I'm bouncing off the walls again....whoa-oh...I'm looking like a fool again...whoa-oh...So go ahead and take a picture...and hang it up so you can tear me down...And I don't care...'cause I'm still he
I pierced my cartilage again. OW!

Also, found a prom dress. It is so fun and will go PERFECT with cowboy boots and the hat that I won off of Ebay yesterday! ;)

yay! i get to sleep in tommorrow! hahahahahahahaha to everyone who doesn't! just kidding (well i guess i'm not but i hope to not sound so heartless).

yeah...so...how's it going?

no i did not

Wait Mister. Which way is home?
They turned the light out
and the dark is moving in the corner.
There are no sign posts in this room,
four ladies, over eighty,
in diapers every one of them.
La la la, Oh music swims back to me
and I can feel the tune they played
the night they left me
in this private institution on a hill.

Imagine it. A radio playing
and everyone here was crazy.
I liked it and danced in a circle.
Music pours over the sense
and in a funny way
music sees more than I.
I mean it remembers better;
remembers the first night here.
It was the strangled cold of November;
even the stars were strapped in the sky
and that moon too bright
forking through the bars to stick me
with a singing in the head.
I have forgotten all the rest.

They lock me in this chair at eight a.m.
and there are no signs to tell the way,
just the radio beating to itself
and the song that remembers
more than I. Oh, la la la,
this music swims back to me.
The night I came I danced a circle
and was not afraid.
Mister?

When you're feeling sad and low...we will take you where you wanna go... Smiling, dancing, everything is free....all you need is positivity...
Today was so nuts, you guys. I swear, no drugs on me, and I was just buzzin the whole day. I mean, so much stuff is screwy right now but I don't care, it was nice to just let loose for a whole day...like the tornado drill aerobics, and dropping the books in the lunchroom and laughing so loud that everyone looked...

LINOLEUM!!


Bwahahahahahahaha....

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you asked, but tonight's about me and an old memory...
I had someone tell me that I'm beautiful today. Sort of out of the blue. It might sound dumb but that really made my day. Because that was really nice of that person.

The dating scene truly perplexes me. I find that I really have no clue what people are thinking. And to think, at one time I thought I understood.

She wears snakeskin boots made by Calvin Klein, and cheap sunglasses from the five-and-dime...All the other girls at school, they give her dirty looks...She got an 'A' in math,
and never cracked the books....She sure looks good in her denim and pearls....Rock my world, little country girl...


growl....i dont like being by myself. home alone since 9:30ish and haven't moved from this computer.

I have been trying to buy cowboy boots off of ebay. don't you think that cowboy boots and a hat would look darn cute with a prom dress? like a magazine....

There's a conspiracy in the powder room, they're going to the bathroom in pairs...Listen to my warning, hear what I sing...Don't be too concerned, it's ok to be afraid..."
Today is already starting to be quite a day....Without real school, I left college and was bored so I stopped on alpine (for 2 1/2 hours) on my way home and didn't know what I was looking for...that always ends in disaster.

I bought an iron.

I don't know why I bought an iron.

It's green, it's sorta pretty.

I don't need an iron.

But I wanted to buy it. And it was on sale. And I want to move out of my house.

So I bought an iron. Among other things.

I tried to buy a prom dress too, but that just didn't work. I found only one that I really liked and it was quite long on me and I know that I'd step on it all the time, that would drive me nuts. So the next size smaller wouldn't zip over my hips. So I was pretty ticked. I suppose I really haven't shopped around much. I'm not all into this prom thing like everyone else. I mean, I'll try to make everything work out ok (I dont have any plans yet) but hey, I'm not one of those "EVERYTHING HAS to be PERFECT!" kind of people. Although I did realize today that I will have nothing to do with my hair in its shortness, and that frustrated me a little. But I think I can deal.

It's pretty funny though...if you watch people who go prom dress shopping, you almost always see them in groups of two or three or four. But not me. I go shopping by myself because my opinion is the only one I really care about. Now, what does that say about me?

sometimes you make me happy....sometimes you make me sad...sometimes you make me happy....oh, but mostly you just make me mad...
...Linger on your pale blue eyes...

I can't help but always think of the past rather than the future. I feel like my emotions are dulled. I just can't feel like I used to.

...Thought of you as everything I've had but couldn't keep...

I'm always wanting more and hating myself for past mistakes. I never follow anything through the way I'd like, or the way I plan.

...If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see...

Why does no one ever see my point of view? I can't be the only one with my opinions. I didn't think I was alone. But maybe I am.

...Skip a life completely stuff it in a cup...

Someone told me yesterday that I need to learn to dream again. I am trying, and I am failing... I don't want to give that up, but I fear that I might. It's too late for dreaming I think.

...It was good what we did yesterday and I'd do it once again...

I'd love to go back to my life when I had dreams. No responsibility, no reasoning, no rationality. Just my dreams. No conflicts, or competition, or confusion. The life of sweet simplicity I had and lost so long ago.

...Linger on your pale blue eyes...

