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lilschaub
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2004 13 November :: 12.48am
So today was another good day! Two in a row..what is going on geez?!? And tomorrow should be another good day cause I am gonna go hang out with my sis. So far its looking to be the best weekend in a long long time. So tonight I hung out with nate again and we watched jersy girl. I love that movie its my favorite. Kinda a chick flick, I felt a little bad for making him watch it. Anyways I found a really cute dress for swirl but I dont think I will get it cause thats a long ways away and I am only gonna go if I have a date and I wont know for awhile so ya. But that was really pointless lol I think its time for bed.
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wildthing
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2004 12 November :: 8.00pm
Hey everyone, havent updated in a while thought i would, not that any of you read this...anywhore so we have recieved 2 other letters from my mom...but we haventwritten her back yet...kinda giving her a taste of her own medicine. so yeah. last weeken i had a lot of fun went to calidonia to see katie mucho fun...we went to chuck e cheese and seen the Incredibles...so that was a really good movie, a lot of stuff happened at her party and im not gonna go there...so anywho thats about it so far...ttyl
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lilschaub
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2004 12 November :: 2.53pm
uhh what the hell am I doing just stop already uhh.
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lilschaub
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2004 11 November :: 11.11pm
Today was a pretty good day. At school it was ok. Nothing to good or bad happend I guess. But then me and nate hung out for awhile. I love that kid he is like one of my best friends. One of the only guy friends I can actually talk to and have a good conversation and I love that about him! Uh then tyler showed up and I left shortly after that uhhhhh. But I dont know if me and jess are gonna go to cmu tomorrow, I dont know I just dont feel like going for some reason but maybe on saturday we will go hmm I dont know. Well ya so I actually had an ok day today yay one out of like a million bad days. uh I am done now.
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lilschaub
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2004 10 November :: 9.12pm
yay! Me and Jess are going to CMU on friday and spend the weekend with my sis! Should be tons of fun. I love my sister!!
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lilschaub
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2004 10 November :: 7.43pm
uhh today just frustrated me so much. There is so much drama I cant take it. I just want to go to bed and wake up and have everything be back to the way it was. Like when I use to be happy. uhh the whole katie thing still makes me so mad. We are talking now but its alway about something stupid and i just kinda pretend like I am not mad which is stupid because I am still so pissed. I dont know why I havent talked to her about it. Today i finally listened to the messages she left me and they are all like 5 mins long and uhhh she is such a bitch. You dont go from saying your sorry and blah blah to oh my god guess what and talk about sex seriously who the fuck does that on a message to someone there saying sorry to . God get a fucking grip on your life you bitch geez. uhh I dont know why I am even waiting this long to talk to you and bring it up seriously why am I avoiding it. I need to talk to her I just dont want to.
And then theres tyler. Which that whole thing makes me mad. If he thinks that by coming to cedar everyday and calling me everyday I am gonna want him back he has another thing coming. I am not gonna drop everything and go back to him. I realize that he might wanna just come and see me but uhh I am not gonna start this whole thing again this is how it started out last time you came up to nates to see me everyday and then we dated and broke up and dated and broke up and on and on. uhh I will not go back to it I will not get draged in with all your bullshit I just wont do it. I cant and I dont know what to say to you because you call everyday and wanna hang out. We hung out twice for like a half an hour each time and I just wanted to punch you. uhhhh I cant deal with you anymore.
ok and then there is you..if i seriously dont talk to you soon I will go crazy. I need to just say everything I need to say and if you dont like it then fuck you.
ok so I think I am done bitching for now. But I still dont know if we are gonna go to cmu. Thats just more stress of driving there and packing and uhh I just dont know yet. uhh
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fadingfallenstar
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2004 10 November :: 6.58pm
I'm falling apart.
I don't care if you want to hear me bitching, skip over it if you don't want to hear it.
I hate how my dad doesn't love me.
I hate how my mom loves me, but is too damn miserable to ever show it.
I hate that my brother hates me.
I hate that I lost almost all my friends.
I hate that I let people get to me. Everyone keeps asking me why I let them get to me. If I had a reason, I'd make it stop. I have this, "fuck everyone, I don't care what you think" attitude that is entirely too fake. I do care what people say. I can't stand all these people hating me. I can't stand people talking about me.
These past three days I have been breaking down for no fucking reason. My mom yelled at me, I went in my room and cried. I walked to the middle school after school, I cried. My dad called me a slut, and so many more words, I cried. I don't cry. What is wrong with me?
