One for Sorrow

:: 2010 18 April :: 2.41am

someone get me 8 grand so I can buy this
Read more..

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:: 2010 15 April :: 8.28am

angel_bob

:: 2010 15 April :: 2.16am

I just want a crappy car (NOT TRUCK) that I can drive to work. Is that too much to ask for?

Craigslist is letting me down for the first time ever. All it has are trucks and winstars.

Nick won't let me get the mustang convertible for some reason.

xxxxxxxxxx

:: 2010 14 April :: 1.30pm
:: Mood: anxious

I need a new start, and I'm trying to find my niche.
So far - it's not working.. but I'm trying. I guess that counts.
I'm trying to find a new school, a new place for myself - in life.
I've become to realize that things I thought were important are little specks, and the things I never thought about are here to beat me in the face. I don't like these sorts of wake-up calls, but I'm also grateful for them.
Because some people never hear them.

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angel_bob

:: 2010 11 April :: 2.52am
:: Music: SHARKS IN VENICE on SyFy

wuzzupdate
Real quick because I don't really feel like writing but I do feel like you guys deserve an update.

I got a promotion at work after being here for 10.5 months. woo. I will now be making 65 cents more (plus shift bonuses). I've actually been acting in this position for a month so it's nothing new. I did it last November but I just realized I only mentioned this on my other blog so I better link to that so I don't have to explain anything because I'm feeling lazy.

Nick and I got awesome tax returns and put most of it away in our savings account for an engagement ring. So that should happen soon. I don't know, Nick's being vague about it. He's all "I have a plan" and "stop bugging me" and "I want to make it special". It's annoying.

I DVR'd both Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and Mega Piranha. I've been wanting to watch the former for about a year now and the latter was just too good to pass up. I mean, seriously? Here's the synopsis on my DVR: "Giant mutant piranha escape from the Amazon and head for Florida." You know what? Just watch the trailers:
Read more..

And now I'm watching Sharks in Venice which has terrible Italian accents, Stephen Baldwin and the synopsis "A great white shark menaces the waterways of Venice." Oh and it wasn't even filmed in Venice. That was too hard. This soundstage is terrible and the music is even worse.

So I think that's it. I'll try to write more often but nowadays I sleep and work and I'm lucky if I have the energy to do anything else.

Still love you all, by the way.

P.S. I forgot to mention that today Stupid Cat not only pooped on the only rug in the bathroom but also peed on it right before I went to take a shower. He (it could have been the Other Cat, but I doubt it because he's not dumb) then proceeded to PEE AGAIN in the same spot (and waited until we got home to do it!!) because he is a jerk.

P.P.S. Before you try to diagnose Stupid Cat with some Stupid Urinary Infection or Stupid Bowel Disease, he did the first Stupid Move because their litter needed to be changed and the Second Stupid Dumbass Jerk Move because I apparently didn't get rid of the smell well enough and he's a big meenie.

P.P.P.S. Update from my Adventures in Wikipedia:
"Empire State of Mind got at most 20 million views on youtube (combining all the videos of the song together) They thought that this song was going to be a bigger success; however, only the east coast and the west coast knew about this song. This song was a failure due to the amount of views it got, they were desperate on youtube so they gave it acouple million more views than it originally had. Only 10 radio stations put this song on air in the whole entire world, only 10 radio stations had it on. Due to this, Jay Z quit singing and Alicia Keys retired aswell. Many were shocked and disappointed"

:: 2010 4 April :: 6.41pm

semi tire pwnt

:: 2010 1 April :: 6.22pm

The Company Band - Who Else but Us?
Rocky Erickson said to me,
"You can trust acid before the C.I.A."
Chairmen of the Waterboard, Let us come to disorder.
It's enough to make a believer,
The Cleavers seek reeducation.

