Faith Isn't Faith Until It's All You're Holding On To.

:: 2007 12 March :: 9.41am

I walked outside this morning and it was grey and raining.

This is the happiest I've been in a long time.

:: 2007 11 March :: 2.48pm

Back at Central. I had a nervous break down during work yesterday. We had a "Ram Pride" day, and it was loud and there was horrible karoke and cheerleaders, and they made us wear orange shirts. Plus there was a ton of people, and the ones that weren't all "yay rams!!" were really pissed off.

Plus, the management was being a bitch, and then we got slammed later in the day when everyone went home.

But at least I have two months off before summer and i have to do that everyday.

Ed meeting at six. Preamble: Check. Scavenger hunt: Check. Quiz review: Check.

Michelle

:: 2007 9 March :: 3.14pm

Star Theatre, 7:40pm for 300 kiddies. I need a pick me up.

:: 2007 7 March :: 8.25pm

Oh god. My mother.

Rueben and I are moving probably moving in together next year up at Mt. Pleasant, and for many reasons, but the main one being money. It's so much cheaper to live outside of town than in a dorm. My mother doesn't like the idea of us living together because we aren't married. She has told me flat out that it's immoral and she doesn't understand why we have to live together. She also said that she thinks if we live together now, we won't get married, or if we do, we won't value it as much.

I could not disagree more. We are from two very different generations. If she wanted me to be conservative, then she should have raised me like she was raised, being Catholic and getting yelled at all the time for doing things that weren't normal. How can she pass judgement on my life, what I want to do, when she all she does is complain about her life. She complains about my dad every time I'm home. All day. Every day. She complains about how my brother and I don't do enough around the house (and I'm not even there). She complains about work and drinks way too much when she's alone here because my dad works third shift and she works first.

My feelings have been clashing so much lately. I've been at home, work, and observing at school. I feel like I'm being drawn back and reliving the past ten years of my life. It's nice, it's comfortable, because it's what I'm use to. But then, being here for only a couple days reminds me why I was so anxious to get the hell out of here. It's things like that which made me move sixty miles away and limit contact to a few ten minute phone conversations a week. I don't miss it as much as I thought I did. It's not worth feeling "normal" to be here and having to consider any other people's judgement but my own. I know I'm young, but I know what I want in life. I know the difference between right and wrong, and I know how to treat others with respect. I don't need other people telling me how to live my life, especially when they don't know what kind of situation I might be in.

Rant is done.

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 7 March :: 9.36am

Ok. Anyone planning on seeing 300 should check my journal friday sometime. I WILL NOT GET AHOLD OF ANYONE OTHER THEN THE ORIGINAL 4 THAT PLANNED ON GOING!!!!!!! I will however post what time as early as I can.

Phil - Im on it. I got my ticket last week. My bros going with me too. Im not sure what time were getting there or even what time it starts but ill def. chill with you there.

"You do any of that crazy shit like pull out your piece on the lane, i take it away from you, shove it up your ass and pull the trigger untill it goes click"
"Jesus...."
"You said it man, nobody fucks with the Jesus"

Edit : I'm going to get fucked up this weekend. Maybe fall down some stairs. Either way, im getting drunk.

Peace bitches.

4 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 6 March :: 11.56am

Bitches! So far I know Gravy and I are going to see 300 for sure friday, b and triple probley will aswell. If anyone cool wants to go with us, hit me up.

4 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 4 March :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: blah

I went and saw Beauty and the Beast last night at the high school. It was really great except for the little kid who would not shut up. We know that it looks like a lion, and no, after the twentieth time, we don't think your kid is as cute and precocious as you think he is.

I'm observing at the middle school tomorrow and the high school on Tuesday. I also work both of those days. It reminds me of high school. Leaving at seven in the morning, working until ten or eleven at night, going home, doing homework, and then doing the same exact thing the next day.

yep. I really have the need to let loose sometime this week. Any takers?

I'm reading The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. It's really quite good, but it's a bitch to read. I have a bad habit of skim reading, but with good pieces of literature, I can't do that. I can only read three or four pages at time, and then think about them, and then read three more pages...

I think I might start making an outline of a course paper for my literary criticism class. I'm writing on "Lust" by Susan Minot, a short story. She's modern, and it's well written, but devices and forms and their relationship to themes are a bit harder to pick out in modern works. I still have to figure out why she lists all of the guys she slept with. How does that contribute to the theme? That's what I'll be mulling over during spring break.

Almost done with laundry. Prepared for tomorrow. Hopefully going to bed a ten. Listening to the Counting Crows. So nineties.

