godessalthena
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2021 3 December :: 6.27am
life is an empty picture frame. no memories worth keeping, no memories worth making.
nothing matters. life is absurd. I just want to set myself on fire and watch as I turn to ash.
what is the point to all of this? my purpose in life is to push pencils and make money for soulless corporations. there is nothing bigger. the struggle against the machine is futile.
it all doesn't fucking matter.
so why am I so paralyzed
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godessalthena
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2021 29 November :: 4.44am
a rusty old ghost, in a broken down machine
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godessalthena
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2021 29 November :: 4.04am
been up since 3am, slept like shit. getting as high as I possibly can so I can stop crying.
I just need someone to talk to, but no one is around. don't have my car and stuck with these fucking mongrels.
I'm tires of feeling unimportant I'm tired of sleeping alone even though I'm with you.
I'm yet again just a bank account, a cold unfeeling ATM that needs some tender love and care.
I should have done more to keep Corry alive. if he hadn't died, this spiral would have started so early.. maybe we could have weathered the storms a little better if you were still here. I got you to the hospital and then I fucking abandoned you like a fucking yellowbelly rat.
I'm so so sorry. and I'll never get to tell you that. and you wint know. you won't know...
I feel so lost. 12 years of my life wasted with narcissistic alcoholics. I definitely have a type. and I'm really over it. I'd rather be alone for the rest of my life then risk another mistake.
I'm such a half assed fuck up. thanks mom n dad for always loving me, no matter what stupid fucking mistakes I've made. I don't deserve you
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godessalthena
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2021 18 November :: 8.35am
:: Music: baroness
first inside show since the pandemic started and it was hopping
very small crowd very intimate and very bad ass
I'm glad we went, it was just what we needed
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jedibumblebee
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2021 17 November :: 10.57pm
:: Music: AJR and Daisy the Great- Record Player
Sometimes I think all I'm ever doin' is/ Tryin' to convince myself I'm alive.
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I'm in an elevator, it's goin' down, down, down
I spent forever with my feet on the ground
But not now (not now)
'Cause I don't wanna do the wrong thing
Guess I gotta go and get famous for doin' nothing
Da-da-da-da-da
Crack a smile, crack a smile
Da-da-da-da-da
Stay a while, stay a while
Da-da-da-da-da
Am I holdin' for applause?
Is it gone? Is this on?
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I'm in the simulator, I'm doin' a-okay
But every day is just rewind and replay
Not today
I'll head out to Monterey
Throw my phone into the waves
Can you see it in my eyes? Am I finally awake?
Crack a smile, crack a smile
Stay a while, stay a while
I think the best is yet to come
So drink up and good luck
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
I've got a record player that was made in 2014
Dyed my hair blue, it came out a seasick sort of green
I like vintage dresses when they fall just below my knees
I pretend I scraped them climbing in the trees
Sometimes I think all I'm ever doin' is
Tryin' to convince myself I'm alive
Sometimes I think all I'm ever doin' is
Tryin' to convince myself I'm climbing in the trees
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