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Faith Isn't Faith Until It's All You're Holding On To.

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Iron-Cipher

:: 2006 16 February :: 11.06am

I feel like such a failure. I just lost my job, I suck at doing this college stuff, the person I love is leaving for france, and I have no idea what i am suppose to do anymore. I feel selfish for not wanting her to go, but I geuss atleast one of us will get to chase down our dreams, meanwhile i will sit here and do nothing and become nothing. I can't help but think about how much she will change while she is gone. Will her heart still be in the same place. Will somebody else discover how wonderful she is and her discover how mediocore I am? I really don't know where to go from her. Everyone else seems to be enjoying college, and have some idea of what they want to do. Maybe I just don't belong here.

3 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2006 15 February :: 9.36pm

Aww tonight was fun *smiles*.



Say what??


anachronism

:: 2006 15 February :: 8.08pm

(I miss you all ready)
I am so happy. I can't get the smile off of my face ever since last night.

This is just what I needed.


jayzulla

:: 2006 15 February :: 5.34pm
:: Music: Chili Peppers - Soul to squeeze

this song is exactly how i feel about life right. i need to take it slow.

im not going to school right now. im going back this fall though. i dont think im mentally ready to start a career. i want to take time and enjoy life. not make it all about going to school and making as much money as possible. living on your own for like however many months its been has given me lots of time to think about life. i think eventually i might move out to cali, continue life out there. post high-school life is exactly what people said it would be. i havnt heard anything from anyone whom i used to hold as important to me. its kind of sad to watch such good friendships just end. foods done, i want some. peace.

5 Say what??<3 | Say what??


brokenmentality

:: 2006 15 February :: 8.56am

Swirl was wonderful.... except for the whole music part. pshh.. who needs music right? I'm sorry, but if you go to a dance, expect to hear hip hop music, because you really cant dance to much else. a few here in there is fine... but when the majority of the dance is comprised of rock songs, it kind of ruins it. we were really dissapointed when we left. the decorating was sensational though. it was absolutely gorgeous!

before swirl i suprised keegan... finally i SUPRISED the man. (man... hmmm sounds so.. weird...) i told him we were going out for dinner, but i actually had my room all set up with candles and roses and chocolate covered strawberries. i set up a table in the middle of my room with a red table cloth and confetti and "sparkling grapejuice" and wine glasses (because we're cute and LEGAL like that) and i had the note book playing with no sound on my computer just for an added affect. it turned out wonderful. it was the best dinner we've ever had together as far as "romantic" goes. after the dance we came back to my house and fell asleep.... we had to get up early for the rampage game.

then on sunday keegan brought me to bobbys around like 10 (he had to be to the arena WAY early) where i went back to sleep (what a gentleman.... sleeping on the floor so i could have the bed) BUT i couldnt fall asleep because i was to "awake" by that point.. but bobby wouldnt wake up.. so i had a lot of down time. which was nice.

the game was awesome. we had really good seats (free seats i might add) the routine was even BETTER this week. and once again... i have the coolest boyfriend in the entire world. not to mention like a zillion other adjectives that would HARDLY even do him justice.





now... Valentines Day.

first of all, Stacy.... I could just DIE im so happy right now. I just want to squeeze you and hug you and be all giddy and jump up and down and rent laguna. but i'll refrain.


last night was so wonderful. i went home and took a shower, then keegan came over and whisked me away. (giggles... OH and while i was at school i walked into my senate office second hour and there was a flower arrangement with tulips and roses... my favorites.... from the flower pace and chocolates... i was so suprised. i didnt think we were getting eachother anything for valentines day.. then he goes and does that. how sweeet. i was shocked when i walked in there.. it took me a minute for it to click that he had brought me flowers.) we went to this restaurant in Grandville called Kobe, its an Ichibon restaurant where they cook your food right at your table.

