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2004 27 October :: 1.57 pm
Just make it all stop!! I don't want to do this. Fine, I give up!! Just leave me alone, friendship is better than nothing, I don't even wanna know! Just stop, it's killing me inside.
1 Hit it! |
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 27 October :: 12.53 pm
ugh! this sucks, and I know I'm trying not to say that word, but sometimes, there is no other way. ughughughuhguhg! shut up about it ok!!! I know you are just trying to win, and I don't care, it's not a freakin game!! it just makes me sad and REALLY down on myself. like why should I even try right? like you said, you always get everything you want anyway...
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 26 October :: 1.58 pm
hey now!!~ don't go there!!!
I won't humor you! and we're not allowed to use the messenger thing in school anymore. It is getting the teachers in trouble!! ahhaah
I love how I can make everything into not a big deal, I"m surely trying hard to anyway. It's working really good at the moment.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 25 October :: 6.52 pm
it is what it is, you'll just have to be patient and not push. Why can't anyone understand that it hurts and I don't know what the heck I want. You all seem to knowwhat I want, so why don't you tell me? UH DUH! Because I confuse myself more than anyone else does and if I can't even decided what is right for me, then nobody else is going to be able to! I'm so retarded. I knew I couldn't do this, and I did anyway, and now I'm paying for it, severly. And I secretly knew that I never had a chance in the first place, but it still resulted in something great, and I wouldn't change anything about any of it. Except the competitive part about that. Why does there always have to be someone or something else in the way. Before, when I felt this way, I knew in the back of my mind that it would never work, but I would never come out and say that, I couldn't admit that, when so many people knew. I just couldn't. But now, I hate this feeling that she knew but I didn't and I feel retarded because I told her, but I never even had a clue. So, it was like she was secretly finding out all the dirt behind my back, and trying to figure it out for herself, to see if she was missing something. And now...I don't know, everything is too confusing, I wish it was all laid out for me, plain and simple. Do you ever feel like everyone has a plan, and is moving forward, but you are just stuck, not knowing anything? I do, all the time actually. I don't feel like anything is progressing, and I'm just gonna get left behind or something. I just don't know...anything. I wish someone would just tell me what to do! Do I just give up? I'm never gonna get what I want. There is always someone stopping me.
NO, I won't give up....Nope, not gonna. OK.
Whenever I think this deeply about anything or anyone, I get so confused. Nothing is right anymore. I want to just go back to how things were before I knew. What's that saying..ignorance is bliss? But since I can't, I'm just gonna be the good sport that I am and live with it, it's ok, it's only a title anyway, that doesn't mean anything. Having a title only sets you up quicker to get hurt, and that's the last thing I need. I'm still not recovered from the last time, and it hurt so bad! I'm not going to go through that again. I told myself that I wouldn't even give myself the chance to get hurt, but then what do I go and do? Just that very thing, I haven't gotten hurt, but all signs are pointing towards yes at the moment, well, all but one, I always have that little bitty piece of hope, somewhere on the end of a very long string. Why do I have to think so much, if I didn't over think things I would make decisions so much faster. I should also go through with my first instinct more often, I would have a lot less problems if I did. And I need to keep things to myself from now on, I can't tell anyone anything, except Dani of course, cuz I tell her everything, but EVERYONE except her doesn't need to know anything. It's none of their business anyway. I just don't know what to do, and while I sit here and ramble on about this, most of you have no clue as to what I am talking about and I'm perfectly ok with that. But for the 3 or 4 of you that do, I don't know, just don't care. I wanted to not over think, but I did, and then I was set straight again, and since it was so nicly done, it was ok, and everything is still ok. Last night everything slowly started to sink in tho, and it wasn't fun, but then I talked to some people on the phone and it was ok again. Why do I always have to forgive so easily. People seem to think that they can just walk all over me and I won't get mad, I do get mad, but I would NEVER say anything, and even if I did, you wouldn't listen cuz even if I threatened you or something you wouldn't take me seriously, nobody ever does. I just am so confused, and it's no use trying to sort it all out my myself, but nobody can tell me anything either. Ugh, I need to just figure out what I want, even if a certain someone made up their mind, I still wouldn't know if mine was made up. I jsut don't know, I guess everything happens for a reason and everything happens when it's supposed to, even if you think it's the time now, or the moment has passed, everything will always work out for the best and everything happens for a reason. at least that's what my mom keeps telling me. I don't know..I guess I'm gonna go think some more, and maybe I'll come to some kind of a conclusion where I can get my act together and say what I REALLY mean for once. Jenna, Jenna, Jenna, what have you gotten yourself into? (hopefully something good) that's all I can say.
