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Faith Isn't Faith Until It's All You're Holding On To.

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anachronism

:: 2005 2 November :: 6.56am

I hope you're ok.
Last night was hard.
But, I made it. I'm waiting for it all to be over so I can be normal again.


I can't wait for Friday.

Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2005 1 November :: 9.21pm

So much for that idea.....

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2005 1 November :: 4.52pm
:: Music: Ani Difranco

Today was a good day.
I'm reading some of my old entries and oh my God.. I was an idiot. It's so funny how only a month or so after you read something you can't believe you were so fucking stupid.

I'm changing and I think all this shit that has happened was for the best. I'm not doing as bad as I thought I would, at all. It's insane how well I am taking everything. I'm either gonna glide through this or it's gonna hit me later. I just know right now things are fine.

I know how I feel and all I hope is plans run smoothly from here on out.

Oh, and don't worry, sweety.. no one can ruin my life when I'm only 17 years old. Try at a later time. ;)

I love you Erika!

8 Say what??<3 | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2005 1 November :: 6.58am

Reminder.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred

Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

Death Cab for Cutie - Someday You Will Be Loved

Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2005 31 October :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Relient K- Be My Escape

Oh, to be young and worry-free
I feel really stressed out. The stressed out type where I think I don't have enough time to do all the things that I need to do. Could my life get anymore melo-dramatic? Yeah, doubtful. I have my monologue memorized verbatim. Haha just kidding. I need to memorize my two page monologue and also need to memorize my lines for our seminar skit. I also need to write my resume for my modeling stuff and send them out, but I still haven't which pisses me off. I just don't have time to write it and then I also need to get more pictures made for everyone because they keep asking me and well.....I don't have them. Anyways I talked to my counselor about taking the SAT's and ACT's so I need to figure out when I'm taking those and she gave me websites for colleges in California and I need to call them and see if they will accept my credits because I'm probably going to dual enroll next year and then I need to figure out everything for my birthday party too. I could go on about all the wonderful things I need to do but those are the most important things right now.

So tonight I went to play practice and it was pretty fun. H told me tonight that I am going to be a ballerina munchkin so that makes me really happy beacause I'll have a cute costume and half of the other girl munchkins all want to be a ballerina munchkins so when they find out they aren't, then I'm not sure how well that will go. So I need to find a pink tutu lol. I need to find my costume before Monday. After play practice I went to Megan's and we ate dinner and then Luke came over and then later on Lisa, Kourtney, Justin, Matt, Emily, Tj, Cohen and Brittney came over and we watched Amityville Horror which is fine even though I've seen it a million times now but it's still a good movie. I've watched too many scary movies lately and now I'm paranoid to even be in my own house.

I guess thats really all I have to say. I need to go do my homework.

Your still my one in a million <3 ashley

I'm so scared, but I'm also excited in a way :S

P.S.-Chloe's coming up for Christmas!!! Sweeeett!!

Say what??


jayzulla

:: 2005 31 October :: 9.24pm

cannot wait for january. i turn 19. can expliot one thing canada gives me. legal drinking.

i hear the street of windsor (sp?) is a 19-21 years olds dream.

spring break 2006

5 Say what??<3 | Say what??


jayzulla

:: 2005 30 October :: 8.24pm

Hey mother fuckers, wish gravy a happy fucking birthday, assholes.

5 Say what??<3 | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2005 30 October :: 8.16pm

Today didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would.
I just have to stay busy.. hah.
Tomorrow I'll be a wreck.
Hopefully I can just be ok again. I'm staying strong and remembering not to miss him, but miss what we used to have. Which was months ago. And I can have it again, it'll just take time.
So much for everything.

I'll be fine.

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2005 30 October :: 4.34pm

I just love it when people ask me that question....

Not really.

