Oh my, hello!
Would you like an update about my life?
Well here you go!
I broke up with Tony.
I'm so good at being in relationships.
We still live together.
It's getting easier to be around each other.
He's been a huge jerk lately.
I haven't been mean or anything.
I simply need to figure out what I want from life.
Maybe.. eventually.. I will find someone to be with.
I know what I want in a relationship now, at least.
I plan to be super picky when I actually try to look.
It will be a while before I start looking.
Well I have other things going on.
They aren't big so I won't tell :P
::
2009 10 December :: 5.18pm
:: Music: Autolux- Turnstile Blues
I want to blow things up.
I am stuck in a fit of rage.
I want my husband to be home.
I want my parents to fuck off and die
I want to not have a presentation for Finals tomorrow
and
I want to find peace, so i won't feel the need to yell at people.
1994 pontiac grand am
1989 ford probe
1992 ford probe
1978 pontiac grand prix
1980 oldsmobile cutlass
1992 toyota p/u 4x4
1993 dodge dakota 4x2
1984 pontiac 6000
1991 jeep cherokee 4x4
1984 ford mustang coupe
1992 ford tempo GLS
1989 merkur xr4ti
::
2009 10 December :: 1.12am
:: Music: Ida Maria- Nothing Sweet about Me
Ft. McCoy today... well yesterday.
I hate leaving him up there, i wanted to stuff him in the trunk and run away. I know i was the one to push for him to stay, and be paid for having his knee stuff done, but now i am fearful that I won't have him for christmas, and it will just be another empty holiday, on my own.
I miss him, i love him, and i feel empty without him.
I just want him home now. In my bed... *sigh* Hopefully in time for christmas... hopefully he will get surgery before then if he needs it and he will be home. hopefully i get through finals without doing anything stupid, or reckless, or whatever. I just need some comfort... and possibly some eternal sunshine.
christmas is coming; yay?
college needs to be paid for today, need to go setup a checking account.
the jeep is rusting.
hate using woohu to just complain about my life; there is much to complain about
there is so much good to; lots of good
scool starts in january
jeep still runs
i have work; although its not the best
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miss my friends
don't see lizzy or rache enough
wish i had more weekends off to hang out with them.
havn't hung out with anyone but box and justin in awhile :(
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still hungry; for food, for adventure, to live on my own.
pretty stoked about the snowstorm. it's always exciting when severe weather comes along. not liking this rain nonsense they're talking about for tomorrow morning though. that's gonna make everything reeeeeeeeeeeally icy tomorrow night. which is when i have to drive to holland, with drumset in tow, for band practice. hopefully i make it out alive. should probably bring some blankets, munchies, etc. along just in case, though. that'd be the smart move, anyway. and i have to dig up my scraper/brush. it's gotta be around here somewhere.
hope everybody had a stellar day. now it's time to party.
I wanted snow, and now it is in the way of going to visit mike. the irony these days just gets stronger and stronger.
Day trip to Navy pier after i get out of math... well, actually leave math early to catch the train ect, ect. but i will be doing a wonderful photo project on the smith collection of stained glass, and see how well we can rush about chicago, so then i won't have to worry about getting back to kenosha at like midnight. sigh....
somedays it's just fuck it all, and i want to run run run.
and i should re-do my layout on here... the damn snow patrol bit is just so old now.
a whole lotta messed up
so, i saw my man today... drove across the state when i should have been doing an essay that is due in 3 hours. It was good, at first. Then less so, and now worse. I am married and i still feel like a rag doll, that just makes me feel all sorts of fucked up. I try to be happy, and yet i still feel down... I wish i could explain it all to mike, but at this point i am not convinced it will ever matter.
just throw on a mental bandage once again, and hope that i forget... although that hasn't been working so well as of late... seeing as past bandaids are falling off and i can't help but be overwhelmed by the past. ugh.
Well I know, I miss more than hit
With a face that was launched to sink
An' I seldom feel, the bright relief
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday
If there's one thing I have said
Is that the dreams I once had, now lay in bed
As the four winds blow, my wits through the door
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday
Fallin' down to you sweet ground
Where the flowers they bloom
It's there I'll be found
Hurry back to me, my wild Colleen
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday
Though these wounds have seen no wars
Except for the scars I have ignored
And this endless crutch, well it's never enough
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday
Hell says hello, well it's time to I should go
To pastures green, that I've yet to see
Hurry back to me, my wild Colleen
It's been the Worst Day Since Yesterday
hm. I need a change in my life. I know I'm not supposed to be negative, but right now I'd just like to rant..or just state..my 'problems' that I'd like to work on..
number 1) my room is ungodly messy, i mean i can barely walk to my bed and it's horrible. i feel claustrophobic in here, but i really have no motivation to clean it,..i need to. number 2) i am very unorganized..i forget important things and my homework and books are sprawled all over the floor of my room. instated of using folders for classes (i bought folders) i shove all of my papers into my notebook for the class. this causes me to shuffle endlessly through stacks of papers to find things i need. number 3) i have no money. i need to call financial aid and go make an appointment with them to see if i can get more loan money. number 4) i'm overwhelmed by work and school. i need to quit my job before next semester, but i'm not sure if that's financially possible. my grades have suffered this semester and i've been nap happy all semester long. in fact tonight i slept through my 6:30pm class, which upsets me! i hate missing class b/c then i miss crap and it's just annoying. number 5) i want to volunteer more and do other things like that. it would make me happy and i need to do those sort of things to write on my resume. i don't have time though b/c of work. i need time for more important things! number 6) i don't know what to do about living next year..i know it's next year, but i need to sign a lease here soon if i'm going to live here. i most likely will, but part of me is dying for a change! i feel like i've just been trudging along on this same path and i need something different..maybe i can find something different in a different area of my life besides living arrangements but i just don't know what. number 7) i've been stressed this semester so much..i haven't enjoyed myself. i don't do anything fun. i want to have fun! it wears on you after a while..the monotony of school and work. i need some excitement. number 8) i'm not going to get all A's this semester which reaaally upsets me. i need to accept it i guess, but still try the best i can at finals. i could maybe get all A's and A-'s, but as of right now i'm not sure. i don't want my 4.0 in the major to be gone :( but i think it might be. i don't want to beat myself up over it though..i need to just move on.
so that's that. i don't know exactly what to do about all of them, but i'd like to work on them. i just need to find the motivation. i'm exhausted. i wish i lived on the beach so i could just go lay on the sand and veg out. i've seen a counselor twice, but it's not that helpful i don't think. she mostly just makes me talk and doesn't say anything. hmm. i'm going to keep going to give it a full try though i guess. anyway, time to play farmville.
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