Out of everything...I update my journal first

So I woke up and knew that it was going to be a sleepy day. Music- it was music like. Math- I failed a quiz...but thats because I wasnt there. Chem- Dreary but ok. Studyhall- sleep. Report cards came out. Its really bad. But I only failed one class. So I dont know. We'll find out how the parents take it in a about 15 minutes. Then pizza and bus ride alone.

Now I have to find a way to make frosting. I also have to do a shitty english assignment. Will I do it? I have an essay too. Will I do that? Goddamn me. SAT's are saturday. I have to get shoes and my dressed hemed on wednesday...good luck Karlene.

Im so tired.

I hate writing entries like this. Why am I so complainy? Ehh oh well...I didnt tell you to read it.

BYE

take 2
I hate deleting entries...

So today I cleaned my room and bathroom and Sean came over at 9:30 this morning. My hampster died. Sorry Sethara Kizmet...yes, that is the best hampster name. We ate breakfast. We went to Subway and rented Jackie Brown. Uhh we watched have of it. He left for 3 hours. Then Sean, Connor, Tessy and I went bowling. I even won a game! It was fun. Now I am here. I dont know whats going on tomorrow besides the fact I have work at 4:30.

I downloaded like 4 cd's today. Coheed and Cambria, Goo Goo Dolls, the new Killswitch Engage, Flogging Molly and Beerbong. So thats 5 cd's.

BYE

I lost my luster...you know...like a rock?
:) haha

So I dont think Ive written in a while...like a day?

Yesturday...hmm I already forgot. Oh yeah...my mom forgot about me and left the phone off the hook for 251 minutes so I had to get a ride home with Heather from work. Thats all I remember from yesturday.

Today. Today was pretty good. First block was easy. I didnt like finding out I have a 59 in History though. That blows. I think Im going to have to double up next year...unless I work my ass off from here on out. I say I will but you know how that goes. Next block I went ice skating. Then to Gilette with my next class. That was a lot of fun. I get along with all the kids. I've got a crazy Uno game and a football game planned for next week. Its going to be nuts. haha. So then I went to English where a migrane arose and shit. Then Sean and I went to the chinese place. Then I played with bubble wrap while Sean talked to Andy. It made me sleepy and bored. Oh well. So now here I am. Full and not feeling well. I think I might go do one of the 2 essays I have due on friday and the math homework. Yeah...lets get this done while I feel motivated.

BYE

P-day or lack there of
So I woke up yesturday at 7:30 and found out I was locked within my house. Yes, I could not get out of my house because my doors lock from inside and outside and my mom put my key in her car for an unknown reason. I brought Jenn and Lisa through the porch window which was funny. Then Lauren came also. My dad ended up bringing me a key. So we made a p-day cake with mine and Lisa's cake skills. Then we ate it. We went and got fish. Mine is named Wedge P. Spud. Yeah. So then we made wedgies...duh. I had to go to work. Work was good. Then Jess drove me back to Lisa's. From there is a bit of a blurr. Phones are not aloud at P-Day sleepovers after last night seeing how they consumed the night. Oh well. Lauren and I woke up. That wasnt fun. We left at like 8:30 this morning feeling like shit. Oh well.. It was still fun and I cant wait for our next one. We have a lot planned for this summer and next year so it should be good.

Now Im here...Im starving but I feel huge...I didnt mention all the food I ate yesturday. My stomach wont stop talking to me so I should probably take care of that. I think I'll wait it out though.

Its friday...break is done and over with. Our lovely report cards will be coming out soon and Im scared as hell. I started off so well this marking period but if I have learned anything out of anything...I guess it would be that nothing likes to be stable with me. Now what fun would that be if things just worked? So with all the other things that have been going wrong this year...my grades will go right with it. Yeah good going dipshit, its junior year. Well...OCC seems like a very promising school. Im sure that I will be going very far in my life and I will be sure to tell you all about it at the highschool reunion.

Well my mom is coming home from work because she is bored. I wish I could leave school when I was bored. haha. We are going to BJ'S and the mall. That will be good.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!


Good

BYE

Gingerfrost, carmel...striking
I love this song. Its one of those ones you want to scream at the mirror and then put your head through it. Does that makes sense to anyone but me? ..I guess I dont care if it doesnt...who else needs to know what I mean?

So today Jen and I got up semi early and went dress shopping. First stop- Boom Babies. I found a very expensive one I liked but that was a no go when I told my mom the price. Then we went to Something Old Something New and Justin Love. I found two. Then it was to Dunkin Donuts and Carosal to find Jen boob cup things. I cant explain them. No such luck really. Then I went home for like an hour or so. My mom picked me up and I went and got my hair dyed/highlighted/cut. Now, who would of thought my hair dresser would bring up the person that she did. So random, so coincidential, soooo not cool. It kind of hurt but how could I show it when she didnt even know why. So I brought my mom to see the two dresses. She hated the first one and fell in love with the second one. It was funny. She went nuts with it. I came home, ate, went to P&C and started making a suprise for the P-Day folks.

Tomorrow is P-DAY. It is sooo needed. Its the best day. A day where you act crazy, half the time naked in a mud puddle or snow field, and just have fun. No thoughts are in fun. Jenn and Lisa are getting here around 8. Thats wicked early. Lauren is coming around 10. We are doing whatever until I have to go to work at 4. Then we are spending the night at Lisas and watching MST3K.

Does anyone like my new background? I do.

My head hurts. What the hell.

I still cant believe what came up at the hair dressors. I wish I could tell you.

