::
2002 10 May :: 9.48 am
:: Mood: cynical
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional- Again I Go Unnoticed
Please tell me you're just feeling tired....because if it's more than that, I fear that I might break....
You know the feeling when you know you are doing something wrong but you don't care? And then all the wrongdoings pile up into one big...umm..pile... and you worry about what's going to happen when this pile finally tumbles down on you, because you know the day is coming soon? Yeah. Story of my life.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 9 May :: 9.56 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional- Hands Down
And I knew that you meant it...that you meant it...
I'm so confused.
Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep, this air is blessed, you share with me. This night is wild, so calm and dull, these hearts they race, from self control. Your legs are smooth, as they graze mine, we're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 9 May :: 6.09 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional- So Impossible
These are a few things that I'd like to know...that I'd like to know...
It's so frustrating... I get angry at people who open my eyes because I'd rather stay in the darkness.
I'm dying to know
do you do you like dreaming of things
so impossible or only the practical
or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days
just to end them with
someone you care about
and do you like making out
and long drives and brown eyes
and guys that just
don't quite fit in
yeah do you like them
So yes, I'll see you there.
I'm entranced. I really am. But I still feel so lost.
I can write again, it's pretty fun. I haven't been able to do that in quite some time.
I'd love to just run around and have fun, I tried that today, I don't think it gives off a good impression.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 8 May :: 5.07 pm
i stole this from someone else's journal....
i needed to update but I am feeling much too secretive today.
past
first grade teacher's name: Mrs. Matz
last words you said: "i plan on doing the cleaning later, mom."
last song you sang: Family Tree...Ben Kweller
what's in your cd player: one has Fiona Apple, one has Ben Kweller, one has counting crows.
what color socks are you wearing: always white with pink toes and heels
what's under your bed: i am afraid to think about that. at least a lot of dust.
what time did you wake up today: 9:45
future
where do you want to go: western is where i'm going, like it or not.
what is your career going to be: i am going to be a big business tycoon. probably starting in market research.
where are you going to live: uhhm... upper middle class suburbia haven.
how many kids do you want: somewhere between 3 and 30. I like kids a lot.
what kind of car will you have: some sort of mean soccer mom SUV.
current mood: weird. it keeps moving all over the place.
current music: ben kweller. no reason and lizzy.
current taste: chex mix with all the rye chips thrown out.
current hair: a little scruffy and messy but eh.
current clothes: stripey sweatpants, senior sweatshirt, slippers...
current annoyance: currently? my dyslexic spelling that requires too much typing.
current smell: more of the chex mix.
current longing: to figure out what my life is meant to be.
current desktop picture: i still have the standard emachines rolling hills picture that came with my computer...i still need to download webshots.
current favorite artist: music? ben kweller, ben kweller, ben kweller.
current book: uhhmm?? none.
current colour of toenails: they're supposed to be "Marlena Mauve" but they look really dull greyish pink with sparkles.
current worry: i am worryless.
current crush: bahahahaha....we wont go there! ;)
current time-wasting wish: to get some good sleep in...
current hate: lack of time.
1. what's the story behind your username? well...i have had this username forever, everyone asks me about it and i usually say "long story"....it's not involved with star wars or anything... sometime freshman year i went to north carolina with katti and we were just total pool bums the whole time we were there. but the name comes in because we were at the pool so much that i had brought like 5 beach towels, and i ended up having to use this one that i totally hated...it was yellow with bi black stripes. so to make the best of the sitch we just acted like the big dorks we were and i pretended to be a giant bumblebee and she was a toucan...and then i think i threw her brother in the pool or something so i became the "Jedi Bumblebee".
2. name five of your favorite foods:
pb&j bagels, chocolate chip cookies, granola bars, cheese pizza, and fettichine alfredo.
3. have you ever had a makeover? when i was going into 7th grade, i think, i won a back to school makeover contest in the cedar springs post. it was really stupid because the place that was supposed to do the makeover went out of business and just sortof dissappeared one day and so it took like two months. it was really embarrassing because i had before and after pictures in the local paper and just looked like a retard and everyone on the bus made fun of me.
4. name all members of the beatles.
No.
5. what's the longest time you've stayed out of the country and where?
uhmm...i went to stratford yesterday and i think i was out of the country for...oh...12 hours?
6. one thing you're grateful for today?
understanding friends. :)
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 8 May :: 5.04 pm
:: Mood: giggly
i'm a cat.
what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 6 May :: 11.19 pm
:: Mood: enthralled
i could never call myself a nature person but I jsut cant get over how beautiful lightening storms are.
