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2006 10 August :: 7.40am
She threw a fucking rock at us....
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2006 4 August :: 8.57am
I'm home from camping. It was full of experiences, some of which I had never partaken in before.
It was extremely hot. I went swimming. I slept. I ate. I made friends. I fried criss cross potatoes in a wok.
milk....milk was a bad idea.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 31 July :: 7.17pm
Camping with matt and rueben and katie and joe tomorrow.
ah the bliss.
eating mother's stir fry. tastes odd. first home cooked meal in days.
callouses forming on my finger tips. beautiful music to my ears.
Plan B may be available without a prescription.
michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 28 July :: 10.29pm
:: Mood: depressed
I can't help but feel that I'm wasting my life.
I'm wasting my talent.
I'm wasting.
I'm wasted.
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m&ms487
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2006 26 July :: 6.27pm
:: Mood: worried
I had a picnic with Kae and Aaron today.
Lovely rain.
I would be a toaster, so I could take two slices at once.
Sometimes I catch a glimpse,
Of the world which I see,
A beautiful scene, magical,
You could never know what I mean.
"Sometimes I think this cycle never ends, we slide from top to bottom then we turn and climb again..."
I listened to Transatlanticism for the first time today. It was beautiful.
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2006 22 July :: 6.46am
:: Mood: listless
I haven't slept in 28 hours, and if I go to bed soon I'm looking at about four hours of sleep before the park picnic and then work until 10 tonight.
I had my CMU orientation yesterday morning. Very informative. I got some of the classes I wanted, the others I dropped and added the correct ones. Twelve credit hours, not bad.
BIO 101 (and lab)
CSP 10something (computers and society, i know...but i had to fill a gen ed requirement)
ENG 235 American Literature
COM10something, intro to speech and communications.
All fun things. No ensembles, no music classes right now. Because I had to change schools so quickly, I can't be in their music program until next year. However, I may still pick up my entry level music classes and an ensemble next semester, until then, studying by myself is the only option I have.
We went to IHOP and played mau. I drank real coffee for the first time in my life, with a lot of cream and sugar mind you. The waiter made us triple strength coffee (three bags of coffee grounds in the pot). That shit really gets you. I believe that is the reason why I am not tired at this time.
Driving home from IHOP I witness the most beautiful sunrise, so, I took out my writing journal and compiled a few thoughts I will share with you here.
July 22 2006 6:30a
The dew soaks thorugh my clothing as I sit here, witness to this event. So few times have I been so aware of this constant change of my home. Something so beautiful would be more cherished if it were rare. We prize the true diamond because it is rare, but would we not just as easily be careless with it if it were common to us? Would we not use it as an adornment fabricated to eventually break to keep the economy going. The slogan would not be "Diamonds are Forever," rather they would be quite common place and often disposed of, losing all significance of importance. Beauty is only acclaimed in the rarest of forms. A perfect sunflower is often only left for the birds to admire.
This magnificent event before me may be prized by another people, another culture, because of its rarity, such as in the north. The sun sets for half the year, and is risen for half the year. Do you think they are not joyous after six months of darkness when the sun rises, illuminating their world? It seems beauty and admiration are only warrented for the rare, but never the equally admirable but common.
-michelle
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2006 18 July :: 10.27pm
why do i keep on missing everything?
why do i ruin everything?
why?
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2006 29 June :: 7.21pm
:: Mood: embarrassed
Going over to my grandparent's house always makes me feel guilty. I feel guilty because I never go and see them, and when I do I realize I should have instead of doing everything else I have been doing lately. I still encounter that 'perfection' thing, but I'm trying not to let that get to me. You know, the whole 'I have to be just like they want me to be, or else they won't want me anymore'.
My biggest fear in life is of confrontation that ends in abandonment.
I know they are all going to die pretty soon, and I'm going away, away to college. I'm going to miss the little they have left. At least, I always feel that way.
To all those who don't know, the admissions office at GVSU doesn't like me and wouldn't take me (even though i was accepted into their music program, their school, and I graduated sixth in my class with a fucking 3.96 gpa), so now I am going to CMU. My orientation day is July 21.
I'm not a little child anymore, but I still feel like I need to behave like one sometimes...ask permission, don't talk to strangers, eat my vegetables, and the like.
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2006 27 June :: 10.51am
:: Mood: awake
I dream of...
glow worms
rockstars
candy buttons
fancy cars
melodies
vibrant skies
starry nights
pecan pies
total darkness
extreme light
frigid waters
my lonely fight
sorrowful mothers
holding hands
perfect kisses
marching bands
moving music
shadows of night
green tall grass
famine and blight
beautiful sorrow
dramatic scenes
exquisite jewels
Alien Beings
Perfect ends
being close
never ending
Him the most
michelle
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2006 26 June :: 7.43pm
I've missed so many things already.
I don't have time for this, I don't have time, don't have time, don't have time.
There are children laughing outside. Is it wrong to want to shoot them?
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