i had a lot to say earlier... but i kinda forgot... ill remember later... ive been rly busy and rly lazy thats y i dont rly update this thing the way i used to... me and emily r pretty much ok now.. i wus mad at her a lil todai for tellin aj sumthin but now its kool... i dont the way ryan is treating me tho... um yeah.... me and jonet get closer every day.. i love u gurl! lol.. well im tryin to get everybody to sign my bo bo yrbk but i keep forgetting...
there has been lots o drama in my life lately.. i dont wanna talk about it tho.. it sux... dance is going down hill... i screwed up my toe rly bad.. i dont knoe wut the fuck i did to it but i first i thought i broke it. but now i dont think so cuz i can move it... i knoe i cracked my toenail tho.. and everytime i dance it sweels up like a balloon.. and its purple. thursday i wuz stupid and did pointe and the nail turned black. gross. but now its just a pretty color of blue and purple. lol and it hurts like hell... it got caught under a door b4 first period wed going to ethnic... its bad luck!!
i didnt rly have a good day todai...i had a rly long lunch tho which wuz kool... and kirby made me feel better... i went to jonets class in 3rd period and kirby called my name and said he thought my shirt wuz rly cute and i didnt even knoe he knew hoo i was lol.. and then sumhow me and becky started talking about him and she told me that he thought i wuz perfect... she said i wuz in the courtyard where he was sitting once and he told her "wow she beautiful and smart.. to me that is the perfect person" i thought that wuz soo sweet! i didnt even knoe he knew hoo i was.. usually when i hear things about me its bad stuff... but that made me happier.. i dont rly talk to kirby but i hate it when people talk about him cuz theyre always like "oo is he a gurl or guy?"...
yeah but im gonna go
i dont feel so good...
nitenite

my day didnt go so well well and i dont have enuff time to explain y cuz i gotta bounce for dance soon... but since i can waste 5 minutes rite quick...

heres an assignment we had to do in english today...

*******
An edible peanut made of wire
An elephant light as a feather
Circus clowns acrobatting in the intersection
Laughing with tears..

My life balancing on a trapeze wire
My senses loosing balance along the seas
My thoughts feeling like popcorn
When you're the only one on my mind

But really you're not the only one of my mind
and I'm actually thinking of someone else...
The intriging mysterious and quiet spector,
sitting to my right.

And as it feels like
I'm constantly jumping through rings of fire
You're the only one,
who could have brought this circus of torment in my life.
*******

**pRoM nItE!!!!**
AHH!!! it wuz so much fun!!! loads of fun... but hell to get rdy... and well.. im not gonn say... cuz wut goes on the limo... stays in the limo.. and dats all im gonna say... cept devon singin wuz perty funnie...but i had a perty good time.. cept i felt like the goody too shoes.. but wutever i wuznt bout to get my ass kicked by mom so wutever.
holla back at cha bo
tahtah

quotes for da nite
"fuck u!"
"i would like sum sparkling water yes"
" i did not order this take it away"
"be gone leave our circle"
"fucking lesbians!"
"damn rednecks"
"maxville mafia"
"wut goes on the limo stays in the limo"
"strippin in da sea"
"going at it like fucking rabbits"
"did my date go?"
"give me sum fabreez dave"

DAVE WUZ OUR DRIVER AND HE WUZ DA COOLEST!!!!! love ya!

CINCO DE MAYO!

wweellllllll........
lots of things have been going on lately... on friday i saw ryan! i didnt think i wuz gonna cuz it poured rain and everybody had water fights at skool lol... aaron pushed me into this water fall and i got soaked. i wuz soooo cold it wuznt even funnie... and rico comes up to me "hey u knoe i can see throo ur shirt" um... lol... he wuz trying to get all up on me and i wuz like back away. haha just playin i wuznt mean. he told me hes not "over" me... err... but back to the important stuff yeah i saw ryan and it wuz perty kool cept he wouldnt let me see his hair, i wuz freezing, i looked like crap i wuz a mess... and i had to pee so bad u wouldnt even knoe. haha. it wuz great n e way tho. later that nite josh posed as sumone else and called me a slut and all this rly mean stuff and then told me to call him cuz he would pic up that time... but guess wut he didnt so wutever. i also saw mean girls with ryann. that wuz rly kool. we saw a lot of peepz we knew, marcelle, lucy, charley, susanne, andre, kelly and his friend.. and i saw erin and then met her brother (he goes to stanton and knoes andrew simak) and her mommy. her mom thought i wuz over 18... *oh my* saturday i went to ryanns and we were supposed to go to the beach but we didnt... just hung out.. only i wuznt supposed to be over there cuz my mom was pissy and my room wuz a mess.. and my dad "didnt knoe" i wuznt allowed... so i had to go all the way home... clean my room in less then an hour (it wuz rly messy.. u couldnt even see the floor it wuz so bad) and then i got my stuff together, got dressed and went to her house. we went out to eat at Cross Creek with her parents and her grandma and grandpa. AKA nina mama and deedith. hmm... oo we saw a prom couple getting rdy to go to prom and got picked up in a car with a driver hoo came out with an umbrella and aawww it wuz so cuhute. it wuz a nasty day tho with it pouring rain and all.... it wuz also DA's prom but of course i didnt go. i heard it wuz good tho. i slept over and fell asleep early and then the next day i woke up at 10:30 and then we left at 11am and went surfing! we went to hannah park and it wuz kinda cloudy. u knoe. the waves were rly choppy and it wuz rly hard paddling out when there were waves crashing into u every 2 seconds. i went on her dads board... it wuz my first time ever and i wuz kinda freaked out but it wuz rly kool.. had sum troubles tho... the hardest part wuz staying on the board while i wuz paddling. i kept slipping off it wuz weird. i stood up my second try for a few seconds and then i fell off and then the second time i stood up it wuz only one foot and then i fell off... a couple other times i chickened out. i knew it wuz gonna be hard but i didnt think my arms were gonna hurt that bad from paddling. i have no arm strength at all. lol gonna to do sum push ups and sums raising the roof, pushing the wall *lol ryann!* we got back after 2 hours and went in the pool and then tanned. *me topless lol ryann* ryann made us sum yummy pina colodas... mmmm. my mom wuz bitchin tho and i had to go home and go out with her to get sumthing for my dress. o gosh wow prom is friday.... yikes! i have no idea wut to do with my hair i hate it... im excited tho.. i hope i have fun... i better... cuz im sacrificing alot just to go... with spring concert and all that work and stuff.. im not going to skool friday. haha

well lets see at skool... lots o drama... me and emily aint so great these days and it hurts u knoe but i dont knoe wut to do... i tried talking to aj bout it todai and stuff but... i ono. itz like the seasons yo...

ive been reading lots of ole things... old emails, convos... old journals... got me thinking... and cryin.. im so stupid i always expect myself got to get sad when i do that stuff but i do n e way and i knoe i will.. soo... yeah....

me and my dad been getting into fights lately over u knoe hoo and today while i wuz eating dinner i wuz trying to talk about it but they just got me upset while i wuz trying to stick up for ryan.. but they dont rly understand and i keep telling them to open their eyes and look at their juvenile deliquent hoo needs sum serious therapy and medications...
gotta blast!
tahtah

-: im over sumthin. started sumthin... finished that... started sumthin... got over sumthin ... started sumthin again.. and tryin to get over it... :-

well.. i woke up about 2 hours ago but yeah here it wuz yesterday wuz like...

well i woke up at 12 and got online to see hoo wuz on.. and i realized i fell asleep last nite while i wuz online talking to AJ, and i felt rly bad.. but o well... n e hoo i tried to start on my ethnic paper, only it didnt go so well and i got wuz the title.. so i started to talk to peoplez online.. i decided to clean my bathroom... and i cleaned the whole damn thing and i realized there was a stain on the rug and on the door and told my mom about it and shez like "o yeah i forgot to tell u i spilled hair dye all over the place.." gee thanx y couldnt she just screw up her own bathroom all the time... but then i called emily and we were talking bout sum stuff and then at like 4 i had to go eat... so i went in my mom's room to watch tv and then i hit myself self and i wuz like stupid u need to be doing ur homework. (i have A LOT) so i brought my algebra homework in there and it wuz perty easy this time.. i think im actually starting to understand the factoring stuff we're doing. this is the only thing the whole year ive had trouble with.. itz hard! i would do 2 problems and then watch the move "blown away" and then aaron lee called... and then i told him i wanted to watch the movie. and once i wuz over.. i stared at the phone and i wanted it to ring but it didnt soo... i remembered that i promised myself i wuz gonna call josh today.. since i havent talked to him in 8 months... every time i call he hangs up once he realizes itz me.. or he gets mary to tell me hez not there or hez out with his "pretend girlfriend" cuz hez such a loser he cant get a real one... im sorry but josh has changed... ever since we broke up hez been an ass... especially at skool.. all he has is he marching band friends, and a few others like jay and steven. but n e wayz i dialed his cell number and blocked the number but no one picked up. and then awhile later i dialed it again and mary answered the phone. and that took me totally off guard cuz i called his cell... and so i wuz like "is ryan.. i mean josh there?" i wuz thinking to myself, "wut the fuck did i say ryan for? thatz so weird... i think itz cuz ive been thinking about him so much but n e wayz... but i think that kinda pissed mary off, that i couldnt even get his name straight (but josh's middle name is ryan.. hmm weird) and she got an attitude and is all "who is this?" "alyssa" and so she gives the phone to marissa (shez like 7) to give to josh and shes like "JOOOSSSHHHH joshie! sumbody on da phone for uuu!" shes so cute and i think i heard him say sumthin in the backround and then he took the phone... AND.... then he hung up. lol... well.. i said fuck rly loud... and just stared at the phone for a minute. i decided to call his cell again but he had turned it off so i left a message on his voicemail.. and i hope he feels like shit once he hears it... i just told him that i missed him and stuff and that it always seems like he doeznt want to talk to me at all n e more and whenever i call he ignores me so i wuz wondering y.. and i said to call me back even tho i knoe hez not... o well... i just dont understand how we could go from how we used to be...like the perfect couple.. to not talking at all... i shared so many things with him that i havent told n e body else and itz like that whole year and 8 days meant absolutely nothing... and all those things he said... he didnt even mean.. and ive heard he even makes fun of me... iwuz talking to jay about it and he wuz telling me hez just an asshole... o well...

