ImUgly
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2005 27 May :: 1.27pm
:: Music: holes to heaven(jack johnson)
i know so many fewer questions.
im so utterly boring. i realized that when i just re-read my last post. i wrote about what i ate all this week. wft?! im such a loser. but yo listen, i woke up this morning, and i walked to the kitchen and i saw this glass jar with handles and i was like "what....straight caffine?! haha!" and i take a big whiff and i swear to god i almost threw up all over the place it was grodeee.
Curiousity screams
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imugly
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2005 27 May :: 1.15pm
:: Music: blue burns orange(hawthorne heights)
Bagpipes, Oi!
im still sick. listen to this. i lost 7 lbs in the couple days ive been sick. crasee. i weighed 98 on tuesday, and now im 91. hhhooo. i didnt throw up or anything. i just dont feel like eating. but im pretty hungry. its friday you knnow. can you get me some taco bell? im soo hungry for soft taco supreme w/rice. whao man ive eaten everything the same this week. spagetti on friday, saturday, sunday, and wednesday. uhm pepe's on monday, and cereal every day in between. i usually eat subway on mondays and quizno's on wednesdays, and excersise on those days as well, but w/e. i feel disgusting rite now.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 27 May :: 11.39am
I'm about to go out to dinner.
I'm not sure who's going to be there...
But I'm nervous. Because apparently people don't enjoy being around me...
Oh well. We'll see how it goes.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 26 May :: 3.13pm
You know what?
Fuck all of this.
Bad day.
Just shows me not to have high expectations.
Ever.
*sigh*
Edit @ 6:30: And now... This is what I get for posting my feelings online.
Oh well.
I'll just go jump of my fucking plateau of righteousness.
Maybe I'll just leave you all alone.
Because, you know, no one enjoys beign around a clueless person.
God. I didn't know a simple little comment could hurt so bad.
Welcome to the drama of the online journal.
3 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 25 May :: 11.49pm
You know what pisses me the fuck off?
When friends ditch their friends.
I'm sorry, but it makes me lose a lot of the respect I might have had for that person.
What ever happened to the almost daily visits I got?
What the fuck even happened to us talking?
I bet you probably think I'm not talking about you...
Fuck, I bet you don't even read this.
There are only a few things in life that really and truley piss me off... And this is one of them.
So, you make some new friends and just don't ever talk to us anymore? Wow. Great. Thank you.
I can't even fucking think straight.
Damnit.
Not the greatest of days. But Keely's here, which should prove to be enlightening. ;P
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Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 25 May :: 1.17pm
So it's finally over...
Freedom is mine.
But I am so afraid that we'll all lose touch...
Again.
Please, just keep our friendships alive.
I've worked hard on this,
And I'll be damned if I lose it all.
I just went to J. Michael's Philly Deli with Carlos, JT, Nick and Killian.
It was pretty fun, and I hope we can do something like it again, soon.
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 25 May :: 11.05am
:: Music: do you have a map cause im lost in your eyes(hawthorne heights)
health.
my aunt and grandma are here. its so cool. i missed them alot. i went swimming at rainbow springs yesterday. my throat started hurting around dinner time. then i talked to someone for a while. then they were being a bitch and i was getting a headache. so i went to bed, and when i was getting off the chair i was sitting on, i was all achy and whatnot, and i was burning. so i lay down it was only 930 and i was like crying cuz i was so sick(not only from being sick). my dad came home and massaged my back and arms with alcohol. im definitely sterile by now. he spilled the stuff all over my pillow and my clothes and i think i got high off the fumes. my headache kinda went away no doubt. i went to bed a 930 right and by 1218 i was still awake. so i closed my eyes and tryed to sleep. i couldnt and i was still awake by 453 and i watched the clock until 537. i think i fell asleep then. then my dad came in at 630. then my mom came in at 830 and said i have an ortho appointment 10, which was exactly what i dreamt about. i was really sick then so i didnt go. and i came into the kitchen and my mom made me eat so i could take medicine and i started crying cuz i didnt wanna eat stupid food. then i tryed to go back to bed and chip was whining and lauries rat kept coming out of his cage and chasing chip. that made me feel better cuz it was so funny.
