godessalthena
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2011 26 June :: 1.48pm
Things are tough. And unpleasant. But I still have a few good things to hold onto.
Mark fucked up. Big time. And I'm pissed and hurt.
Alyson fucked up big time. Over and over again. And I'm pissed and emotionally exhausted.
Things with Sus are still rocky. Mostly because I fuck up. And it's really saddening.
But I made a few new friends. Liv and Heath. They are really rad. They spoil me. And whenever I go over there we just sit and watch stupid tv, smoking and drinking. No one cries. No one gets jealous. No one gets way too drunk and fucks up. It's just relaxed, some cuddling with Liv. Some girl on girl action. Stress relief. I feel a little guilty because I'm the only one in the house getting relief from stress. But I think I deserve it. Not more than anyone else, but I went looking and found it. I got lucky.
Also. I think I'm going to start doing my hair and makeup more often. I feel so much better about myself when I do. And I need all the good feelings I can get.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 25 June :: 4.28pm
I am so confused.. :(
bloom
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shalee
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2011 25 June :: 2.20pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Bon Iver
The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 24 June :: 2.55am
I love the foo fighters.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 23 June :: 8.24pm
Why can't that be me?
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godessalthena
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2011 23 June :: 11.21am
I want to salvage my day without taking pills. So I need to start thinking positive and focus on the good things in my life rather than this issue that won't go away over night and is completely ruining what's left of our relationship.
So.. I have an adorable puppy who loves me and misses me when I'm gone.
I have new amazing friends who spoil me like I deserve to be spoiled.
I have a wonderful job that's easy and has good pay and benefits.
I'm smart, skilled and live in a country where I can be myself.
Idk if it's helping yet. But here's to healing!
bloom
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shalee
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2011 22 June :: 9.23pm
:: Mood: awake
Those who really love, love in silence.
1 tulips |
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 21 June :: 6.25pm
Day 4 w/o meds. I can't even tell the difference.
I feel like it's a little too soon to say I'm cured, but I feel so good that I want to say it :)
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 20 June :: 10.57pm
Had my first sober girl experience the other night............ AND LOVED THE HELL OUTTA IT!!
Tbh I was worried I was of those obnoxious drunk lesbos but I'm totally a sober lesbo haha go me!
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 17 June :: 5.08pm
Gr. >:(
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shalee
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2011 16 June :: 9.36pm
:: Music: Sondre Lerche
[Dan In Real Life]
"Because when you're out there and you're being tossed back and forth by those big dark waves, and you think that you'll never feel land again and that you could just split into a million pieces and just sink down all the way down into the deep... it's the light that keeps us on course; it's the light."
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 15 June :: 1.09pm
:( I honestly think this has been the shittiest week ever.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 14 June :: 6.28pm
I'm tired of being #5.
Can someone please stop my life? I want to get off please.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 13 June :: 12.35pm
What do you do when nothing feels right and you don't get a moment's reprieve?
What happens when everything you thought you knew turns out wrong and you fall?
Is there really any life to be had here?
What is it that I'm fighting for?
I feel like there is so little meaning left in my life that is not really worth it to move forward. What do I get out of living? A hollowness? An empty vacant space where a heart used to be? My dreams all crushed and forgotten. My hopes trampled down. I've forgotten what it feels like to have something worth working towards. I feel as though I'll never see beauty in the world. I'll never look at spring the same way. I'll never be happy again.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 13 June :: 2.09am
I dont know how I should feel. I'm confused. I'm tired. I'm lost.
Things are hard. And impossible.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 11 June :: 9.33pm
"motorboating over the phone just isn't the same."
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godessalthena
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2011 11 June :: 3.57pm
I'm a little disappointed.
Ok maybe a lot.
I just want it to work out. But I know I'm the thing preventing it.
I'm a terrible waste. Such a shame.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 8 June :: 1.10pm
Bjorne is losing his baby teeth! We've caught 2! So cute!!
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 7 June :: 1.51pm
I'm so fucking sick of being so dispensable. I'm so fuckin sick of being an average sack of shit. I'm sick of being worthless and meaningless to everyone in my life. I want to run away but can't because people are dependent on my money. Not me. My money.
I'm fat, ugly, too tall. I'm perfectly disgusting, repulsive. I'm a putrid waste of space. Of air. Of food. And what's better I'm a walking misery machine, making everyone I come in contact with more miserable then they ever have been.
And no one cares.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2011 6 June :: 7.13pm
:: Music: Foo Fighters - my hero
I just put lyrics to a song on FB and then it came on Pandora! I love this song
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