The last dream

My girlfriend spoils me. She feeds me, let's me have all the pot I want, my own bed, any movie I want to watch, she let's me vent, she cares about how I feel. She takes me out to eat my favorite foots and gives me massages. She laughs at all my jokes and thinks I'm great. She likes my brutal honesty and she accepts me for who I am. She wants the best for me. She even offered me a room in her home if I need it.

She feels like my best friend. And I haven't known her for very long. But it's so nice to finally find someone like that. It's exactly what I need in my life right now.

She doesnt get jealous. She'll wait for me if I have to deal with other things. I feel like I always have somewhere safe and welcoming if shit hits the fan.

I get a mini vacation every other day.

And I give her butterflies :3

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 4 July :: 2.47pm

I just want to give up. I'm done fighting. I'm done trying to be happy.

Life, you win. I'm just not cut out for you.. Or anyone else in my life for that matter.

I just wish for once I'd get what's coming to me.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 4 July :: 10.40am

Just once I'd really love....

But I don't deserve it.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 3 July :: 8.29pm

I just want to get fucked up and die.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 2 July :: 4.44pm

Hello.

I recently became aware that I am a heartless monster.

That is all.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 8.08pm

Will it ever end?

I'm feeling really disheartened. Disillusioned. I just want my old life back. I just want the last two years back. I feel a great injustice has been done to me and Sus. I feel like my life has been needlessly ruined.

And now we are both suffering more than ever. And all I want is tofeel loved and important. And that's all he wants too. But will we ever get back there? I feel so hopeless.

I honestly can't wait to have the apartment back. I can't wait to have the freedom to do whatever we want again. To not have to feed a deadbeat child trapped in a teenager's body.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 3.35am

When I'm angry I catch a mean bug. I need to get it out of me before it ruins my life. I'm kinda afraid it's too late.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 1 July :: 12.15am

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 29 June :: 10.09pm

I'm sad if I talk to you and im sad if I don't :(

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 29 June :: 12.55pm

I'm lost. I see no hope. There's nothing where a future used to be. I seem to have forgotten what is truly important and all I can see is how resentful and disappointed I am.

We used to have something so special. And I've cheapened it.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 28 June :: 1.59pm

I wish I knew what I was doing.

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 27 June :: 7.23pm

Guess who has a girlfriend. Yeah. This girl. Hell fucking yeah!

bloom

godessalthena

:: 2011 27 June :: 1.44pm

I feel like there can be no winner in this situation.
And I feel like that's whats expected.
And it's sad :(

bloom