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2005 30 October :: 12.19pm

Well, I'm single.
He broke up with me, so for once I don't have to feel like the bitch.
It hurts. I'm crying, but I can't let it get to me like last time.
I haven't seen him for a week and I have been fine, it's just hard now that it's official. But, me being fine and having a good week without him shows I don't need him. I just feel like I do now that it's a for sure thing that we're done.
But, whatever. I'm young. I have to meet new people and just live right now. I don't need a guy to be a happy person. I need freedom and no one to answer to. I need to just be independent and not get depressed over this.
We had our good times. He was my first for a lot of things, but our relationship has died. We've both been miserable and it's better to end it now than later. And as hard as I tried I couldn't get over being with someone who cheated on me.
Yes, I'll miss him, but I'll live.
I need to hang out with someone tonight, because as much as I don't want to feel alone right now I do.

3 Say what??<3 | Say what??


jayzulla

:: 2005 30 October :: 10.07am

note to self : 5 beers and 3 cups of coffee in an hour = not good.

Say what??


anachronism

:: 2005 29 October :: 1.34pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes

Ani Difranco - Fuel
They were digging a new foudation in Manhattan
and they discovered a slave cemetary there.
May their souls rest easy
now that lynching is frowned upon,
and we've moved on to the electric chair.
And I wonder who's gonna be president? Tweedle dumb or tweedle dumber?
And who's gonna have the big blockbuster box office this summer?
How about we put up a wall between houses and the highway
and you can go your way, and I can go my way.

Except all the radios agree with all the tv's,
and the magazines agree with all the radios!
And I keep hearing that same damn song everywhere I go! [hahaha]
Maybe I should put a bucket over my head!
And a marshmallow in each ear!
And stumble around for
another dumb-numb week..
waiting for another hum-drum hit song to appear.

People used to make records,
as in a record of an event.
The event of people.
Playing music. In a room.

Now everything is cross-marketing.
It's about sunglasses and shoes,
or guns and drugs,
you choose.
We got it rehashed.
We got it half-assed.
We're digging up all the graves
and we're spitting on the past.

And you can choose between the colors
of the lipstick on the whores
'cause we know the difference between
the font of 20% more!
And the font of teriakiyi, you tell me..
How does it make you feel?
You tell me what's real.

And they say that alcoholics are always alcoholics
even when they're as dry as my lips, for years.
Even when they're stranded on a small, desert island
with no place within 2,000 miles to buy beer!
And I wonder..
Is he different?-
Is he different?-
Has he changed? What's he about?
Or is he just a liar with nothing to lie about?

Am I headed for the same brick wall?
Is there anything I can do about anything at all?
Except go back to that corner in Manhattan
and dig deeper, dig deeper this time.
Down beneath the impossible pain of our history,
beneath unknown bones,
beneath the bedrock of the mystery.
Beneath the sewage systems and the path drain,
beneath the cobblestones and the water mains!
Beneath the traffic of friendships and street deals,
beneath the screeching of kamikaze cab wheels!
Beneath everything I can think of to think about,
beneath it all, beneath all get out!!
Beneath the good and the kind and the stupid and the cruel..

There's a fire just waiting for fuel.
There's a fire just waiting for fuel.
There's a fire just waiting for fuel.
There's a fire just waiting for fuel.

1 Say what?? | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2005 29 October :: 11.29am

We could not be doing any worse right now.

I feel like this is the end.


swimfan14

:: 2005 29 October :: 10.40am

Okay so lately I've been going picture crazy so now I'm going to post tons more. Some of them are from when I was a baby and some are from two days ago lol

Read more..


2 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2005 28 October :: 5.23pm

So today I get one of those calls that I've had before. The ones that you can already tell something is wrong before you even know what's wrong. Yeah, those kind. You proably know what I'm talking about. I had one of those calls when my uncle died during the summer and when my friend Dakota died too and then today I had another one. So I guess my Great Grandma died today which really upsets me because in the past four months she is the third person to die that I've been really close with. Nobody was planning on my uncle dying since he died not even two weeks after I just left him in TN and nobody was expecting this either. I'm really upset about this whole thing and I try not to think about it but people that I love just can't keep dying on me. I can't deal with this for much longer. We aren't sure if we are going to TN for her funeral or not. My dad is taking this really hard and he said he doesn't know if he could handle it, and I don't know if I could either. My dad told me today that he is thinking about going to the funeral but he's not sure so if we end up going we'll most likely fly out on Monday. That's really all I've got.

4 Say what??<3 | Say what??

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