xxxxxxxxxx

:: 2010 1 April :: 1.45pm
:: Mood: melancholy

As I stood on the deck at Shane's house this morning, with the warmth of the sun shining on my face, I closed my eyes in hope.
I imagined. Deep into the crevices of my brain, I dreamed. I closed my eyes tight, but opened them on the inside. What I saw was beautiful. What I saw was what I want so badly, but cannot have.
I woke up this morning - facing the white wall. I opened my eyes, and closed them again. Imagining what I want. I saw a creamy tan wall, two windows with white trim - the sun was coming in, but I could feel it how I wanted to. I imagined standing up, walking to the porch and standing in front of the doorway. I stared out, all of the houses, the calm, the rejuvenating feeling I yearn for was there. I watched a car go by, I stared to the blue sky, and breathed. I love when I can breathe. Then it goes.
I know I have to open my eyes, see the reality of what is in front of me. So, I do. The white wall was still there. I closed my eyes, reopened them, closed and reopened. I knew the drab wall wasn't going anywhere. I sat up, pulled the curtain back and saw my car outside. I saw Shane's. I looked at the pine's and the grass poking through, and all of the new-coming growth.

I had a dream that I was sitting in my driveway. But I wasn't young, I was 19. I was who I am now. I was sitting in my driveway at my home. It was a light grey, with a lot of little rocks and ant hills. I had a couple leaves in my hand. Ants scurried by, as I attempted to grab them. I looked to my house - off-white siding, hunter green shutters, a big maple tree in the front yard. I looked back and smiled, I felt the feeling I always felt.
Everyone around me, the world, the whole universe was at my fingertips. I felt alive. The garden hose was lying beside me. It was running, and a pool collected near the end of the driveway. I sent the leaves down my little man-made river, watching as they swirled around at the end of their journey. I got up and my dream ended as I went inside the house.

It was a beautiful dream. It felt like it happened yesterday, but I know it didn't. Most of the time I know I need to get over it, that I need to stop. But others, like now, I like the feeling of the sun.
Even if the only way to feel it this way is within a dream.

:: 2010 17 March :: 7.23am

If the government thinks they are going to tell me what I should eat, bunch of fucking homos.

:: 2010 7 March :: 5.30pm

To add to awesome weekend, started the cycle back up today and went for a drive.

:: 2010 7 March :: 1.27pm

Barricade

mudpiegrl

:: 2010 6 March :: 7.17pm
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Arcade Fire

wtf.
Here I am, fairly confident because all the normal signs are there; keeping an eye on my fb, unintentional compliments, long phone conversations ending with what sounds like a genuine "nice talking to you, as always".

But the trailing conversation regarding Napoleon's crush and what to do about her leading on kept me thinking all the time: what about my situation?

And so I asked the best friend of my object of affection if things look positively for me. Alas! He suggests they do not and he is merely appeasing me via the expected social niceties.

That sort of tears down any idea I had regarding an approach to the situation. Instead of positively, I feel I can only begin with questions whether it is only for politeness sake or if he truly enjoys conversing with me.

I'm in loop thought and can do nothing but lay down. There isn't any place for me anywhere but my bed and no focus behind my eyes to try to read or attend to a movie.

And despite how up in the air the opinion was (how credible is it if Napoleon hasn't spoken to Danny in some time, and certainly not about the same topic), I can't help but feel a shade of hopelessness and concern. There seems to be no place for me in the world as well as my house. What exactly am I doing?

:: 2010 6 March :: 4.00pm

Ford man now, will post later.

:: 2010 25 February :: 2.14pm

It's god damn 2010 and people still don't know how to do the most simple things on their work computers. Now I could understand if you don't use a computer much, but these people, it's a part of their damn jobs. The company gives them these machines that are a part of doing their jobs, they don't know anything about these machines so really they don't know how to do their jobs. Do your damn job.

:: 2010 19 February :: 3.38pm

being able to RDP with DDNS amuses me

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mudpiegrl

:: 2010 14 February :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Moonlight Sonata

St. L trip to forget.
"And is never failed that during the dry years the people forgot about the rich years, and during the wet years they lost all memory of the dry years. It was always that way."

I've started East of Eden. It's very good thus far (75 pages) and has some wonderful quotes. It isn't anything like the movie (yet).