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 24 May :: 1.46pm
:: Music: summerbaby(polaris)
royal
i saw starwars last night. it was good. i liked it.
i forgot to tell about the rioters in atlanta. they had this huge thing against APA. my dad is APA. they're like 'stop drugging kids'. im like whatever. i took pictures.
i think i saw jesse lacey downtown atlanta. otherwise i took a picture of some random guy. oh well.
anyways, so far ive finished math and reading for the year. which means i still have spanish, bible, english, history, and science. sucks ice. and i still dont care. ha.
my aunt and grandma are coming from the philippines. my mom's going to orlando to pick them up. they had a 5 hour stopover in GA. long but not that bad. on our way we had a 12 hour stopover in dallas, and on our way back we had a 7 hour stopover at LAX. i saw that one red-haired lady. uhmm...whats her name. i cant remember. she's famous anyways. man, i just realized how many famous people ive met. rediculi.
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 23 May :: 2.12pm
:: Music: better together(jack johnson)
o.s.f.
last week we had our pool deck, walkway, and landscaping done. thats about 4000 bucs at least. which means we're definitely serious about moving.
i was in atlanta friday through sunday. it took 9 hours of driving to get there. it was alright. pretty fun i guess. ate at the old spagetti factory 3 times. just got home at 230 this morning. then i woke up at 10 and went to cfcc and excersise. im still in school for the summer which sucks, but who cares. i dont, he doesnt, so you shouldnt either. if anyone wants to hang out, just call me. im up for anything.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 22 May :: 11.56pm
No one ever said it was going to be easy,
But I thought love was always supposed to be
So perfect; flawless... Like in the movies.
No, I didn't expect absolutely nothing to go wrong...
But I never saw this coming.
I didn't know something could hurt so bad.
I didn't know that this would be so hard...
And I didn't know that I could ever miss somebody this much.
I guess there's a first time for everything, though.
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 22 May :: 1.52am
:: Mood: Alone.
Note: This entry is not supposed to hurt or offend anyone. It's just me telling about my day... Don't read it if you don't want to hear about my friends.
Carowinds: Off the sheezy. It was soo funny. First of all, the bus ride there was pretty fun. Marcus, Nick, Rhianna and Deputy Uncle Sam... Crazy people right there. We got there and went on some rides and stuff.
Highlights: Carlos making a big scene in front of a shit load of black people - PENIS CAKE - Sissy Pants - Losing Marcus - Calling people chickens - I'M A POSER - Making racist comments at all the wrong times - Hanging out with the most perverted people in the world!
Although the trip was great, I felt really lonely. It kind of hurt to see all of the happy couples holding hands and stuff. Long distance relationships suck.
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Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 20 May :: 7.42pm
i am a faggot.
The rain falls hard,
Like the tears from my eyes...
Slowly swallowing the town;
Drowning them.
And for some reason,
I hope it's raining there, too.
Because, despite the distance between us,
It makes you seem all that much closer.
---
Summer goal: Layout making.
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 19 May :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: Lonely.
:: Music: Story of the Year- Sidewalks
Well, it's love.
Make it hurt...
Well. My hair's purple now.
Go me.
2 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 18 May :: 8.19pm
*long sigh*
Wonderful night...
Absolutely wonderful.
4 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 17 May :: 7.24pm
WEEE!!!
I think it'll be a good week. :)
John's coming tomorrow...
I couldn't be much happier.
3 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 16 May :: 6.13pm
:: Music: numb(streetlight manifesto)
i cry
ive done something terrible. no one will speak to me. no one will show. ive been shunned for living. ill never be forgiven and i will cry. i think there's a solution. ill disappear. disappearing has always done some good for others. not to the ones theyre leaving behind, but selfish ones get what they want. i have the guilt of not only mine in my heart and there's nothing else i can do. im the second to leave. will you miss me? will you wonder what im doing? will you cry for me? thats all ive wanted. find the same white pills.
2 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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imugly
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2005 16 May :: 5.14pm
:: Music: none. my computer's been upgraded and i have no idea what to do.
its true.
my new header is 'everyones just trying to hurt me'. because its true. and you know what? i have like...24 people on my list for who im inviting to my party. im tapering it down so i can see how many real friends i have. i basically have zero on my list by now. half of them i dont wanna invite cuz im scared they're the ones trying to hurt me. the other half i just hate cuz those are the ones that creep me out cuz they're constantly hitting on me and my sister, which is...yuk. so...really, there's only 6 people i really truely want to invite. no names, no names. you know who you are.
oh yeah, my sub-header. 'its ok, its cotton, itll shrink'. i find myself saying that alot lately. so its just there. it doesnt help the 'people hurting me' problem.
also, my computer has just been upgraded. i didnt think i had that much music, but my brother said i had over 1500, and he couldnt save them all. he said he deleted the ones he's sure i have on cds already, and saving the others. heres the dealio. i checked, and everything worthwhile is gone. i have the crap that i hate, and everything i was still working on collecting is gone. because i didnt have them in complete folders. isnt that bull. i only needed 3 more songs for blindside. i feel like crying. and i have to use itunes. i hate it. i dont know how it works. i miss windows media.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 15 May :: 5.10pm
Wow. I just got back from Florida. I went to Jenn's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful. We were out on the beach at sunset... And Jenn had a gorgeous dress.