ryann floyd called me and wanted to knoe if i wanted to go to the movies with her. like on date. lol... well i convinced my mom and then i took a shower and got rdy blahblahblah and we left at 7:30. but when i looked in the mirror i realized my eyes were rly red.. they had been bloodshot all day and i had no idea y.. i looked rly weird... like evil or sumthin lol. we got into the movie theatre (we saw 13 going on 30) and ryann turns around and says alyssa look how people are behing us (there rly wuznt that many but..) then she goes, "carly?" to this gurl sitting behind us.. and shes like "yeah?"
"carly?"
"yeah hoo r u?"
"itz me ryann?"
"um.."
"carly?"
"yeah..."
"wutz ur last name?"
"sparks"
"o sorry wrong carly"
ahaha i laughed sooo hard... it wuz weird tho that there wuz another carly hoo looked exactly like her... n e hoo the movie started and me and ryann were talking about going back to skool and being nice to everybody and say hay to everybody we knew.... and to sum we didnt... but n e wayz... the movie wuz soo good!! i cried twice! and i wuz trying to hard not to but i just started bawling and then i started laughing... but 13 going on 30 wuz rly good.. and it got me thinking.. alot.. and i made a decision like on thursday or friday and well... now im kinda thinking back on it...a lot of people have been telling to do this one thing.. but i dunno cuz well my heart and my brain are saying 2 different things... only i cant tell which one is saying which.. i just knoe there r 2 choices and i dont knoe where to go... but n e hoo we came out of the movie and all these ladies were crying and me and ryann were wondering if our eyeliner wuz running cuz we were both crying. aawww... there were these gurls in the bathroom and they look like 10/11 and they were all dressed up looking like hoochies and i wuz like no ma'am... it wuz like 10 o clock and my dad wuz there yet so i got in ryanns car with her dad and mom and we sat there observing people.. and then my dad picked me up and on the way home we were trying to figure out a name for my dads band.. theyre at the recording studio rite now.. my dad used to be in a band when they still lived in new york and they were together for awhile and my dad likes to brag about how they used to open for big bands.. back in the day... er... they were called the stanlees and the other guys wanna go and call the new band that again.. but um no i dont think so and my dad doeznt want to n e way.. i think itz cause his old band members are dead... one got into a car accident and another wut had a drug overdose. i think? i dunoo... '
but i got online at like 10:30 and i wanted to see if AJ wuz online cuz i wanted to talk to him but he wuznt.. so i went to bed.

and then i woke up rly early this morning at like 8... and i started to do my home work but then i said fuck it and started playing solitaire again.. my mom made break fast and then when i wuz done eating i came back to my computer and when to ryan's website. i hadnt been there in awhile and i decided to read his journal. since the very beginning.. only i read it out of order. o well... i started crying when i read sum entries so i would have to stop for awhile and then start reading it again... there were sum funnie stuff.. sum stuff i had missed... sum confusing stuff.. sum suspicious stuff.. but a whole lotta stuff that made me rly sad... and i felt rly stupid crying but... o well.. when i wuz done i decided to come and update my journal... and here i am.. but i gotta go finish my homework. i wuz supposed to go to the beach today cuz i LOVE the beach.. but i have too much stuff to do and i have to go out with my mom and get a shawl for my prom dress.. im going to devons "prom" at his skool and we got a limo we're gonna share with 2 other couples and i think itz gonna be rly kool.
well tahtah

yeah... well as u can see... i havent updated in awhile... ive just been extremely busy... and depressed so i havent rly been feeling like writing n e thing. besides no one wants to hear wut i wanna say n e way... a lot of things have been going lately... and a lot of nothing... i dont rly feel like saying everything but... i decided to run for sophomore class president.. and then undecided... i have my appilication filled ....skipped to chase around a guidance counselor... then i tried to chase around all my teachers... and when i finally realized i wouldnt be able to get to them to fill out my recoomendation forms out i just gave up bcuz i wuz rly stressed out.. and the caidates rnt all that great and a lot of people have been ocming up to me and saying that if i ran i would have won... but a lot of other people thought i wuz too stupid.. but n e wayz a lot of other stuff... dont rly feel like mentioning... but feeling lonely... very lonely... missing ryan...
today wuz a horrible day... we didnt have teachers for most of the periods for 1st and 2nd... i wuz practically crying in 1st.. and dead in 2nd... i lost all my dance clothes... forgot my homework...felt rly sick... cussed my self out for not sitting with kristie.. and jt... had a pop quiz in algebra... practically fell asleep standing up... fell asleep on the bus... talked to aj and sum other peez online... went to dance.. did rly bad.. and announced to the class i didnt want dance to be my career... got a lecture... was got on my case my ms tammy cuz she knew sumthing wuz up... cried on the way home.. played solitare for a half hour without being able to win... and now here i am... and i dont knoe if i am going to keep up with this journal... im wanting to say things i wouldnt be comfortable or wutever with knowing people r reading it... besides hoo rly cares about my daay n e way? and i wanna keep it i have to send in money cuz the guy iz making us pay but itz not a big deal itz like 2 dollars and the only problem is, is that i keep forgetting about it sooo....
yeah im just gonna... go.. doo... sumthin else..

intresting date we got here...
welllllllllllllllll......... i havent much been feeling like writing lately and i sure as hell dont now either.... bbutt....im doing it cuz i dont wanna do my home work and im totally stumped on wut to rite for my essay..... life hasnt been the greatest these days... my mom is being a total bitch and i've been crying a lot bcuz of her... including this morning. she expects for me to take all this shit from her... sum rly rude, mean and hurtful things she says to me and then she expects to just sit there and say yes ma'am. um no i dont think so. i dont care if wuz a mother fucking queen i dont let n e body talk to me like that... and ur mom is not the one hoo is supposed to be calling u a stupid bitch.
BUT N E WAYZ... im running for class president.... well i think... i wanna run for vice president cuz i dont knoe if i could handle it... sum people tell me they knew i could... and others just look at me like im stupid and wondering if im rly serious... a ton of rly good people r running... soo... i dont knoe.. and i have to write my essay for my application and i knoe wut i wanna say... its just not coming out rite and itz rly frustrating....grrr... maybe itz not the best time...

today wuz ok.....
in 1st period we turned in our storyboard for flamenco and i think my group's is really good... i laughed so hard during this class... especially when dr. penney had to come in and watch us while ms webb had to go do sumthin... and well after dr. penney read our story board she decided to teach us sum combinations or steps or wutever. and i wuz like ''aight thatz kool i never had drpenny teach us sumthin b4'' and then she did this 'thing' i dont knoe wut to call it but it looked like a messed up version of the seviance step... i didnt think she wuz serious.. i just thought she wuz jokin... so i laughed so hard cuz she looked so retarded and well... then i realized she wuz serious... and yeah... then amy, and jonet shoved me into the stagemovement class next door (theatre kids haha) bcuz they wanted me to announce that i wuz running for class president.. and well i looked rly stupid and they started giving me looks and i thought i heard one of them say "is she rly serious?'' sooo yeah...
2nd period wuz pointe and my shoes are way past dead... theyre actually soft after the box and the tip.. and thatz rly bad.. i dont knoe when i can new ones but it sux and it hurts like shit and i had to ask ms jenkins if i could take em off...
3rd period we took notes and did sum crap with sum logo's and stuff, for our family crest... megan chins looked rly pretty.. mine wuz ok... mine had *meaning* but it had nothing to do with my family. haha. my family iznt very supportive rite now...
lunch.. i ate.. and went to go get my teacher reccomendation forms at the office with garrett roberts but i had to fill out the application first so i wuz like crap....
4th period we discussed our literary circle thing about the book anthem we're reading...
i have no back on my chair so i just sit on the floor now against the wall next to my desk... people around me were giving me strange looks and jamison wouldnt shut up and quit talking to me so ms. harrison wuz snapping her fingers at me telling me i had to get up.. and i said "um no" and then i told her i couldnt cuz i had no back to my seat and she said i had to be quiet.. wutever. i dont like ms harrison. n e wayz i think ima sitt on the floor now itz more comfortable for my poor back and itz easier to fall asleep. ms cooper wuz kool about it too. she wuz like "since u like sitting on the floor so much alyssa, itz kool, next time sumone doeznt have a seat they just use urs. but i showed her my seat and shez like "oh" so wutever

but i need to go workon my essay and i think we have a biology test 2moro still.. so i gotta learn on that junk cuz i havent been paying attention... o yeah and algebra.
grrr

omigosh.... im soooooooo tired... totally exhausted..

well i arrived at kristen's at like 1:45 i dont rly remember... and amy and sam were jumpin on the nasty trampoline lol.. well after awhile the pizza came and we started typing up the stuff that wuz supposed to go on the storyboard. but sam wuz supposed to bring the digital camera so that we didnt have to draw on the story board. cuz dancers cannot draw.. tht is y our art area iz dance.. not art lol but she couldnt get it from her sister.... so after trying to type up the main points... kristen drove us to the park and we brought her regular camera... well first we couldnt park cuz of all the soccer games and then there wuz all this contruction and i had a hard time climbing the fence... but when we finally got to the rite spot... her camera didnt work... so we had to walk all the way back to the car (it wuz a long way) and then we stepped on all this wet tar... ahaha i have it all on my shoes.. when we got to the car kristen drove us to walgreens and we got a disposable. we were about to go back to the park cuz we alrdy wasted too much time and sam had to leave at 4:30 soo... we took all the pictures in either walgreens, the parking lot trees or publix.. we got a lot of weird looks... but after it wuz all done we dropped it off at the one hour photo.. to be picked up in more then a hour.. and we got contruction paper and sum drinks or wutever... dont remember... but we drove bac k to kristens and sam just had to put the country on.. really loud.. with the sun roof down.. today wuz soo pretty i wanted to go the beach so bad.. but noooo.... k well when we got back we tried to work on the script summore... cuz well the project is that we're doing a commercial... and itz flamingo collars... itz rly rly funnie but the thing that we did wuz the story board... and well sam wuz doing it wrong but i didnt feel like arguing so i waited until she left at 5 to fix it. she had a preformance she had to get rdy for... but rite b4 she eft we tried starting the t-shirts we're making.. but we never finished. and then a little after sam left amy left.. at maybe i ono 20 minutes later... so they were gone and we didnt get even half of it done.. so me and kristen were left to do it all by ourselves. *tear*. i had started typing most of the script and then kristens parents came back with the pics we took... well they came out horrible... cuz the lighting wuz bad... they werent tha bad.. cept the ones with me in it. haha
we found out there wuz no double sided tape... and we werent about to go use glue.. so me and kristen went to walgreens for like the 20th time today... we came back and started taping down the title. then i started writing the script in more detail making sum changes and putting down the camera angles... *yawn* me and kristen were getting so stressed cuz we both have other projects we need to do... so we went to spray the tri-fold board with glitter spray and we thought we screwed it up at first but then it dried.. and we were freaking out soo finally we were both hungry and kristen and me decided to go to chik fil a.. it wuz i ono 7... and kristen drove us and we were talking about guys.. wel she did i talked about ryan lol... she wuz trying to explain this guy JC... hez a freshman in college and he treats her like crap and iz always disrespecting her and stuff... and they're not going out they just act like it... and he haznt called her so shez trying to see how long it would take him to call... and then i wuz explaing about ryan... and she said when she heard my voicemail greeting she laughed so hard.. and then she asked me hoo did it and i told her ryan.. but she thought it wuz ryann floyd cuz she said he sounded like a gurl.. um... ok... lol i ono... i dont think so..
we ate at the chick fil a at the mall in the foodcourt and there were a lot of old people... i saw max willman.. but i just waved... after we were done eating we went back home and we played them tunes real loud and i sang along...lol... att like 7:3 my phone rang and it said "home" and i wuz like o shit... cuz i wuz in the car and kristen wuz driving.. and well thats an absolute no no.. and if they ever found out i would seriously be grounded for life and die... so i didnt answer it... but i wuz like freaking out..
when we got to her house i called back.. but it wuz only my brother looking my the dog's brush... whew...
we were running out of time and we really wanted to get this over with so we went to da computer and started typing away.. and we came up with sum rly funnie stuff i rly hope we get an A. cuz we worked sooo hard. seriously. Jone't called...i alked to her alil bit but kristen wuz kinda mad she didnt come... after about wut seemed like forever... maybe 9ish.. we finished all the typin ( 8 scenes and like 35 shots maybe more) and so we had to go and cut out all the stuff and lay it out in the rite places and then tape it down...with the double sided kind... i hated cutting.. not fun.. i wanted to stab myself with the scissors lol... it wuz about 9:30 and we finished cutting it all out and i just had to get sum pictures of anna nicole and flamingos... and so at 10:00 it wuz all layed out and kristen started taping but we ran out so i decorated with glitter stix... finally my dad came and he came to look at our masterpiece and it looks perty good... not as good as it could have been.. but good enuff. my dad said it looked rly good.. i didnt get home till 10:40 and itz 11:45 now and im sooo tired... omg ahh i wanna ddiiiieee... im supposed to be going over to g to da peaks house 2moro.. dand do my paper mache model.. but he never called me so i have to call him 2moro morning meaning i must be up early to finish the 5 page pape to go with it.. ah i am so stressed out and my biology project is due wednesday and kristen told me that i have an ethnic paper due tuesday and i hate this shit i have a test monday... im going to go now tho.. and maybe if i'm lucky i'll sleep well and dream of ryan... yeah i wish..
ok well
tahtah

