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2009 7 December :: 4.50 am
a whole lotta messed up
so, i saw my man today... drove across the state when i should have been doing an essay that is due in 3 hours. It was good, at first. Then less so, and now worse. I am married and i still feel like a rag doll, that just makes me feel all sorts of fucked up. I try to be happy, and yet i still feel down... I wish i could explain it all to mike, but at this point i am not convinced it will ever matter.
just throw on a mental bandage once again, and hope that i forget... although that hasn't been working so well as of late... seeing as past bandaids are falling off and i can't help but be overwhelmed by the past. ugh.
2 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2009 30 November :: 10.28 pm
It is always nice to have one place that is pretty well private. I feel awful that I try to hangout with my friends and just leave because i feel like a wallflower. It makes me want to relive novels, and suck into my own world. But, I have 2 weeks until school finishes up for the semester. Mike will be coming home, and its about time because i need some sweet lovin. Time waits for no one and i have to keep pushing through the next few weeks until the break comes. Not that i want to go back to CS for anything, but at least it will be plenty of time with Mike. *sigh*
Ready to sleep, and have dreams of a day approaching quickly. I need to expand my music library, and my book collection. I have years and years, but I would like so much to know it all now. Oh well, back to reality.
Open your eyes |
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2009 15 November :: 2.36 am
come home to me is all i request...
Open your eyes |
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2008 2 August :: 7.12 pm
so
here is me:
I currently live with my fiance in my parents house.
I am looking for a house so i don't feel like i am in a very awkward reflection of my life in High School
I have made new friends, i have lost some old ones and i am happy with how that has worked out.
yes, i gained weight, but i am also working out again and not depressed and thus i am not only loosing weight but also fighting demons so to speak...
Mike (my fiance) is leaving for Iraq next april, and i am working full time at my dad's store doing design and running most office operations. I dropped out of school because chicago is full of greedy lying bastards and scary places. But, it is a nice place to visit, and in my opinion not the best place to live (i fully admit that this statement is debatable, but i had bad experience where as you may have had good ones.)
No i am not pregnant nor have i had a kid, seeing as i have heard rumors. Other than that, i work and pay bills so i can hopefully in the near future go back to school, or at the very least buy my design programs.
toodles
Open your eyes |
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2008 1 August :: 10.48 pm
so uh yeah
hey wassup
how are all you peeps that i see and never have time to talk with?
1 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2008 6 January :: 1.16 pm
rawr!
in detroit for the day hangingg out with family.
mike is makeing me irritated.
grrr
my computer, stay back fool!
Open your eyes |
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2007 18 December :: 3.51 pm
i am moving back to cedar. there is nothing in this godforsaken armpit of america.
move home at the end of the month. much work and debt repayment will follow.
then 21. then enjoying my life and planning my wedding.
oi, there is way to much to do before october.
4 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2007 10 November :: 10.23 am
well, back to burger king it is.
with the applications i put in, burger king called and hired me
i start on monday.
It feels degrading going back there, but money is money.
otherwise i have been sick since wednesday, i feel like shit.
2 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2007 1 November :: 11.29 am
okay so this is proof that the world is small...
my cousin alysse goes to oakland university in detroit with Samantha Huegan (i know i spelled that wrong... sorry)
Anyways, they are friends and although i never knew sam, alot of my friends did.
So that is me finding irony in life, plus my dad called because he thought i know sam.
Aside from that, i got new running shoes. I can do very short sprints and run a quarter mile before my shins really hurt, but i am workig my way up.
Attempting to quit smoking but i always have to leave room for error. But good for now.
that's it i guess.
:P
3 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2007 18 October :: 9.12 am
:: Music: Skunk Anasie- Secretly
i feel sick,
i have had at most 3 hours of sleep, but here is the best of it, i could have fucking sstayed in kalamazoo longer because i had class cancelled until my 3 o'clock.
it sucks, fucking hauling it out of bed, feeling like shit and trying to sleep on the fucking 6:37 train all to show up by 8 am and find out no class.
On the ups, it gives me time to work on all i need to do. on the downs, i feel sick and i only have 2 ciggs.
i hate commuting. I want to go home, forever. i am sick of school.
-----edit----
and bonus!!!! not only do i have to remake a 10 page project that didn't save, I don't have my third class either.
god, today was a waste.
Open your eyes |
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2007 11 October :: 11.59 am
so, i am waiting for my photography class to start. I am really lonely, so i wish that i had money to venture up to carthage this weekend, but then again... well, i won't go there.
I am not looking forward to my next class. I am supposed to do a presentation, but the sidewalk is closed off to get to the class, s maybe i won't have class?!?!!
Now, i need to pull together the energy tonight and tomorrow and the next day to work out, even if i do pull 12 hour days tuesday, thursday and saturday.
Someone should visit me. I have captain morgan... hah. j/k that's mikes.
but yeah.
class.
2 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2007 9 October :: 11.53 am
one would think that i could sleep in my own apartment without a bed mate... nope, not happening, it took three attempts at sleep in the living room before i pulled myself up and over to my bed, where i half slept until my alarm went off. I really miss mike. perhaps it's just the comfort of sleeping next to someone, but i suppose it is mostly just a good thing that he is working...
to class. bah
Open your eyes |
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2007 28 May :: 11.18 pm
:: Mood: dorky
RAWR!!!!
i am avoiding doing my homework because every week that it gets closer to the end of the quarter the less interested i am in being in the high rise and more interested i am in being with my sweetie.
i supose i should write this last paer though and get it doen before mike calls me on his way to work. BAH!!! i am sooo sick of stupid papers.
1 find grace |
Open your eyes |
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2007 22 May :: 12.36 am
in the word's of avril.... "I'm the mother fucking princess!"
Open your eyes |
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2007 20 May :: 10.46 pm
i felt like shit... i do feel like shit.
but then i watched the music video on jackie's wall and it made me feel better.
but i still feel horrible and i want to fucking get drunk so i don't have to feel anything.
Open your eyes |
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