I was just watching the red streaks from when lightening goes from one cloud to another and just lights the whole sky.
I wanted it to follow me home. I think it did.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 5 May :: 10.40 pm
:: Mood: enraged
THE INTERNET IS STUPID. I HAVE A TELEPHONE. I AM IN THE BOOK IF ANYONE EVER HAD THE DESIRE TO REACH ME.
YOU DON'T, I KNOW.
GOODNITE.
3 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 5 May :: 10.23 pm
:: Music: Counting Crows- Murder of One
Blue morning blue morning
Wrapped in strands of fist and bone
Curiosity Kitten doesn't have to mean you're on your own
You can look outside your window
He doesn't have to know
We can talk awhile baby
We can take it nice and slow
All your life is such a shame shame shame
All your love is just a dream dream dream
Are you happy when you're sleeping?
Does he keep you safe and warm?
Does he tell you when you're sorry?
Does he tell you when you're wrong?
I've been watching you for hours
It's been years since we were born
We were perfect when we started
I've been wondering where we've gone
All your life is such a shame, shame, shame
All your love is just a dream, dream, dream
Well, I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow
Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there counting crows
One for sorrow
Two for joy
Three for girls and four for boys
Five for silver
Six for gold and
Seven for a secret never to be told
There's a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish you'd let me in
All your life is such a shame, shame, shame
All your love is just a dream, dream, dream
Open up your eyes
You can see the flames of your wasted life
You should be ashamed
You don't want to waste your life
I walk along these hillsides
In the summer 'neath the sunshine
I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change, change, change
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 4 May :: 11.45 pm
:: Mood: rejected
:: Music: Counting Crows- Anna Begins
But I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey...or something in between...
Now what?
I guess I don't mind.
I think I enjoyed myself.
I just couldn't understand the reactions I was getting.
I'd like to take a new perspective...
I don't ever want to worry about time. I don't want to worry about what other people think. Forget commitment. Just be. doo be doo be doo....
JediBumblebee: i dont know how to handle it.
EKC83: why do you have to handle just go with the flow.
JediBumblebee: i dont know, that is just too easy
EKC83: Isn't easy nice?? Nothing to think about just go with it.
JediBumblebee: i know but i am just not used to it i guess
EKC83: If it works out it works out, if doesn't it doesn't.
Easy enough. Just be. Drifting has always been my place anyhow.
I can't be angry, I have yet to figure out why. I still feel like I was deceived but I don't really think it matters too much.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 4 May :: 1.39 pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: Counting Crows- Anna Begins
And I'm not ready for this sort of thing...but I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore...but then I start to think about the consequences...
Do you ever think you have it all figured out, and finally move to action on something, and then realize everyone else has changed their minds and so the whole situation is different?
Sure, that's general, but I think you get what I mean. I don't think there's anything I hate more than when I spill my guts to someone, only to have it seem to backfire on me.
It's all related, but sometimes no one realizes why I am the way I am. I like living sheltered. I get in less trouble that way. I don't get hurt as deeply. I don't like making decisions because decisions are like commitments. Commitments tie you to things, and then when the situation changes, committments aren't supposed to. But sometimes they do.
And none of that is convenient. No matter how much you think it is. I'm not a convenient person. I am a challenge. That's not something I choose, that's just how it is, I can't do anything about it. It's like, you can put up with me or not. I really hate struggles. I know you should respect that I don't change myself for people, yet it almost feels like you are asking me to. But I am trying to make the effort and feel like I'm just left in the dust.
I know it's not time to spill like this, it's been a week. But for me, it's been a difficult week. I don't like breaking my pattern of routine, you broke it. And maybe it was good for me, but now I feel like I'm being left in pieces. I'm not ready for this. But I think would like to be. I feel like I'm not being given the chance to find out.
Deep connections are overrated, and so are stupid deep speeches like that. I know, I act like an idiot and get tongue-tied. I should talk, I can't talk, you won't give me that chance to talk. Not to talk like this.
I don't chill out. I'm spontaneous energy, constantly moving. I think I pride myself on this. It frustrates some but I think it is something that defines me, something I probably won't get rid of.
It's never been this difficult for me. I don't know if that scares me away or draws me in.
Every word of this is nonsense but I think you understand.
We were on the same page once.
4 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 3 May :: 9.33 am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Counting Crows- Kid Things
really it says more than it should...