ToDaY

ok i got yesterday over with, now tooddaayyyyyyy....
well i went to the cafeteria b4 1st period... and i saw jesse... i never talk or see him n e more.. but he seemed rly sad or rly out of it... he said he wuz just tired.. i hope he didnt go to jerusalem to smoke too... but n e wayz.. o yeah kalid brought in the stereo from his car or whatever and he played "yeah" by usher (me and ryann's song... DO DA MUSCLE!) and everybody wuz singing along.. and then at the end when they do the dance thingies where theyre like "do da muscle" and "rock away" and all that i wuz doing it ahahaha ryann said i wuz embarrassing her.. but she usually does it with me... grrr
1st period-ethnic- we didnt dance thank god.. instead we went over the stage movement class for the theatre kids, where ms bird was giving a lecture with a video on nutrition and all that stuff... *yawn*
2nd period- we had ms giles.. modern.. did a bunch of improv.. it wuz ok...
3rd period-world history- light day.. we took notes and ms hughes read us sum stuff and we were gonna watch mulan but she couldnt get it to work so we had free time. woo hoo..
lunch- i sat with emily and rach and all of them.. but after awhile it wuz *yawn* so i sat by jonet-net, sarah p, austin m, garret r, aaron r, zack m.. and yeah.. we were talking about the ranch dressing for awhile lol cuz its different now.. and then we talked about emily.. and then garret wuz trying to get me to make out with him.. and i wuz like um no... i would feel rly weird about it with nicola and all.. and besides.. i didnt want to.. so..yeah... but i realized i never kissed n e body hoo wuznt my bf b4.. interesting...
4th period- english- oo jamison needs to stop! lol first he wuz trying to get up my skirt and then when i moved away he read my journal. NOT KOOL JAMIE! it wuz a good class.. i liked... perty easy stuff... and i pulled emily out of class to talk to her outside cuz she llooked like she wuz crying and i wanted to knoe wut wuz up but it wuz this whole thing about them guys... so ya..
bus- boring.. i sat next to kellay and he made fun of my for always looking at the window and then cliff built of bus mascot. a wire man with a 3 third leg.. dude looked like i tripod lol... i got home rly late tho.. didnt get home till like 4:50.

so n e wayz i went to jazz at 6:30 and we started working on our piece for recital.. which in May 29th.. and yalls best be coming.... well n e wayz i dont rly like it... itz to one of the old janet jackon song.. so yeah..itz ok i guess tho... maybe i wuznt in the mood i ono.. cuz i had 2 pieces of pizza b4 i left and felt like i wuz gonna throw up the whole time... after dance tho one of the other teachers for ballroom invited us to a class... it wuz from like 8 sumthin to 11 but we only stayed till 9:30... it wuz a class.. and then it wuz like a party with just freestyle ballroom... n e ways during the class... well me and alena are the only ones under 18 and the ones closest to our ager were 2 gurls bout 24... lots of older people.. and old men.. it wuz fun tho. we learned east coast swing. and it wuz funnie to see how every guy wuz different and u could tell hoo never did it b4 and hoo wuz forced to go by their wives and stuff... there weer 3 guys i did ok with.. one wuz gay, one wuz rly old and kept counting like i couldnt count, and one wuz shorter then me... well it felt like it lol... me and alena were talking about bring our guy friends to it and stuff and i wuz like "o yes ryan must come" i think it would fun! hehe.... after the class wuz over.. it wuz just free wutever ballroom and one of the guys asked me to dance... and i wuz like um.. sure y not... he never took east coast swing b4 and wuz rly um awkard? i mean i never took it either but.. yeah he made me rly uncomfortable cuz he didnt rly knoe wut he wuz doing and the whole fucking time we were talking he stare at my boobs. and im like "im up here buddy" i didnt say ne thing but i should i have.. it wuz like he wuz staring down my leotard... alena said she got the same thing too... weird.. he thought i wuz like 19.. eh no im not lol but yeah he thought DA wuz a college... he must have been 30 sumthin or 29 i ono... then the gay guy tought me how to foxtrot and went on about me being a "ballerina".. it wuz weird and he almost stepped on my feet alot... then isaah(one of the teachers) thought me how to do a waltz.. and itz not as ez at it looks... and it wuz my first time ever doing ballroom and it wuz rly weird for me... but n e wayz i had a lot of fun.. but lmao this one man dance with alana doing sum sort of tango thing and it wuz so funnie laughed for the longest time...

im going to go im exhausted...
2moro im gonna be at kristins from like 1 to 5ish doing our ethnic dance story board.. o wut great fun... my cell will be on of course tho..
and on sunday im going to garrett peaks bcuz he's helping me with my model for ms bhomiks project on monday.. im doing the hawaiian islands so were doing a paper mache' model of it.. i hope itz not hard! grr
tahtah

OK this is yesterday...

hmm... well the april foolsing started b4 the first bell... it wuz this fake dead rat.. very nastay... a lot of people were screaming....
1st period- health- we talked about marriage sum more and it wuz very interesting... i wuz passing notes with jay tho... mostly tallking about ryan and i wuz tellin him a buncha stuff and jay wuz telling me how i shouldnt take that crap and he doeznt need to treat me like that.. but i wuz sticking up for ryan.. and yeah..
2nd period um.. jonet didnt come to skool and a bunch of us were worried bout her so i called her.. and she said she wuz saying home cuz she didnt feel good... but wut did we do? o yeah dance we had this weird class with ms. bird and eric wuz my partner.. hez a sophomore and he broke his foot awalla go so he hasnt danced in 4ever... i remember when i tried out for lavilla he wuz the helpers and i thought he wuz like soo cute.. and in the beginning of this year too.. but um not more lol... hez hilarious tho.. n e wayz it wuz this very odd partner massage and partner stretching.. i wuz joking around with eirc saying they all look like weird lesbian posistions..ahaha eric prolly thinks im soo weird.. but o well i am
3rd period-biology- not quite sure wut happened... we took notes.. i knoe that... but it wuz perty boring...
lunch- there were pine needles in the lunch courtyard.. with farm animal figurines.. it wuz so stupid.. people were saying it wuz april fools but .. i ono it wuz perty gay... i ate in the cafeteria and after sitting with emily and ryann i moved and sat with lawrence nelson, zack mccauly, adrianne, and max... for a awhile.. and i saw kristy and erin sitting with the justin and brandon (the trumble twins) and i wuz like "oo i'll just casually stop by and sit for awhile" well one of the friends evan got april fooled... well there were a bunch of guys on this one side saying evan hit this gurl.. so they were gonna beat his ass and stuff.. and the security guy mr bryant said he wuz gonna pretend like he didnt see n e thing.. so they were all up on him bout to pound him and cussin at him when all of a sudden they all jumped back and yelled april fools! it wuz perty funnie..
4th period-algebra- it wuz a funnie class... i got made fun of as always and we reveiwed our quiz.. and then started our test but we only had 20 minutes so i only got to 14.. we'll finish in monday. blah.
on the way to the bus tho one of the trumble twins actually waved. he waved! hopefull they still dont see me as the weird little chinese gurll... i am not no chinese..
-bus- talked to rachel.. dont remember bout wut...

n e hoo.... i didnt go to dance...well me and ryan werent rly talking but he wuz online and i wuz talking to ryann floyd and i wuz like "grrrr ryann his sn iz just sitting there on my bl and i wanna click it so bad.." and she told me to say hi.. but he starts talkin "dont talk to me" so yeah that made me.. not happy.. very hurtful.. i didnt even understand wut it wuz about... and then ryann went all off on him cuz i got rly sad and she wanted to knoe y... but for awhile wuz just rly sad about it i just sat there and stared into space... so we werent talking at all... and grr... but then he IM's me outta no where on one of his other sn.. and sayz..
hackausr [8:36 PM]: Y IS TELLIN ME UR SAD?
Horsemusic [8:40 PM]: wut?
hackausr [8:44 PM]: NVM...FUCK IT...
Horsemusic [8:44 PM]: i didnt understand..
hackausr [8:45 PM]: yea...ok
Horsemusic [8:46 PM]: wut iz that supposed to mean
hackausr [8:49 PM]: Nuthin Now lets go back 2 the silence thing..i liked it better that way... "
-after he said that.. i just snapped.. i wuz alrdy mad about this whole thing and i had been rly depressed about it and when he said that last thing... it rly hurt... it felt like sum one punch me in the stomach and knocked all of the air out of me... and i broke down crying.. not just cuz of wut he said.. but thats wut triggered it all... and i cried soo hard...like rly hard.. and i hadnt cried that hard in like well a little more then a year i think... or maybe it wuz on christmas eve... i dont remember.. well it wuz a long time.. the good thing wuz tho i wuz home alone so i didnt have to fess up to my mom.. she wouldnt rly accept my feelings to ryan.. i dont think she thinks i could actually love sumbody... but ne ways i forced myself to stop crying after about a half hour and i called jonet and she rly helped me out...

but this iz the rest of wut he said..
"hackausr [9:03 PM]: WELL I GUESS I'LL JUST TELL U WHAT I WAS ASKING SINCE I HAVE NUTHIN 2 DO X CEPT WAIT AND DIE
Horsemusic [9:05 PM]: wait and die?
hackausr [9:05 PM]: I ASK '' Y IS EVERYONE TELLING ME UR SAD?''
Horsemusic [9:05 PM]: o ok
Horsemusic [9:06 PM]: hoo iz this everyone
hackausr [9:07 PM]: NVM THAT
Horsemusic [9:08 PM]: o ok
hackausr [9:09 PM]: GRR... FUCK IT I TRIED.
Horsemusic [9:12 PM]: im sorry ryan but u have no rite to talk to me like that
Horsemusic [9:12 PM]: if u only knew..
hackausr [9:13 PM]: KNEW WHAT?
Horsemusic [9:14 PM]: how i feel"

after that i went to go lay down cuz i wuz exhausted.. and well i fell asleep even tho i shouldnt have.. and didnt wake up till like 10:55pm... i had calmed down and i saw that ryan IMed me...

