lalala

Although wherever you're going is always in front of you, there's no such thing as straight ahead

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lalala

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:: 2010 8 April :: 10.03pm

Tomorrow is food buying day! And I get to hang out with Laura! And she's going to make mac and cheese from scratch! And we're going to eat I and have drinks! And watch cute movie and have a cuddlefest! SO excited!!

And I'm dying my hair tonight! And my nose piercing is SO fucking hot!

And then Saturday..... PAAR-TAAY!!!!!

XD ahhhh!!! Then Monday sushi and presents and I'll offically be old haha

:: 2010 7 April :: 6.57pm

Change is hard.

:: 2010 7 April :: 1.17am

Can't sleep.

Fucking sucks.

:: 2010 6 April :: 9.01pm

Calcifer tattoo on ankle. Hell fucking yeah.

:: 2010 6 April :: 5.49pm

Owch

:: 2010 6 April :: 4.00pm

Movie tickets
I have to give movie tickets to my friends in private now because everyone's looking at me and I know people want them. This other guy was like, "How come you give him tickets, and not me?" I told him, "It's hard to get." They come and go very quick for popular movies. I don't want to give to just anybody because people sometimes waste them when they can't make it.

:: 2010 5 April :: 9.53pm

Drugs or me.

And seriously... It's always drugs.

So fucking disgusting.

:: 2010 4 April :: 8.46pm

After this weekend I really just want to leave. Never ever coming back once I get out.

Fuck Spokane.

And if you can't see how shitty it is then you are blind and that is very unfortunate. Please, though, stay if you like it.

:: 2010 1 April :: 5.02pm

Strange dreams
I've been having strange dreams. It was movie related. The other night I dreamt about Horrorfest III and Zombieland 2 was part if it. The dream was pretty long almost like a movie, but all I remember was a giant spider bigger than a building. I saw fire, and it was dark at night.

The next dream I had didn't make sense either. Some guy was holding my right hand and he held this other girl's left hand. We were running away from something. I climbed over the gate. The thing that chased after us couldn't climb so we got away. I actually remember making an effort to climb that gate as if I've done it in real life.

I should keep a notebook near my pillow, so I can write all the details. When I wake up, I forget most of the dream.

:: 2010 1 April :: 11.05am

Got my nose done yesterday!
early birthday gifts rock!
My boyfriend is the best ever!
Hella rad birthday and it's still 12 days away!!

:: 2010 31 March :: 5.07pm

Today was alright. I went to sell some clothes, but the lady said the clothes "were too conservative." It was given to me, and most of them looked nice. She didn't even tell me which one she took. She could have stolen some from my bag. I thought I had more than that. I should have made a count. Oh well. I didn't buy them. I wanted to clean up the place and get rid of junk and clutter, but it seems impossible because they wouldn't buy my clothes. When they don't buy the clothes, my mom wants to keep them. The closet is way to crowded and I'm sick of opening the door to find bags and bags of clothes that don't suit me. We don't need all those clothes because if we did, we would wear them. I don't see my mom wearing them.

:: 2010 31 March :: 9.22am

The nice part about this job is callers are usually always nice. Cuz the never have a reason to be mad at me.

:: 2010 30 March :: 8.46pm

Birthday in T-13 days :D
Nose piercing in T-3 days
Food in T-2 days

I don't want to jinx it but things are FUCKING AWESOME right now.

Loving boyfriend, amazing job, spring, a future, health, a car, friends who love me, courage to face my demons, strength to do what must be done, discipline to do it promptly and obtainable goals and success in my future.

Honestly changing jobs has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I feel like I could take on anything.

:: 2010 30 March :: 6.03pm

Is it really possible?

Overwhelming.

:: 2010 29 March :: 2.47am

Sounds like Seattle

:: 2010 27 March :: 11.49pm

I'm so confused.

:: 2010 26 March :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: creative

Spring break
School's out. Spring break starts today, and I have a feeling that it's going to be filled with work. I worked after school yesterday, today and morning to night tomorrow. I have plans. I'm not gonna sit around in this messy place. I'm gonna sell clothes and dvds. I'm gonna clean out clutters. I can't stand this messiness anymore. It's driving me crazy and extremely inconvenient. I wanted to watch all those zombie dvds that I got through an online contest, but not sure if that's possible. With all the work and organizing to do around the house, will I even have time to watch library dvds too? I sure hope so. I also want to hang out with my friends that I haven't seen. I like movies because it stops me from thinking unnecessary thoughts.

I made a deal with myself today. To stop eating sweets this spring break. If possible, to avoid it as much as possible. This includes sampling. If I sample too much, it's not any different from eating sweets too.

:: 2010 26 March :: 8.59am

i <3 hello kitty

:: 2010 26 March :: 7.09am

It's finally Friday! And that means in 1 week I'll have a paycheck! And it means that it's time for weekend festivities! And it means in a couple days I'll be taking phone calls and capturing claims at the best work place in Spokane!