4 Hit it! |
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 24 October :: 10.05 pm
:: Mood: crappy
ok, I guess, I'm just not right about anything anymore, not like I ever was though.
Oh my goodness, I'm making myself soo mad! I need to stop feeling sorry for myself NOW.
ok
So, I had a really good day, I woke up and then sat around with Stacey and watched American Dreams, then Dani called me and we went to Klackles. It was so fun, we go every year. It doesn't seem like fall if we don't. But we talked about guys on the wagon ride to get applees and decided that we can't do anything about that whole thing, we have no control, and then we moped, but then we cheered up and bought each other caramel apples!!
but then I came home and started cleaning like a maniac!! it looks good now, and our floors are coming Wednesday, hopefully.... I can't wait, my house looks terrible with ply wood everywhere. I want our real wood floors so bad.
oh goodness, what else....OH, that whole thing with Dani is completly unfair, and she shouldn't have to deal with it, and you know it's terrible when she cries to talk about it, and it makes you cry to hear about it. I love you Lolly.
But that's all, besides talking to Dan, which made my whole night better. Imagine That!
ok, night all.
3 Hit it! |
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 24 October :: 7.37 pm
ugh, why does everyone have to be so two-sided? I can't say anything to anyone. It all gets twisted around and then thrown back at me to pick up all of the pieces and to try and fix everything. And I'm so sick of it. Ugh, please let me do something right, and make them all stop yelling at me, I'm not trying to be so disappointing.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 24 October :: 10.03 am
Last night was so awesome. I can't even think of a more perfect thing for my parents, well, prolly could if I really put some real thought into it. hahaha, but anyway, everything was good, I won't say perfect, cuz nothing ever is, but it was really really REAlly good.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 23 October :: 10.49 am
AHHHhhh!! Today is the day!! I'm so excited!! I can't wait!! It's gonna be so much fun!! I hope everytihng turns out well, but from how it looked last night, ohhhh, it's so pretty!!! I'm so proud of my sister's and I, and all of my relatives. It stinks that it's raining, it won't dampen my spirits tho, well, I have to go get 59 balloons, haha, that's all we could afford, not 60, 59!haahah
oh well. It's gonna take a few trips to get them all to the hall, so I better get going.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 22 October :: 7.20 pm
ugh! what am I gonna do?
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 22 October :: 6.30 pm
no plans tonight, well, kinda... muahahaha!!
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 22 October :: 2.09 pm
woahahahahah!!! muah ha ha aha ha ahabhaahahahahah......*evil laugh* muahahahahah
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 22 October :: 9.29 am
wow, everything is better than I expected it to be at the moment, and I'm stilll really happy despite everything, because nothing bad happened, it's not like anything is ruined or anything. it AIN'T NO THANG!
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 21 October :: 7.17 pm
don't feel bad.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 21 October :: 7.14 pm
ugh, Jenna, just try to smile ok.
I'm doing my best, I understand completely.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 21 October :: 5.42 pm
I KNEW I couldn't think too much. I'm really glad now that I didn't, and that I didn't start hoping, cuz then it would be waayy sad. But I kinda expected this actually. And I'm ok with everything. I'm actually surprised myself. ahah, at least it had nothing to do with any family members this time. ahha, no, not funny.
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 19 October :: 2.04 pm
ahahahaha, this is the best day I have ever had!! AAHhhahahah!! I'm loving everything, nothing could go wrong, except if I run out of gas on the way home, that could be bad, but other than that!! yeah!!! go me!!!
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 18 October :: 7.38 pm
ahahah , I'm still in a really good mood!! I don't know what's going on!! but my parents arn't home yet, so we'll see what happens when that happens. YEAH!!
I'm so happy!!
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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2004 18 October :: 4.15 pm
:: Mood: happy
*smiling uncontrolably*
1 Hit it! |
What would you do oo ooo for a Klondike bar?! |
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