HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down
below.

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is
inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the
Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but
doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop
until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to
make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY
The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers.
If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be
careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE
A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not
acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the
farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover.
If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until
everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what
just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the
WALKOF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very
uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with
farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
A colleague who poops at work and is proud
of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the
bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always
look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before
entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P. F. N)
A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident.
This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect
visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex.
This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work.
If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves.
This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the
bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective
when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the
bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH


buaahhahahahah!!!!

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