I finally got insurance yesterday for my apartment and car! And I'm going to hang out awith someone new this weekend! And things are just really great!

I'm having an amazing hair day! It's stormy and rainy out! I just really love today!

:: 2010 25 March :: 11.23am

thank you daniel for ruining my opportunity to deal with my life on my terms.
invading my privacy and my only outlet to vent my frustration and to say things in a tactful manner to someone I feel deserves something more that hearing it from a friend.

Thank you for playing Suzie home-wrecker.

Good Job!

:: 2010 25 March :: 6.21am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: nin - a warm place

Hey God why are you doing this to me?
Am i not living up to what i'm supposed to be?
Why am i seething with this animosity?
Hey God i think you owe me a great big apology
Terrible lie

Hey God i really don't know what you mean.
Seems like salvation comes only in our dreams.
I feel my hatred grow all the more extreme.
Hey God can this world really be as sad as it seems
Terrible lie

Don't take it away from me.
I need someone to hold on to.
Don't take it away from me.
I need someone to hold on to

Hey God, there's nothing left for me to hide.
I lost my ignorance, security and pride.
I'm all alone in a world you must despise.
Hey God, i believed that promises, your promises and lies
Terrible lie

You made me throw it all away.
My morals left to decay.
How many you betray.
You've taken everything
Terrible lie

My head is filled with disease.
My skin is begging you please.
I'm on my hands and knees
_{I want so much to believe.}
Don't take it away from me.
I need someone to hold on to.
Don't take it away from me.
I need someone to hold on to
I give you everything.
My sweet everything
Hey God, i really don't know who i am.
In this world of piss

:: 2010 24 March :: 9.53pm
:: Mood: touched

A touching film I watched today
White Oleander is a very good film because it speaks to me. It's a pretty old film, but I was 12 years old at that time. My life would probably turn out like that if my mom didn't care about me. She told me that the things she went through was for me. If she made a different decision in life, I would be like the main character. White Oleander speaks to me so much, I forgot that I was watching a movie. I really like this film because the subject is what I talk with my mom about all the time when growing up. She went through a lot in the past for me to have a nice and clean life so I won't get hurt. I can't explain how much I'm thankful for the things she have done. I would never want to be like Astrid.

:: 2010 24 March :: 8.43pm

Beh

:: 2010 24 March :: 7.09am

I can't wait until she leaves.
I half don't care if it ruins my birthday.
Sometimes I feel like it would make my birthday.

Halfway through my week already! And things are looking good! Emily's coming over tonight! Going to get our drink on! And watch some empire records!

Last night was nice. Hermitholes make me happy.

:: 2010 23 March :: 8.43am

Ah the glories of human communication.

Sometimes I really like being alive.

:: 2010 21 March :: 7.11pm

Birthday party plans in the making! I'm hella excited!

:: 2010 21 March :: 4.47pm
:: Mood: good

Music is so great!
I'm back to the mood of listening to music again! I'm so happy because it makes me happy! :) My sis is getting a new mp3 player, and I think it's almost time for me to get a new one also. I've been using this one since high school in the 11th grade. I'm gonna save up my own money so my mom doesn't have to pull out of her own pockets. She works really hard. I don't feel like asking her for anything yet. I got my black clothes and neck ties for food service this week for school. I got everything with my own money. I'm gonna go back to listening to more heavy metal because I'm in the mood. It was something I always listened to back then. I can rely on it not to bored me because it was my usual music. I'm making a list right now. Trying to refresh my memory what I used to listen to. For some reason, heavy metal makes me feel good. It sounds strange, but I can't help it..

:: 2010 21 March :: 10.12am
:: Mood: aggravated

Honestly I want to punch my parents.
When I was unemployed I told them I would have a job I. Seattle by now and they told me that Seattle has just as many jobs as Spokane.
I'm looking at indeed.com and within he first 2 pages I found at least 7 jobs I'd be a shoe-in for. On spokane's it takes me 6-7 pages to find something I MIGHT get possibly maybe.

Honestly I love and hate how Seattle is the solution to EVERY problem I have in my life. I KNOW I can be happy there. I know I can rind a job. I know I wouldn't need to eat all the time. I know my family wouldn't constantly be this dark shadow over me.

Seattle will make me happy, healthy and motivated to succeed. Spokane makes me want to die.

So.. Come July or august I am takin my life and my love and permanently leavin this town. I am never comin back and I am never making the mistake of moving away again.

I am so determined. I am so motivated. I will succeed.

:: 2010 19 March :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: satisfied

:)

:: 2010 19 March :: 5.43am

I hate John.

[edit]

Drunken updates should be illegal. Especially when intended recipients of said update don't even know this journal exists.

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