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The last dream

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godessalthena

:: 2016 30 July :: 4.30pm

I just wanna be home in my own bed with my own puppies. I am so over driving.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 29 July :: 6.08am

It is such a mysterious place, the land of tears...

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 27 July :: 7.33am

final day of the elimination diet/cleanse. I have learned a few things:

1 I will never be vegan
2 I am not allergic to foods
3 I feel bad no matter what I eat
4 vegans are crazy

tonight I will be in Leavenworth with my Emily! tomorrow... THE OCEAN

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 25 July :: 8.23pm

so close to the end, 2 more days left.

today I had a big juicy rib eye, rare. I feel full for the first time in 5 days and it's nice.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 21 July :: 2.41pm

day 1 of elimination diet: fucking shitty as fuck

I might die.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 20 July :: 7.36am

today's the big day.

things will work out. he's a great salesman.

I have to ask Zoe for baby tokes back and the thought makes my tummy wrench. I hope she isn't mean to me.

bleh

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 18 July :: 5.35am

I want to grab you, shake you violently and scream at you


you are good enough
you are incredibly skilled
THE ONLY THING HOLDING YOU BACK IS YOURSELF

stop crying over the way things have been
start making things be what you want them to be



YOU are the one driving
YOU are in control of how you react to the shit show that is life

YOU have to stand up and walk

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 15 July :: 7.31am

we can get better cause we're not dead yet.



but what if there's no better and this is the best it'll ever be.



I have a good job, a man, food, entertainment, nature.. so why do I still feel this void inside of me.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 14 July :: 7.30am

so... what happens next?

write your own story. you're the heroine, you're the winner. write history.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 8 July :: 4.57pm

oh god come quickly I can feel the earth beneath my feet

I'm feeling badly, it's not an attempt at decency

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 4 July :: 7.58pm

happy 240th bday America

who knows how many more you'll have

better enjoy them now


as a kid it was always so much more magical

now it's just another day

no fireworks or picnics

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 1 July :: 8.31pm

the constant need to prove my capabilities is tiresome. as a woman I feel as though I must always be at my best, always have to prove I'm worth something

i hate that I was born with a vagina. I hate everything that comes with it. that feeling that you'll never quite be good enough, even if you are the best.

so some of us give up.. and are harshly judged. there is no winning. there is no victory. there is no headway. but it's a non issue. we are second class citizens, and our struggles aren't real. they are just some form of hysteria

so get back into the kitchen, kick off those shoes, you're gonna be making sandwiches for a while yet ladies.

2 tulips | bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 29 June :: 2.23pm

and just like that, a friendship ends.

why do I keep becoming friends with psychological vampires.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 25 June :: 10.10pm

I just want to fucking bawl my eyes out

why do I fuckin ruin everything

why are people so fuckin weird

why is this a fucking issue every single time

I just want to be normal, and that was robbed from me

I will always be weird inside I will always be lame.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 21 June :: 5.35pm

Where was your heart
When we needed it most?
Live in denial
And I'll be your ghost
There is nothing to let go
Only time will let you know
If you're worth anything
and you know then
That I'm giving up way too early
Let the axis turn you free
And destroy everything you love

The world looks better when you're falling
Grace to comfort enough to crawling
Divided we must
Pray for the broken
No one could fix us
We are, we'll always be
The wronged

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 17 June :: 11.54pm

I wish I had never been born

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 16 June :: 7.56am

things are never easy and simple. and if they appear to be, you will likely end up paying dearly for it in the future.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 15 June :: 2.43pm

is never eating again an option?

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 13 June :: 9.29am

when all you can see are the shattered pieces of your past present and future..

and you hope with all your heart maybe you'll find someone who can see the bigger picture..








but deep down you know you're too broken to ever really be complete again.

bloom


godessalthena

:: 2016 11 June :: 2.43pm

it's like a constant reminder of how broken I am..

why did so much bullshit happen to me?

why was I such a victim?

and why am I still paying for it now...



klara committed suicide last Sunday.. I can't even begin to fathom that family's pain. how they continue to survive is so deeply moving.

I could never inflict that kind of pain. as much as I hate where I've been and where I'm going, I am so terrified about what's after that this isn't so bad..


I just.. what to know why. and it's something I will never know.





it sucks when the people who have caused you the most damage are the ones who know you best...

bloom

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