skateventure01 (9:47:17 PM): hey listen we need to talk and decide wher this is going
skateventure01 (9:48:48 PM): r u even there?
skateventure01 (9:49:46 PM): hello?
skateventure01 (9:50:17 PM): im guessing ur really pissed at me and dont wanna talk?
skateventure01 (9:50:26 PM): i understand
skateventure01 (9:50:49 PM): but u wont have 2 put up with me fer long so0o0o yea
skateventure01 signed off at 10:03:14 PM.
IzntLifeSo JUICY (10:58:48 PM): hmm...
skateventure01 (10:58:58 PM): lolololol
skateventure01 (10:59:06 PM): oops wrong im
IzntLifeSo JUICY (10:59:12 PM): whut were u talking about earlier
skateventure01 (10:59:22 PM): oh yea
skateventure01 (10:59:32 PM): that was a long time ago tho
IzntLifeSo JUICY (10:59:35 PM): i wuz asleep
skateventure01 (10:59:35 PM): well n e ways
skateventure01 (10:59:38 PM): oh
skateventure01 (10:59:52 PM): well then gho back to sleep well talk sum other time
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:00:00 PM): no im awake now and i wanna talk
skateventure01 (11:00:15 PM): ok well...
skateventure01 (11:02:10 PM): umm i dont know how to say this but...i dont kno it its me and it probably is but weve been fighting alot and its been over stupid stuff and i started them ....
skateventure01 (11:02:43 PM): and i dont seem like our realationship is getting anybetter
skateventure01 (11:02:49 PM): think*
skateventure01 (11:03:29 PM): its almost as if its getting worse and i really dont think things will get any better
skateventure01 (11:04:06 PM): so i wanna cut my self off from u...cuz im the only one makeu sad and stuff...
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:04:17 PM): um
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:04:24 PM): cut ur self off???
skateventure01 (11:04:34 PM): yea
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:04:35 PM): like isolate?
skateventure01 (11:04:48 PM): not asociat with u anymore
skateventure01 (11:04:48 PM): we*
skateventure01 (11:04:51 PM): e*
skateventure01 (11:05:04 PM): cuz everytime i do
skateventure01 (11:05:16 PM): eventualy i do sumthin wrong
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:05:30 PM): o
skateventure01 (11:05:49 PM): yea i dont kno y i just do
skateventure01 (11:05:52 PM): right?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:05:58 PM): no
skateventure01 (11:06:11 PM): huh y no?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:06:33 PM): bcuz u dont do everything wrong it goes both ways
skateventure01 (11:08:42 PM): what do u mean bith ways?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:08:57 PM): itz my fault too
skateventure01 (11:09:41 PM): not itz not
skateventure01 (11:09:49 PM): when was it ur fault
skateventure01 (11:09:51 PM): ?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:10:15 PM): um yeah i make a big deal out of nuthing and get my feelings hurt over crap
skateventure01 (11:11:01 PM): well those are ur feelings and u have every right to feel the way u do because IT WASNT UR FAULT IT WAS MINE
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:11:22 PM): ugh plz stop saying that
skateventure01 (11:11:40 PM): but u kno its true
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:11:49 PM): no
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:11:49 PM): idont
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:11:59 PM): but wut exactly r u trying to say with this?
skateventure01 (11:12:25 PM): i not gonna talk to u anymore cuz i dont wanna hurt u anymore
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:12:47 PM): well thatz hurting me justthe same
skateventure01 (11:12:59 PM): what is?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:13:12 PM): not talking
skateventure01 (11:13:23 PM): well in the long run u'll thank me
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:13:26 PM): bcuz thats saying u dont even want to try to work throo it
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:13:35 PM): no i dwont
skateventure01 (11:15:06 PM): well i have tried to work threw it and i made it worse
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:15:23 PM): how did u try
skateventure01 (11:15:34 PM): well...
skateventure01 (11:15:38 PM): hmm...
skateventure01 (11:15:59 PM): OOK! maybe i didnt try but it seemed likei did
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:16:08 PM): uh
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:16:11 PM): ok..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:16:22 PM): my point exactly u didnt rly try..
skateventure01 (11:17:04 PM): oh.......
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:17:05 PM): a if therez sumthing i dont like then thatz people giving up on the sumthing they either feel rly strong about or sumthing they worked hard for
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:18:21 PM): ryan i truly care about about u and i genuinly love so i look past a lot of things...
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:18:27 PM): love u*
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:19:06 PM): and whnever people talk about u.. and how u disrespect me or wutever i always stickup for u..
skateventure01 (11:19:09 PM): fuck u bitch!
skateventure01 (11:19:24 PM): lolol wrong im
skateventure01 (11:19:25 PM): im so sorry
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:19:29 PM): um
skateventure01 (11:19:29 PM): it was for john boy
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:19:33 PM): iwuz bout to say
skateventure01 (11:19:43 PM): VivaLaDeluxe247 (11:18:40 PM): king kong aint got shit on me
VivaLaDeluxe247 (11:18:50 PM): u lode chump
VivaLaDeluxe247 (11:18:54 PM): *lose
VivaLaDeluxe247 (11:19:03 PM): ok im going to bed
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:19:47 PM): that better be sum a[pril fools..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:20:23 PM): k..
skateventure01 (11:20:36 PM): what were u saying
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:20:43 PM): uh
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:20:49 PM): scroll up to read it?

skateventure01 (11:21:10 PM): i did
skateventure01 (11:21:18 PM): u were about to say sumthin else
skateventure01 (11:21:57 PM): ok y do u stickuop for me thats stupid
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:22:00 PM): o i lost my train of thought i guess
skateventure01 (11:22:04 PM): i so mean to u
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:22:13 PM): well..
skateventure01 (11:22:22 PM): u should atleast be agreeing with thenm
skateventure01 (11:22:25 PM): them*
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:22:33 PM): well i dont
skateventure01 (11:22:55 PM): but u should
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:23:01 PM): see thatz y i dont think u knoe how much i rly love u...
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:23:12 PM): sum people call me crazy
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:23:14 PM): but iono
skateventure01 (11:24:16 PM): o
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:25:19 PM): yeah..
skateventure01 (11:26:54 PM): well u dont want me so umm....maybe u should move on ..theres probably houndreds of boys who like u and like maybe a few of them u might have the slightest feelings for
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:27:25 PM): how r u going to tell me i dont want u..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:27:38 PM): do u knoe how many guys ive turned down?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:27:42 PM): in the past 2 weeks?
skateventure01 (11:27:50 PM): ???
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:28:17 PM): more then i would have thought... i think like 5
skateventure01 (11:28:35 PM): o well...
skateventure01 (11:28:45 PM): o*
skateventure01 (11:28:49 PM): well...*
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:28:59 PM): um
skateventure01 (11:29:15 PM): maybe i wasnt the right one
skateventure01 (11:29:23 PM): cuz i make u feel bad
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:29:27 PM): no u were
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:29:39 PM): cuz u were theonly one i could spell a real word with eir name
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:29:44 PM): their*
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:29:49 PM): yarn..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:29:50 PM): lol
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:29:55 PM): ..er..
skateventure01 (11:30:30 PM): hmm....
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:30:53 PM): im weird
skateventure01 (11:31:08 PM): NO
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:31:12 PM): but n ewayz it seems to me like u just want to give up..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:31:23 PM): and so i guess i ono wut to say but..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:31:32 PM): i have to go soon tho cuz my mom cant find out im online... ive been ly out of it and i cant tell the difference of wut actually happended and wut is a dream.. so yeah..
skateventure01 (11:31:59 PM): ok well just one more thing....
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:32:03 PM): ok..
skateventure01 (11:32:56 PM): what makes u think that there is hope for us
skateventure01 (11:32:59 PM): ?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:33:17 PM): my feelings never faded
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:33:26 PM): wut makes u think there isnt?
skateventure01 (11:33:42 PM): its been about three months....
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:34:01 PM): 2
skateventure01 (11:34:08 PM): ok 2
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:34:08 PM): and a few days
skateventure01 (11:34:09 PM): still
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:34:16 PM): and?
skateventure01 (11:35:03 PM): thats a long time and nuthin really has changed
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:35:22 PM): ok..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:35:31 PM): and so ur just gonna give up?
skateventure01 (11:35:41 PM): well....
skateventure01 (11:35:46 PM): if theres no hope
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:35:55 PM): and u think there isnt n e
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:36:03 PM): so u could have just said yes
skateventure01 (11:36:14 PM): yes to what?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:36:21 PM): that ur giving up
skateventure01 (11:36:34 PM): ....
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:36:43 PM): i feel lost
skateventure01 (11:36:56 PM): if u dont want me to give up i wont
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:36:56 PM): i think i missed sumthing
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:37:09 PM): forget about whut i want
skateventure01 (11:37:10 PM): this convo hass gone all over the place
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:37:19 PM): im asking u wut u want
skateventure01 (11:37:31 PM): what do i want?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:37:38 PM): yeah..
skateventure01 (11:37:44 PM): i want to back
skateventure01 (11:37:49 PM): u8
skateventure01 (11:37:50 PM): *
skateventure01 (11:37:59 PM): i want to hold u agian
skateventure01 (11:38:06 PM): and look in ur eyes
skateventure01 (11:38:17 PM): and see sumone who really loves ,e
skateventure01 (11:38:19 PM): me8
skateventure01 (11:38:30 PM): thats what i want
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:38:56 PM): then if u truly feel that way.. u shouldnt give up.. no one gets ne thing with out working for it
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:38:58 PM): trust me
skateventure01 (11:39:19 PM): fine i will
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:39:26 PM): u will wut
skateventure01 (11:39:32 PM): trust you
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:39:37 PM): o
skateventure01 (11:39:51 PM): and not give up
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:40:01 PM): i c
skateventure01 (11:40:36 PM): yea
skateventure01 (11:40:43 PM): but didnt u have to go?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:40:53 PM): well as much as i would love and stay to talk.. i need to go to sleep b4 im tempeted to take claritin cuz it'll keep me up all nite..cuz well i kinda cried my eyes out earlier and it makes my allergies worse....
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:40:55 PM): yeah
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:41:05 PM): i guess ill just talk to u later then..
skateventure01 (11:41:21 PM): im sorry fer what i did
skateventure01 (11:41:24 PM): ok bye
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:41:26 PM): me too
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:41:28 PM): goodnite
skateventure01 (11:41:41 PM): sleep tight
IzntLifeSo JUICY (11:41:51 PM): dont let the meanies bite

yeah so that wuz perty much it... i guess we're better now...

ahhhh... skool sux so bad. i hate skool. but i suppose it could be worse... i could hate my teachers and friends too.. but i dont..

i got to skool after the tardy bell rang but i had ethnic so it didnt matter.. but my poor baby jonet-net and i felt so bad for her!! aw i wanted to cry with her... i dont knoe wut i would do if that wuz me... i tried to make her feel better not sure if it worked... but class wuz rly funnie... i cant wait to start filming our project.. it iz gonna be so cool! STEVE!!! STEVE WHERE R U STEVE!!!!!

in 2nd period um yeah my pointe shoes are too small but i had to use them n e wuz other wize she'll bring it down a letter grade.. i desperately need new ones...

3rd period... um yeah ms hughes put be on the board az a burnt biscuit.. they were making fun of me *tear* it wuz kinda boring... got to sit next to ryann... crap i cant call her ry ry da lobster no more... o well i shall find a new name... oo yeah and i wrote jay a note...

lunch i sat with jonet fer a lil and we got to lunch early so i saw jesse in A lunch and then sarah showed me this note between jay and her.. and then when i found emily i read a note between her and jay too.. but he wouldnt rly talk to me i think he wuz avoiiding me cuz everyone iz telling him to give up cuz of ryan.. soo yeah...