What's there that makes you wanna be lonely?
What's there to keep you sitting at home?
He'd always say no, no, no, as if he wanted you to be hungry,
Well, the same things you're missing could get you into something else.
Better leave when to stay is only nothing but being alone...
What I wanted you to know...is
Kid things seem like nothing at all.
Kid things make it better than it was.
Kid things seem like nothing at all.
Kid things make it better than it was.
Hey what you got that makes you want to be lonely?
Hey what you got that makes it a better way to be?
She said no, no, no,
I can't get any love and it's a Sunday.
I said "Oh, yeah? What makes you think I wanted it that way?"
'Cause one or two more smiles from you... and
I don't need anything else.
What I wanted you to know...is
Kid things
seemed like nothing at all.
Kid things
make it better than it was.
We're just kids,
We spend all night on the phone.
It's a kid thing
But I sleep better
when I'm not alone.
What I want right now...
Is just some more...
Gimme more...
Hey, what you think
is you're not getting any younger.
What I know is that you're not really very old.
I know you wanna say no, no, no...
It feels much better in the summer.
Well, if it isn't warm where you're sittin',
then kitten, come on in out of the cold.
'Cause all I know is when I'm with you..
Well, I don't need anything else.
What I wanted you to know... is
Kid things
seemed like nothing at all, and
Kid things
make it better than it was.
We're just kids...
we spend all night on the phone.
It's a kid thing..
So I sleep better
when I'm not alone.
Kid things
seemed like nothing at all.
Kid things
make it better than it was.
We're just kids...
Just like driving a car...
It's a kid thing...
and the further out the closer in you are.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 1 May :: 7.35 pm
:: Mood: excited
I got my new computer. It is fun but not that fun because I haven't pimped it out with software and MP3's and whatnot.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 29 April :: 10.33 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Make It Up
I need a good alarm to wake me up...
I think I might be dying.
I'm so so sick.
When I cough, I get weird shooting pains through my sides.
I also have currently lost my voice. Like, completely. GONE. I don't know if it will be back tommorrow. I lose my voice far too easily.
Along with all these totally appealing symptoms, I have massive sneezles, itchy eyes, and a head that feels like it's full of heavy marshmellows...you know what I mean?
4 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 29 April :: 9.26 am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: Ben Kweller- It's Not Fair
What can I say when things don't go my way? I've got to get it off of my back...but most of it's in my head...
Weird weekend. Like...the weirdest weekend I have had in months. Well, maybe not but darn close.
I'm sick. I hate being sick. There's nothing worse than not feeling good. :(
But I will be at school...I hate makeup work too much to give in to the sickness.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 27 April :: 12.27 am
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Falling
it's back
Wind is cold alright back in Dallas. The neon light
from the building lets you know you're home.
You'd go way back when if you wanted to be my
friend or you'd call me . I'd understand, it's true.
I don't feel like i'm falling.
No, I don't feel like i'm falling
No, I don't feel like i'm falling down.
Just say "hello" to the ground.
Ba ba ba ba ba ba
Wait there, I'll be right back. Down in Times Square
it's a heart attack. All the feeling makes you feel so new.
Trees fall and so do men. Even the walls start caving
in and you feel like there's no pretend for you.
But I don't feel like i'm falling.
No, I don't feel like i'm falling
No, I don't feel like i'm falling down.
Just say "hello" to the ground.
We could talk if days weren't so fast,
and mistakes just leave it so unsure.
Wanna hold you like never before
'cause we're falling and i love you more and more.
Do you feel like you're falling down?
Do you feel like you're falling down?
I don't feel like i'm falling-falling-falling down.
I don't feel like i'm falling.
No, I don't feel like i'm falling
No, I don't feel like i'm falling down.
Just say "hello" to the ground.
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 24 April :: 9.31 am
:: Music: Ben Kweller- No Reason
Let me get lost...I'll drive you around til I run out of gas...
So I had mad adventures yesterday...
But I'm too tired to type them in right now.
The rest of you are doing school type things. All you Cedaranian's and your senior interviews and career explorations and MEAP tests and field trips..bahahaha.
I'm taking a nap.
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 22 April :: 10.55 pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Sha Sha
So, so me...It's up to me if I decide to be what I be....it's right...
exitboot: heh..
exitboot: who cares.
JediBumblebee: not heh
JediBumblebee: i care
exitboot: good.. then care all the time.. or don't care all the time. you can't do that.