I hate how this easy life is so hard for me to take. There's so many people that have it a million times worse than me, yet here I am falling apart.
When I heard Sam didn't want him at her party I couldn't help but be angry. How all these people can just turn against someone for NO fucking reason kills me.
The fights that exist shouldn't.
I hate how I have NO ONE to turn to. My dad was drunk, like every fucking day. And he was screaming. He isn't the funny, haha, drunk. He's the violent, screaming drunk. I had to go somewhere. I went through my cell phone. I have 30 or more names on there. And I couldn't find one fucking person to turn to. Not one. And half of the people aren't my freinds anymore.
I hate to be hated.
I hate that I don't understand.
I don't want to be the sarcastic bitch anymore, yet I don't want to be the little depressed girl. I don't know what to be.
I don't get why you're all such terrible friends. I really don't. What is your reasoning? How hard is it to just be there and be understanding? My group of "friends" is by far the saddest excuse of friends I have ever seen. When it comes down to it none of them are there for you.
None of you can have a mature conversation. You have to call eachother names and be assholes to eachother. Just talk it out. If you are so sick of drama, stop creating it.
All I know is that if I had enough guts I would have ended this all tonight.
And with reading this, I know nothing will change. You'll just bitch, and I'll be your next topic for your lame ass gossip discussions.
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sugarjackj
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2004 9 November :: 8.43pm
Who is posting in my journal as annonomous?
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lilschaub
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2004 9 November :: 5.17pm
UHHH I FUCKING HATE GUYS!!!!! I just give up on them all together. Nothing even happend to me to really even hate them but uhhh they just piss me off. I thought he was like one of the nicest guys ever he just seemed so sweet and then he has the balls to do that to her. Uhhhh that makes me give up all hope that I will ever find a nice guy. Dan came over last night and he was so nice. There is nothing between us but that gave me a little hope that theres at least a couple nice ones out there. But then I hear that news and I just fucking give up. Uhhh fuck you!!!
Linds I love you! Good luck tomorrow hehe!!
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lilschaub
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2004 8 November :: 6.08pm
Uhhh there is just so much drama right now. I just need to get everything back on track to the way it was. I liked it that way. Well I didn't really like it I just didnt have a big problem with it. I really need to talk to two people...I think that will hopefully solve some of the drama. If not then its just time to say fuck it and I am gonna move on. oh and I have decided that I am giving up on guys. But now I have to go work on my 5 hours of homework!!!
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lilschaub
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2004 7 November :: 12.25am
Besides still being sick tonight was alright. I got to hang out with jessica, nate and cody. I love jessica, I missed hanging out with her so much. uh my life is boring. I am going to bed now.
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lilschaub
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2004 5 November :: 11.31am
Went to the doctors today and got some drugs. So hopefully I will be feeling better soon. I have missed 2 days and I have just been sitting at home all alone. I am gonna go crazy. I could use a visitor :(
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lilschaub
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2004 4 November :: 7.04pm
Staying home was nice today. I got to sleep all day. And I still feel like shit. I swear every inch of my body hurts right now. I just layed in my bed and cryed most of the day. OH and then my day just got so much better when you decided to call my house and cell phone 20 times each and leave 5 minute messages ok after the first call when I didnt answer and didnt call back after the 5 messages you would think you would have gotten a hint but no you just wanted to piss me off even more. Uh seriously you dont wanna talk to me right now because it will just make things worse because the things i would say to you right now you wouldnt like. but then again you did say all of that I might as well let you know exactly how I feel to and see how you like it. But no I will not do that because iam not gonna go to that level of insulting and name calling. I am better than that. uhhhhhhhhhhh I am going crazy. But I am going to bed now I need all the sleep I can get.
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lilschaub
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2004 3 November :: 7.13pm
What a suprise....Another shitty day. I feel so icky I am getting really sick. Uh I dont feel good at all. Alls I want to do is just sleep. And stop trying to talk to me. I am really mad still you dont wanna talk to me right now trust me. This whole thing just makes me so mad you cant go back and say sorry its to late you fucked up you cant take it back and the sad thing is that you said sorry and then two lines after that are just as bitchy. uh I am done I need to go to bed. And I am sure tomorrow will be just as good as the last few have been.
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lilschaub
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2004 2 November :: 9.53pm
You would do that to.
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