One for Sorrow

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and you're trying not to tell him that you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you didn't even have a name for

BITE ME

Angel_bob

:: 2010 10 January :: 3.01am

I just watched Return to Me and then played some Assassin's Creed. I now have the world's strongest yearning to go back to Italy. Seriously.

I think Italian will be my next language to learn. After I finish my current goals, of course.

Oh, here are my New Year's whatevers:
(Check out that underline, this is official, kids.)

Read the Bible (that I've had since third grade) and blah-g about it.

Read the Qur'an (that I received from the wonderful CAIR) and blah-g about it.

Find a church that I like (and actually go and check it out). Current prospects: Fountain Street Church and Grand Rapids Friends.

Get married (ha ha, a girl can dream).

I love you all.

1 TOOTHMARK | BITE ME

phil-himself

:: 2010 7 January :: 10.55pm

Dickbutt

2 TOOTHMARKS | BITE ME

Angel_bob

:: 2010 5 January :: 3.02am

Things that make me happy
Nick did NOT propose to me on Christmas or on New Year's Eve. I have taught him well.

I have tomorrow off.

I switched a comp day with someone so I can have my birthday off and the guy was SO nice about it that I might make him cookies or something.

I received a cookbook and an apron for Christmas. Both of which I asked for and are awesome.

I still have my Christmas wreath up and I think Nick forgot it was there so I will keep it FOREVER.

I went to bed last night at 10:40pm and woke up at 8am.

My boss asked Nick and I out to dinner with him and his girlfriend.

It is my birthday month!

1 TOOTHMARK | BITE ME

mudpiegrl

:: 2009 30 December :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: Zero 7

But if the adversary of all evil
Was courteous, thinking of the high effect
That issue would from him, and who, and what,
To men of intellect unmeet it seems not.
Where am I?

Where am I?

What am I doing?

Nothing.

I am nowhere doing nothing.

Big

empty

sky,

e----------n----------d----------l----------e----------s----------s

____________flat____________________

land,_________________

cliche

tumbleweeds
and

d . u ` . s . ` ' , t . ` ' . . ` ,` ' ... `; ' `;` ` .. ` . : . ` `. . ``

No one around.

Distantly,

perhaps,

a person?

Nay, only a mirage.

Surely people come here several times in their life; they arrive often in intervals, like Miami and the Bahamas witness during spring breaks and summer vacations.

But always alone.

You are always alone.

Maybe I'm growing up. Why am I doing this? I don't know. I just know that I have and I'm only doing it because it seems right. "Would you like to come over?" Yes. But only because it sounds familiar. The experience, however, is alien. The truth is that I could not be more confused.

I need a job; this I know. But where? Hm. I feel useless, for sure.

And why-why is anyone friends with me? I can easily answer this for Campy or Jessica. Drinking buddy or errand buddy. They call so they don't have to do things alone. We're not truly friends, because when it comes down to it, that's all it is. J could care less about my confusion, particularly because she has an "awesome friend group" and "loves [her] friend group soooo much". Bug and Q are their own. All I really serve to either is someone to hang out with in VH, and the occasional art discussion with Bug. Napoleon has been talking badly about me before he left for China, and now comes back and we're friends again???

I admit, this is probably just how I feel. All of this isn't necessarily true. But I've realised that neither Danny nor Maggie has anything to gain from my friendship. And it's awesome when either call me or hang out with me. I couldn't feel happier than after a good discussion with either.

I've narrowed it down to their understanding of life. Danny doesn't need to drink to feel accepted and is perfectly happy doing his own thing. He's happy with what he has and does his best not to complain. Maggie is happy because she makes sure she is happy. She loves her kids and she loves life itself. These are the kind of people with whom I need to surround myself, not petty, picky people who judge and condescend and treat me badly.

So in the interim, what do I do? Read.

I read to not hear about the shop. I read to learn about somewhere else. To escape. But why don't I just get a damn job and leave? I should.

I will have Jessica come over as soon as my g-ma leaves to help me with my cover letters. And I'll call Ruby Tuesday the day after the New Year. Holidays are not good business days for finding jobs.

Maybe I'll call Danny again. I am super afraid of annoying him. I'd really like to keep him around. He's a good person, and a very good friend.

BITE ME

aerii

:: 2009 28 December :: 12.05am

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

BITE ME

Angel_bob

:: 2009 19 December :: 2.02am

We learned today that we are getting Christmas bonuses! Yay! And then if I get my doing-my-job bonus, I will have money to pay bills and rent and school loans!

yay for crappy job that makes me feel grown up!

1 TOOTHMARK | BITE ME

Angel_bob

:: 2009 15 December :: 2.33am

I should not eat when Nick is not around to edit my eating habits. He is asleep since he has to work at 7 am tomorrow.

Things I have eaten since Nick went to bed at 1:
Spaghetti with sauce and Parmesan cheese and green olives
Reheated TGIFriday's French fries (reheated in a pan with olive oil and crazy seasonings)
Green olives
Warmed up tortilla with above seasoning/spices and leftover oil along with garlic, sour cream and feta (the sour cream was a TERRIBLE idea... ugh)
More green olives
Snicker's bar

We don't have any food in the house. That is the main reason I ate a bunch of junk. Also I just went with my cravings. Usually Nick stops me before I add the sour cream. I am feeling really awful and would like to just throw everything up, please.

BITE ME

xxxxxxxxxx

:: 2009 12 December :: 1.38pm

So, I've got work tonight. Well, at 3, so midday I guess.
I hope it goes decently. I never know how it'll be though, but I hoooope that my co-worker will stay with me til 7, because then I'll have my sanity until AT LEAST then.
I went out with Shane's mom last night, it went well. She got some "Shane" shopping done. Though he's quite easy to shop for.
I'm done with my shopping!! I'm proud of not being a procrastinator this year.
I also got my hair done yesterday. It's purple and sort of asymmetrical. I told myself I wouldn't chop my hair again, but I gave the stylist creative-freedom, so it's really my mistake. I don't have my USB or I would upload some pics. I kinda like it, just needs some getting used to.

My cat's cuddling me. I love her. Quite frankly, she is the best animal I have ever had. I would give a lot for her to be immortal. I can't imagine her being gone whatsoever. She's almost 14, and it's really scary.

Jo-Jo - I need to send your letter out!! I just need to add a couple things, so I'll let you know when to start checking your box. :)

I also need to write my brother - haven't done it in wayyy too long. I talked to him on the phone today though. He's doing as good as he can. Has a job, and works a few hours a day. He seems okay, but I can't ever be sure.

I want to see Alicia again!! I will see her on her wedding day, I guess. Well, the day before. I asked for those days off, so they better give them to me! Either way, I will be there. I'm excited!! I need my purple shoes though. :) Cannn't wait!!
Leesh - Make sure you call me when you get your dress, or text me. Either one! :D

So yep.
Christmas break's been good so far all-in-all.

1 TOOTHMARK | BITE ME

phil-himself

:: 2009 12 December :: 9.10am

you get me my cheeze wiz boy?

BITE ME

mudpiegrl

:: 2009 7 December :: 1.20am
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: amelie

So long story-short, I've been super careful not to annoy him and he asked why I'm so formal with him.
-.-
So I'm going to call him tmro. I wish I didn't feel like I have to be so silly about this.

BITE ME

phil-himself

:: 2009 6 December :: 12.08am

2 TOOTHMARKS | BITE ME