strawberrie
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2005 23 February :: 9.46pm
work= no fun!!
cept.......Ashley is mucho-funny
thanks for the ride sweetie it sucks ur leaving imma be lost!!!!
tomorrow training again... same time but with Nikki umm yeahh well see how that is
Brett is a big fat ? n i hate it....
got an e-mail from Rachael n im beat...off to bed....
<3 Heather
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strawberrie
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2005 22 February :: 8.42pm
:: Music: rich girel-gwen stephanie
update
well well here's a brief!! update 'cause i have a shit load of homework to do......
got a job :-]]
got my grades up 5 A'z 1 B -n- a C
Been Chillin' with Nikki of course Josh Brooke n <3Brett<3 latly ughh i hate being me -n- having such a hott bestfriend untill she got a boyfriend!! lol but idk lifes goin' kinna good talk to ya'll soon......
Heather Lauren
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strawberrie
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2005 17 February :: 6.51pm
:: Music: candy shop!
whats new w/ u?
heyy well whats up??
nm here umm heres a lil breif update 'cause im about to leave...
v-day sucked......untill Mike n John picked me n nikki mike got me this teddy bear its so cute n john got me this bracelt its really nice white gold n gold but yea not gunna get into that
john n them have been shady latly n sellin' out so not much has been goin' on but tomorrow im goin' to josh's for this thing cause the other fine assssssssss Josh their both hott but ya Josh is moving to Ohio imma miss him mucho but i gtg bye
sorry about that i got picked up but yeah back to what i was saying....
just read dee's journal well before but yeah very upsetting and mind boggling idk but im fuckin' beat so there was no point in coming back n updated or editing more
peace out
Heather!
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2005 16 February :: 9.31pm
well whats new? valentines day sucked, but who gives a shit because ::
NEWSFLASH :: so did a shitload of other peoples
plans for the weekend fell through, figured they would and im starting to not trust who i trusted before. I realized almost everybody talks shit and when its possible for you to get caught in anything you always point fingers.. always.
Ive been sick since monday which sucks, but eh what can you do? didnt go to school today for the first day this year. Stayed in bed all day and watcched movie after movie. [italian job, oceans 11, a cinderella story, freaky friday, and getting there] My cat was with me the whole time, almost like he knew i was sick. hmph.
ive decided to MOVE ON. Theres obviously not the same amount of feeling coming from both of us, so whats the point of me wasting my time. Im not gonna dwell over a guy who isnt even worth it. Friends, yeah of course i still wanna be friends, but other than that, i expect nothing. and what ive realized is .. his loss, not mine.
The only thing i wish is that this fight between my family would get resolved because i really miss rob and joe. but foreal, i dont know why i let myself cry over a guy. A guy who is being persuaded by a bunch of people who wouldnt know the truth if it hit them on the head. but thats okay, because i have my friends and even tho theyre far away, theyre still there for me. [zach i was almost ready to say fuck everything i dont give a shit, but i just needed one push to get it overwith - and u did it, like u always do, and i love you] im finally ready to say FUCK YOU and move on.
so lets be honest now
fuck you pops for never being there for me when i needed you, and now im being there for you. it killed me for years that you werent a real father, but you know what, i cant change you and i have no desire to try. so heres my new slate. fresh and clean. i forgive you
fuck you all at jfk for not being there when my mother needed you. i cant go back, i cant make my mother here again, but i forbid to hold a grudge on you fucks who have hearts blacker then night, i forbid to let ur faults stay in the back of my mind and drag me down, i forbid to let u make me feel miserable. i forgive you
fuck you alex for being a dick, fuck you mo for being the stalker you are, fuck you mike and christine for mindfucking me, fuck you jimmy for being a tease and letting people get to you and for making me hear shit from the grapevine, but you know what. i pity you all for the bullshit you put me through. but i forgive you
fuck you you bastards who broke into my house and stole from me and my mother while she was on her deathbed. but more then disgust i have in you, i again hold pity. but because you dont matter and you never did i forgive you
and God, i hated you for taking my mother from me, i hated you for taking her the way you did, making her suffer, and me not being ready for her to leave, i hated you for the life i now live and i hated you for not letting me get one last hug, but you know what, she's in a better place, and she's happy, and she's looking down on me always. of course i want her back, but shes not coming back, and i think ive finally accepted that. and God i forgive you
and last but not least
fuck you danielle for letting all these people get to you and for spending nights crying and feeling sorry for yourself, nobodys life is perfect and nobodys ever will be. fuck you for feeling inferior and for holding on to things that cant change. fuck you for holding back feelings and not doing what you want when you want to, but even more then that, fuck you for not letting go and not being yourself. but it all doesnt matter because i forgive you
i finally forgive myself, and im finally going to take a leap and let go. i have to, because denial is no better or easier then the real deal. God help me and please help me to get through the rest of my life, dont let me sell myself short, bc that is something i do easily. help me to stand up for myself and be a strong independant woman.
