*HUGS* TOTAL! give ImUgly more fucking *HUGS*
GIVE HUG NOW, BITCH!

 

home | profile | guestbook


We Are The Few

recent entries | past entries


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 8 October :: 11.31pm

I remember when I believed what people told me.
I don't remember what you call that.


well, i'll go to college and i'll learn some big words,
and i'll talk real loud- goddamn right i'll be heard.

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 7 October :: 6.49pm

I want not to feel.

I want not to want.


So this is how I always spend my Friday nights.
Alone and feeling sorry for myself.

What a waste of life.

1 Open this door | Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 4 October :: 8.45pm

Read more..

2 Open this door | Curiousity screams


imugly

:: 2005 3 October :: 7.09pm

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE SHACK!!!

1 Open this door | Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 29 September :: 8.54am

Over the past couple of days, things have spiraled out of control.

I can't get into details, because we have to get over to the hospital...

We're in Durham; my dad's at the Duke hospital. He had to be flown here the night of the 27th.

Yesterday everything went great. He got a surgery, it went well, and everyone was so happy.

This morning at 4:40am, we got a call from the hospital. He has to go back into surgery for 2 things today. For his leg and his intestine. They used the word fatal. And through all of this stuff, that was the first time they had used that word.

And I think that's what really hit us.
There is a 10% chance that my dad will live through this surgery.

We were all expecting to go over and see him sitting upin bed, awake and happy .Just being himself. Like he was last night...

I don't know what's going on anymore.

Please, God... let him be okay....

Everyone, please keep my dad in your prayers.

3 Open this door | Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 27 September :: 2.11pm
:: Music: moon river

youre afraid to stick out your head and say "ok, life's a fact"
I heard somewhere that sometimes life is perfect. It has to be, to make up for all the bad times. Well I think with me, that concept has been reversed. Up until this summer, my life was perfect. Then, everything that could possibly go wrong, did. I don't think misfortune missed a single opportunity. Yesterday, I was just thinking Maybe this is it, maybe nothing bad will ever happen again. This could be the one to end all trouble. Then it happened. I found a tumor on Lars. Lars is my baby. He just turned 9 months old a couple days ago. I'm taking him to the doctor today I think. My dad said he would as soon as possible, but he has to work. And I don't know what to do. It wasn't there on Sunday. What if it keeps getting bigger? I talked to this guy one time. He had a rat that grew a tumor, and it kept growing until it was the size of a baseball. Then it fell off and he died. If the doctor says there's nothing they can do, I'm not bringing him home, because I don't want to watch him die. I never want to see anything or anyone die ever again. I've seen it too many times.

Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 26 September :: 4.53pm

mellon collie and the infinite sadness
Oh God. I'm feeling mentally and physically ill right now. Physically I'm just burning up. But my mental state feels terminal. I just found out Emjay is very very sick and has to have surgery. I don't know what's wrong with him yet. The thing that gets me is that he probably never would've told me. I found out for myself through his blog. And that is upsetting. I just hope he's going to be okay.

Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 26 September :: 3.36pm
:: Music: tequila sunrise(cypress hill)

just smile and take the picture
i'm supposed to be doing my school work, but i havent written in here in a while, so i decided ill do that instead. ill write anything that comes to mind, because there's nothing to tell about what ive been up to lately. so...my mom is on her way to the airport to pick up the president of mountain view college because hes here to visit. i think she's known him since they were kids or something like that. its amazing how my mom still keeps in touch with like everyone she knew. im not like that. if i havent talked to someone in a few months, i just say "k, thats it" and never bother with it again. i had to clean the house yesterday. i had a bird cage and two rat cages to clean. that took about 3 hours in the hot sun and now i have a tan line. the guy is staying in my room for the next couple of days, and ill be in laurie's room. i did a really good job of moving my stuff into her room, but now her room is a huge mess. i guess ill have to work on that next. i traded brett my black box shelves for two 50-inch posters. pretty good deal. just that i dont have enough wall for them. lol. my room was originally an office. all i have space for is my queensize bed, my armaur, and my desk. the places on the walls are covered by: my dads diploma, a bulletin board, an extra large hed(pe) shirt, some band stickers, and a WWII cloth poster. after cleaning, i went to the flea market to get my bird's wings and nails clipped. i think ill move her out of the garage into my room on thursday. teach her a few new words. i really need to do my work now.

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 25 September :: 12.43am

-sigh-

Great day.
With a somewhat dissappointing ending.

Oh well...


Happy birthday, Carly. :]

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 22 September :: 7.42pm

She's a maverick, she's so smoothe.

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 19 September :: 9.42pm

:(

1 Open this door | Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 11 September :: 9.59pm

So...

I love Rhode Island.

Everything there is just... Really laid back, and beautiful.