"she's looking at you? I don't think so; she's lookin' at me"

Michelle

1 Say what?? | Say what??

:: 2007 1 March :: 9.24pm
:: Mood: chipper

Weather sucked today. They closed campus at one because of the "inclement weather." Even the weather channel was bold enough to use an adjective such as "treacherous." It was exciting.

I went to the Cabin with Steve and a few other people and ended up getting my interviews with Steve and Joel done. I only need one more for the next check point, and I'm interviewing with Amanda tomorrow afternoon.

I have mixed feelings about spring break. It's going to be great to have a break from classes and the like, but I have a lot to do. Everyday on my calender has something going on, and, I haven't even gotten my work schedule yet.

I'm observing at the middle school on Monday, and the high school on Tuesday. So I might be seeing some of you guys (Jenny!).

I talked with one of the professors for education today about getting a middle level education minor. I think I'm going to do it, but it's an add-on minor, so I'm going to be double minoring, which is fine if it'll help me get a job. It's only an extra 18 credit hours because most of the classes double count toward my education degree requirements.

It was thundering and lightening out earlier. It was really pretty. Our electricity kept flickering and my computer wasn't too happy about it, since it got restart four times before I realized what was going on.

Working on scholarship stuff is draining, but if I don't get some new scholarships for next year, I'm going to have a big problem. Rueben and I are looking at moving ten miles outside of town to a trailer park on M-20. I called last weekend and the rent is only 300.00 a month, so, between the two of us and utilities, it's like 200.00 a month per person. Much, much better than the almost 900.00 a month between housing and a meal plan here on campus. Even the apartments around are crazy, the lowest we've found is 235.00 PER person, and that's with having like eight roommates. It should all work out. There are tons of scholarships that I'm eligible for because my gpa is a 3.93 and I'm going into teaching. I just hope that my credit standing isn't going to affect me much, since they give preference to upperclassmen (but only after financial and academic merit). We'll have to see.

For now, I'm content to sit back and read the millions of pages of literature a night that I have assigned and being involved with Kappa Kappa Psi. I have to keep reminding myself that next year, and five years, is a long way away. I always have good insight and planning skills, but sometimes I get a little nutty with worrying about what's going to happen.

I'll be home tomorrow, until the eleventh, if anyone would like to hang out. Call me, or leave a comment.

Michelle

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 28 February :: 10.12am

Still sick.

Still working.

Still hoping most of you die in a horrible accident.

5 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 27 February :: 10.38pm

Thursday March 1, 2007 is National Self-Injury Awareness Day (SIAD). If you would like to participate in promoting awareness about self-injury, simply wear orange. Wearing an orange ribbon on the left breast is the formal symbol, but any orange piece of clothing or jewelry will work, too!

Please join me in this event!

Michelle

p.s. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to comment or to contact me!

3 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 26 February :: 10.09pm

I've decided that winter isn't that bad. I like snow when I don't have to drive in it. It's not that cold if it's not windy. Big fat snowflakes falling in the light of a street lamp are eloquent. And seeing delicate snowflakes on my multicolored scarf makes me feel like I'm in a movie.

:: 2007 25 February :: 11.30pm
:: Mood: blah

I am crawling out of my skin. I'm trying. I really am.

I can't find anything to DO. I've been sitting here on my computer for two hours. Facebook. Woohu. Facebook. Email (Central). Woohu. Facebook. Email(Hotmail). Facebook. Woohu.

AHHH!

I searched "random journal" for a while hoping to stumble across something that would spark a creative run, but alas, I found nothing.

Thirteen year olds writing "ToDAy My dAD waS sUCH a DICk, UGHG!!" doesn't do much for my writing.

And I can't go to bed because the roommates are still up, and it's hard to sleep with keyboard typing sounds and random stupid laughs at online quiz results going on.

Maybe I should just take a double dose of Nyquil and get on with my life.

I am just having trouble being content. I just am. And I hate it. I hate feeling like I should be doing something else. It ruins all the moments for me. Every moment isn't good enough. It just makes me so tired.

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2007 25 February :: 4.45pm

So i go to the library to sit for two hours for what? I schedule some block time for my kkpsi interviews and NO ONE SHOWED UP!!

So I just wasted two hours of my life where I could have been sleeping instead of sitting in the coffee shop bored as hell and feeling like shit. I don't even know. My body is DYING. I'm jittery from the coffee I just drank, but I feel like I'm going to throw up and i'm pissed and i feel like crying because i still have to go take my car to the SAC to park it and then i have to walk back to the freaking dorm in a fucking snow storm and i'm sick and i could barely walk from my car to the library, and ITS SNOWING and I HATE DRIVING IN THE SNOW and no one showed up for my fucking block time and what the hell.

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this is the worst day ever. i wish i had never gotten out of bed.