Cause your mouth's made an offer that the body cannot veto...
Choir stuff went quite well...girls got a 2, boys got a 1...i had a lot of fun just chilling with choir type people, it was all good...

So Betty and I never went "clubbing" like we originally planned. Instead we went to Menards and had hott guys pick out linoleum for us...yeah, so i work there....so what? We needed to find something to cover the skate rental table at Lazer Skate...we're super-employees. Then we went to Wal-mart--some night on the town...we bought car mats for betty's beast of a car, and paper-punchers, because paper punchers are cool. THEN we went to the Olive Garden and harassed our semi-cute waiter to no end about how do you eat mussells in the shell? how are they, like, attached to the shell? how do you get them out? excuse me good sir, but does your calamari have eyeballs? or tentacles? you get the idea... but he got tired of us and left us and didnt come to refill our sodas....you just can't finish chocolate cake when you have nothing to wash it down with...you can tell betty is my skinny friend because whenever we go out to eat we eat lots of food, and mostly desserts. as for our rude not-so-cute waiter, no tip for you! well, not much of one. we were angry.

Work has issues, but I will get into that in a later "episode" of Stef Stuff.

I went to both jobs today...not to mention went to crazy church with Eliz in the morning and made a fool out of myself...argrgh!

I think I've finally decided who is a safe bet for swirl... yeah, i know, all my rejected dates read my journal, but what i said to all of you was honestly the truth...this person is...simple. and not connected to any of the past...hey dani and andy...it's not who you think it is!! hahahhaha

sometimes dropping down to 50 mph, only to immedialy gun it back up to 90 again...fast, slow, fast, fast, slow...
Today is already setting up to be a weird day, only building upon the oddness that began yesterday.
For starters, premonitions. When you know that something is going to happen, and can't do anything about it. Not that it's anything bad...not that it's anything fantabulously great either, but hey...
And then there's snow....how many years has it been since we've had two snow days in a row? Normally I'd be thrilled....and I won't deny that it made this week a lot easier...but it's prohibiting me from going to work, and finishing my physics (book's at school...grr), pulling together my english, also, choir ensemble stuff is tommorrow...we need practice, that now we won't be able to get, plus all my music is at school.. and I had a lot of work to do with Mrs. Hansen on senior interviews, which i had planned on doing today, which was really the only day I could do it...and I needed to talk to PEOPLE about STUFF today...and turn in some forms for recommendations for scholarships and apps...ooh thats right, more big news!
I CAN STILL APPLY TO CORNELL! They sent me a letter in the mail saying that they were still looking for my recommendation letters and ACT'S...which I have until Feb 15th to get in...it's all done, I just didn't send it because I was under the impression that I was too late. I have nothing left to hold me back, to keep me from going, like I thought I did before. That school is my dream...I would give anything to go. If I get in...goodbye Western. This is the only thing that could change the plans I've made.
I really hate rude people. Especially rude people who don't have the right to be. And people who think they can control you with only a few little words. The spell is wearing off.

She wants to party...she wants to get down...all she wants to do is...all she wants to do is dance...
I just finished watching Coyote Ugly...I love that movie, regardless of how unbelievable it is, or pointless...

No school today, I'm getting antsy...
I called into work today because mom didn't want me to drive with the roads the way they are...we wouldv'e been dead anyway, so I don't think anyone cared.
So now I'm just chillin'...sittin here on my butt wanting to go out to Blockbuster for some more plactic-packaged entertainment but too lazy to put a coat on...hmmm


Hey...my subject has a double meaning! You know how most people take their friends out to big clubs on their birthdays? Well, I think I'm taking Betty to "Teen Night" at the Orbit Room...sortof as a joke, because it will be about a week before she's too old to go anymore...lol. We'll probably dress like hookers and throw ourselves around a bit...it's time for some good unclean fun for once. :) (i'm j/k...the place will be full of 13 year olds anyhow)..but it should be fun!

hey mister, how'd it get so bad? You raised her so well....It's not what you did...It's not what you didn't...
Well, I tried to get somewhere today. I took a few chances and got a little farther. Isn't that one of those ambitions in life, to take risks? I've never really cared enough to worry about it.

So....I tried to take a chance on something I **officially** decided yesterday...and I'm not sure if it's working but prospects look decent.

to the nameless...
closer...much closer, but i still internalize my anger and it will take a lot to take it away. happy birthday.

