~*Janice's Life*~

1 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 2 November :: 4.56pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: B.N.L - Alternative Girlfriend

Oh yeah thats the ticket!
I feel so good.

so, so awesome.

my mom finaly told me that the musical was driving me insane. She was right. I took her advice, im not speaking to Anthony for awhile because he just upsets me.

and things are so much better. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Im just going to take it easy, and not worry about things

and now, life is good.

so, so good.

:)

:: 2005 2 November :: 6.56am

I hope you're ok.
Last night was hard.
But, I made it. I'm waiting for it all to be over so I can be normal again.

I can't wait for Friday.

cowsgomoo!!!

:: 2005 1 November :: 10.47pm

halloween was alright. didnt get much candy, but i spend almost all night with rachael. i left her house around eleven. so that was fun. she's awesome!!!

yeah, thats about it. see ya'll later

-me

8 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 1 November :: 4.52pm
:: Music: Ani Difranco

Today was a good day.
I'm reading some of my old entries and oh my God.. I was an idiot. It's so funny how only a month or so after you read something you can't believe you were so fucking stupid.

I'm changing and I think all this shit that has happened was for the best. I'm not doing as bad as I thought I would, at all. It's insane how well I am taking everything. I'm either gonna glide through this or it's gonna hit me later. I just know right now things are fine.

I know how I feel and all I hope is plans run smoothly from here on out.

Oh, and don't worry, sweety.. no one can ruin my life when I'm only 17 years old. Try at a later time. ;)

I love you Erika!

:: 2005 1 November :: 6.58am

Reminder.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

Death Cab for Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved

1 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 31 October :: 7.16pm

Anyone know what emotional cheating is?

Just a thought.

I need a life,
friends,
something to keep me busy,
and my mind off him.

:: 2005 31 October :: 4.58pm

something in my heart is making me sad....

maybe i have mono.
lol

2 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 30 October :: 8.16pm

Today didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would.
I just have to stay busy.. hah.
Tomorrow I'll be a wreck.
Hopefully I can just be ok again. I'm staying strong and remembering not to miss him, but miss what we used to have. Which was months ago. And I can have it again, it'll just take time.
So much for everything.

I'll be fine.

4 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 30 October :: 7.16pm

I am tired of having to face the dumb reality that i will never be what i am supposed to be, in the eyes of another.

3 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 30 October :: 12.19pm

Well, I'm single.
He broke up with me, so for once I don't have to feel like the bitch.
It hurts. I'm crying, but I can't let it get to me like last time.
I haven't seen him for a week and I have been fine, it's just hard now that it's official. But, me being fine and having a good week without him shows I don't need him. I just feel like I do now that it's a for sure thing that we're done.
But, whatever. I'm young. I have to meet new people and just live right now. I don't need a guy to be a happy person. I need freedom and no one to answer to. I need to just be independent and not get depressed over this.
We had our good times. He was my first for a lot of things, but our relationship has died. We've both been miserable and it's better to end it now than later. And as hard as I tried I couldn't get over being with someone who cheated on me.
Yes, I'll miss him, but I'll live.
I need to hang out with someone tonight, because as much as I don't want to feel alone right now I do.

1 ~*Thought about u*~ | ~*I'm thinking about u*~

:: 2005 29 October :: 1.34pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes

Ani Difranco - Fuel
They were digging a new foudation in Manhattan
and they discovered a slave cemetary there.
May their souls rest easy
now that lynching is frowned upon,
and we've moved on to the electric chair.
And I wonder who's gonna be president? Tweedle dumb or tweedle dumber?
And who's gonna have the big blockbuster box office this summer?
How about we put up a wall between houses and the highway
and you can go your way, and I can go my way.

Except all the radios agree with all the tv's,
and the magazines agree with all the radios!
And I keep hearing that same damn song everywhere I go! [hahaha]
Maybe I should put a bucket over my head!
And a marshmallow in each ear!
And stumble around for
another dumb-numb week..
waiting for another hum-drum hit song to appear.

People used to make records,
as in a record of an event.
The event of people.
Playing music. In a room.

Now everything is cross-marketing.
It's about sunglasses and shoes,
or guns and drugs,
you choose.
We got it rehashed.
We got it half-assed.
We're digging up all the graves
and we're spitting on the past.

And you can choose between the colors
of the lipstick on the whores
'cause we know the difference between
the font of 20% more!
And the font of teriakiyi, you tell me..
How does it make you feel?
You tell me what's real.

And they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
even when they're as dry as my lips, for years.
Even when they're stranded on a small, desert island
with no place within 2,000 miles to buy beer!
And I wonder..
Is he different?-
Is he different?-
Has he changed? What's he about?
Or is he just a liar with nothing to lie about?

Am I headed for the same brick wall?
Is there anything I can do about anything at all?
Except go back to that corner in Manhattan
and dig deeper, dig deeper this time.
Down beneath the impossible pain of our history,
beneath unknown bones,
beneath the bedrock of the mystery.
Beneath the sewage systems and the path drain,
beneath the cobblestones and the water mains!
Beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals,
beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels!
Beneath everything I can think of to think about,
beneath it all, beneath all get out!!
Beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel..

There's a fire just waiting for fuel.
There's a fire just waiting for fuel.
There's a fire just waiting for fuel.
There's a fire just waiting for fuel.

:: 2005 29 October :: 11.29am

We could not be doing any worse right now.

I feel like this is the end.

:: 2005 25 October :: 6.39pm
:: Music: Ani Difranco - Untouchable

Part of the song Untouchable by Ani
so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you