***

Despite my surprise at Napoleon's willingness to help me, I am too thankful to ruin it by questioning him. He might be helping for Danny's sake...Or maybe to repay me for my non-judgmental help with his somewhat dishonourable task.

Regardless, I am again talking to Danny and he seems excited to talk to me, oddly.

I am not yet brave enough to say anything, which I find strange, since that's the only reason I've ever had a bf.

I don't mind so much, though. I enjoy talking to him so much that it doesn't matter what happens and whatever does, I will allow.

***

I spent the weekend in St. Louis with Jessica for Mardi Gras and her birthday. I thought it would be tons of fun, but honestly, it was sort of not. I arrived Thursday night and we went to the grocery store and then to bed. Friday, we woke up and Jess went to class and I read (East of Eden) and almost as soon as I went to the coffee shop down the street, she called to say she'd be home for a bit for lunch. I then went to lunch with Dan and his friends (who are just as unkempt as him and one smelled like a hobo) and we visited Urban Outfitters. After that, he took me back to Jessica's and we went to the Library restaurant beneath her apt. It was pretty neat and the ribs were good (and free). We then went shopping and Danny called me and J got mad at me for talking on the phone too much, which I suppose was warranted, but I don't feel so badly because she rarely actually listens when I talk, usually focusing on something else (i.e. texting). However, the anger and both of our stubbornness meant we didn't talk for an hour in the car (she insists she win everything and I couldn't let her think she had me under her thumb, so I refused to start the talking). Once we got Mindy from the airport, all resumed. That night, David's (her roommate) friends came in as well and they already had the keg opened by the time we got back to their apartment. None of the three of us were really into partying, so we made cookies and only made a slight appearance at the far-too-busy bars to say hello. We went back and after hanging out a little bit, Eileen and Mike came back screaming at each other. Jessica's attempt to mediate didn't work so well, and Mindy and I just talked while that happened. We finally went to bed around midnight, and about 2.30, the party came back. They were loud enough to wake us up, but also Eileen and Mike, who resumed their fight. So I was up til 3.15.

The alarm went off at 6am the next morning. We all showered and David woke his friend up by blasting music at 7. They cooked eggs and we were supposed to be drinking (beer and hand grenades). It was just too early. Mindy napped and I snacked on Goldfish. We went to Humphrey's (bar) at ten to get free tickets for the shuttle to take us down to Soulard for the parade. Jessica was already too drunk and I'd only had one drink at the apt and another at Humphrey's (for the ticket). Soulard was busy and everyone was excited, but we didn't go to the bar the other kids went to, we (J, Mindy, and I) went to another to pee and get J some water. There, Mindy and I got another drink, though Jess decided she wanted to go home and Mindy never finished hers. We left just as the parade was starting; we walked back to where we got dropped off and hailed a cab. J feel asleep in the car and threw up the moment she got back, then passed out.

Mindy and I made Ramyan and tried to watch a movie, but it didn't work, so we tried to nap. She was successful, but I was woken from half sleep four times by people coming in and screaming, so I gave up. Once J woke up, she curled up in the chair (and I tried to sleep again) and started whining that she couldn't breathe. I told her to lay flat so as to not compress her lungs, but she didn't listen. She called all her friends and told them she was having trouble breathing and so, concerned, they insisted on taking her to the ER. I still believe it was because she got three hours of sleep, ate hardly anything, drank, threw up, and slept alcohol induced and her body was working too hard and stressing itself out. She was fine and just whining a lot. She didn't end up even being checked in, but by the time we got back at 7.30, I was done and ready for bed. So Mindy and I slept while J called Dan, who is apparently fine with her now.

We got up this morning and left for the bus. Jessica was nice enough to buy me McDonald's and I still made the bus. The trip was boring, though I sat next to a nice girl and read a lot.

And now I'm home. It was the second crappiest trip I've ever taken (the first being the one to MN to see Jen, where I was in the ER the first night and she slept the entire second day), the redeeming qualities really being Mindy and talking to Danny.

That's all for now. :)

:: 2010 14 February :: 10.54am

ha internet

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