American Cliche

:: 2009 25 January :: 11.28pm

I got caught in a pornado.

:: 2009 25 January :: 11.24pm

And I jizzed in my pants.

:: 2009 25 January :: 11.12pm

Ah, bring me my rape shoes.

:: 2009 24 January :: 5.49pm
:: Music: the replacements

a poem
Remember when you were transfixed by the burning orange cigarette
while you sat on the outdoor couch with the boy who meant everything
at the time, but turned out to be nothing in the end.
You didn�t even smoke you just wanted to watch it burn.
It was like so many other things in life that are only beautiful while disintegrating,
could only be appreciated as it died.
As he inhaled the toxins, your heart grew a little,
while you watched the bright orange flare up and burn down a little more.

:: 2009 24 January :: 5.01pm
:: Music: greg laswell

PS
oh and I am slightly obsessed with the video from SNL by the lonely island "Jiizz in my Pants". it is one of those popular videos that has gone compltely viral now, but it remids me of you a little cuz we used to use the word jizz like it was going out of style, and now it is more en vogue than ever before. jizzjizzjizz

:: 2009 24 January :: 4.52pm
:: Music: strays don't sleep

this week
this was a pretty good week, i worked everyday, not as muc as i need to but enough to get by for now. last niht i made the most delish dinner of stuffed mushrooms, smashed potatoes, and flank steak pinwheels. brad came over for friday night dinner too and then we thee watched forbidden kingdom...not a great movie, but entertaining.

i watched tin man this week too, I forgot how good it was. it is a miniseries reimagination of the wizard of oz that the scifi channel did last year, and they replayed it on the slueth channel this week.

i feel very restless today, i am gonna go work out to see if that will help. i am trying really hard not to call brad because i know that i shouldn't. i played 3 games of settlers, read a whole book, and am doing laundry to keep from doning it. I just think it is best if i dont get to dependent on him to keep me occupied. or get too cling or needy or annoying. also we are going to my kohls holiday party tomarrow, so 2 out of 3 days this weekend aren't bad. maybe i will paint...

3 Remarks | Speak to me

:: 2009 22 January :: 1.51am

So two British women were in Menards today to set their product. Turns out their product hadn��t arrived yet so Mark Mahowald had them set the product next to theirs that had to move. They did it�K

We ended up staying 35 minutes past close setting their product. And then we went out drinking ��

Mark Mahowald became Ma-walla-walla. And he��s going to get a Fusion Mixer up his jacksie.

They think ��Dan The Man�� is straight, while I think otherwise.

Both Ann and Becka swallow.

Becka has only tried anal twice.

Ann has done it with her man on a regular basis.

Craig had his scrotum pierced because it apparently smacks the clit while fucking.

Fanny means ��lady garden�� in British speak.

I hate how beer makes you pee.

British people are easier to understand than Southern people.

2 Remarks | Speak to me

:: 2009 20 January :: 10.36pm

Pussy Vs Ass
By N.S.

In these trying times, when the very notion of a democracy is beginning to seem like fiction, it�s important to remember the little things that unite us all as humans. Like our ability to express ourselves creatively, or our capacity for love. Or the fact that each and every one of us has an ass.

Yes--an ass. An ass that can be stimulated, penetrated�and loved. What could be more democratic than the concept of ass-fucking? Everyone has an anus, to use in any way they see fit. And just like the democracy that we are currently enduring in America, everyone can get fucked.

Yes, I do believe there is something quite beautiful in the fact that each and every human has the right and the ability to have their sphincter pounded into oblivion. Ass sex can be a tremendously exhilarating and transcendent experience. It allows males to feel what females feel�to be prodded, invaded. On the other hand to get fucked is to feel the power of enveloping another human being, of drawing them into one�s self. Ass sex just might be the ultimate weapon in the battle of the sexes.

Not to mention that it bridges the gap between cultures in a world where diplomatic relations between countries are strained to nearly the breaking point. Ass sex has always been quite prevalent in Arabic cultures, and think of how many lives could be spared if, instead of terrorizing other countries with bombs or other forms of attack, we could all just fuck each other in the ass and get out our aggression that way? It is a dream that I have.

Straight white men, are you listening? You are the ones who run this world, after all, and maybe it would be beneficial for you to feel how things are at the other end of the stick, so to speak. Perhaps it would do this world a bit of good if you got your girlfriends to peg you, or at the very least, bought yourself a nice rubber dong and slid it up your tight holes. Maybe the world would be a better place. Don�t you agree? (if so please email me: bacteriaburger@gmail.com).