It brought tears to my eyes seeing two people give themselves to one another like that.
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 12 May :: 8.53pm
I've come to a conclusion:
I was meant to be alone.
Whenever I find friends, I always do something to fuck it up. I don't know why it happens, or what I keep doing wrong, but I always lose them.
I've decided that most people (mainly at Roland Grise) don't actually like me. Everyone acts all buddy-buddy with me... Then they either talk about me behind my back, or don't act like real friends. I had so many good friends last year... We said we'd keep in touch and always be close... But I can't say I've talked to many of them more than a few times over the past year... So the number wound down this year, and it keeps getting smaller and smaller.
No one spends time with me anymore. The past few days at lunch/break I have found myself alone. No one cares. No one even notices.
I made it without friends for 12 years... Then people finally started to get to know me, and befriend me. You guys don't have to pretend to like me. I can go on without you. Trust me, I know how. Please... Just don't fuck around with it. Friendship means a lot to me, because I don't find it in many people.
I'm not asking for sympathy.
I just want you guys to be real.
Tell me what I'm doing wrong, and I'll try to fix it.
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 9 May :: 6.41pm
And the winner of best comment goes to...
*drum roll*
It's a tie. You all win. So here's a cookie.
Fill in the blanks...
OR ELSE!
I ____ Dana.
Dana is _____.
If I were alone in a room with Dana, I would ____.
I think Dana should ____.
Dana needs ____.
Someday, Dana will ____.
Dana reminds me of ____.
Dana can be ____.
The worst thing about Dana is ____.
The best thing about Dana is ____.
I am ____ with Dana.
I want Dana to ____ me.
If I could describe Dana in one word, it would be ____.
Dana would never ____.
Dana can ____ my ____.
I hope Dana never ____.
I ____ Dana because ____.
3 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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wonderelf
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2005 9 May :: 6.31pm
:: Music: the used-take it away
WOW...i haven't posted anything in here in...forever, basically. well, i had better get back in the swing of things. ;) fwaaaaaa. <333
3 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 8 May :: 9.13pm
Leave me a comment...
Just any comment... Make something up.
Best commenter gets... a cookie.
5 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 7 May :: 7.49pm
:: Music: pink panther
oh really? thats pretty cool...
so the other day we drove by the ritz and it said "welcome brad pitt" and i was like "oh, brad pitt's here? i guess thats pretty neat....didnt that sign say 'welcome, demi moore' a few weeks ago?". then today after church we were passing the golf couse next to my dad's office, and laurie was like "its brad pitt!!" so we turned around and he was walking away, so we turned into the golf course, and he was putting his putts(or w/e theyre called) into the car w/his enterage, and i opened my window and we drove by really s l o w l y. you shouldve seen my face! he looked straight at me! hes got this little mustache thing goin on. its silly.
Curiousity screams
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xsilentxsuicidex
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2005 5 May :: 8.50pm
Truley amazing. Tonight made me realize that I'm actually going to miss Roland Grise. I know, I'll kick myself in the ass later on for actually admitting to that, but I really will. I have some of the greatest teachers in the world, and I have such a great bond with some of them whom I've had for 2 years... And it hurts to know that I've never realized it until now, 20 days before I leave that place for good.
Tonight was the Chorus concert. The last concert of the year. The last concert for me at Roland Grise... At the end, I got up and made a "speech" type thing... It wasn't long, but it came straight from my heart.
As much as I complain about "hating" Mr. Riel, I am going to miss him so much. He has taught me a lot about life, and I love him for that. He has some weird ways of doing things, but I guess he gets them done. (Most of the time.)
When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high, and don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of the storm, there's a golden sky, and the sweet silver song of a lark. Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain, though your dreams be tossed and blown... Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone.
1 Open this door |
Curiousity screams
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ImUgly
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2005 5 May :: 4.56pm
:: Music: blue burns orange(hawthorne hights)
ahahahaha
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/
hahahahha. lmao lmao its great.
Curiousity screams
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