Faith Isn't Faith Until It's All You're Holding On To.

:: 2005 8 December :: 7.11pm

Today was probably one of the worst days of my life and I don't think it's going to get any easier until that day comes. The truth behind the reason why I didn't come to school yesterday wasn't all because I woke up late and I was sick. Yeah, both of those things are true but Veronica's mom did call me Tuesday night and she told me she was going to bring her to school on Wednesday and I was scared. I was scared to see her so I didn't want to go and when I got to school today I soon found out she was coming today. I can't begin to explain how scared I was. I don't know why I was scared. It's not like she was going to hurt me or something. I just couldn't handle it. I barely could look at her and when I did look at her for the first time, I can't even explain how it felt. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't even introduce myself. Sam Foley had to tell her who I was. The only reason why I went near her was because someone told me that I might be the person to spark her memory. So I did it, just for her. It hurts so bad seeing your best friend look at you as if she's never seen you before. I just want to tell her all of our memories and I wanted to show her our spot but I knew it wouldn't help. It seems like were missing so much of our friendship. I feel like she's running out of time and it's frustrating because I want her to remember so bad, but she can't and I know it's not her fault. I miss her so much and I would do anything to help her, but unfortunately theres nothing I can do. Getting up every morning for school is just going to get harder and harder until she comes back. And if you don't understand how I feel, think about it happening to YOUR best friend. I think I'll probably cry tomorrow too. I feel like I still need to cry which is weird but thats just how I feel. Stacy told me I was cute when I cried and it's cute how many people kiss me when I cry. They did that in the play too.

It`s unbelieveable how we pick ourselves up everyday, just to be let down anyways.

That hurt. It's okay, I'll remember that next time.

Ashley

bigwilly

:: 2005 8 December :: 1.47am

Is it healthy to stay up till 2, 3, or even 4 am then be getting up and ready for school at 5? I mean I'm not tired... hmm. well I've been doing it all week and I'm getting damn good at one game in particular, so I guess it's alright. I wrote some pretty sweet poems for lit maybe I'll let you see.

3 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2005 7 December :: 10.51pm

stacy... reading that, i think made my heart stop beating. i dont remember breathing for a couple of minutes and my eyes welled up... which they hardly do. i miss you guys being "you guys" so much. and i'll support you in whatever decision you make. just know that you wont have to stand on your own and i love you sooo much!

:)

:: 2005 7 December :: 1.07pm

They said I can't take, what, what do they know, any girl who's anyone is out at the mall and I can't dress up, what, outta control. My friends stand out so I wanna be bold. Even no make-up, what they're outta touch. They think my blue mascara is way too much. It gets a girl wondering what's wrong with this world when a girl can't choose how to be a girl. They said you're going the wrong way, the wrong way to no where but I said it's the right way, the right way to get there. They said I'm too young to follow my own way to the future but I stand in my own way, right or wrong, it's the only way
that I'll get there.....

Say what??

:: 2005 7 December :: 11.43am

I didn't go to school today. My alarm never went off and when I did wake up Lisa was calling me and it was like 7:20 so I wouldn't have had time to get ready anyways. I don't feel good and I hate school so I guess it's okay.

:: 2005 7 December :: 8.46am

sometimes you drive me crazy. this morning was perfect until you started feeling sorry for yourself. and as much as i want to just slap you and be like "QUIT WITH THE SELF PITY" i cant because i hate to see you upset. you have alot of stress this month... and sometimes i make it worse. i apologize for that. you know i've got your back though... as stupid and cliche as that sounds.. thats what we do. we catch each other when we fall... i know there are times i wouldnt beable to stand on my own without your support. and i pray to god that i make you feel the same.

i dont know whats wrong with me lately. i've been really depressive(ish) barely anything sets me into it... and hardly nothing gets me out of it. i dont understand. winter is supposed to be overwhelming in its beauty... and all i can concentrate on is how cold it is. how i lost my 4 dollar gloves, or how i'm ruining my "winter" boots by wearing them out in the snow. its hard enough that i can wear my heels in the snow.

and with the whole heels thing. i feel at times that i've become just that. the girl who wears heels everyday. i know it sounds stupid. but i also know that poeple have probably said amongst themselves something along the lines of "why does she wear those everyday" and no i dont care, but then again i guess i do. in a way i hide my insecurities in wearing them. i used to be really self concious about how i walked. now im not anymore. yeah.. im just gonna stop.. whatever.

i just hate school. and a part of me thinks that its just because of algebra. i dont mind any of my classes except that one.. first hour. so i have no motivation to get out of bed in the morning... which yeilds all my absences. the only reason i took that class was because one of my stupid math teachers told me that if i didnt i'd HAVE to take it in college and they would make me pay for it but it wouldnt count towards my credits. well its a good thing that's not true.. ESP after im in a class that im failing. it doesnt help that i have babbit. like im really gonna go home and do algebra for an hour. i hate the subject, im not gonna use it later in life, and its making me miserable. yeah.. i could suck it up and try harder and all that jazz.. but im a senior. i just want to get out of here. sorry if im not to concerened with one stupid grade. BUT this one stupid grade is gonna bring down my GPA. thats just GREAT.

i went christmas shopping yesterday... hoping to get it finished, far from that. which further put me in a bad mood. and what do i do when im in a bad mood? i take it out on whoever happens to be around me at that time.... sorry again doll.

i just go through phases where i hate existance.