Vaginas are great, really. I mean, pussy definitely trumps ass in certain obvious areas (less muss, less fuss), but when you get right down to it, isn�t pussy fairly exclusive? Only one half of the population has one. The vagina is an elitist orifice, and elitism has no place in a democracy, at least not in my opinion.

The way I see it, if you really believe in enduring freedom and want to make the world a better place, you should be willing to make sacrifices, and one of those sacrifices should be your ass. If you are a true and proud American, and you believe in democracy, then there is no way you can not believe in the unifying and leveling force that is the anus. You�re either for us, or against us.

So everybody�black or white, rich or poor, female or male, your anus is essentially your badge of freedom and democracy. Remember, freedom isn�t free. Let�s show those terrorists and haters of democracy our strength by taking it up the ass like the powerful nation we know we are.

Remember to take it slowly, and God Bless America.

:: 2009 20 January :: 5.36pm

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." Abe Lincoln

:: 2009 19 January :: 8.09pm
:: Music: stereophonics

MLK Day
Today was good day. not as good as a certain MLK day, but good nonetheless. i woke up, went to work, did a great job, came home, worked out WHILE watching One Tree Hill ( i know, GASP i have been working out lately) then (after showering) i painted a little. brad picked me up around 5 and we wandered around in the mall and kohl's and he just left. good day. now i think mark lindsay and I are gonna play board games (shocker!) and then i might paint some more.

The best mlk day ever was when we lived 8302 amd we watched that horrible chick flick nd then when everyone retreated to their rooms (probably to call their boyfriends) ALICIA started bustin' a move to the end credits. when MICHE::E saw how ridiculous she was, a video was made, and we all realized we didn't have class the next day (actual MLK Day) so we all imbibed alchol and dressed up and danced into the wee hours.

I believe that is one of the best memories I have of that whole year.
Some others:
Using the sticky hands on...everything...especially empty milk jugs at late hours
Brian's bunny getting chased by Layla
Watching gilmore Girls w/ Steve and Kate all night then goign to video hits at 6am to get another season
the night we saw Sin City (sorry I know that might now be a fave of yours but lookin back...hilarious!)

I love that it looks like we jizzed all over the apartment because of the sticky hands, and that the guys across the hall would just come hang out, and because of them we didn't lock the door, which led to drunk guy getting tasered in Kate's room. I love the airsoft pellets everywhere, even the washing machine, and our 4 kinds of milk. Even though the majority of the days were spent thinking it sucked in one way or another, some great stuff definetly happened.

i love you miche;;e and he best thing that happened in that apt. was my friendship with you i think...and the muff diving.

3 Remarks | Speak to me

:: 2009 18 January :: 10.37pm

Ew! Pbht! These carrots taste musky.

Out! Damn oompa-loompas!

2 Remarks | Speak to me

taoman1121

:: 2009 15 January :: 11.50am
:: Music: Vampire Weekend - I Stand Corrected

Best of 2008
Top CDs
1. TV on the Radio - Dear Science
2. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
3. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
4. The National - Boxer (2007)
5. Vampire Weekend
6. We Are Scientists - Brain Thrust Mastery
7. Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue
8. David Byrne & Brian Eno - Everything That Happens Will Happen Today
9. Augustana - Can't Love, Can't Hurt
10. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
11. Snow Patrol - A Hundred Million Suns
12. Flight of the Conchords
13. Nine Inch Nails - The Slip
14. Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I-IV
15. The Raconteurs - Consolers of the Lonely

Top Movies*
1. The Dark Knight
2. 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days (2007)
3. Valkyrie
4. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
5. WALL-E
6. The King of Kong (2007)
7. Cloverfield
8. Get Smart
9. Chicago 10 (2007)
10. Step Brothers

*This is kind of a misnomer, since I haven't seen the majority of 2008 films that I wanted to. With the assistance of Netflix, I hope to correct this before the Oscars.

3 Remarks | Speak to me

taoman1121

:: 2009 14 January :: 2.20pm

Damon Lindelof on Season 5 of 'Lost'
'One thing we all decided was, the biggest mistake we could make in Season 5 would be to hold back or slow down or go back to a stalling modality. We've basically been feeding the audience crystal meth for a year, to cut them off cold turkey and give them a pack of chewing gum and say, "We'll give you more crystal meth in Season 6," would have been a disaster. When you piss off a junkie, they will do almost anything to get their drug.'

Well said.

taoman1121

:: 2009 7 January :: 11.22pm