4th period wuz english and boring cept thank the lord ms harrison wuznt here it wuz just ms copper.. i love ms cooper! but today in 1st period in the dressing room all the tap ensemble gurls were talking bad about her and i told her about it and we were talking and stuff and one of the gurls called her a bitch and then ms cooper called her a bitch under her breath and she said they wouldnt listen to anything she said and totally disrespecting her and she had just been having a bad day... i feel for her! but hehe me and jamison have the funniest convos in that class... we played hangman during silent reading and they were all these nasty messages ahaha and ms cooper almost read it.... and then we had to write a narrative from this list and jamie wrote "the ex" on mine and circled it so i had to write about that... so i wrote thus 2 page paper all about ryan.. i would have wrote more but she didnt give us enuff time... and i love yelling out random stuff when itz dead silent... cuz earlier i told emily that i wouldnt go out with her and so jamie wuz buggin about it saying he knoes i have all these fantasies about her and it wuz rly quiet and i yelled out "jamison i am not a lesbian!" hehe...
after skool i wuz talking to rico and he wuz trying to decide on grade recovery or not and i told him he rly needs to do it cuz i wanna see him next year! he rly doeznt want to but he knoes he should cuz he said with his luck at the end of the year he will prolly have like a 1.9 or sumthing... he also asked me if i like jesse... um.. no... lol...
bus: **rachel**

and now i need to go cuz i have this huge biology project i need to start and i have to study for a math test and draw all these cycles for biology. sux booty but o well life sux wut can i say
tahtah

lOvE tHiS sOnG...

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

ahhh
well letz see.. um sunday i got a new outfit at JCpenneys but my mom called me fat and i started crying in the dressing rooms cuz none of my old size fits (5) so now im a 7.. and not very happy about.. so im taking control!

yesterday wuz a very slow day... i went to dance cuz my mom wouldnt let me help out at the DA auditions.. but dance wuz actually fun. and i actually thought i did good. it wuz a miracle! we didnt have ms jenkins.. ms tammy thought cuz ms jenkins had to be at DA and it wuz a good class. Danny thought most of the center exercises.. and well there wuz this one petite allegro/grande allegro combo that i did not understand at all but o well... my soteshas were perty nice...
i started crying again yesterday when i read sumthin and i got rly sad.. ive been crying a lot lately over things... weird..
i fell asleep studying for that stupid biology quiz... it wuz like 9 when i fell asleep and i woke up at 11 sumthing and started talking to muh dear ryan online and then i had to go cuz i still had a lotta hw left and i went to bed at like 12 but i couldnt fall asleep no matter how tired i wuz... so i started talking to the moon and thought bout ryan.. er.. i dont remember when i fell asleep.

today wuz um wwweeiirrdd... like no one came to skool... the white white cafeteria wuz empty... gym wuz boring we talked about marriage.. but jay tole me to meet him after class... and so when the bell rang we were walking outta class together and hez like "u should prolly knoe by now with everybody talking that i like u" and i wuz like "yeah.." and then he continued "i rly wanna ask u out..BUT... ive been talking to alot of people and well they all say u still have strong feelings to that ryan guy..rite?" "yeah.." "so i dont wanna.. well... u knoe.." and i wuz like "yeah i understand." and then i didnt say ne thing else and there wuz this big silence.. and i said i had to go... i think he wuz kinda hurt by my response cuz i didnt rly say n e thing to make him feel better cuz emily came and talked to me about it in 3rd period..so i feel kinda bad about that... cuz we used to be rly good friends... and then when i went out with aaron instead of him.. we didnt talk as much but we still talked.. and then when i went out with ryan we stopped talking all together...
and then in 2nd peiod jonet-net told me bout sean. tisktisk i need to put that boi back into place.. hes acting like sumbody else.. cough.. yes he cannot treat my gurl like dat... but she wuz also talking to me about jesse... cuz she talked to this gurl hoo said that jessie would not stop talking about me yesterday and he even got a tardy so he could look for me....and me and him never talk n e more i havent seen him in a couple dayz and he didnt come to skool soo... yeah i feel bad.. i think im hurting all these guys feelings.. 2nd period wuznt all that bad it wuz fun at the end when we did improve... hehe
3rd period we had that dern quiz... i dont think i did that bad.. but everytime i think i did good i fail it soo... yeah... i rly need to get started on that ecology project but it iz so damn hard! ah it makez me wanna ssccrreeaammm. emily kept bugging me about puttin eyeliner on her and it wuz getting rly annoying. especially when she tried to do it herself and gave her self one heck of a messed up eye. ahaha. eyeliner looks werid on her n e way. she doeznt need it.
in 4th period we had a quiz i didnt knoe about and next class we have a test. grr... it wuz perty boring. i started writing a note to ryan with my eyes closed and it looked rly funnie especially when i started drawing.. lol but i dont knoe where i put it i think i left it in class...

the bus ride home wuz perty boring... i let kelly use me as a pillow and he fell asleep and then i feel asleep... achel didnt ride da bus today. *tear* walking home wuz nasty cuz sum guy wuz mowing the grass beside the road and all this dirt and pollen wuz everywhere and i wuz sneezing like crazy. and then i climbed over all these rly big tree branches..

but i gotta go maybe i'll my bio project... nnaahh...
tahtah

"Crashing Down"

**
Is anybody here to find me
I thought I had you
But then I lost you
And nothing seems to be ok
Maybe that’s when you let go

My world is crashing down
My ears don’t hear a sound
Everything seems so bad now
When you’re not around

Why can’t we just go back
Through the ripples of time
When I was yours
And you were mine

Now I just think back to all the words
we left unsaid
The things I should have told you
Now swirl around in my head
And I feel so alone
And I feel so dead

My world is crashing down
My ears don’t hear a sound
Everything seems so bad now
When you’re not around

Inside everyday seems like a rainy day
This sun isn’t coming out tomorrow
Hold my head down
And sing the sorrow

Maybe I fell too hard for you
Because now I find myself on the ground
Face down
**

i started writing this poem today... itz not finished tho.. i think it sounds like a song...

ok where did i leave off...
o yeah ok well this gurl (she wuz like 19) owned the car and she wuz gettin on my nerves and i wuz saying shit to her and she had to call her daddy.. and he took awhile and then they had to call the police to file an accident report... she wuz a dumbass.. n e way i thought we were gonna not be able to go cuz none of the poeple got there yet.. so AJ's mom offered AJ's dad to take us.. only they had a car that seated 5 including the driver... and we had 7 including the driver.... so 4 of us were in the back.. and i wuz too close to AJ then i wanted to be.. haha and then rachel sat on ryann's lap in the front.... after awhile we got to UNF and well i cant understand directions and we had to buy these tickets from kelly borg's mom cuz she had tickets and emily needed a ticket and she wanted um austin m. to go... mm yeah... so she had 3 and sold us 2 and gave us one.
the line with all the cars were rly long to get to the parking area so sumbody suggested we walk and so we did and peoplez were yelling at emily... with her dumb ole hat make her head look like jimmy neutron... and we got to the entrance and we started seeing people we knew and the first person hoo came up to me wuz nicole geovanni.. she looked so different! very pertay! i miss her! AJ saw a bunch of his middle skooler darnell cookmaners...and we had to wait for austin too wuz supposed to be on his way... and we started seeing alot of people and we sold athe extra ticket for only 15.. o well yeah the tickets sold out.. and alot of people thought sumthing corporate and yellowcard couldnt do it.. but i believed they could!
after awhile we saw matt obrero, danny cary, his sis, alex orr, a bunch of people.. and those guys hollering at emily .. one of em came up to her and once they asked her how old she wuz said 15 and then he walked off... ahahaha i laughed so hard. and ryann wuz like "emily! wut did u do that for?! u never tell guys ur real age!" hahahaha

it wuz 8:30 and thats when the show wuz supposed to start and my brother and AJ went in a walla go and then finnally austin showed up and we all went inside and all these gurls came up to austin hugging him and stuff... and then emily, rachel and ryann had to go peepee so i stayed and talked austin bout sum stuff...
we got in and we were trying to make it to the front and we made a change and i wuz at the front and we got perty close pushing throo.. but then this guy said we could stand there cuz of the people sitting down... so we got out of there and then we saw lisa cannaly and after awhile we all got split of and it wuz just me and ryann... so we made our way towards the front of the side by the speakers and blackalicious was playin and i felt bad for them bcuz a bunch of people were booing and nobody would cheer from them.. but a lot of people dont have a variety and dont listen to rap.. darn howleys... ahahaha n e hoo we met up with kristie andres and then when something corporate started we bumped into sarah porter and cassie gibson (i hadnt seen her in 4ever i've her since 1st grade) there wuz this guy beside us hoo kept smiling at me it kept freaking me out... and kristie asked me if i knew him.. but i didnt.. never seen him b4 in my life... it didnt take too long for mosh pits to start.. and most of em were ok i didnt gett pushed back that much until there wuz this one and i got pushed all way on someone's lap and i had like 3 people on top of me and i couldnt get back up... sarah porter wanted to go croud surfing.. and lisa bumped into us again.. she had just come down and she said guys were putting thieri hands in her shirt.. it wuznt that big of deal i guess.. she didnt care.. so ya and i wuz scared at first i didnt want to do it.. sum peez got droppedn and then we convinced kristy to do it and we got these guys behind us to lift her up and they dropped her after we got her up but then she got back up so it wuz all gravy... her phone fell out but the guys behind us found it hehe...after awhile they got me to go up and lisa said i would rly regret it if i didnt do it so i gave them my phone and my flip flops (i didnt get to put on my sneakers at home) and i went up! they almost dropped me but they caught me and they threw me up rly high and it wuz sooo much fun! i'm glad i went for it.. when i got to the front the security guard pulled me over the rail so i could get back to my peepz and i screamed i love u to something corporate and i think the guitarist heard me cuz he smiled.. either that or i wuz seeing things...but croud surfing wuz awesome! my first time! lol..
after lots of jumping and getting my feet stepped on something corporate finished and i rly like them they were awesome. the lights turned on and it wuz break time and i wuz soo thirsty! we found sarah again and kristy went to go call her sis and then i met a guy... he wuz kinda around sarah and he introduced himself to me.. hiz name wuz seth (i hate the name, my brother, seth mallard and now this one..) and i told him i wuz 15... he wuz 16... me and ryann started to walk off to get sum water and hez like "can i come with ya'll" and i said "sure y not" and we were talking he wuz ok.. he went to first coast high.... he wuz a freshman.. and a lil too country if u ask me.. u knoe how them northsiders be yo. he wuz kool tho i guess.. he wuz rly nice.. a lil friendly.. er he put hiz arm around me and his hands just seemed to drift places lol... we were waiting in line and we were talking and gosh he wuz so country! he had chewing tobacco ahahaha...he said he wuz drunk... i could smell it... he asked me if i had a boyfriend and i almost said yes but then i said no and he asked me if we could "hook up" but i said "uh no"... after awhile he got kinda annoying and ryann pulled me outta there and he said he would find me later and tole me too look for him and not to forget about him... i never found him again tho... o well. emily said i shoulda given him my number...
rite oke welll finally yellowcard comes on and it wuz soooooooo great i love yellowcard! i think ryan woulda enjoyed it too but hiz mom and him got in fight... soo yeah... but everyone wuz going crazy during yellowcard and there wuz all this moshing and everyone wuz singing alot and i sang everysing song on the top of my lungs... so then all of a sudden i had a cough attack it wuz rly weird.. but n e hoo it wuz outta control! woohoo! lol we met up with emily and danny so that wuz kool... a lot of people were getting dropped...while they were croud surfing. emily never went she wuz too chicken cuz austin scared the crap outta her.
this guy tried to get onstage to stage dive and he wuz gonna get kicked out... but ryan key didnt like that so sean, alex, ben and ryan were yelling with the police back stage while LP wuz playing da drums and it wuz funnie but after awhile he got let back it we just had to not do stuff like that...
the started to play "only one" and that song has a lot of meaning to me... and it wuz supposed to be their last song... and it wuz like 12:15 and the song ended and they left. nobody wanted the show to end and we started yelling encore and then everytbody started chanting yellowcard rly rly rly loud and we did the little bleacher stomp thing and after while we got them to come back out and they kept saying how awesome we were and ryan went on about how we were such a great croud and how much they loved coming back home to jax.. AJ and his cousin and his co's friend (VIP) jason cuz jason knew them since they were 13 and they got to go up on stage during the last songs and got to meet them all and he said he tried to find me and bring up but he couldnt find me.. but it wuz all good.

after the show ended i had a hard time finding everybody... ryann got her arm signed and nikki got her hat signed by LP the drummer. i think thatz wut they said... it took me awhile but i got everybody... rachel and emily got something corporate shirts but i didnt cuz i lost sum of my money when i went croud surfing.. i think...
so we went home... dropped AJ off and then me, rachel and emily pigged out on chips and dip and ice cream! mmm yummy. we talked awhile... shared our stories and then we watched tv and i fell asleep at 3 sumthing. i wuz soo tired and my feet were killing from getting stepped on and not sitting down at all....
but it so glad i got to go it wuz so much fun.

today wuz boring. it wuz my dad's b-day tho. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! i wuz mean as hell to him to... i talkd to ryan...online.. i wuz in a ok mood and then i got rly sad... mm yeah..

but im gonna go
later

o yeah and thanx for posing az ben harper AJ.

