Right now, life seems to be going okay. I don't want to jump to any conclusions though. I'm not good at soccer, but I feel that I'm improving. I seem to be doing well in school. And...I have plans on the weekend! lol MEAP testing this week. I figure I'll just do whatever I can and hope for the best!

Despite some lingering demons in my head, last night was fun. The part towards the end...that was strange, given the circumstances I guess, but still enjoyable. Overall, this weekend was good. Next weekend will be busier with Peter Pan, SAT, and the Prom. Right now, I'm discussing my poetry with someone, and laughing while reading my old stuff. I have to cram for the religion test tomorrow. Oh yeah, today I got to listen to an Austrian Lutheran Reverend talk about how it's okay to lie, cheat, and steal when you need to survive.

Tonight was fun. Cedar Spring's prom was good. As I learned, some of those girls can dance! ; ) I got to meet some new people, become corrupted, and get a picture taken with a pineapple up my ass! Not to forget, I can't manage to get those sparkles off my upper lip! Don't know how those got there...Anyways, the dance wasn't in cedar like I thought it'd be, so I had to take a different route home, and I ended up taking a detour through Spring Lake! But now I'm home, and I'm going to go to bed.

I got a new CD today called "emo is awesome / emo is evil." Pretty cool music. I still want that Warped Tour CD though! I also bought some new t-shirts for under $5 each. I found out that processing pictures from digital cameras cost $0.32 per photo! So if I take 300 pictures in europe, that's roughly $100! Someone needs a summer job! : )

I'm starting to get bored, and my sister has 5 girls over for a sleep over..someone rescue me!

I'm so glad that tomorrow is a half day. 3.5 day weekend! Besides, I like having soccer practice when we don't have school the next day.
Once again, I had even more fun setting up for Rainbow Auction. I got to use the leaf blower to clear all the debris from the cement in front of the school. What did you say? I can't hear you! I think I lost some hearing! But at least the lady in charge noted my "hard work" and said I could use her as a reference if I ever needed to!
Saturday is Cedar's Prom. That should be...interesting. Someone's having a surprise birthday party that same night. I wish I could go to both, but oh well. Sorry Jessica...haha j/k!
Sunday, I get to go to some religion discussion (for service hours). It's supposed to be a group of jewish, protestant, and catholic teens.

And the weird dreams continue...
In my latest dream, I think I saw the devil in disquise. From what I remember, life was good. I was living in a nice (upperclass?) environment, and I had many friends. Suddenly, my friends disappeared (after they started arguing?) Everyone desserted me except one suspicious character, disquised as a woman, but actually a monster or the devil. I think she wanted something from me (not physical), but I didn't want to give it to her. And then I woke up, a little freaked.

Not Happy, but Satisfied
We finally got our videos from play! It's very weird seeing myself on video. Somehow, the show seems less exciting on tape. The strange thing, watching the tape, I find myself repeating the same facial expressions that I have in the scene I am watching. Kinda funny I guess.

I worked Rainbow Auction setup this evening, and I got to push a grocery cart back and forth for two hours! yay!

Tonight I talked with a friend. Things seem different from my perspective, but not my friend's. Perhaps, it's all in my head. I have some things to think about.

7 weeks left of school, 8 weeks until Europe

One thing's for sure...I need some good punk/emo music!

I slept through soccer practice tonight : \
Still need to review tax stuff for gov't.
bidding on memory cards
looking at cordless shavers.
reviewing my music collection and everything great about punk music, the spirit of youth and belief that anything is possible.
I've come to acknowledge that inspite of my flaws, I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
Wierd dreams lately (florida vaccation + being in a room with a really hot girl but not being able to open my eyes)

Looking at my life now, in the early years, and everything in between, I realize just how much I have changed, how much I have lost. In particular, the first loss I can remember was painful; it was my beloved blanket that I used every night. Patterned with scenes from Winnie the Pooh, Paddington Bear, and other childhood favorites, I was appalled when my mother introduced the idea as using it as stuffing for a bigger quilt! Where would she even contrive such an idea? My negative response must have settled the situation then and there - right? Wrong! Within the next few days, my blanket was missing. Surely, my mother was not the evil culprit; it must have been in the wash or someplace else. Yet, I noticed something strange when after two weeks my blanket was still missing and my mother's quilt was finished. It couldn't be! She wouldn't do that! Where was my blanket? She took her quilt to a sale and when she got back I confronted her. My worst fear was true; my mother snatched my favored blanket, held it captive, and mercilessly stuffed it inside her quilt. What could I do but feel sad? The quilt was sold, my blanket was gone, and I had to face the harshness of growing up. That day, I lost a part of my childhood - a day that would have eventually came, but to a five year old, it felt like the world stopped.