The family reunion went alright. I still don't know pretty much any of the people. And, I also don't know how I'm related to any of them... But that's okay, because they're a really nice group of people. (One of the old ladies looked like the grandma from The Andy Milonakis Show!!) =)

We met my brother's friend from Xbox Live. Colby. He's pretty cool.

And the plane rides were pretty fun.

So all in all, it was a pretty good weekend. :)

2 Open this door | Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 11 September :: 1.34pm
:: Music: we are the few(streetlight manifesto)

say youve got the cure
i saw the exorcism of emily rose last night. it was pretty good. there wasnt alot of the exorcism, but it had a better point than the exorcist(the original one from the 70s).
so last night i had to go to some party in g-ville. my dinner consisted of banana lumpia, ice cream, baclava, and cake. healthy, eh? after that we went to the cinny. perfect timing because the movie started at 950. we got out at 1215 then drove home. we stopped at waffle house at like 1. i love my saturday nights(wee sunday morn hours) at waffle houses. we got home at 208 and i was in bed by 215 becuase i wanted to fall asleep before 3 tehe.

Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 9 September :: 5.36pm
:: Music: do you realize(the flaming lips)

i miss everyone
all my friends are busy and no one has time for me anymore. even alex. right now im talking to him online, and i can still tell hes not paying attention to me because he's thinking about Gina. and hes the one whos never left me. ugh i feel so lonely and unloved.

Curiousity screams


imugly

:: 2005 7 September :: 5.48pm
:: Music: streetlight manifesto, thursday, rise against

nothing inside
i had 3 wierd dreams w/GE in them. the first was about 2 weeks ago. we were at an orchestra practice. it was outside, like on the old fhs baseball field, and he was playin his bass. he wouldnt stop staring at me. then after practice, i dont know where everyone went, or where my violin went, but my sister and i were sitting on this mat or like picnic blanket. charlotte and virgil were there too. walking behind GE, and he came up to me and said hi and that he had to bring them. virgil was wearing one of those little child leashes and charlotte was holding it. then our picnic blanket was right next to this chain-link fence and behind the fence was warped tour and charlotte and virgil entered and sat down to watch thrice. the thing about the 'bands' that were performing was that they werent the bands at all. someone announced that they were, but they were like choirs or something. so me, laurie, and GE walked away. it looked like we were walking on the back road by 85th where theyre building retirement homes. so we kept walking in the neighborhood and we got to a cul de sac. there was this little spanish-looking house with a fountain in front of it. somehow we ended up jumping in it. it got really cold out and we started walking back to warped tour. aaron doperalski showed up out of nowhere and him and laurie started going somewhere else. GE and i kept walking. we finally got to warped tour and from first to last was next on the lineup. we sat in the back. there was a wall and we sat against it. i was shivering and he gave me his jacket and held me.

the next dream was on sunday night. Em-Jay and i were at the gainesville mall. i was holding his arm. we went into radio shack. it was across from the pretzel place(which it isnt in real life). no one was working there. so we waited at the counter. this uptight businness man was standing behind us. after a while he said "why the hell isnt anyone working in this dump?" and my brother ryan walked in from the pretzel place. he was wearing a red shirt and had thick-rimmed glasses. that part of the dream ended right there. all of a sudden i was at a public school. it was supposed to be west port i think. most of this part of the dream was waiting in lines. bus lines, before- and after-class lines, lunch lines... different times i saw GE it was supposed to be different days waiting before and after school. we had this game, whoever could find the other person first won. so then, i dunno what happen, but him and i and my whole family ended up on a cruise. we were older. i was 24 and he was 27. i was wearing my favorite fancy white strapless dress. and my black reefs i think. lol. he was wearing a tux(he looks sexy in tuxes btw lol). we started dancing to some classical music on the deck of the cruise. it was night time, lots of stars, and ambient lighting.it was really romantic. pretty soon it was 7 in the morning. we had danced all night. i remember falling asleep on his shoulder. my dad came out and told us to come inside because my mom was getting mad or something. he went to his room, i went to mine with my parents. my mom was dressing in the bathroom. she came out. she was beautiful. wearing an expensive dress and a pearl necklace. she looked similar to audrey hepburn(an asian version of course). i went to sleep in my dream. when i woke up, i had to get ready for my wedding. i was marrying GE. we got to shore and we were on a field i think. i remember flowers. then my mom woke me up in real life. that always happens at the best part.

