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godessalthena

:: 2017 16 February :: 6.40am

im tired and i am filled with sadness and disappointment with myself

i wish i could erase what happened

i wish i could have been smarter sooner

i wish i hadn't been such a shitty person



being with him makes me feel like i need to forget my past and pretend i was just born yesterday. i don't like hurting him, but i don't like being silent forever.

i just want to give up. it was easier when i wasn't loved.

Who likes Jrock?


godessalthena

:: 2017 14 February :: 6.21pm

i love dog stars they make the commute home even better

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godessalthena

:: 2017 12 February :: 10.28pm

everything is slightly up and to the left of center

not sure i like it

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godessalthena

:: 2017 9 February :: 3.25pm

we presented our solution and options for moving forward today to all the big wigs

despite our dry run the hour before hand being really rough, we really pulled through at the end

while we were derailed a few times by the attendees that were not the intended audience, the top 2 executives for our department were very impressed and happy with what was presented

it feels so fucking good to have this milestone done

in just 30 days we solved a problem that's been plaguing the boss man for 4 years.

we are the fucking kings and queens of promise

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godessalthena

:: 2017 7 February :: 7.34am

going dairy free for 3 weeks taught me my body hates dairy

day 2 of gluten free and it feels like i've been eating nothing but milk and cheese

fml

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godessalthena

:: 2017 2 February :: 8.16pm

im mad

but i got some really cute clothes today

im most excited for the hello kitty dress with strawberries and a lace peter pan collar. it is so cute i could die

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godessalthena

:: 2017 1 February :: 10.06pm

how do you decide when you're ready for kids?

now that it might actually be obtainable, i am getting very cold feet.

my track record is full of bad decisions... is this pontientally one more?

am i parent material?

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godessalthena

:: 2017 30 January :: 2.57pm

i watched a documentary on netflix yesterday called HOLY HELL and i have to admit it struck a strong resonance with me.

there's one part where they are talking to one of the Buddhafield members and she was crying and just repeating "we trusted you".

and deep inside me i felt this overwhelming sympathy. i know exactly how that feels. when you entrust your whole being to another human. you give them all your love, faith, patience, service, time and energy. and in return they abuse this gift, and they warp it to satisfy their narcissistic megalomania. and you are left feeling empty, hollow and so utterly betrayed.

and the road to recovery is a long one. we all want to be loved and accepted and included so badly, that we allow others to treat us like refuse. we let them take from us to help them feel full, while depleting ourselves. while they full well know there is a hole in their heart and they will never be full.

but they just keep taking until someone finally wakes up.

and it hurts.

but we are not alone in our pain.

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godessalthena

:: 2017 27 January :: 6.43am

coheed & cambria for my birthday??? yes please!

4 I dos | Who likes Jrock?


godessalthena

:: 2017 25 January :: 9.22pm

adrift and not so at peace

i don't know what i want.

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