when we got there we had to wait like 20 minutes so we ordered sushi.. and OMG it was the best sushi i've ever had. we've had the same kind (philadelphia roll... which has samon, avacodo, creme cheese.. and then of course in a hand roll, rolled in rice... for all you "eewww raw fish" people out there) at terriyaki and sushi.. and this stuff just blew it away! so then we get seated, and you sit around a grill with nine people and he comes out and cooks all your meals RIGHT there. its so cool. he lit the grill on fire to make it hot and it just exploded up into the air.. he cracked the eggs in the coolest way (which sounds nerdy.. but for real), he made a volcano with a pile of onions.. it was just incredible. and holllly cow i've never had food that tasted better in my LIFE. i like fried rice more than white rice.. the guy takes white rice and makes it INTO fried rice right in front of you. it was awesome. you REALLY have to go there and see for yourself. i warn you however, its really expensive... but WELL worth it.

so that was our valentines day.. we were gonna go to Cold Stone.. but they had already closed. nothing big, nothing spectacular.. just us being us.

*smiles... i am by far the luckiest girl in the world. i have keegan.... and nobody else can say that except for me. sure we argue and sure there are times we drive eachother crazy.. but there has NEVER been a time that we even considered breaking up. we're stronger than that. we bring out the absolute best in eachother.

:) you're the greatest.

1 Say what?? | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2006 14 February :: 11.30pm

I can't sleep.
I don't even know what to say. I really think you lied to me. It doesn't even make a difference though. You'll get what you wanted. I wont. End of story.

Well I've heard it all before and i'm tired of all the lies.


You definitely dissapoint me. So much.

I guess now I know how you feel.

Sorry.

4 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2006 14 February :: 4.44pm

The things I thought you'd never know about me were the things I guess you always understood.

Say what??


lynds4090

:: 2006 13 February :: 6.10pm

oh man... i'm so tired and burned out but yet i still keep going.

so tomorrow is v-day.. what a great day.... hmmm...

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??


jayzulla

:: 2006 12 February :: 8.57am

Hey, look.

I'm not dead in a gutter somewhere!

7 Say what??<3 | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2006 11 February :: 11.34pm

Shake that laffy taffy!
Swirl was fun. I'm glad I went, but my feet are in agonizing pain right now.

"I get fast really ready."
"This sad is so song."

I could not talk today..

[Oh, and pictures from Swirl and Spring Hill are soon to come]

Night ya'll.

9 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2006 10 February :: 5.28pm

So I kind of have a differen't Spring Break plan. Lisa and I were going to go to Atlantis in the Bahamas this year but my dad decided that he want's us to go next year and it will be our graduation present so that's next year and he said he'll probably let us go by ourselves if we wait until next year so that's even better. He promised that we can go next year so i'm really excited for that. This year he wants us to stay in the U.S. haha so we are going to Florida. I'm pretty excited for that too. We can't decide which day we want to leave to go there. We have to leave Florida by April 7th because my grandma is going to go to where my family is from (Italy) so yeah she's pretty lucky she's going there.

So I guess that's really all. Spring Break isn't all that far away. I can't wait!!

5 Say what??<3 | Say what??


anachronism

:: 2006 9 February :: 7.39pm

Every line makes me cry, 'cause every word was a lie.
There I go again, reading old journal entries.


I don't suggest doing that.


just_peachie

:: 2006 9 February :: 11.31am

Our Conversation at the Jail-Support for Yesterday's Entry
NOTE: Both parties have permagrin the whole time.


Me: " So what are you doing on Valentines Day? "

Him: " Umm...I'm supposed to go to a movie with Nikki...why?"

Me: " I was just wondering...I didn't have any plans."

Him: " Well, I don't really want to go with her. How about we go to a movie instead?"

Me: "Sounds great. I'd love to."

Him: "I'd rather be with you anyways! You're the only one I want...that (she) was such a mistake."
*shakes head and looks down in shame

Later....

Him: "I missed you."

Me: " I missed you, too. How much did ya miss me?"

Him: "More that anything in the whole world."

Me: "Hehe...I love you honey."

Him: "I love you too beb."

Me: "How much?"

Him: " More than anything in the entire world."

Me: " Awww!"



Yeah. Thats what I thought. :)

4 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2006 8 February :: 10.19pm

Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down as I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening now
Can't you see something's missing?
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you love me you'd say its okay
It's okay
It's okay

2 Say what??<3 | Say what??


swimfan14

:: 2006 8 February :: 5.03pm

Pictures:

Read more..

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