I wonder if I could fall into the sky...
Makin my way downtown
Walkin fast
Faces pass and I'm homebound
Starin blankly ahead
Just makin my way
Makin my way
Through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
Cause you know I'd
Walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight

Its always times like these
When I think of you
And wonder if you ever think of me
Cause everythings so wrong
And I dont belong
Living in your precious memory

Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
Cause you know I'd
Walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you tonight

And I...
I...
Dont want to let you know
I...
I...
Drown in your memory
I...
I...
Dont want to let this go
I...
I...
Dont

Makin my way downtown
Walkin fast
Faces pass and I'm homebound
Staring blankly ahead
Just makin my way
Makin a way
Through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass us by
Cause you know I'd
Walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
If I could fall
Into the sky
Do you think time
Would pass me by
Cause you know I'd
Walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
If I could just hold you tonight

Umm....I haven't written in like, a long time. I've been feeling private.

I'm doing my laundry. It's an exciting day. I had no socks left...

I also just finished a quiz for PLS 103. That class is beyond boring. Professor Chubby puts me to sleep. Every Wednesday. I have an exam tomorrow. One of three. So I am darn excited.

I got the full scholarship for Western. $32,000. But most of you who read my journal already knew that. The passing out in the choir room thing was a clue.

I also cut all my hair off. But you guys knew that too. I've decided that I like it. It's the inner me finally coming out, through my hair. It's simple and a little crazy. I might add some green streaks to it. I am still debating. Any opinions?

Why not me, on a rainy day? WHy not me to love your cares away? You've been searching from here to Singapore...Ain't it time that you noticed the girl next door?
Yay! Stef power week!

At work today I busted a serious shoplifter, and got mad praise from all my managers. He had all this expensive home security equipment, which he had cut out other UPCs of cheap stuff and glued over the real one...some cameras ran up as cables so I had someone check it out, then noticed that all his stuff was the same way, and when i peeled it up, the glue was still wet. It would have been a few hundred dollars difference. The guy ended up darting out the door when my manager turned her back, but he didn't get the chance to steal anything, or get anything cheap. BUSTED! Ha. All because of me. :)

You can smile, every smile, for the one that holds your hand in the pale moonlight...Just don't forget who's taking you home, and in whose arms you're gonna be...So darlin', save the last dance for me
Well, it's time for an update...I don't really know what to say. A lot of big stuff has happened lately.

One being that my car was hit on Wednesday...It has a big dent in the side of it because of a dumb girl in the GRCC parking ramp with a Mercury Grand Marquis who thought she could "squeeze it in" to the spot next to me...needless to say, it didn't work. No, I was not in the car, I didn't see it happen....but she was nice enough to leave a note with her number...but I have yet to get ahold of her so I can get my car repaired. It doesn't look bad from far away but it's actually a pretty bad gouge, all across the driver's side of the car.

The other thing is what is seriously giving me problems. I got "the call" Wednesday night...I am getting a $24,000 scholarship to Western...out of about a thousand people, 45 were picked and I was one. I have to go to another interview where I have about a 50% chance along with the other 44 people to get a full ride. But if you count in my MEAP scholarship and my Cossin scholarship (yeah, got that one too), and the money I've been saving, and open house, I pretty much have a full ride already. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about this, I know it's awesome. But it sortof throws my priorities out of whack. Like, why have I been working two part-time jobs for a year? Why am I trying to get a transfer at Menards to Kzoo, because now I won't have to work through school (only summers)? Plus now I am locked into Western, no changing my mind, no transfering if I hate it, or if I get into Cornell (sniff). I mean, I'm pretty sure that I'll love it, but what if I don't?? I'm already going to practically be a spokesperson for WMU, a Medallion Board of Trustees Scholar, ack! They are already asking me to bring a senior picture to the interview so they can put me in brochures and stuff. I'm not really worried about the interview, interviews aren't that difficult for me. It's just the general idea. So I'm pretty sure I'm just in shock. This is what I was always supposed to do, and I actually did it, I think.

I know, everyone's going to complain and say, why didnt you tell me? I just had to make sure I told myself first.

I'm not the one who's trying to change you...I'm not who's trying to be your enemy...that's something you need to change...
i really badly need something to drink. for some reason, my home is free from beverages? maybe i'll go squeeze some fruit.

i bought a garden today. well, it's not a garden yet, obviously, but i bought the stuff to start my own. i want to bring things to life. power is nice.

i'm really behind in my homework but i dont have any desire to work on it. i hate physics. i really dont understand anything and he never tells me my grades from the tests. so not only am i clueless to the material, but pretty clueless as to how i'm doing as well. which just makes me assume its bad.

i really, really need something to drink....

And how much did you pay for your rock and roll teeshirt? That proves you were there, that you heard of them first?
I really don't like homework.
I really don't like musical practice.
I really don't like the fact that I can't sing like the other girls.
I hate my vicious alto voice.
I hate having to work every day.
I hate that I worked just barely too much last year and so I don't get my tax refund.
I don't like naughty boys with secrets.
I don't like it when my computer restarts and freezes.
I hate physics, and I hate my business class.
I hate giving speeches.
I hate throwing up.
I feel like I want to after I reread all my bitching for the day. I'll stop for now.