WOW!
yesterday wuz like the worst and best day ever... seroiusly..

started out with my contacts... i kepy rubbing my eyes and then one of my contacts ripped so i only had one.. and i could see worth crap...

k well i kept getting into trouble... in health we did this thing on friends.. on like our very best friends... the one hoo would save ur life and and get in trouble with u and stay with u whenever... and well i said i didnt have n e best friends and i used to but it wuz emily and i said i didnt like her n e more cuz she wuz annoying and she read it.. ahaha and then i wrote i love u bitch on her arm... funnie.. but i wuz playin around...

in dance we had ms giles and we were doing this weird thing.. but hardly n e body wuz there cuz a bunch of people left for the romeo and juliet feild trip for mr prices classes.. but im not in it.. soo ya...

then in 3rd period with ms bhowmik.... ah i got in trouble... stupid bitch. ahaha first me and emily got brittany in trouble and she had to move and then i went to go get sum tissue from marshay cuz of allergies and all.. and i wuz talking to him and andre.. and maybe i wuz being loud? i didnt think so but next thing i knoe ms bhomik iz yelling at me to sit in the back of the class.. and then i started arguing with her cuz i couldnt see.. with out my contact and all and she didnt believe me for awhile but then she let me sit next to john and sunny and i wrote ryan a note when we were reviewing for our quiz...

during lunch the cafeteria wuz totally empty. me and kristy and aaron and emily went to go get free cake in front of the theatre by the fountain. cuz of this poetry thing everybody had to do.. sum contest i ono.. but i got a big ole piece and then gurl iz like "r u really gonna eat all of that" and i wuz like "uh yeah..." and this other gurl serving wuz like "wow thatz sad" and i told her "screw u". i wuz looking for jesse but i couldnt find him.. in the cafeteria i ate with ryann and kristie and then ryann called the truble twins over to where we were sitting and i ate lunch with them i wuz like omg it wuz soo kool! hehe.. i get rly weird around them i dont talk at all.. but they think im sum weird little chinese freshman gurl.

n e hoo in algebra i wuz talking with micheal a lot and mr allen got mad and then he got mad when i went and started talking to garrett roberts when i got my tissues.. so when i asked him to move to an empty seat closer to the board with the answers on it for our home cuz i couldnt see he moved me there permantly. and itz in the front row! oo i wuz so mad! i like my group... now i sit next to lamar, greylyn, ally iz behing me, aaron iz diagonally behind me and i m closer to jonet.. "re united once again" lol..

at 3 sumthing the bell rang to go to home room.. cuz it wuz report card time! ehhh i wuz anxious to see wut i got... and i got straight A's again no one can believe they think im so stupid... now all i need iz to get all A's again for the last quarter and i can get cable in my room. woohoo. itz gonna be hard tho. and i wont have to take n e of my finals cuz of my a's.. i thought that wuz kool.
my brother iz failing tho and he doeznt wanna believe it that he doez have enuf points to pass sum of his classes and hez gonna need to get all A's next quarter and that aint gonna happen.. and i've been telling him that hez not gonna pass and iz gonna have to repeat 7th grade and i have been telling my parents that all year,, and they wouldnt believe me until now.. so hez in trouble for that..

on the bus ride home i wuz talking to rachel da whole.. bout making out *teehee* but her definition iz different then mine.. herz iz french kissing for a long time and mine iz well.. a different definition.. lol..

when i got home i wuznt feeling too well and i went to sleep and my eyes got swolen... and then rachel came over... and then emily came over. and i had not idea wut to wear to the concert... the halter top i wuz gonna weear looked funnie so i just wore this orange t shirt ryann gave me... and then ryann came over.. and then we were running kinda late until finally we leave and we go to pic up aj and and ajz dad and my dad start talking and i wuz like dad we rly need to leave and so he started pulling out of the driveway and the peez down the street were having a party and there all these cars parked on the street and my dad hit one of them.. and at first we thought it wuznt a big dent. but it wuz huge. it looked like the car got into a bad accident.. and it wuz a ugly little car n e way.. and we're all like just go hit and run hit and run! lol.. but we didnt and my my dad got outta the car and then the gurl hoo owned it came out and all her lil boyfriends too oo and she wuz bitchy i wanted to slap her....
ima write the rest later im gonna stop for now
tahtah

i have had that stupid song stuck in my yead all day with eminem and i got like the whole class singing...

i havent been writing bcuz well i havent been rly feeling up to it.. i keep having these allergy attacks and i cant breathe to well and my eyes are as dry as sand and my contacts last for like a week maybe 2 now.. dere supposed to last a month but fuck that... uh 2 day wuznt all that interesting.. i presented my time magazine in health.. put on my pointe shoes... in dance.. and i hadnt done pointe in like 2 months... we had concert and then i made up a bunch of excuses... uh i didnt show cuz i wuz sick.. and well theyre rly small now... and that sux ass and i dont knoe when i'll be able to get new ones.. but i spilled my drink in my back pack so they got all wet and i convinced ms jenkins to let me take them off... but next time i get a half credit and 2 half credits is a letter grade... soo..... ya...
biology wuz boring.. we have this big ecology project coming up and im screwed.. itz rly hard and i havent even started... today tho we were talking about how we missed mr banks... i love mr. banks lol... and how we wished he tought biology instead of jayita. (ms bhowmik)... lunch wuz boring.. cept when krisitie realized that a rat got into her locker and in her lunch and ate her pretzels.. but that wuz after she ate the rest of her lunch.. it wuz sooo funnie! ahahaha.
in algebra we did a bunch of reviewing the new stuff we're learning itz e z az hot pie... polynomial stuff... i did the homework he assigned for tonite in class... o yeah and well he confirmed sumthing i thought... or sort of knew when i realized her matched hiz cell phone cover with his outfits... and well peez in muh class u knoe wut i mean... and my group keeps hatin on them irish... and nick keepz making fun of me... the peruans in the atlantic ocean.. *tear* but then there are those cubans on lock down.. and david kay bein 1/8 or a "speck" of puerto rican. lmao. funnie stuff. well i guess u would have to knoe wut im talkin bout to think so...

i have to go tho i feel like im gonna die and i gotta do sum stuff for rachel to sleep over on friday.. and i think ryann iz too. after we go see YELLOWCARD! woo hoo

byez

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
(Asking why)

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
(Asking why)

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine
Time that called for space
Unclear where you drew the line
I don't need to solve this case
And I don't need to look behind

Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside,
with all the words I say,
repeating over in my mind,
somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try,
an exit to escape is all there is left to find.

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

(I know I always loved you)

So I close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside


Do I expect to change, the past I hold inside,
with all the words I say,
repeating over in my mind,
somethings you can't erase, no matter how hard you try,
an exit to escape is all there is left to find.

Close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

(I know I always loved you)

So I close my eyes
Let the whole thing pass me by
There is no time
To waste asking why
I'll run away with you by my side
I'll run away with you by my side
I need to let go, let go, let go, let go of this pride,
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo in my mind
Until this echo, echo, echo, echo can subside

LMAO!!!!!! ahaha i love messing with people...ahaha i wuz laughig so hard when i read this thing.. and ah it wuz funnie.. i ono ok maybe i'm being a little mean.. but i think i have a rite to be with everything that has been goin on.. well no.. nevermind no one ever has a rite to be mean to ne body.. but n e hoo yeah i did sumthing and said sumthing just to see sumthing and well it worked and i wanna tell emily... hehehe only she would would get a kick outta it.. and ryann but ryann doeznt knoe the whole story...

well i think my daddy iz gonna get the yellowcard tickets and i'm taking emily.. but grr my brother haz to go. that sux booty... my dad iznt going tho.. soo ya im excited

um lets see.. wut else.. hmm i wuz gonna say sumthing but i forgot o well. today iz perty boring.. 2moro im going to the mall... well i want to cuz i wanna see alex but then im going to the miss jacksonville pagent and im sleeping over at ryann's
ok tootlez

no matter wut i'll always love u and that hurts..

hmm..

well i ate dinner..and after awhile i wuz like "im going to ryan's church next friday ok?" and he thought i wuz meaning ryann.. like the gurll RYANN... but when i told him hoo i meant he wuznt so sure... but after my use of my convincing techniques i got him on the brink of saying yes.. he just said he had to talk it over with my mom.. and i wasnt even thinking of asking him if i could go back out with ryan again but sum how it did... and of course well my dad had a lot of things to say about that... a walla ago.. like a rly long time ago.. my dad said that when i get another boyfriend (thiz wuz rite after josh) my dad had to aproove of them.. u knoe make sure they're worthy or sumthing i ono.. and well he said he doeznt think sumbody hoo lied to me like ryan did iz going to be sumone hoo u can keep a relationship with and doesnt want me to get involved with ryan like that... and hit me hard...i ono i got rly sad again.. but i can just see him as a friend i guess..with benefits haha. and then he started asking me y i couldnt go to ricks church instead or go out with rick.. and i wuz like umm.. ask him that lol no i didnt say that

n e hoooooo im not feeling too great.. my allergies have been killing me all week it rly sux i feel miserable aaallllllllllll tha time...



