The Convience of Expendable Humanity

So yeah here I am taking my own personal podeium of self thought, and you lucky people have to listen. :) Just Kidding!

Well I'm having problems right now. I have a problem. I end up putting all or nothing into things. They either have my whole heart, or not really any of it. I geuss that the problems is that then when I have my whole heart into things, I mess up and it hurts. I'm so afraid of messing thing up right now, and hurt somebody else, because for once it's not just my heart on the line.
Luckly though I have never been happier in my life then in the last 2 months or so. I can't spend five minutes away from her without missing her. I'm just afraid...

Under-Dog Syndrome Strikes Again

*sigh* I'm so stupid! My dreaded Under-Dog Syndrome has come back. ben you know what I'm talking about. For those of you that don't here's an explanation.
I have never been the best at anything, or had an important role anywhere, and I'm used to always coming in second place, or last. I geusss you could say in my life I'm used to being runner up. So I have a hudge fear.

Actually it's one of my two biggest fears. One that my freinds and family will grow old of me and I will just become more and more of an annoance, then anything else. Number two is that sense i am not very important or unique, that I was settle for, and a person, as a freind, as a boyfreind, and the dread that I will be replaced when somebody better comes along.
I told Ben last night on the phone that I wouldn't blame my freinds if they grew old of me and didn't want to be around me anymore, and that I wouldn't blame Jess if she found somebody better, because I know I'm not the best and all I want is for her to be happy. I seriously dought my ability to hold on to somebodies love...
My biggest dread is being forgotten, and never making a difference. I long to come in first just once. But I geuss I have because I have found some of the greatest people I know as freinds. I'm just afraid that I will be left behind...

There you have it. That is my biggest fear. That I will never become the best, or important, or worthy, or even just remembered...

This sucks

Jackie, I have no idea what is going on in your life but tell me!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to be able to help to you or atleast know what your problem is but you won't tell me! I want to know, It's probably all my fault but atleast tell me.

Boredom

Wow, I had the most boring night ever last night. This is suppose to be spring break and I sit around do nothing. Then the snow out side, I mean Come on! It's SPRING break, not mid winter break!!! Well I'm leaving to hang out with some freinds.

the calm before the storm

It's the calm before the storm. I have been in Maryland for the last few das, and as I hear it the is a little bit going on but not anything else I've heard about. Anyway I have a lot of things to change when I get back home and if your enclined to pray form me please. things NEED to change, NOW! But that is for when I get back.

On another note, I have been have the same dream the last 3 nights in a row and it was creepy enough the first time and now it's just erie. I have a bad feeling about something and I couldn't tell you what for the life of me. But everyone be whatchful because I have no Idea what's go to happen but it worries me.

Your lunatic Prophet
Nick

Muwhahahahahahahaha

Ha, I'm in Maryland, and your not. Haha, I'm having such a wierd day. I almost missed my plane in Chicago! There where only 25 people on the entire plane, I had like 6 seat per person, it was great, and the turbulance. Anyway, i'm still alive and love you all bunches , later

We want you!