godessalthena
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2015 6 January :: 11.44am
life is too long to be good.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2015 6 January :: 7.47am
:: Mood: cynical
sometimes, I just need to hear I'm not worthless.
and yet no one seems to be able to say it when I really need it.
I just want to feel like I'm not an insignificant speck of shit on a cold planet hurtling through a vast empty cosmos.
but that's all I am. and that's all I'll ever be, and it hurts.
there is no such thing as love, or happiness, or futures, or magic, or faeries. there's just a supermassive black hole slowly eating anything and everything that it touches. I can see it as it pulls me in, and I am completely powerless to stop it.
"And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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godessalthena
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2015 5 January :: 6.10am
another Monday. finals week starts tomorrow. but at least the stupid holiday season is over!!
it's my moms birthday today. I made her a hat. she hates her birthday, but hopefully this year is bearable!
bloom
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godessalthena
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2015 1 January :: 9.31am
this year, over all, sucked. but there were a few good parts. a lot of healing and growing.
hopefully this year will be better. and doesn't fly by.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 28 December :: 8.27pm
so many things about now. I don't even know where to start..
what exactly is "living" at 26?
1 tulips |
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godessalthena
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2014 20 December :: 1.53pm
can I just go crawl in a hole and die? maybe in a whole where other disgusting filthy stupid losers have died before? that'd be great...
2 tulips |
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godessalthena
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2014 20 December :: 7.43am
South Park, on my second bowl, made Alfredo. not even 8 yet.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 19 December :: 6.13pm
this week fucking sucked. outside of the awesome gift I got! I'm just really fucking bummed out and sad and feeling like a disgusting failure. a total joke.
what the fuck am I doing.
why?
just fucking why.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 19 December :: 5.39pm
I was going to do an actual update.. but then I played with bitchelle until my fingers hurt and I feel a lil better.. so I'll save the update for later
2 tulips |
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 17 December :: 6.57am
I feel like shit today. like that feeling were you are right on the edge of nausea.
I just want to go home a cuddle with my puppies.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 13 December :: 8.19am
we have to call in some heart investigative team
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godessalthena
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2014 12 December :: 6.22pm
today was an extremely (emotionally) shitty fucking day.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 12 December :: 1.12pm
:: Music: the bravery
I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 9 December :: 7.26pm
I want to know what you're thinkin
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godessalthena
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2014 4 December :: 11.28pm
this week has been pretty dang fun!!
went out with lala!! gotta see Alexz and help her pick out an awesome fish!! met an online friend I've known for a year and jammed out!!
definitely decided jam session are for me. fuck yeah. my fingers hurt.
1 tulips |
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godessalthena
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2014 29 November :: 1.27pm
I wish I was an extrovert
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godessalthena
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2014 28 November :: 7.41am
:: Mood: enraged
what is it about thanksgiving that makes every ass hole I ever slept with and admitted feeling for feel the need to try and contact me again?
please, call me a cunt for not sleeping with you. I really, really love that. especially when you choose to do this at 2 AM after calling me while I'm still drunk from my family celebration. that is the quickest way into my pooter don't ya know?
now, this aside, I reeeeeeally want revenge. I really want to inflict some pain somehow. but I'm not sure how I would accomplish it. I'm just a fat warm hole for which pleasure can be derived, just like a million other stupid girls out there. I have no real power in the situation, and unfortunately I'm not entirely sure how to generate power at this stage in the game.
what I really need is a mentor. a man eater who is accomplished and has her skills honed to a fine and deadly point.
but where do you find them?
2 tulips |
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godessalthena
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2014 27 November :: 9.54am
I dreamt about my grandpa last night...
i miss him so much..
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godessalthena
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2014 24 November :: 4.53pm
you start a band and suddenly everyone wants to join!
auditioning zoe and myself as lead singer (zoe will probably win hahaha)
i am up to 3 chords now! D A and E!! I'm feeling pretty awesome! My fingers are getting tougher. Soon I will be LORD OF THE AX!!
I'm just psyched that this is really happening. it gives me a reason to wake up in the morning. and to not smoke so much when i get home.
i am so jazzed.
bloom
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godessalthena
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2014 20 November :: 5.29am
Does it make you nervous
When you hear my bones
Animate my body
Without my soul?
I swear every time I listen to silversun pick ups I fall even more in love with them.
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