Someday fades away...like a memory or a place that you'd rather be...somewhere out there...anywhere...I don't care...get me out of here....
there's so many things that i should do...but i won't...

i hate being drawn. when something pulls you in. i just can't stand the loss of control.

and i dont realize what i'm doing til after i've done it. my antics today...(remember the "sparkle", dani?) were a little drastic...spastic... i dont need to be so desperate.

and it makes me wonder...when i jump into the arms of someone...and they won't hold me up maybe it's because no one else would either. jinx. damn.

i really wish it could turn. i'd really like to know what it feels like. i hate being left out left out left out............
if i could be bolder...maybe just older and be out of here.

i'm wasting too much of my time on it.

but what about punk rock? WHAT ABOUT PUNK ROCK??? HAHAHAHA....
Songs That Everyone Should Download (that you've probably never heard of):
Apocalypse Hoboken- Little Fingers
Artificial Joy Club- Sick and Beautiful
Atom and His Package- Punk Rock Academy
Bigwig- Smile
Bouncing Souls- I Know What Boys Like
Cake- Rock and Roll Lifestyle
Chemical Brothers- Leave Home
Counting Crows- Kid Things
Deftones- Root (demo version!)
Descendants- Silly Girl
Dropkick Murphys- Never Alone
Folk Implosion- Natural One
Goldfinger- Just Like Heaven (cover)
Green Day- Suffocate
The Hippos- Pollution
International Noise Conspiracy- Only Lovers Left Alive
Less Than Jake- Blue Moon
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes- anything...try Hats Off To Larry or The Rainbow Connection
MxPx- Blue Moon (i like that song!)
NerfHerder- Don't Hate Me (Because I'm Beautiful), Sorry, Kiss Me Deadly, High School
NOFX- Please Play This Song On The Radio, We Threw Gasoline..., Clams Have Feelings Too (Actually They Don't), What's The Matter With Parents Today?
Planet Smashers- All Men Fear Women
Queers- Get A Life and Live It Loser, Punk Rock Girls
Soul Coughing and Weezer- American Girls
Suicide Machines- I Never Promised You A Rose Garden
Superdrag- Who Sucked Out The Feeling?
Unwritten Law- Cailin
The Urge- Too Much Stereo


Yeah, thats a bit of it...scrolling through my mp3's and deciding what YOU need to be cool. Or just listen to a few and you can understand a bit more of me...if you'd ever want to..

Gimme some responses, tell me what you think.

Angry at who? Me? You better back up, fool....
Yay! Good things happen when you wish and wait. Patience has paid off, and the reason I tried to quit MY job has now decided to quit HER job...I'm so happy! And we got along last night just fine without her... Unless she has another revelation message from god or whatever and decides to come back... she has done that before. but this time I guess i seriously made her mad...thru no fault of my own, mind you! I was just doing my job...and now I can continue doing it in peace, without being threatned every time I go into work.

On a less positive note, I am rather ill. Which is unpleasant...but i'll be over it soon enough. Also, the swirl date thing is still kindof up in the air.

Why can't a fellow (hey, maybe a director?) ever once prefer a girl who's merely me?
Hey, I didn't get the lead..but that's ok. I guess it would have been nice to have a true, solid lead once in my life, but I do like the part I have... one of the "unpleasent" stepsisters. I'm the grouchy one. It'll be an adventure. And I sing quite a bit more than I have in the past. The songs are cool (and in my range! yay!) and i'm the traditional comic relief.
So it's cool. Regardless of how many people tell me that I SHOULD be upset. Because I'm not. I'm quite convinced that the director has method to her madness. :)

My foot still hurts though!

Please leave me here in the empty world...
Jeez, I am in sooo much pain right now. Like, the physical kind..y'know?
Some girl in the hallway got pushed by her friend and ran into me...more specifically my foot.
Not that my feet don't have enough problems already...she jammed my foot back and now my toenail is broken (it has a big crack right though the middle) and it got pushed much farther back into my foot than it was ever meant to be. It is quite painful and making me miserable...I could hardly walk thru 6th hour and most of callbacks....yah i made callbacks...

Another beef I have...that darned cast list gets posted at 7:20am tommorrow, but I won't get to school to see it until 10:30ish... AARRGGH!

No one's making us do what we're supposed to...
Why does no one ever comment on my journal entries anymore?


I know that I'm not profound or interesting, but I try...sometimes...but I tend to be too cryptic.


I'm only digging my hole deeper and deeper...but I can't put down my shovel.

Something in your eyes keeps haunting me...I'm trying to escape you...
If its all so simple, why can't I just let it go? Or maybe just accept it?

Your lack of passion, and your lack of dreams pretty much made you obsolete...
I hate college. I wish I just went to normal school like everyone else. :(


Auditions- blah, i'm not sure HOW that went so i suppose we will see and you can be sure that i will say SOMETHING about it..

Why can't I sleep anymore? I've tried all those tricks again and nothing works...I got a humidifier for my room...tried music, no music, bubble baths, drinking milk (uck!) etc etc etc and I'm still having troubles. So I am under the alias of doing homework, when really, I'd rather be sleeping!

I wish I knew what people were thinking...but thats a whole seperate issue, eh?

I'm hexed with regrets and bad luck...so keep your distance cuz it's rubbing off...
shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit

I messed up.

