Had a terrible evening. Ran my motorcycle into a deer and skidded for about 20 feet to promptly hit the ground and flip over 3 times. Spent the rest of the night in the ER for shoulder injuries and now I have to go to my Doctor's office.
The stupid part is I was only going about 40, slowing down for a turn, and the deer couldn't have been 30 pounds. Fucker went through my windprotector and jerked the handle bars which caused my spill.
Ruined my favorite pair of jeans, my WW2 Jacket, and A ONE DOLLAR WHITE T SHIRT. Have some nasty road burns and soft tissue damage to my right shoulder.
I'll post pictures of the bike later, the right side brake pedal and lever are melted and the windshield smashed. Even the tip of the muffler on the right side melted a little bit from abrasion heat. Bike still runs and drives however, Honda built a tank in 81.
I've been up for 24 hours at this point, waiting for these painpills to kick in so I can maybe get sleep. Highlight of the day was eating a pretty good breakfast at the hospital.
She was a new mean beauty queen,
Money, drugs, magazines,
That didnt do nothing, That didnt do nothing,
They Gave Her Diamonds, Shiny Boys, City Speak, Every Joy,
That didnt do nothing, no nothing for her
You can lead a horse to water but you cant expect it to drink
Now aint that something, Now aint that something
Yeah when the world is at your gate, that wont satiate.
Why are you crying, you want for nothing at all
Dont be a fly in my Martini baby come on down
The roof is high and im not climbing tonight,
Come down and ill give you something to cry about
Fast Cars, Bougie Bars, Trial,
And Drown In The Scars
It wont do nothing, it wont do nothing
Even the best frame wont change your wet painting into,
The Mona Lisa, The Mona Lisa,
Youve got to dry your eyes baby,
I know its your party and you,
Cry if you want to, cry if you want to,
Yeah when the world is at your gate & That dont fill your plate
Why are you crying, you want for nothing at all.
Dont be a fly in my Martini baby come on down
The roof is high and im not climbing tonight,
Come down and ill give you something to cry about
"There's a way about you that just seems right surrounded by drums, and you come alive to battle it."
i understand what they meant. and yeah, maybe it was just a nice little compliment, and that is all. but maybe not. it almost seems to me as if there is something more to it. as if, in that moment, they had a lucid picture of my mind and my heart and my emotions. like they took a polaroid of my soul. and, it just so happened that - as they saw it - my soul was doing its happy dance, for lack of a better term. and it's true. most of the time when i'm playing drums, i'm happy deep down. it just feels good, and i can focus on that one solitary task (which is actually quite complex and anything but solitary), and it will be enough to distract me from whatever else is going on in my life. unless of course there's a crowd of people watching. but that's not the important part. the important aspect of this observation is that the battle - the maelstrom - that they saw in that instant, isn't happening for me anymore. i mean, it happens every time i go into the basement and jam for half an hour. but then i get done, cool down, and it's gone again. i feel the same way when i'm working on cars, or running sound, or making a recording. it's fun, exciting, exhilarating. it's a challenge for me to conquer. it's a puzzle that i find absolutely fascinating. i need to figure out how it ticks... how to fix it if it's broken... what i could do to make it work better, easier, faster, louder, stronger... you get what i'm saying. then and only then am i truly happy, truly satisfied, fully energized and motivated and ... alive.
and what i want - what i REALLY want more than anything - is to feel that passion in all aspects of my daily life. and it seems that i barely feel it at all anymore. like someone just took all of my energy away. or maybe it's there, but i can't seem to reach it when i need to. it absolutely baffles me.
okay, saying all aspects of my daily life is probably misleading. if i was that excited about taking out the trash, or doing the dishes, and did those chores with the same kind of zeal or fervor that i do in playing drums, it would be creepy and weird. and i'd probably need 12 hours of sleep every day just to maintain my energy levels. so, no i don't want it quite like that. but i want to be able to have a job that i do every day, that offers me the opportunity to have little glimmers of that passion bubble up to the surface from deep within my soul every so often. just enough to remind me of why i'm alive. of why i'm here. of why the fuck nobody's killed me yet. and get a bit of a boost from it, so i have enough energy and self-motivation to be able to get in there and kick it in the butt, like i'm supposed to.
all i know is i'm sick of being poor, i'm sick of being bored, and i'm sick of being either A) stuck at home with a chore list five miles long that i refuse to do, or B) being out and about, thinking about all the chores i have back home that i'm not doing, and about all of the money i'm spending (and not making) in the process of being out. i need something else.
"Well then, I think I may be able to help you. You see, your cat is suffering from what we vets haven't found a word for. his condition is typified by total physical inertia, absence of interest in its ambience - what we vets call "environment" - failure to respond to the conventional external stimuli; a ball of string, a nice juicy mouse, a bird. To be blunt, your cat ... is in a rut. It's the old stockbroker syndrome; angst, weltschmerz, call it what you will-"
"Moping."
"In a way, in a way. Hmm... moping, I must remember that. Well now, what can be done? Tell me sir, have you confused your cat recently?"
"...well-"
"SHH! ... no."
"Yes, well I think I can definitely say that your cat badly needs to be confused."
"What?"
"Confused! To shake it out of its state of complacency. I'm afraid, I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service. Here is their card."
"Oh... Confuse-a-Cat Ltd..."
So...five year anniversary with Meijer today. I can't believe I've wasted so many years in that place. At least I get good hours and although I'm not making that much I have an in with management and it's relatively easy work.
This morning around three a nine year old girl stole about three hundred dollars worth of stuff from the store. She had snuck out of the house and rode her bike to Meijer. On her way (back home?) she got pulled over by the cops. Her mom had to take her to the hospital because she had cut herself with the utility knife that she stole to open the merchandise packages. After that, the mom brought her back to the store (about seven am when i first opened the desk) and purchased the stuff that she opened and got blood on and returned the other stuff that was still in the packaging. The girl didn't even look upset.
