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:: 2005 11 July :: 5.01pm
:: Music: this place is a prison(the postal service)

maxi pad. ahahaha.
On Saturday night we saw Fantastic Four with Mary. It started raining really really hard and like blowing stuff around on Sunday, so we headed back to Ocala. When we got to G-Ville, we stopped at Nero's to eat and then we saw Dark Water. It wasn't scary. It was pretty dumb, actually. So anyways, after that we just came home. The air conditioning died again after Max left. So...yeah. that was 4 days ago. Whoa. It's only been that long? It seems like it was forever ago.

I just found out the rents are going to Puerto Rico from Thursday to Saturday, so I'm planning to head back to Tally on Sunday. Alrighty.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 7 July :: 6.58pm
:: Music: something off bourne identity or w/e thats what im watching

Max came over yesterday. He slept over. We went to the mall and Goodwill, got back at like 10 maybe. At 11 we went to The Mesto. Awsome, awsome fun. I love that place. We got back at midnight and went swimming till 1:30 then we made like Kim Chi or w/e. It was good. We went to bed at around 3. So today, omg omg NO RENTS hahaha so rad. We basically did (nothing). Ahhh so much fun.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 2 July :: 8.03pm
:: Music: corvette bummer(beck)

nothing
I'll give you a story. The other parts are secrets. Alright, starting on Wednesday till now. On Wednesday we(Me, Gabe, Max, Mary) got 2 large pizzas at Gumby's. Then later we went to Krispy Kreme and got some hot ones. Then to Guitar Center. Max played Van Halen's "Eruption", and a Metallica song on a Worlock and "Stairway to Heaven" on an all-black electric acoustic Martin. Then we went and saw War of the Worlds. That was a really good movie. On Thursday we ate the Sweet Shop. That place is awsome. If you ever see a place that looks like crap, go in it, because it's probably gonna be the best place you've ever been to. I can't remember what day it was, but anyways, I got this Beck Loser single and REM reveal for like 3 bucs each.
On Friday we ate at this tofu place called Charcoal Grill. None of us had ever eaten there before, because it's another one of those "crappy-on-the-outside rad-on-the-inside" places. It was really hot out after that and we kinda got lost. When we finally found what we were looking for, I jumped fully-clothed in the fountain again. People walked by and shook their heads. Max wouldn't swim with me, so I just hugged him and he got all wet. We went for "Darkroom Adventures"(as called by Ryan). I was still dripping wet and I leaned on the drywall and it came off all over my shirt. haha oh well. We chilled in The Darkroom for like 55 minutes and Sergio comes in "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!?!" and basically grabs us and drags us to some concert. This one was like Apocalyptica or w/e. They played Metallica "Fade to Black" and it was craSEE cool. I left my purse in the bathroom and they wouldn't let me out, so I couldn't tape it.
My house has no aircon until Tuesday and it sucks. It's hotter in here than it is outside.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 30 June :: 6.35pm
:: Music: ive been high(rem)

reveal
I have stories to tell. Oooh boy!

Saw War of the Worlds last night. It was really good.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 25 June :: 11.42pm
:: Music: disarm(smashing pumpkins)

duh-nuh-nuh
This past week has been pretty awsome. Not like last year, but then again it wouldn't be, would it? Jessie's pappi wouldn't pay(wanker), so...w/e. Screw that. Hung out with Matt, Galen, and Kendell. Random facts about them: Matt-16, has the sexiest beard I've ever seen; Galen-17, bassist, also has a beard, looks like John Lennon; Kendell-16, really tall, black, eats alot of chicken. And I call him Marvin.
Walked around yesterday and ate at Quizno's. Those people sucked at making the subs. And they wouldn't stamp my card. Then Starbuck's. They wouldn't take my gift card. It was really hot out by then, so I decided to swim fully clothed in a fountain. People stared. And it was awsome. Then I decided to skip masterclass and just go somewhere. That was pretty fun. This car right in the parking lot blew up. I saw it. It was AWSOME. Actually, it started out as a little fire, then some people went out and tried to extinguish it, and it exploded. Then the fire department came.
Made new friend yesterday. Elliot-drummer. That's all I know so far. Probably hang out with him on Monday. We also went go-karting yesterday. And bumper-boats. I got soaking wet. Good times.

