Things seem to hurt easier. I hope I have enough trust for this. I dont think I could deal with the trust being lost.
"3rd times a charm" I hope this charm is a good tidings one.
Today in a nutshell is as follows in the video.
Just when you think that you're in control,
just when you think that you've got a hold,
just when you get on a roll,
here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again.
Oh, here it goes again.
I should have known,
should have known,
should have known again,
but here it goes again.
Oh, here it goes again.
It starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy, something inching past the edge of the reserve.
Now through lines of the cheap venetian blinds your car is pulling off of the curb.
[Chorus]
I guess there's got to be a break in the monotony, but Jesus, when it rains how it pours.
Throw on your clothes, the second side of Surfer Rosa, and you leave me, yeah, you leave me.
[Chorus]
Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
I really wish that the drama would just stay as far away from me as it could.
I absolutely hate it.
I hate it when people say anything that involves my boyfriend cheating on me.
Especially when we are barely apart, and he really doesn't have time to cheat.
It literally makes me sick to my stomach when someone says those words.
I instantly get tears in my eyes, and my stomach gets knotted up and I can't swallow.
It doesn't happen because I feel like I can't trust him.
And even though I know I can trust him, it still gets my mind thinking, well can I really trust him, how faithful is he, has he done it before, who is it..
It happens because I care so fucking much about him, and the thought of it eats me up inside, because I already don't feel good enough for him.
The thought of losing him kills me inside and I feel like my whole world is crashing and burning right before my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it.
I swear I go through this atleast 5 times a year, at minimum.
Where someone says he is cheating, or that he made a move on them, or something that involves him and another girl.
People fucking suck.
And they are lucky I'm not completely crazy.
I hate when my friends are all unhappy and their worlds are all falling apart.
The selfish part of me hates it, because it makes me reflect on my life.
The unselfish part of me hates it, because I hate watching my friends go through all that crap.
The only unhappy thing I have to look back on right now, is the fact that I have had a migraine for 2 almost 3 days now, and nothing is relieving the pain.
That and my cat is a bitch. I love her, I really do, but she needs a new home.
::
2009 6 March :: 10.23am
:: Music: The Beginning of the End
Watchmen
Ok so for the past like 5 days pvponline.com has been doing a satire of the new movie coming out today Watchmen
Id like to share that if you even thought about the movie then you read these days of the comic. Think Watchmen meets newspaper comic characters. With a plot to match the characters. Its good stuff. Below is the link for the start of the comics strand.
And...fade to white.
Things got better. This is good.
Stress is melting off me for the moment. Now I only have to deal with it as a pool at my feet that I cant seem to shake off my shoes.
I feel fucking fantastic after wednesday. I know Im not a shapely person but I already see results of my small muscles being toned out against my even smaller bones.
Gah! Why didnt I always do this. SOB.
Gonna come back as a ripped lanky motherfucker when all said and done.
April 13'th 2009
I ship out on this day. So anyone wishing for my address contact me.
The more the merrier.
To prove myself, I must beat the biggest object in my path. Me.
I want to be a Marine.
Workout starts tonight. x60 situps, pushups, pull ups
It felt good. Having the drive felt even better.
"One of these mornings
Won't be very long
You will look for me
And I'll be gone" -Moby "One of these mornings"
I have an interview on Wednesday at 4 pm.
An office position at Town and Country Title Services.
Its 40 hours a week too! :)
Now I must find something to wear..