YELLOWCARD returns home to Jacksonville with Something Corporate Friday, March 26 at UNF Arena. Show starts at 8:30pm and is open to everyone. Tickets are $10 for UNF/FCCJ students and $15 for the general public and are available through Ticketmater or the UNF ticket box office.

yeah my dad said i can either go to the yellowcard concert or phantom planet... but i dont knoe i cant just choose one! ah itz hard and it sux.. but he says i should go to the yellowcard one.. cuz phantom planet will be at jackrabbits on a wednesday...

well im gonna go now
tahtah

well.....

today i went to the mall with nicole, emily, and ryann... it wuz a perty good time.. i didnt get n e thing tho cuz i didnt see sumthing that i just had to have... ryan got a rly cute outfit tho makes her look H-O-T-T hotthotthott. lol.. n e hoo after walkin around we went to the food court and we got fried rice and orange chicken from panda express, pasta salad and garlic bread from sabarros, and chicken nuggets, waffle fries and lemonade from chik fil-a.. and we all shared it. it wuz rly yummy. then nicole got a phone call from this 17 year old guy named gabe and he said he wuz near regency and he wuz gonna come by... so she got all excited and started hyper ventilating.. haha not rly.. but she saw gabe and hiz friend will (niocles ex) coming in and she started freaking out.. so i guess she thought thiz gabe guy wuz hott stuff and that he wuz all that and a bag of hot fries.. but well he wuznt as cute as she made him sound.. will wuz ok.. he wuz cute i guess.. i dunno im not rly in to the stoner type...
but then ryanns mom dropped me off at my house and emily and ryann were gonna go sleep over at nicoles...

hmm nothing else very interesting.. i tried talking to ryan but that didnt go so well and o yeah i talked to ricks girlfriend, jacqui...
herez the convo just cuz im bored and dont have n e thing else to say...

IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:35:06 PM): hey
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:35:42 PM): hey
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:35:52 PM): whatcha doin?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:36:06 PM): nuthin rly i just got home
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:36:18 PM): from where
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:36:22 PM): the mall
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:36:46 PM): oh cool beanz
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:37:00 PM): yeah
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:38:03 PM): so howz squirt lol
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:38:24 PM): what do you mean?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:38:36 PM): u knoe crush... squirt..
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:38:38 PM): random
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:38:40 PM): nevermind
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:38:46 PM): okay
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:38:47 PM): ha ha
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:40:25 PM): lol yeah...
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:41:58 PM): so baby wutcha been up to
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:42:26 PM): ok this is his gf
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:42:36 PM): and i really dontlike girls sayin baby to him
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:42:51 PM): um
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:43:01 PM): well u dont have ne thing to be worried about..
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:43:18 PM): ok
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:43:20 PM): im sorry
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:43:26 PM): im not tryin to be a bitch
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:43:35 PM): but i jus dont ike
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:43:35 PM): it
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:43:40 PM): ya knoe, ur a chik
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:43:49 PM): yeah i get u gurl
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:44:09 PM): iighty
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:44:09 PM): lol
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:44:45 PM): ya
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:44:55 PM): so u at hiz out or r u just investigating lol
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:45:02 PM): hiz house*
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:45:19 PM): no he doesnt care if im on his sn
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:45:25 PM): hes out of town
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:45:36 PM): o where iz he at
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:45:43 PM): he went camping
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:45:54 PM): oo yeah thatz rite in atlanta with hiz folkz
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:46:04 PM): thatz koo
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:46:28 PM): yep yep
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:46:40 PM): so he says that u n emily are like two of his really good friends
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:46:42 PM): thats cool
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:47:17 PM): yup
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:48:34 PM): we havent rly talked in a while until recently thoo
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:49:03 PM): y not?
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:49:43 PM): i ono he said he wuz rly busy and tuff ya knoe with skoo and u and stuff
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:49:47 PM): but itz all good
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:49:59 PM): lol..
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:50:01 PM): o ok
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:50:13 PM): yeah
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:51:19 PM): soo how long have u known him
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:51:48 PM): since like the first couple months of 8th grade
DieingToLiveNOFX (4:51:56 PM): o cool beanz
IzntLifeSo JUICY (4:52:07 PM): yup

yeah thatz it. i knew it wuznt him but i wanted to see if she would try to pose as him.. yeah but n e wayz i didnt go to dance tonite.. but im rly bored and now im wishing i did... o well i gotta go eat
tahtah

One Thing Lyrics

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

Chorus:
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Repeat Chorus 2x

Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
(Twice)

Repeat Chorus till end

I haven't rly been feeling like writing lately in the past couple days... nothing too exciting has been happening..

monday nite rico called and we talked for 2 hours and it wuz rly good cuz i missed him so much and we were laughing.. well actually i wuz was laughing a lot.. he can be so funnie... we didnt talk tuesday tho cuz he told me not to. he said he still had "issues" with me...wednesday we talked a lil and he actually gave me a hug.. 2 hugs.. and it wuz a very big step... and then he told me he missed me... then today he said he had to talk to me and i had to meet him at the fountain after skool... i wuz perty much mute after 2nd period and he asked me wut wuz up but i didnt say n e thing.. n e hoo he told me that sarah linear gave him sum rly good advice and told him not to be so selfish just cuz he couldnt have wut he rly wanted (me) and that he shouldnt just blow off a rly good friendship bcuz of that.. and then he told me that the reason (or at least one of them) y he got so upset and stuff wuz cuz he practically fell in love with me.. and all i could say wuz "oh".. tonite he wuz going to district at terry parker for chorus, and then he'z leaving for the bahamas.. hez going on a cruise (lucky duck). but yeah i think he thought i wuz rly mad at him cuz i didnt rly talk..

uh well today wuznt the best day.. yesterday wuz perty good tho.. but today.. um yeah i dont rly feel like typing it all up but hardly ne body came to skool... after 2nd period i went mute (i wuz feeling rly rly sad and i bout cried like 4 times) and didnt rly talk to ne body except for 1 word answers and o yeah i told jamison to shut the fuck up and i told him he needs to go to the gym and work out.. perty mean... everybody wuz asking me wut wuz wrong and it wuz seriously rly anoying... i think i hurt a bunch of people's feelings cuz i didnt talk to them when they were trying to help me out and talk to me... especially glen.. and i walked right passed jared.. i didnt even realize he said sumthing to me until 5 minutes later...

but yeah today wuz the last day b4 spring break... we didnt do ne thing rly except for we had yoga iz first period and we had a final in world history.. i got a 58... outta 60. lol..

i think when we get report cards i might be able to have straight a's again this quarter... but if i dont thatz cuz i would have a B in health... i dont do very well in that class.. o well. o yeah and yesterday everybody wuz making fun of me cuz i got a 78 on my math final and i wuznt happy about it... i never get Cs.. always D's and A's.. lol.. i still have an A in that class.. itz just a 92.8 now tho..

um letz see wut else... o yeah everybody has been coming up to me asking about jesse (da junior) and a lot of my friends r telling me to go out with him.. a lot of my close friends to... but uh.. i dont think so...
o yeah and sarah kept asking me about jay too.. cuz word on da street iz he likes me again lol.. but i couldnt go out with jay.. no.. hez changed.. i almost went out with him but then i chose aaron crosby over him.. whicch now i dont knoe y i went out with aaron.. but yeah and after that jay never rly talked to me as much and we grew apart..

but 2moro im going to ryann's house and emily and nicole lopez are sleeping over tonite so they will be there 2moro too... but i have to get my room clean first so i gotta start on that in a minute... i think im gonna call ryan b...in a min. or so... and i think..im hoping.. to be able to go to teens with jonet next friday... hopefully.. and then i can meet sean.. finally..
but im gonna go now..

i had that song stuck in my head all day...
well i havent been rly feeling like writing much lately... and i had a rly crappy day.. but let me start with saturday

saturday
well i woke up early and talked to ricky a couple times but i wuz cleaning most of the day and then i went to go lay out but the sun kept going away and there wuznt much progress...
but later i went to the movies with rick... we say starsky and hutch at 7:15 and it wuz soooooo funnie! ahaha i could not stop laughing.. it wuz rly good. but er muh darn foot... it fell asleep and kept snoring in itz sleep during the entire movie and it wuz cramping and stuff.. it hurt! finally it woke up at the end of the movie.. but itz brother arnold fell asleep rite when bobby woke up...
n e hoo after da movie we walked out and we were just hangin out and i wuz the blues rasberry elephant... i actually got people this time it wuz rly funnie... i squirted this one lady's foot and she wuz like looking around and i wuz trying to hide behind rick.. hehe
but i ran we walked around and i started to analyze people... but then rick goes "o hey i knoe that kid, thats my friend!" and so hez like trying to hide himself from hiz friend "billy" so he could come up behing him and push him... er yeah. at first i thought "billy" wuz a rlyrly ugly gurl... lmao cuz hiz hair iz rly long like past his shoulders and itz red... but it wuz a guy... hiz actuall name iz tyler.. but he went to kona with rick and "billy" iz hiz skate name.. i actually knew him from stephen..and he had this friend rite.. hoo wuz wearing this quickysilverish hoodie lol and wuz trying to hide behind hiz hair.. and i said to myself "gosh he looks familiar" but i couldnt see hiz face and then I SAW!!! and ahah guess hoo it wuz.. STEPHEN DESORBO!!! ahahahaha and i wuz like "aaawww ssstteeepppphheeennnn!!!!!!! come here!" but he wuz like running away from me... cuz well he hates me and i said "aw come on! gimme a hug! sstteeppphheenn!! gimme a hhhuuggg!" hehe funnie stuff but i couldnt catch up to him and he said to rick "dude get her away from me" and rick tried to pull me back... i thought it wuz rly funnie.. i hadnt seen stephen since the summer of 7th grade when we went out.. and well er he doeznt look that much different.. same ole... but i lookz a lot different.. at least i think so.. and well stephen iz alwayz saying bad stuff about me saying how ugly i am... but then when he got home he got online and he wuz acting rlyrly weird.. and apologizing for all this stuff and saying he couldnt say sumthing cuz it would mess everything up and i didnt understand at all and he sayz "i knoe u dont.." but yeah strange... n e hoo ricky'z mom took me home and she brought one of the doggiez... it wuz so cuhute!

sunday
sunday wuz all about me and muh gurl ryann! i woke up extra early and got rdy to leave to go to her house cuz we were going to the beach! i wuz soo siked i've been wanting to go to the beach since the last time i went last year in like july.. so it wuz the first time i would be to the beach this year.. yupyup.. i got to her house at like 11 and then we left for the beach soon after that.. i had a lot of fun.. we just layed out and talked cuz well i rly need to get rid of my paleness.. and it wuz such a pertyful day with lotz of sun! o yeah and we saw brandon (hez a 8th grader at lavilla) he wuz with sum kids and they were all trying to surf on the dinky butt waves... plus the water wuz 58 degrees... and me and ryann went in a couple times but not much past our knees cuz it wuz so damn cold my feet went numb... after laying out for about an hour and a half we got hungry and we walked over to joe's crab shack cuz we were at jax beach. but i never go to jax beach i usually go to atlantic or neptune beach.. n e hoo we went into joes crab shack but they said it would be a 40 minute wait and we were like erm no.. cuz her mom wuz gonna pick us up soon so we could go home and then to the mall.. so we thought about going to sneakers but we rly didnt feel like it so we went to mario's pizzeria. it wuz perty good. after we ate we walked over to the surf shops and they had loads of rly cute stuff but we didnt get n e thing...
once we got home we changed and then we headed over to the mall.. and after awhile i got sum stuff... i got shoes at old navy (weird tho i usually hate old navy) and then an outfit at styles... it rlyrly cute.. ryann says itz bright and im trying to decide on whether to where it wed or thurs... but im leaning more towards wed and i dont knoe y... o yeah and i got mimi'z birthday present and a necklace at gadzooks... but they have so much cute stuff but i only brought like 60 dollars.. so ya knoe. i got home at like 6 and then i went staright to doing my health paper that wuznt even due today.. and i started to study but it wuznt going to well.. and then ryan called and that wuz rly kool cuz well he haznt caled me since... well when we broke up. it wuz rly nice tho.. i miss him alot.. we just talked about random stuff and he actually called me house after we got "disconnected" and haha i wuz calling him a chicken cuz he wouldnt call my house earlier.. it wuz all good until he kept bugging me about letting me study.. after we hung up i tried studying but i couldnt concentrate at all... and after i talked to emily..grr...
so i just went to sleep cuz i wuz rly tired and felt like crap.. startin to get sick.