P O N A

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 16 June :: 8.48pm

as we speak im going down
I talked to him last night. I told him how I hate change. He told me that's something everyone has to deal with. I told him I can't. He said I'll probably think about suicide. And that I'm too weak to defend myself. That I'm just a helpless child who can't do anything on her own. He went on to tell me about Eddie and his reptiles. How he has a heart. He compared me to him. He told me not to do it for him, but for myself. I probably would have listened if he didn't end by calling me a heartless waste of time.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 15 June :: 8.46pm
:: Music: think twice(eve 6)

life is an annoying, nagging little emo bitch
today was really surreal. and its still continuing. ive found the meaning of life. twice in a row. no, not jackpot. because ive figured out everything ive been doing wrong, why my feelings have gone numb and i cant do anything but mope around feeling sorry for myself.
i couldnt smile. i tried. i tried so hard. i was so angry at myself. my heart and mind were fighting. who won? whats the difference.

[edit]

i think that, other than just being called a heartless waste of time, i had a good day.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 13 June :: 4.32pm
:: Music: bike scene(tbs)

some things do change, however
im changing my journal. nothing's final because so far im completely dis-satisfied. i dont want to change too much. i like the table background, text, link, and subject colors. also my icon. i just dont like the journal background cuz you cant see the words, and i dont know how to get the *hugs* and flooble chatterbox centered. you can see im not a very big woohu whore. if you have any suggestions, say them. cuz i dont have any ideas so far.
also, i read the worst, most inacurate horroscope ever. i hated it alot.

2 stabs | -l==> death to me

:: 2005 12 June :: 1.29pm
:: Music: don't panic(coldplay)

it will all be better....someday
i feel like ive been totally cast out by everyone i know. its like i cant connect. i cant even begin to...w/e. forget it. this is about so many things. ive been thinking about things normally my mind would never even begin to touch. and it really hurts me. no, im not stressing about tuesday. im not scared. im not nervous. i just cant...
should i stop running away? will giving up make everything better?

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 8 June :: 11.26am
:: Music: cabron(rhcp)

whenever im at home...
yesterday worked. everything worked out. but there's something i cant seem to get my mind off. and no, i dont care to talk about it.
about yesterday: 4.00 people showed up. rad. chilled, ate, chilled, jumped, swam, jumped, it rained. we went inside. chilled, ate, chilled. 9.00 people started to leave. dyed aaron's hair. jumped again. 10.45 last(non-overnight) person leaves. 11.07 took a walk. 11.37 got back watched malcom. then italian job. skip w.e. 3.sumthin went to sleep. we all fell asleep w/a bottle of jack daniel's in our hands haha.
everyones still asleep. i dont feel good though. i mean, i feel fine. its just about something.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 4 June :: 9.54pm
:: Mood: jittery, anxious
:: Music: ten minutes(the get up kids)

maybe im being selfish
basically everyone i want to come is coming to my party. but i still feel like everythings gonna go wrong. pockets empty, how can you tell me everything will work out? there's one person i really really want to be there. maybe things are getting better. maybe things arent so bad. if i had to explain it, i wouldnt know where to start.
sometimes i miss you. ive been here all the time. and ill always be here. i cant wait till this is all over.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 3 June :: 11.57am
:: Music: lip gloss and black, bleeding mascara, this flesh a tomb

arent you tired of being weak?
i havent listened to atreyu since early january, maybe late december. it brings back good memories. i dont know why i havent listened to my favorite band in such a long time. i think certain things have been scaring me. not about atreyu, but certain other things i choose not to discuss. not thats there's anything so secret about it.
anyways, if i un-invited you to my party last time, you're re-invited. soo...go ahead and show up if you want.
im going to the gainesville mall today to get a dress for my solo recital in a week and a half. we did a full rehearsal yesterday, and it turns out i hardly know half the words for vittoria, so i cut out the second verse and third chorus.
on wednesday i caught 20 frogs and called every pet store in ocala. none of them even thought about buying from me. well...except for pet safari. i was like 'do you buy frogs' and they asked what kind. i said "2 cane toads, 12 african dwarf, 4 muller, and..." something else i cant remember right now. then they said 'probably not cuz we could probably get em cheaper from out suppliers'. i didnt ask how much their suppliers sell them for and make an offer. i didnt feel like it. oh well.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 29 May :: 4.48pm
:: Mood: angry, confused, scared, melancholic, morose

you gave and took it all
its hardly 5 and it already been the worst day in my entire life. i lost one of my best friends, and two people told me to fuck off and never talk to them again. "understanding" yea right. STFU. dont come to my party. im not having it anymore. i give up. all you people are so selfish. you dont care about anyone but yourselves. ive tried so hard to get along. so hard, and what do you give back? you wouldnt give anyone the steam off your own piss. so piss off.