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lynds4090

:: 2005 6 December :: 4.08pm

i got my senior pictures back, but i'm not as cool as erika. i can't put them on here for everyone to see. you'll just have to come find me. :) well yes school..
accepted to Western.. pretty much have my tuition paid for for the first 2 years... oh i'm so glad.. and thankful... 4000 a year is just amazing. ah yes! lol.
on my x-mas list.. i only have to get david somehting.. which will actually be hard. he formed a decent size ego of the last year, and i don't think a GI Joe is going to cut it this year. i guess i'll have to get him clothes... oh i remmeber when i was little and if there was a clothes box under the tree i would be so mad!!!!! .. i still do kinda lol... i mean who wants clothes for x-mas when your 6, when you can have a barbie!!! i tell ya. lol. so yes...
well i'm out! much love!

:: 2005 5 December :: 3.40pm

Well today was a bad day.

We didn't have to do our seminar skits because of reasons but anyways I really think it's a waste of our time. I doubt that some of the people in our school have the mentality to understand them and they aren't open minded enough to accept it. Some people's intellectual capabilities aren't so great. Thats just what I think. We'll see I guess.

Everyone knows that it was us that did shit to Josh's car so then he didn't notice it until this morning and he had to drive to school and he couldn't see out of the windows since of what we did so it caused him to go into the ditch and then he came into school with flour all over him. We all thought it was pretty funny and today he kept giving us dirty looks and he told us it's war lol.

I really am upset about Veronica and I hope she's okay. I miss her already. I was suprised that I didn't start bawling today. I cried, yeah but lately when somethings wrong I haven't been crying about it. I don't know maybe I'm just getting used to this or maybe I'm getting stronger.

When something bad happens to me, you don't care but when something bad happens to you then the world has to stop for you.
Thats how you are.

Nothing could ever be so wrong.

11 Say what??<3 | Say what??

:: 2005 5 December :: 8.46am

why does it have to be freezing in this school.

our stupid seminar thing is today... im just shooting to remember my monologue and get it over with. nobody wants to do it... nobody is going to be receptive of what we're trying to say. as far as im concerned its just a waste of our time. like its really gonna make people in OUR high school stop and think. everyones got their eyes closed to tight to see whats in front of them.. so who are we to tell them what to change.

saturday was the battle in ann arbor, it was pretty cool. i cant believe how good some people are. i mean... around here keegans crew is one of the only breakdancing crews around.. then you down to an organized thing where there are people from all over the state and you realize that break dancing is more than just a past time.. its an entire community of dedicated dancers. it really is more of an art than dancing. when they move their bodies command your attention. none of this hip hop shit that we see in our school.. i mean genuine dancing. it really makes me respect all the people who can actually DO it.. ESPECIALLY the Bgirls.

after we left the U of M... (it was in their rec center) we brought micah back to eastern and went up and saw his dorm for a little bit. i could NEVER live in a dorm. lets just leave it at that! i miss micah... and i reallllllly miss micah and keegan together. its like the shawn without the cory ya know?

hopefully i can get all my christmas shopping done this week or the next. i get paid today... but i know it wont be much. shiiiiiiiiit.

well.. i suppose i should get to doing something productive.

1 Say what?? | Say what??

:: 2005 4 December :: 11.44pm

Read more..

This was on Saturday. We all crack up at Brittney's sign. Brittany's little cousins made our signs lol.

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:: 2005 4 December :: 3.00pm

I pretty much just woke up and that is pretty sad lol. We didn't go to sleep until 5am and then we all had to leave at 9 so then I came home and slept until now lol.

Friday Lisa and I were at the mall and it was about to close and we had to go to the bathroom before we left and you have to go down this long hallway to get to it and I was telling her how it was sort of scary and how I've heard guys will go in a stall in the girls bathroom and wait for a girl to come in there and so she was really scared so when we went in there I started pushing all the doors open to make sure somebody wasn't in there and then when I got to this one door it wouldn't open and I totally didn't think someone would be in there so I was like pounding on it, trying to open it and then I seen their feet so then I was like omg shit and so I stopped and Lisa and I were laughing and I thought it was pretty fucking weird that the person in there didn't say something to me because apparently I didn't know they were in there but no they didn't say a word or move!! So then we were just like w/e and then we both were going to the bathroom and it was dead silent and I just busted out laughing and then afterwards Lisa did too and we both were just standing there wondering why this person was still in there not doing ANYTHING so I looked at their feet and it looked like guys shoes so then I showed Lisa and she agreed with me and so then we got out of there as fast as we could. It was pretty scary if you ask me. If I was them and I heard someone laugh (me) I would definitely laugh too but they didn't. I'm pretty sure it was a guy. Not even kidding.

Yesterday I went to the x-mas parade with Brittney, Kourtney, Emily, and Elyse. It was so cold but it was pretty cute.

Then Elyse came over and then later on we went to Sam Ballews for her body shop thing. It was pretty sweet. I had fun and I bought alot of stuff lol.

Then well I hung out with Brittany, Brittney, Megan, Emily, and Elyse. Ahaha....

This weekend wont go without repercussions.

<3 aShLeY

:: 2005 3 December :: 12.08am

ahaha tonight was fun :)

just_peachie

:: 2005 2 December :: 4.42pm

Man, I sure do miss that Brianna Girl.

I wonder what She's up to right now.
If i were talking to her I'de say I love you girl, I miss you so call me sometime and we'll hang out when I'm not around my dumb hubbie

<3 aha

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