You don't know me let alone my intent......To me it's plain, to you absurd (i know, out of order....but it makes more sense that way...)
Robby, what did you do now??? I just got SET UP! ugh! i didn't think i'd ever let ROBBY do something like this...and to think i was MAD at him yesterday...

I can only hope it'll be fun... and that it'll keep me away from the mess i'm in...

All I want to do is...stay til early in the morning...
Well, today's a little slow...I got up between noon and one, did a little homework, and I've been chilling on this here computer... But i've managed to stay IN my house and not go to work, OR spend any money (yet). So overall I think I'm doing pretty good.

Anyone want to go out and party tonight? :)

I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out...
Ever come to a shocking realization about yourself that you should have made WEEKS ago?

Like, I did something stupid, something should have been totally obvious to me from the very beginning but I didn't pay attention! **smacks forehead**

So now I am stuck.

I've probably just got myself in a big mess. But it may be too early to tell.

I'm trying to keep the ground on my feet, it seems the world is falling down around me...
updates on everything that happened yesterday:
1. Yes, my sister's arm is broken. She's got a slight fracture, not bad enough to have a cast but she is in a sling.
2. The washing machine ate a sock. My sock. That's why it decided to spew water all over my floor. So now I need to buy new socks.
3. I didn't quit my job. I tried, and my boss promised me that everything would be worked out. SO we'll see.
4. I'm still mad at my friend.

I'm so confused, about what to do, sometimes I want to throw it all away.

knocked me on my knees and i can't stand up...
MY DAY TODAY

1. English exam. Got up late, wore scrubby clothes and drank apple juice. That was ok. I got a good score.
2. Hallway passing time. Realized that I looked like the rest of the white trash girls and that slippers at school are a bad idea.
3. Choir Exam- ouch! So that's what happens when you skip review day... Everyone listened to rap music and chatted. I don't know how to chat. I sat alone for a long time.
4. Leaving school. Hurtful glances, pain in my tummy too.
5. Home to get ready for work. I still feel yucky, i haven't refilled my perscription yet so that was probably a contributing factor.
6. While changing for work, I get a really nasty nosebleed. Remember my last entry about blood? yeah...
7. Go to work, walk in and my boss can tell how icky i feel, i say i'm sick and wanna go home.
8. Go home, talk on computer, get bored, go shopping, spend much money. Bought a TV that doesn't work. Drove home and got stuck in traffic due to a stupid accident.
9. Walk into house. Hear two screaming children and a whole lot of water, and no adults present.
10. Futilely attempt to stop broken washing machine from spilling liquid contents onto floor.
11. Console sister about serious pain she receieved while rollerskating in my establishment at which I had gone home sick earlier.
12. Call mom on cellphone. Repeat about 12 times.
13. Drive to basketball game to retrieve mother to drive sister to emergency room.
14. Return to house to mop floor around washing machine.
15. Go back to basketball game and attempt to sell pizza coupons in place of mother. Sell none, but had enthusiatic help after the real help ditched me (thanks dani! nice dancing! :) ).
16. Get rejected by person who i thought was my friend.
17. Stop at work to tell boss what happened. Told that I am wrong.
18. Cry
19. Go home.
20. Cry
21. Decide to quit job.
22. Weep bitter, depressed, miserable tears.

I'm still on step 22....

it ain't no big thing...but i know what i like...
What really iritates me is when someone will sit there and tell you that every theory that you currently follow in life is WRONG.

That the way you handle your problems is incorrect and won't help anything.

That they "already tried that" and since it didn't work for them, it couldn't possibly work for you.

Why can't I ever do things my way?
Of course, my way really hasn't worked yet...mayb i'm just stubborn...



i had hoped that i could get somewhere but i find that people like to shatter every chance i thought i ever had.

try shaking the world...will that wake them up??

All your insults, and your curses, make me feel like I'm not a person...
so something unpleasent happened at work today...a lady fell while she was skating... and she hit her head really hard.. and had a hematoma.. which i found out is a very large, bloody lump on your head... she was bleeding a lot and i didn't notice... until i was in the ticket window and i looked at her from behind and her hair was totally matted with BLOOD.. i don't handle the blood thing real great... if you ever see me watch a gory movie, you laugh... but this was unfunny.. i started falling over and grabbed onto the counter... i couldn't finish my work in the lobby so i had to floorguard...while i'm still all queasy...we even had to call an ambulence... and there was lots of blood...a whole lot of it.. i didn't like it.



Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

you place the name, you know i'll be there...you name the time, you know i'll be there...
yay! I dont think i failed! i'm thinking B-C range, which is ok. But let's all say good-bye valedictorian... and probably good-bye salutatorian too, depressing...i lose my scholarship to central now...not that i wanted to go there anyway but it sure looked nice on paper that i had most of it paid for.
i'm still quite upset, i missed my cornell app deadline...i really wanted to get out of here. so now i am pretty much stuck in-state. western...woo-hoo. go broncos.