2 stabs | -l==> death to me

:: 2005 28 May :: 10.17pm
:: Music: photobooth(death cab for cutie)

sakaparap
know what sucks? well a couple of things. my pool is empty and will be until the day before my party cuz it has to be dry for 5 days, then we're painting it, then dry for 5 days after that. also, i tried to build a house out of bamboo today. but it didnt work. also, only 4 people have given me straight, set answers about my party. half of those who havent are like "wellll...i dunno...it depends...on who else is going" which i cant really tell them who's coming cuz NO ONE HAS RSVP-ED YET! so get an answer and freaking tell me if or if not youre going, dont you dare leave me hanging. and i think my little minnow friend Little Gookie got eaten by a koi.
i caught Little Gookie today guess how. i put the pool net in the pond across the street and the i walked off. the i ran out of the woods yelling "GOO! GOO!" ahahaha. great fun. the pond is in my neighbor's back yard(somehow. i guess cuz their house is backwards right haha). that mustve been amazingly funny watching me. man, today was such a good day.

1 stab | -l==> death to me

:: 2005 27 May :: 4.17pm

Think of one moment you can call the happiest moment of your life... it's gone for me. the thought that keeps playing over...over and over is the day that I realized you were gone.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 27 May :: 1.27pm
:: Music: holes to heaven(jack johnson)

i know so many fewer questions.
im so utterly boring. i realized that when i just re-read my last post. i wrote about what i ate all this week. wft?! im such a loser. but yo listen, i woke up this morning, and i walked to the kitchen and i saw this glass jar with handles and i was like "what....straight caffine?! haha!" and i take a big whiff and i swear to god i almost threw up all over the place it was grodeee.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 27 May :: 1.15pm
:: Music: blue burns orange(hawthorne heights)

Bagpipes, Oi!
im still sick. listen to this. i lost 7 lbs in the couple days ive been sick. crasee. i weighed 98 on tuesday, and now im 91. hhhooo. i didnt throw up or anything. i just dont feel like eating. but im pretty hungry. its friday you knnow. can you get me some taco bell? im soo hungry for soft taco supreme w/rice. whao man ive eaten everything the same this week. spagetti on friday, saturday, sunday, and wednesday. uhm pepe's on monday, and cereal every day in between. i usually eat subway on mondays and quizno's on wednesdays, and excersise on those days as well, but w/e. i feel disgusting rite now.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 25 May :: 11.05am
:: Music: do you have a map cause im lost in your eyes(hawthorne heights)

health.
my aunt and grandma are here. its so cool. i missed them alot. i went swimming at rainbow springs yesterday. my throat started hurting around dinner time. then i talked to someone for a while. then they were being a bitch and i was getting a headache. so i went to bed, and when i was getting off the chair i was sitting on, i was all achy and whatnot, and i was burning. so i lay down it was only 930 and i was like crying cuz i was so sick(not only from being sick). my dad came home and massaged my back and arms with alcohol. im definitely sterile by now. he spilled the stuff all over my pillow and my clothes and i think i got high off the fumes. my headache kinda went away no doubt. i went to bed a 930 right and by 1218 i was still awake. so i closed my eyes and tryed to sleep. i couldnt and i was still awake by 453 and i watched the clock until 537. i think i fell asleep then. then my dad came in at 630. then my mom came in at 830 and said i have an ortho appointment 10, which was exactly what i dreamt about. i was really sick then so i didnt go. and i came into the kitchen and my mom made me eat so i could take medicine and i started crying cuz i didnt wanna eat stupid food. then i tryed to go back to bed and chip was whining and lauries rat kept coming out of his cage and chasing chip. that made me feel better cuz it was so funny.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 24 May :: 1.46pm
:: Music: summerbaby(polaris)

royal
i saw starwars last night. it was good. i liked it.

i forgot to tell about the rioters in atlanta. they had this huge thing against APA. my dad is APA. they're like 'stop drugging kids'. im like whatever. i took pictures.
i think i saw jesse lacey downtown atlanta. otherwise i took a picture of some random guy. oh well.

anyways, so far ive finished math and reading for the year. which means i still have spanish, bible, english, history, and science. sucks ice. and i still dont care. ha.