today
wuz rly boring but my tan showed up today! lol im not really tan.. but im tanner then i used to be and well tahtz sad.. but i plan on goign to the beach a lot over spring break.. but ry ry da lobster showed throo too.. hahaha

but in first period i felt like real crap.. we watched radio.. well rest of the class did i didnt cuz i heard it wuz rly sad and i wuz alrdy sad enuff... i tried studying for biology but i couldnt concentrate my mind kept wondering and all these different things were going throo my head.. and well a coupld of people have drowned.. and no longer on my craft..

in dance ms jenkins didnt show up so we got split up and i went to ms mock's class.. which wuz boring and retarded. i didnt like that class at all.. it wuz easy but retarded and ms mock dances so weird shez kinda bad...

biology we had the test and i think i got maybe a C on the test.. or a D i ono there were only 17 questions but there were questions that we didnt rly go over and stuff soo ya... but we went to half of C and all of D lunch cuz ms bhowmik promised sydney and nicola d lunch.

lunch wuz kinda dull.. i wuznt with emily at all and jesse and ryann were talking about me to the trumble twins and omg they were so embarrassing they were telling them that i wanted to "holla" said jesse to them and they thought i wuz sum chinese gurl! aahhhh i looked so stupid... and they never talk to freshman ryann iz the only freshman they knoe other then jeff's friends... justin and brandon r juniors.. and now they think ima freak.. great.

algebra wuz rly boring and everybody wuz asking me wut wuz wrong.. we had the final on polynomials & exponents... it wuz ok i think i got an A.. there were only 25 questions tho.. but hehe aaron roberson wuz whistling sum song and ali goez "wut tv show iz that from aaron?" and aaron sayz "uh itz lil jon" and then she says "wut tv show iz that from???" omg it wuz sooo funnnie u would prolly have to have been there but everybody around us wuz laughing so hard especially me, micheal and jeseldia.. and jes iz like "gosh shez so white" and micheal goes "no shez just slow" yeah...


a walla go rico called me from hiz cell phone and actually talked to me but he went on about how it sseems like im avoiding him but i'm rly not... and he said it rly need to talk and hez gonna try hard to just be my friend cuz slowly hez getting over wut happened.. er yeah he said he would call me when he got home but hez online.. hez just away

but now im just listenin to muh cd and i skipped dance today rly didnt feel like going at all... plus im rlly sick.. i think itz my allergies i ono...
but im out
tahtah

hmm.. well last nite at like 9 i went to lie down bcuz i wuznt feelin too good and i told my self i couldnt fall asleep cuz i still had a lotta stuff i had to... and my mom came in at 9:30 to tell me they were leaving to go see sum presidential canidate... well 10 minutes later i fell asleep still in y dance clothes and all and well i prolly have TSS now ahahaha.. i woke up again at 3:40 and i went to my computer and i saw ryan imed me at 12 sumthin.. ya.. but i wuz ffassttt asleep. and stephen needs to seriously stop sending me all those virus and shit to mess up my comp. it iz getting soooo annoying... but i surfed da net fer a lil while and washed my face and stuff and tried to go back to sleep but i never did and it wuznt till 5:30 when i started to and by then it wuz almost time for me to wake up... soo ya...

today wuz... kinda... blah... we had NRT until 10:15... which i ono if i did all that great... the english one went by real fast and i fell asleep.. and then we took the math and we only had 45 minutes.. but i couldnt rly concentrate... i kept thinking about rick.. and sum stuff emily said and i couldnt get it out of my head.. i finished the last question rite after she said time wuz up and a lot of people didnt finish.. itz wuz kinda easy.. it just took awhile .. it less then a minute a problem soo ya..

after that we went to first period and it wuz boring we watched childrens concert tho.. it wuz perty good i think a lot of my friends would have rly liked it if they had gone.. but u knoe.

next we had 3rd period which wuz strange but yeah it guess it wuz for to not be so late in the day... but we just watched that movie again.. the power of one.. itz rly sad

lunch wuz weird.. i ono it went by rly rly sllooww... first i wuz with mimi.. then i ate with nicola.. then i wuz by myself... then emily came by... and then i went to look for everybody outside and Jesse came by.. and he wuz trying to talk to me but i wuznt rly talking... i wuz kinda sad.. bout well the usual... i wuz just staring at the ground and jesse wuz just standing there and then rico came by and i wuz like "rico r u ever going to talk to me???" and he told me to hold on and went and talked to one of hiz other friends and david kay... and then rico came back after awhile and wuz like "well wut do u want? wut do u need to talk to me about?" and i said "well i just want to talk.." and he said "o well im going to go play badmitton so later.." and then he said sumthing mean i forgot and he walked off.. and Jesse iz all "u gonna let him treat u like that?" and i said "yeah" "how?" "im used to it.." "from hoo?" "other guys.." and so he went on this whole thing about how i shouldnt let n e guy treat me wrong and stuff and i wuz like i dont rly care n e more.. and so then he goez on about how i can i not care about myself... and how i get treated.. and then he said that he just cant stand to see gurls get treated like shit... but o well.. after awhile of silence he walked me to class...

next wuz 2nd period and i wuz praying that we didnt have to dress out cuz out periods were shortened.. and well nobody dressed out i wuz soo happy! lol we watched extravaganza... well we pretended... i wuz with ryann and we were talkin and laughin and stuff and landes jumps on top of me while im lying down and and he just stays there.. i wuz like oo no landes u best get off lol..

then 4th period came and i saw jesse again in the hall hez like poppin up outta no where these days... i see him all the time itz like he goez around looking for me... hmm but yea in english we just did this thing in our journals about wut we knoe about canada it wuz kinda boring but a lot of peoplez were rly funnie i laughed rly hard for the first time this week..

the bus home wuz kinda boring i sat with kelly and we ate twizzlers and i sucked the nots outta da twizzlers.. we were rly late i didnt get dropped off till like 4:40 and i wuz walking with emily w... and a bunch of these guys were staring at us and i wuz like "o gosh.." but one of em said my name and it wuz kamar and he called me over there and i told emily to go on without me.. so me and hiz friends talked for a lil while just stupid stuff and they were givin me these weird looks i ono wut wuz up with that but yeah.. kamar asked me wut wuz wrong and i told him i wuz on my period and then all hiz friends were like oo and started to walk off and then kamar said he had to go and gave me a hug and then i walked home with the other dudes.. boring.. but itz getting so hott outside i kinda like it.. beach here i come! lol

but now ryan iz acting rly weird and he wont tell me the whole story about wutz wrong and i rly wanna knoe so i could help him out and stuff.. but he signed off and yeah.. but he apologized.. for being mean.. hmmm yeah

im gonna go i have to get rdy for dance soon
tahtah

i knew today wuznt gonna be a good day...
well it all started out when i found out i got my period today... o joy
and THEN my mom took me to skool today which iz once in a blue moon now but today iz her day off... and i brought my new fav cd to listen to... u knoe to relax and all. itz rly rly good... itz called Punk Goes Acoustic... itz one my fav cds other then ocean avenue (yellowcard) and then the dashboard confessional cds and that mix i burned with the new blink182, phantom planet and lost prophets... but n e hoo the cd can be kinda depressing but ive been listening to a lot of sad songs lately... but n e hoo it got onto the 7th track (playing favorites) and all of a sudden my mom turns it off.. and i wuz like wut the fuck wuz that for.... and she said all these songs are all sad about missing people but most of them rnt... and she said she doeznt want me to listen to it so i can sit in the car with her and cry... and i start laughing cuz i wuznt even crying shez so weird.. my dad likes the cd... well then it got bad and she started yelling at me and she goez "see what did i tell u?" and of course i wuz crying bcuz of how hard she makes my life and she didnt even understand but i did call her bitch rite to her face and that felt nice... lol... so i cried a lot of my make up off and then i wuz rly pissed when i got to skool and i didnt wanna talk to n e body and i said sumthing mean to emily and dropped my stuff and walked off...

but n e way first period wuz rly boring and 2 other classes were moved into the cafeteria with us bcuz the 10th graders had their fcat thing and the classrooms were being taken up and we also didnt have n e bells until 3rd period... but yeah coach rivera just tells us about 2 projects due next week.. fuck..

dance in 2nd period wuznt all that bad actually.. it wuz kinda fun...
but in the dressing room i wuz rly quiet and these other gurls were talking about their boyfriends and yeah o gosh... so i didnt talk to n e body and jonet wuz all "wutz wrong alyssa? i hate seeing u so sad like this all the time now..." i didnt say n e thing and then she told me "the gurl hoo always made everybody feel better and helped em out iznt there no more.." sumthin like that.

3rd wuz crap as always... i have a 94.1 in that class tho i wuz so HAPPY! tahtz my worst class i wuz so excited lol and i told ms bhomik that i love her bcuz i have an A and shez like " yes... sum people like me i do not knoe but other do not... yes.." it wuz so funnie... ahahaha we did worksheets and watched a movie and reveiwed a test. our final iz monday... grr

lunch wuz boring it wuz kinda quiet... i ate with ryann and jesse.. it went by rly fast too... i dont remember wut we talked about i think it wuz me throwing food at people all the time and then jesse walked me back to class... but i wuz looking for rico cuz chris wuz tellin me all this stuff and he asked me y i wouldnt go out with him lol.. and then he said rico so that i still wont talk to him... but i wuznt talking to him bcuz HE wuznt talking to me and EVERYONE wuz always saying how mad at me he wuz... but i didnt find him

algebra wuz dull we reviewed for our final on monday and my grade haz dropped rly far.. it used to be a 98 and now itz a 94.4... i wuz like wow.. thatz my lowest in that class so far.. i think itz bcuz my quiz average iz a D
and my test average iz a low A... so on the final i have to get an A other wise my grade will be a B... and i dont plan on losing my 4.0 on one of my best classes..

after skool i saw rico comin with a bunch of other guys and i pulled him aside and he said he thought i didnt want to talk to him n e more and i said i did cuz i miss him and stuff and then he sayz "well wutz there to miss?" and oo he wuz making me mad and hez like "well it never seemed like u wanted to talk to me cuz the other u turned around saw me and told ryann to hurry up and come on... and i wuz gonna say hi" but i rly didnt do that he just came out of no where and i didnt knoe wut to say... but after that rico just walked off.. i dont think we're gonna get throo this

emily called me and told me that my mom went to their house today while we were at skool and they were talking about us.. and my mom wuz telling theresa all this stuff about emily that she didnt knoe and so emilys mom got all mad that she didnt knoe as much stuff as mine did.. but thing iz i tell nothing about emily to my mom... and then my mom haz the nerve to talk about ryan... and how broke up and then how rick rly likes me and how she wants us to go out... i rly think my mom listens to my phone conversations whenever possible... i cannot stand her.. she getz mad when i dont tell her stuff but she even gets more mad cuz i tell her stuff that she doeznt think iz goood or appropriate for me to be doing.. so she goes all out on how im not allowed to do stuff like that...

dance wuz horrible i felt like i didnt knoe wut i wuz doing... which iz rly strange considering ive done it for 10 years... it wuz very bad except for my foutte turns.. amazingly better o yeah and my tonde du quise too.
but im gonna go now.. im feeling sick
fuck this damned life
i feel like ****** ****** but im not going to cuz i keep promises.. cough
tahtah