JediBumblebee: well fuck having opinion
JediBumblebee: s
exitboot: well fuck being a bitch
JediBumblebee: thanks for screwing up something that had nothing to do with you
exitboot: right. sorry. i really am.
why would you do something that is obviously not pleasing to either party? unless it's some sick pleasure of yours you should recognize the pointlessness of hurting feelings.
i wonder about interpretation skills. what is a friend to you? i think you are afraid of them. and so you avoid having them. too risky. too deep.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 22 April :: 7.28 pm
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Superneat
I don't wanna be happy tommorrow, I wanna be happy today...
damn it, why doesn't anyone like me?
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 18 April :: 11.29 pm
You're a song
Written by
The hands of God
Don't get me wrong
This might sound
To you a bit odd
But you're the place
Where all my thoughts
Go hiding
Right under your clothes
Is where I'll find them
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 17 April :: 3.47 pm
:: Mood: silly
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Sha Sha
Nothing isn't nothing, nothing something thats's important to me...that's right...and everyone's a little nothing, that is how it should be...that's right...that's right....sha sha sha doo...
stupid chat rejects me again.
I stole this from someone else's journal...ahaha.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MICHIGAN IF:
1. You've never met any celebrities. -true...
2. "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point. -what's wrong with that??
3. At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of the Michigan/Michigan State game. -used to be true...
4. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.....eh! -lol
5. You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right. -again, what's wrong with that???
6. Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel. -arghh...
7. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre. -i didnt know it was so foreign. but i can't play it very well...
8. It's easy to get VERNORS ginger ale and Sanders hot fudge sauce, and Faygo pop. -lol
9. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac. -umm....yeah?
10. You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day. -did it today.
11. You bake with SODA and drink a POP. -not true for all of us...
12. The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary. -eh?
13. Your little league game was snowed out. -lol!
14. The word "thumb" has geographical, rather than anatomical significance. -yep
15. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on your left hand. -yes yes
16. Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon. -hah
17. You measure distance in minutes. -i thought everyone did?
18. When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left." -rockford anyone?
19. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but isn't that far from Hell. -and i'm going to college there!
20. Your year has 2 seasons: Winter and Construction. -bah
21. Home Depot (((MENARDS))) on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas. -i can seriously vouch for this one.
22. You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms. -lol!
23. Owning a Japanese car was a hangin' offense in your hometown. -maybe not hometown, but eh!
1 feet on the ground |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 15 April :: 11.08 pm
:: Mood: wasted
:: Music: Ben Kweller- Wasted and Ready
this song is fun and funny
I can't get into the chat so i will post a song yay
Forcefield, supershield, AA.
Junior high love affair is OK.
Jump on the big wagon 'cause I'm SoCal.
I'm big in every way.
I'm running as fast as I can.
She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but her ex thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
If you want to move it so, why don't you make it go?
Prove it to everybody who doesn't understand.
All the nights, all the fights, you are out of sight.
Some say more with their hands.
I'm running as fast as I can.
She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but her ex thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I'm running as fast as I can.
I'm running as fast as I can.
Why am I dealing with this feeling?
I'm maxed out like a credit card.
I'll pretend you'll be my worst enemy.
It's easy, but it seems so hard.
You're near but you seem so far.
She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but her ex thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
She goes above and beyond her call of duty.
She is a slut but her ex thinks it's sexy.
Sex reminds her of eating spaghetti.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I am wasted, but I'm ready.
I'm running as fast as I can.
I'm running as fast as I can.
I'm running as fast as I can.
I'm running as fast as I can.
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
::
2002 12 April :: 11.54 pm
:: Mood: impressed
:: Music: Ben Folds Five- Song for the Dumped
So you wanted to take a break....Slow it down some and have some space...Well, fuck you too...
So I had this meeting with my boss today and it put me in a better mood...I finally got paid for designing and maintaining her website. Which means back wages for about 50 hours of off the clock work. So a nice check went into the bank today.
I went with it and bought myself my much-coveted Salomon blades from MC. Which took a nice chunk out of the nice check. Oh well. Splurging was necessary.
So I thought it would also be fun to buy one of those Theraband resistance thingys...like a giant rubber band that you use to stretch and exercise with. Turned out not to be so fun. Whatever type of rubber it is made of is causing a bad allergic reaction. Plus I've been playing with it all night, so now my hands and arms are breaking out in a horrible rash! How stupid do I feel?
2 feet on the ground. |
Go ahead, you can laugh all you want. |
|