my aunt and grandma are coming from the philippines. my mom's going to orlando to pick them up. they had a 5 hour stopover in GA. long but not that bad. on our way we had a 12 hour stopover in dallas, and on our way back we had a 7 hour stopover at LAX. i saw that one red-haired lady. uhmm...whats her name. i cant remember. she's famous anyways. man, i just realized how many famous people ive met. rediculi.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 23 May :: 2.12pm
:: Music: better together(jack johnson)

o.s.f.
last week we had our pool deck, walkway, and landscaping done. thats about 4000 bucs at least. which means we're definitely serious about moving.
i was in atlanta friday through sunday. it took 9 hours of driving to get there. it was alright. pretty fun i guess. ate at the old spagetti factory 3 times. just got home at 230 this morning. then i woke up at 10 and went to cfcc and excersise. im still in school for the summer which sucks, but who cares. i dont, he doesnt, so you shouldnt either. if anyone wants to hang out, just call me. im up for anything.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 16 May :: 6.13pm
:: Music: numb(streetlight manifesto)

i cry
ive done something terrible. no one will speak to me. no one will show. ive been shunned for living. ill never be forgiven and i will cry. i think there's a solution. ill disappear. disappearing has always done some good for others. not to the ones theyre leaving behind, but selfish ones get what they want. i have the guilt of not only mine in my heart and there's nothing else i can do. im the second to leave. will you miss me? will you wonder what im doing? will you cry for me? thats all ive wanted. find the same white pills.

2 stabs | -l==> death to me

:: 2005 16 May :: 5.14pm
:: Music: none. my computer's been upgraded and i have no idea what to do.

its true.
my new header is 'everyones just trying to hurt me'. because its true. and you know what? i have like...24 people on my list for who im inviting to my party. im tapering it down so i can see how many real friends i have. i basically have zero on my list by now. half of them i dont wanna invite cuz im scared they're the ones trying to hurt me. the other half i just hate cuz those are the ones that creep me out cuz they're constantly hitting on me and my sister, which is...yuk. so...really, there's only 6 people i really truely want to invite. no names, no names. you know who you are.

oh yeah, my sub-header. 'its ok, its cotton, itll shrink'. i find myself saying that alot lately. so its just there. it doesnt help the 'people hurting me' problem.

also, my computer has just been upgraded. i didnt think i had that much music, but my brother said i had over 1500, and he couldnt save them all. he said he deleted the ones he's sure i have on cds already, and saving the others. heres the dealio. i checked, and everything worthwhile is gone. i have the crap that i hate, and everything i was still working on collecting is gone. because i didnt have them in complete folders. isnt that bull. i only needed 3 more songs for blindside. i feel like crying. and i have to use itunes. i hate it. i dont know how it works. i miss windows media.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 7 May :: 7.49pm
:: Music: pink panther

oh really? thats pretty cool...
so the other day we drove by the ritz and it said "welcome brad pitt" and i was like "oh, brad pitt's here? i guess thats pretty neat....didnt that sign say 'welcome, demi moore' a few weeks ago?". then today after church we were passing the golf couse next to my dad's office, and laurie was like "its brad pitt!!" so we turned around and he was walking away, so we turned into the golf course, and he was putting his putts(or w/e theyre called) into the car w/his enterage, and i opened my window and we drove by really s l o w l y. you shouldve seen my face! he looked straight at me! hes got this little mustache thing goin on. its silly.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 5 May :: 4.56pm
:: Music: blue burns orange(hawthorne hights)

ahahahaha
http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/
hahahahha. lmao lmao its great.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 28 April :: 7.56pm
:: Music: into the storm(blindside), hey sandy(polaris)

kicks ice
today was way fun. i went to wal-mart and got checkered underwear. when i got back, i went into the woods and climbed a really big tree and built a home in it. i like it alot. i connected a pulley to it and another tree. it doesnt work too well, but thats ok. i spent like 2 hours up there. then i had to take a crap. i was in the woods and didnt feel like walking to the house for that. so i crapped off a fence! oh yeah, and i fed a horse a carrot.
then i came inside and ate some tostito chips and don pablo's salsa. they were good. i got online for a bit after that. then i went and sat on the roof to see the sunsterset. but i couldnt see it cuz of the woods. so i ran through it in my bare feet and climbed up my tree. i still couldnt see it too well, so i went through the rest of the woods till i reached double diamond farm and climbed over the fences and sat on the crooked horse's paddock. i cant remember wat time the workers go home, 430 or 630. oh well. i got punished anyways cuz i wasnt wearing shoes and while i was running through the field, i stepped in a big patch of those stinging spikey silantro look-alikes. it hurt bad, and i was like oweeoweee and fell into them and i tried to pick them out of my feet, but i couldnt consentrate cuz i was sitting on some and had em stuck to muh butt, too.
well i finally passed that part of the day, and came home and took a shower and ate dinner while watching shopping tv network and jesus anime on what's left of the sattelite. definitely what i call a good day.
jessie is coming over this weekend. we're gonna do cool kid stuff, so P O N A, biatches