the most recent dream was last night. its pretty short since i dont remember very many details. i was on the computer. i IMed GE, and he asked if i could send him a pic since he hasnt seen me in over a year. i sent him the pic of me and mary playing foozball. i guess he liked it because he asked me on a 'date'. there was a movie playing at the library and he invited me to it. then my mom told me we had to go somewhere. i didnt tell her about my date with GE. it turned out we were going to the library anyways. i called him in the car and told him id be there. he wasnt there when i got there, and then i had to leave. me, my mom, and my sister ended up driving to this castle-type place. there were alot of tourists there. there was a marble slab creamery. my mom told us she was gonna get us some ice cream. when she got back, she gave me mine, and it wasnt the kind i like. it was like blueberry with nuts or something. there was one scoop in a cup. it melted even before i got to eat it and i hated it. next in the dream, i was in the castle. all the other people(tourists) were eating their ice cream outside. i was in the tower lookin down at them, thinkin how i let GE down. all of a sudden batman was there. but it was GE haha. then he asked me to live in the castle with him, and be his bride lol. i think that was the end of the dream.

if dreams have significance, please explain it to me

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 6 September :: 6.13pm

Well, I'm learning a lot already this year.

I've lost a few friends, but I'm okay with that. I don't need to constantly be around people to be happy.

I've been good about doing all my work and what not... So far.

Most of my classes are bearable. I like chorus a whole lot this year. :)

I believe by the end of this school year,
I'll be a better person.

Dana

2 Open this door | Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 2 September :: 11.11pm

So tonight...

I hung out with the sXe kids. I'm thinking of claiming...
Not like the whole, "x on the hand," thing...
Just pick up the lifestyle.

Oh how very trendy of me.
WTFUX.

1 Open this door | Curiousity screams


imugly

:: 2005 30 August :: 1.55pm
:: Music: short skirt long jacket(cake)

mind like a diamond
computer applications has got to be the worse class ever. its not even an elective. i didnt choose it. im here working on code, right, and i get there and theyre like "ok, now click on the button the says 'start'." and they go through 'general' and crap to get to microsoft word when its already pinned to start. they must think im a retard or sumthing. theyre like "to get to a web site, type in the URL. a URL is the blah blah blah..." and then theyre like "and to print a page, take ur mouse and click and drag so its highlighted....."
im not in 1st grade....

Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 28 August :: 1.14pm
:: Music: dmv(primus)

enjoy your dots!
i went to bed at 530 this morning. well actually i went to bed at 1030 then i had to wake up at like 115. i called Emjay to see if he wanted to come to the moon and he was like 'sure' you shouldve heard the confusion in his voice when i told him he had to be at my house by midnite. we left the house at 130 and went to bellview. me, laurie, brett, mario. it took us like 20 minutes to get there. the mars was stupid. just so you know. and their hamburgers tasted like beans. they had good popcorn though. we went to waffle house at 330 and mario picked a fight with this old guy who started chasing him with a crowbar hahaha. so we got home at 4...45 i think. maybe later than that. walked around the house for a bit then turned on best of the doors at 515. i just woke up. got my school stuff on friday so i gotta get some giant binders.

Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 27 August :: 7.21pm
:: Music: johnny cash, nine inch nails

Hurt.
I hurt myself today to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real. The needle tears a hole, the old familiar sting. Try to kill it all away but I remember everything. What have I become? My sweetest friend, everyone I know goes away in the end. And you could have it all: my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt. I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair. Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair. Beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear. You are someone else, I am still right here. I will let you down. I will make you hurt. If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way.

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 26 August :: 6.54pm

Re-doing it...

3 Open this door | Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 25 August :: 9.41pm

First day of school.

Pleasant surprise. I didn't totally hate it.

Homeroom, Nick McAndrew will forever be my home dogg. :) Yay.

First period, I have English... The teacher seemed pretty cool. Hakeem is in my class. Haven't seen him in ages. My nigga Rashon be in durr, too yo.

Second period, Visual Arts. Lamelamelame. The teacher is so dull. I think I'm going to die. I need ideas for a theme for my continuous drawing, though. We add something to it daily for the next semester. o_o;; Blerg.

Third period... My teacher. Has a lisp. And I am going to die.

B LUNCH IS AT 1:30 IN THE AFTERNOON. Oh well.

Vocal Music. <33333 times a million...

All in all, I'm pretty happy with it. W00T.

2 Open this door | Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 24 August :: 6.19pm

Summer '05
Sucked...

2 Open this door | Curiousity screams


ImUgly

:: 2005 19 August :: 7.18pm
:: Music: konstantine(something corporate)

Can't find the answers, been crawling on my knees
Not all things are worth the consiquenses. But this is. Don't worry. It's not drugs or alcohol this time. It has to do with feelings. And I'm scared to death about it. Because I know I'll somehow screw it up like I always manage to. I've also managed to push so many people out of my life. Because I'd rather be the one to disappear. And I never want to suffer like that again.

Curiousity screams


xsilentxsuicidex

:: 2005 18 August :: 10.39am

Don't you hate when you have a really good dream...

Then wake up and realize it was just a dream?

3 Open this door | Curiousity screams

Woohu.com | Random Journal