If someone has choice to cancel? why dont you have the choice to just never start?
So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one - Dr Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby
Cause in this life
Things are much harder than in the afterworld
In this life
You're on your own
Aint that the truth?
I keep knocking at herthe gate. I should just keep walking. Something about the gate keeps my attention still.
Left Brain....Right Brain
Whats a fella to do when dreams are crushed? Your "plan b" falls blown out of the water.
Ive been down this road already. I hate it. Why am I here again?
I am a wanderer without a path. I am a compass without a needle.
3months later. 3 months of shuffling my feet. Seriously. I don't have ambition anymore. I hate it.
I sleep long hours. I dread waking. When I do, I take time to let my sloth set in.
I'm sorry for the bridges Ive burned.
I'm sorry for being disrespectful. I'm sorry for the then and there.
I'm sorry for ideals.
I'm sorry for not accepting.
I'm sorry for your hurt.
I looked too far into it. I set the bar too high.
Got that right. Way to go pal.
Imperfections is bliss.
Ha.
Imperfections kicks dirt in you're face and spits on you when youre down.
It gloats you like its only goal in life is your downfall.
I wake
I eat.
I sit.
I sigh.
I smile.
I busy myself.
Distraction is key.
Focus is key.
I have none.
You have plenty.
Find it.
Mold it!
Why bother?
Just more turns to fall flat on my face.
Shortcomings are numerous.
Why cant you see [it]?
I see it....they set the path down.
Use it. Follow it.
i'm so excited to go to camp tomorrow. i've gone there every year with my whole family since i've been like...9 i think. we rent out a whole girl scout camp. we have cabins, a lodge a huge firepit with benches all around it, our own beach, canoes and everything. its so fun. i haven't gone away and done anything in like..well a year. no vacation really, no break from everything. each year we have like a 'theme' last year it was pirates of the caribbean..i have so many younger cousins and they bring all their friends, so we split them into teams and my aunts plan all these games and everything that have to do with the theme. my cousin carly and her husband rented a jack sparrow costume and a pirate costume and dressed all up and talked with a pirate accent and everything to address the kids, it was great. this year the theme is the wizard of oz!! which i'm so excited about. apparently i get to play some sort of Dorothy part during the 5 days we're there. we have a 'secret' dinner planned which i don't even know about. i mean it will do with the theme i'm pretty sure but they won't even tell me what it is although they tell me the other secret stuff lol. i know it might sound childish kind of, but it's so fun and the kids have soo much fun and they look forward to all the games and activities and everything. one year we had my boy cousins dress up in drag and do a pageant and it was hysterical! then we all had to go in front of the video camera and vote for who we wanted to win survivor style, ha. last year jake and i went fishing and i broke his fishing pole, and we walked around a lot on all the different trails and such and just hung out. i hope everything goes well this year and that everyone has fun and there isn't too much drama or anything. with so many young girls and their friends around, some fights usually pop up between them b/c they can get pretty bitchy towards each other sometimes lol, but i guess we shall see. i love my family because they are so creative and fun. everyone always laughs a TON and my one aunt always ends up dancing ellen style. seriously she could be ellen. there are alwyas a ton of stories to laugh about and things going on to entertain us all. i hope when i'm older my sister and i can come up with fun stuff like this for my kids and their cousins etc..mmmmmm can't wait for smores. :)
Or something else.
Bat your eyes girl.
Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings.
Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness...yeah
She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
She called out a warning.
Don't ever let life pass you by.
Perhaps if a few years older; Id totally make a move.
I'm cautious of who I would call a friend
Who you aquaint is who you are
The darkest hours are when we choose a side
So make your pick and take a fall
Say something
Say anything at all
Make a move
Shes a southern girl...
You're an exception to the rule
You're a bonafide rarity
You're all I ever wanted
Southern girl, could you want me?
Eyes that Vie
Your eyes are an undiscovered ocean far away
Any minute now keeping
Both poets and priests at bay
Don't get ahead of me
Could we just this once see eye to eye?
Could you want perhaps me?
Ask me how it feels to vie
To vie!
Silly me.
No, You're not the first to fall apart
But always the first one to complain
You better get careful or you'll compromise
Everything you are
...Leave me here in my stark raving sick sad little world
In my fantasy I'm a pantomime
I'll just move my hands and everyone sees what I mean
Words are too messy
And it's way past time
To hand in my mouth
Paint my face white and try to
Reinvent the sea
One wave at a time
Speak without my voice and see the world by candlelight
I ain't afraid to let it out
I'm unafraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all
In my fantasy no such thing as time
Minutes bleed into days
Avant garde art
Show me your heresy
And I'll show you mine
We only speak in pantomimes on this carpet ride
I ain't afraid to let it out
I'm unafraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all
In my fantasy you look good entwined
In my hair and skin and spit and sweat and spilled red wine
You're my deep secret
I'm your pantomime
I'll just move my hands
I promise you'll see what I mean
My name is chris, and I am in Kansas City (well... shawnee, KS. but close enough). isn't that cool? i thought you'd be impressed.
I'm getting kind of hungry. probably because this entry is about what i've done so far since i've been here.
we got here yesterday morning. i proceeded to burn cds and copy music to my laptop for the next several hours. then we went out to dinner. it was amazing. i got a glass of gewurtstraminer and a fish sandwich. today we went to gymnastics practice, and went shopping at kohls and old navy. then got gelato. now we're chilling at the house. leaving sometime either tomorrow, or early tuesday.
that's about it.
i should get some food. to eat. and stuff.
peace,
Chris
P.S. funny quote of the day:
"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink." - Joe E. Lewis
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