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 19 April :: 4.42pm
:: Music: black and blue(rancid)

so frech
on friday i went to the mall with muh bro and some other people. and i saw MJ. it was....a bit akward i guess i should say...
on saturday i had to do special music at church for both sessions. it wasnt great, but im wasnt torn by it, either. later that day, we headed over to clearwater. a pretty gay name for how ( cool ) it is. i went to the beach and built some bunkers(i took pics but havent put em on my photobucket yet), and then to the pool. the pool was awsome. we ate TWO meals at the colombia. that place is expensive. the 1905 salad was 8 bucs. thats what i got.
on sunday my dad had another meeting, and my mom had to be somewhere, so she gave us a choice: stay and chill w/pops, or go home w/her. she was like "i dont want to confuse you, but you know your dad. hes not gonna end up leaving til 1, and then you're gonna have to go places and whatnot. but if you come home, you're gonna be bored as hell. so either way, you're not gonna have fun." i chose to stay. we went to busch gardens for 4 hours. and we got a year pass, which costed about 420 bucs. geez. i was fun. next month the SheiKra will be open. i cant wait.
yesterday i was hanging out outside and stuff, and i stepped on of those stupid red wasps. it stung me really hard. lol. then i had orch and i brought my rat. awww so cute!
and today my sister caught 4 bees and we're making a 'fly aircraft'. i put them in the fridge like 20 minutes ago, and just took em out like 5 ago. they were pretty much dead, but theyre all better now. lmao. im gonna tape the take-off and put it on here if i can. later.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 12 April :: 2.54pm
:: Music: thnk twice(eve 6)

yeah, think twice
i woke up at 830 cuz i had an ortho appointment. that went well, so afterwards i went to the haircuttery and got my hair cut. great 90's do. (i HATE it. HATE HATE HATE.) its terrible. youd laugh o so hard if you saw me. i look like a diseased chinese mushroom. not kidding. its so short i cant tuck it behind my ears, and i hate hair in my face. ive got like a tail too. my mom said she can fix it. and if she messes up, it wont matter, cuz there's no possible way anyone can further ruin my head. and if i wear a beanie, i look like a cancer patient. hah. i think the only way i can actually fix my hair, is by tapering the whole thing down, so it looks like mandy moore's in how to deal. her hair was awsome there. but stuart said asian people look really chink w/short hair. is that good or bad?

what have i gotten myself into? i just agreed to play handel's allegro duet on thursday at a dunnelon middle concert. after what happened on sunday, didnt i promise myself id never play that song again? dammit.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 10 April :: 11.13am
:: Mood: nervous
:: Music: free(donavon frankenreiter and jack johnson)

im pretty damn emo, eh
last night right after i posted, i went with my dad to publix then pizza hut then blockbuster. and i didnt talk or laugh or smile the whole time and i felt angry and i dont know why. then i started CRYING for no reason at all. when i got home i was still crying. i think i might have some emotional problems?
i also have a recital today. im playing a song im definitely not ready for. i know ill screw up. the whole thing is played in 16th's and its a duet with the viola(my sister), so if either of us messes up, we're both skrewd.

nice way to look at things, elise

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 9 April :: 9.37am
:: Mood: chipper

uke, ho
i learned to play the ukulele yesterday. its soooooo cool. i can play jack johnson's "breakdown" and donavon frankenreider's "free". also...SUPER MARIO BROS UNDERWATER THEME!! that one's really hard, so i dont play chords, just singles. and i dont do the octave jumping. i love it. i played for 5 hours today. seriously. i wont stop till ive mastered it. then ive got to lurn the singing part, and play at the gazebo for monnuh! ill be RICH!.

-l==> death to me

:: 2005 8 April :: 7.50pm
:: Music: prelude in E m.(chopin)

fresh.
ive decided im gonna become a ukulele shredder. its pretty rad. The Clash's Joe Strummer started out on the uke while busking in the London subway/underground system. its true. ive got some righteous tabs. some classical and Super Mario Bros and of course the clash. duh-damn!

-l==> death to me

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