D
lunch with my lover today!
Lunch with Emily tomorrow!
Evening with Janelle Saturday!
Things should be entertaining!
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angel_bob
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2010 8 July :: 2.12am
This is where I just keep talking and you guys can leave at any time
I have sunburn for the second time in my life and it sucks even worse than the first time as I am not 10 years old and have to work. At least I only have sunburn on my back, shoulders and knees unlike poor Nick whose face is red and peeling. I learned long ago that the first place I put sunscreen on is my face, especially on my nose and ears.
I've been sick for about a week now, just congested and gross and haven't been able to taste food for that entire terrible week. I was starting to think I wouldn't be able to ever taste food again (I had nightmares about tasteless Popeye's chicken and I cried a little) so I went into the bathroom with half a box of Puffs and emerged victorious! I then ate some ham dip and Pita House for lunch.
Speaking of Puffs, how great is it to be a company that has become a household name. I almost typed Kleenex before realizing I bought Puffs (because the only Kleenex at Meijer were the ones with lotion which gross me out and don't have nice, pretty boxes (Great selling point, companies! You've got me down pat. I take these to work and I want to look stylish while I wipe my nose every five minutes.)) and I was thinking about proprietary eponyms. Kleenex, Jello, Google, Vaseline, Q-Tips, Frisbee, Band-Aid, Velcro, Thermos...even Hi-Lighter. It's very interesting how our language has absorbed brand names as actual words. Maybe I'm just watching too much Mad Men.
I took a break from wedding planning for a week or two because I was having dreams about it and stressing out. Now I'm just more overwhelmed because apparently invitations are to be sent out 8 weeks before the wedding (which is the last weekend in August and OMFG IT IS JULY ALREADY WTF YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN TIME KTHX) and I keep having to explain to people (at work) that yes, I'm getting married, no he hasn't proposed. After 6 years, we knew we were going to do this, I don't need some hard consolidated mineral matter (thanks, princeton.edu!) on my finger to know that it's happening. Also, Nick lost his job which means we will soon need a cheaper and less awesome place to live which makes me sad but means more wedding money which we seriously need because my parents have said in the past that they aren't paying for it because they paid for their wedding so I can pay for mine. Although my mom did offer to help out after I called to tell her Nick lost his job. And I might need that help after seeing the price of these places. And my mom is the best dealfinder to ever hit deals.
Have you ever planned a wedding by the way? I don't know why in the world people want to stretch these things out over 6 months or even over a year! I'm stressed out already and I only have to deal with this for 4 months. I talked to Nick about it and he got me to calm down and figure out priorities which immediately made me want to throw up but I'm getting things done, kids (while throwing up)! I'm not actually calling anyone (because it's 2am and I talk to people on the phone all day at work why would I want to do it for leisure) but I've sent out emails and I have a few days off next week so hopefully I can get the hardest parts (ceremony and reception location) out of the way so I can think about food and food. And Nick was completely useless but now that he has time he is very useful.
Okay, this is getting long and I want to go watch another episode of Mad Men before I hop in my oatmeal bath so I'll stop now.
I love you all.
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godessalthena
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2010 5 July :: 9.10pm
Sometimes you just can't fight the sorrow.
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godessalthena
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2010 2 July :: 6.50am
Lost 1% body fat in the last week :) which makes me feel really really goodabout myself :D
I want to be at around 16% to have a nice plush figure for my frame. Weight-wise that'd be 154 lbs-ish if I maintain my current muscle density (which won't happen since I'm starting anaerobic strength training soon).
I feel this goal is completely obtainable over the course of several months :)
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labyrinth
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2010 1 July :: 10.01pm
I wished I understood German. Schandmaul is such a great band! I thought about learning German, but I'm not ready for it yet.
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godessalthena
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2010 1 July :: 7.22am
I feel bad that she likes me.. But it's so nice being persued by an intelligent and cute woman.
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labyrinth
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2010 30 June :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: content
I got a bunch of Twilight Saga: Eclipse merchandise at different events. I was organizing my posters, and I have tons. I'll wait until I move out, and get my own room. Then I'll post all of them at the same time.
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godessalthena
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2010 30 June :: 7.53pm
I hate you. I hate you SO much. I hate you more than I've hated anyone in a long time.
You're butt-fucking-ugly. You're balding. You work a dead-end job and have no future. You fucking wreek. You're irresponsible trailer trash with one brain cell to your whole family and you have bad teeth.
Fuck you. And I can't wait until you are out of my life for good.
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godessalthena
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2010 30 June :: 5.09am
The way I see it either we have free will or god has a plan. You can't have both.
Either it was god's plan to have my brother sexually molest and rape me for a good portion of my formative years or god just sat back and watched because my brother has free will.
Either way that's fucked.
Amd then god planned for my parents not to see the signs of the abuse or to ignore them.. Or he just sat back and let them do that of their own free will.
Either way that's fucked up too.
I am done with religion.
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godessalthena
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2010 29 June :: 5.29pm
Just worked off 515 calories :D feeling AWESOME
not even exhausted!
And I was told I'm a superstar by my superiors! Hell fucking yeah!
Now if only roomie situations were better... :/
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godessalthena
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2010 28 June :: 5.40pm
I love being asked questions like: "what's your favorite movie?" or "if your life was a movie what would it be?"
I always say "the fountian" and the response I always get is: " now that's a movie I dont understand!" (nervous chuckle)
I love it! I love the look on their faces. It's so satisfying. Especially when they've been married for 10+ years and/or have kids. Ahhh
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labyrinth
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2010 27 June :: 4.56pm
:: Mood: tired
After today, I'm not in the mood for hanging out anymore. I waste my time and took the bus back and forth. My head hurts. Never on a Sunday anymore. Church ONLY. I made new rules for myself. When I want to attend an event, make sure I leave at least one hour for traveling time. If an event starts at noon, I would get out at eleven. NOT exactly at noon. I hate going anywhere late. I always make sure that I'm not in a rush, and wait at least two hours. So next time, if I knew I was gonna be late, then I'm not going anywhere.
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labyrinth
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2010 27 June :: 10.10am
:: Mood: grateful
Yes!
A miracle did happen! I got the pastry class! I tried registering again yesterday, and a spot was open for me! Which is a dream come true. I thank the Lord for everything he has given me. Without him, I get nowhere. I'd be nothing, if I didn't have him.
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godessalthena
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2010 27 June :: 12.40am
Goth night @ A Club = love
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labyrinth
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2010 26 June :: 7.09pm
?
I won these t-shirts for the movie CYRUS, but it has a curse word. Don't think I want to wear it. It says "Seriously, Don't F**k My Mom - Cyrus." I was excited to have received it in the mail, but I don't curse, so it doesn't suit me a bit. It has a really good and nice fabric too. I don't want to sell or give it away either.
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angel_bob
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2010 24 June :: 2.05pm
Nick lost his job.
They eliminated the entire department.
Talked to him, he said the wedding is still on. He actually said "Why wouldn't it still be on?"
He says we'll be okay. He gets severance and we'll be fine as long as we move out of our awesome expensive apartment.
Just crazy timing.
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