forgiveness is beautiful. much love to my friends and family
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2005 13 February :: 10.25pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: lohan - rumors
asdkfljas
____ the world. you fill in the blank.
anyway, so im not in the mood to update anybody on anything right now. I am so pissed for so many reasons I'm shaking. lauren - we NEED to talk, lets say by that one link you gave me, I found and saw a lot of information i didnt want to read and see.
i dont know what i feel, or what i should feel and frankly i dont know what to do anymore in this situation.. well im so shaken right now i cant concentrate or say what i want to say so ill just write about this when i have more self control. i dont want to say anything ill regret or anything i dont mean.
Im a strong girl who keeps my shit in line, even with tears streaming down my face i still manage to say [I m F i n e] .. fine .. freaked out, insecure, narotic, and emotional. [the italian job, so true]
love no nigga' . trust no ho'
dont allow someone to be your priority .... while allowing yourself to be their option
you gotta live your life no matter what comes along, its gonna be tough, but you gotta stay strong.
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2005 8 February :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: bs - dont let me be the last to know
soooo anxious
kk. well lemme check my last few entries to see where i left off...
iight, well last weekend on friday me and lauren hung out. uhhm what did we doo?? oh yeaa haha. friday me and lauren went out to pizza classica and got some food and talked about a lot of shit, then we went to her cousins play out in long island. it was great, they performed bye bye birdie.. [we love you connnrad] [[SUFFER]] lol. I guess one of her family members wanted to "slap me in the face" because i laughed too loud or some shit, whatever. After the play we went back to laurens and passed the fuck out.
saturday we woke up around 8 because she had a dentist appointment to go to. after the dentist we went out to eat at omega. i finally got my eggs benedict which was greaat. Then we went back to my house so we could get my money and shit and then went back to her house and then we went to roosevelt field. Me and Lauren got john a valentines day present [cds] and then i got jimmys present. Its sooo nice. I got him fierce cologne w/ a keychain that has his name on it. And a cute stuffed animal and a card, im also going to get him a rose. I also got two shirts for myself from the mall. After the mall I went back home. Kristina came over and we watched A Cinderella Story --- cuuute ass movie, CMM is sooo hot! After that we played cards n stuff and went to bed.
Sunday morning was b e a utiful! Me and Kris woke up and ate breakfast, then we got in touch w/ lauren, went to abby doos and got some cards and then we met up with laur and went to bowne park. There we went on the swings nd i gave my adolecence speech, it was soo funny, good times good times. dont make me get into it hehe. After the park we went to mcdonalds for lunch and then playeed texas holdem on my grandmas patio. It was fun. after that we watched lake placid and had dinner. My cousins left and me and lauren wetn downstairs. We did our hair and watcheed the superbowl. We wnt to pick up paul around 830 and droppeed off lauren. that was about it.
hmm yesterday was school, nothing special.. days are dragging on like all hell. i guess its cuz i cant wait til sunday! i want to see him so bad but im SO nervous about seeing him, idk why, its like im scared. I duno. I cant wait, no matter what we do its gonna be fun.
Anyways, i was going to get shit off my chest, but i dont feel like complaining in this entry, soo im just gonna go and save the rest of the babble for another entry.
full week -- tomorrow go to rainbow and west coast video [gotta get something for lovie], thursday - go to johnnys with lauren n get nails done, friday - grams pickin me n lauren up to go to the city so i can get my hair done, might sleep there might not., saturday - kids should be coming over, chill w/ them, maybe s/o laurens. sunday go to a.n.s and get the flowers then head over to ronkonkamo. this week needs to go by a lil quicker - - - its only tuesday!
toodles
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2005 7 February :: 9.41pm
looong overdue update awaiting. i promise it'll be soon
much stuff to write about
fill me in!
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