So yeah...its definetly time to stop typing.

P-DAY...P-DAY is tomorrow.

BYE

3 servings of instant mashed potatoes later..
So I just ate way too much. What the hell is wrong with me.

Tomorrow I am going to try on dresses...after I just ate a load of potatoes...Im a moron.

Work was...rainy. I had to walk and by the time I got there I was soaked. So my boss brought me back to my house to get new clothes but since Im an idiot I forgot my key at work so I never did get those dry clothes.

I think I have to puke

So that feels better...no worries


---
at least you're breathin
at least you're alive
as long as you're dreamin
everythings gonna be alright

im alright, I tell myself twice
in the mirror before I cant go to sleep at night
I need a lullaby I need some time
I need to get a dime bag from my guy
---

minus the dime bag part

that was random, I know, that song is stuck in my head.

so.....no

I think I should go now

BYE

so bury me in memory
Quick Entry before work.

Yesturday Lisa and I made cakes at our cake decorating class. I made one with a fish on it and she made one with balloons. It was fun.

I came home afterwords and thats all Im saying about that...I have a red notebook that I'll write in. So pointless but I keep doing it.

Today I got up early...brought my cake to Laurens and gave it to them. They liked it. We went cigarette shopping. Two people sold which was cool. I felt bad because one was this old Arab man. We saw tons of pitbulls which I have taken a liking to and drug deals. We went up to Maines and got a frozen pizza, cooked it, and ate it. We listened to random songs and then she left.
I have to walk to work in a half hour and its pouring out...this is going to be a blast let me tell you. Now how do I get away with this? I dont have a raincoat...or a coat period. Maybe I could make a poncho out of a garbage bag. Oh! Good deed of the day: This lady was trying to catch her dog so I got the dog to come over to me and I brought it to her. Wasnt that sweet of me?

Im avoiding my feelings...does that make sence?

I dont care if it makes sence...I understand.

I can not believe it is raining. See, It would be all good if I didnt have to go to work and sit in wet clothes...

Whatever

BYE

So...how about that Easter ehh?
Yeah that was bad.

I woke up yesturday (Easterday) and everyone was gone off to church. Then they got back. My dad took a nap and my mom exercised. We ate dinner...an easter one...well not really we. My dad and I...then my dad and my mom just avoided it. I dont know dont ask. So then Jenn picked me up...we went to her house and got milkshakes. We watched Gothica and then my mom picked me up. When you think it couldnt get any worse...it does. So she tries talking to me about the whole deal. I pretty much spilled my guts. She then tried changing the subject and make it seem like everything is dandy. So lost it. I got home...left...hypervenalated down the street to Laurens. Man, I got weird looks. And she made me feel better. So then Brian G, Nick O. and Lauren and I went to Nicks and played American Gladiator on super nitendo. It was fun. We walked back to Laurens where I got my nightly call. I spent the night. And here I am...back at my house. I have to make frosting for Lisa and I but Im an idiot who forgot about the lack of ingredients in my cupboard. So I have to wait until someone comes home to get me confectionary sugar. Then Lisa and I are going to our cake class. That will be good.

Heres my schedule as of now for this week:
Mon- Lisa > Frosting > cake class
Tues- ciggarette shopping w/ lauren > work @ 4
Wed- Dress shopping with Jen > hair appointment
Thurs- P-DAY! > work 4 to cl > Lisas house
Fri- Leave Lisas> work @ 430
Sat- Hang out with Sean > work @ 4
Sun- Hang out with Sean

That kind of seems busy huh...thats new

I forgot I liked Finch

Im going to go...do something

BYE

lets stand here in the rain forever
So I could pretend that today went well so whoever reads this wouldnt get annoyed with my compulsive complaining but it was acctually a horrible day.

I wont get into detail.

Good things...Lauren and I went rollerblading and she complained with me + helped. Work was good. I got my nightly call. I might have gotten Lauren a job too.

So yeah. That sounds good huh?!

BYE

Eggshells
I have a problem when it comes to breaking those.

I woke up at 11:30...how the hell did I sleep that late? No one nor no bird woke me up.

Im so sick of everything. Im sick of my parents. Im sick of them each separatly. Im sick of school. Im sick of the NS school district. Im sick of that one thing. Im sick of myself. Im sick of this weather. Im sick of this town and its occupants. Im sick of always being sick of it. I dont know how anyone reads this without rolling their eyes and saying "here we go again." Im just plain sick.

Some things are great though. Work is great although I have to work with my boss and his wife tonight all by myself. I love the people there though. My friends are great. Sean is great although he is out of town for 6 more days. P-day is coming up and thats great. Jen and I are going dress shopping and then I get my hair done...thats great. Lisa and I went to a baseball game and that was random and great.

So whats the problem?

Good question...what IS the problem? For anything that happens that is good 3 bad things come with it. Its like the stupidest thing will set me off the wall now. My guard is just so high that every little problem just drives me crazy. Her tone in her voice sets me off if she means it or not. Her orders. His lies...why does he lie? People at school....one word spoken too loud and Im done.

Why am I writting this?

You know what else.... Im missing some of the people that havent talked to me in a couple months. You know...old friends. Why dont we talk anymore? Are they mad at me or just done with me? Maybe it was mutual. I hate it though.

Well hows that for a journal entry?

Im going to go eat the chinese food Ive been craving for a week. Then my parents are leaving for a memorial picnic. Annnd then Im going to work. Maybe a walk with Lauren in between.

Sorry for all that

BYE