:: 2003 11 July :: 11.55 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

Sometimes....
Do you ever wonder why sometimes people write, do, or say things? Ever wonder if its something they are really thinking or if its just something that they write, do say, etc, just to hurt you... you know make you feel bad.
Exibit A: :: 2003 11 July :: 1.49pm
:: Mood: exhausted

I SUCK ! I AM A FREAKING LOSER ! I'm a jerk and everyone should know that. I ruin everything. Well I'm gonna go die now. Good-Bye

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen that is my boyfriend. What did he ruin you may ask? I'll tell ya. He gets mad if I go out with friends... especially guy friends. Well today I went out with a friend... I didnt hide it I didnt sneak around... Hell I flat out ASKED his permission. No one ever has to ask permission but I wanted him to feel ok about it.
I dunno I am so upset now that I cant even articulate it into words and thoughts... I dont know.

1 message | gimmie a ring

:: 2003 7 July :: 11.04 am
:: Mood: mischievous

Yeah the mood is wrong but doesnt reading it just make you smile?
All is well in the world again. I'm happy, John's happy, friends happy, family happy... so all in all its good.


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

John I'd just like to let ya see that... I took a quiz and everything. So :P LOL I love you hun

gimmie a ring

:: 2003 6 July :: 4.24 pm
:: Mood: exanimate

Wake up
Thinky-ness is over I think. Short lived I know. But I guess John checked my journal and read it and started freaking out that I wanted to break up with him. And nothing could be further from the truth. So we talked and talked and talked. And he listened a lot to me and all my paranoid little ideas and stupid little things. Then I cried and then he made me all smiles and now I'm happy. So once again, evidence that I am so glad that he is in my life. And it just shows to me how great of a boyfriend he is. Most guys wouldnt take all my freakish paranoia. Thanks a lot John! I love you hun.

gimmie a ring

:: 2003 5 July :: 4.38 pm
:: Mood: confused

Oh that time again
I suppose its about that time again. The time where I get all weirded out by everything, start to over analyze, and freak out about everything I've done, thought of doing, or will do. It started today. Today is day one. I woke up and my first thought was "Oh Johns here better wake him up yea!" but thought 2 is the weirdo important one. I just started thinking about everything that has happened and that will be happening. I just kinda got freaked out about the whole thing. I love John and I hope we're together forever. But I think the distance is starting to bother him and I think he is starting to want to have his own independance, ya know the not tell my gf where I'm going and all that. So I'm just nervous about everything with him. Lately it has felt like he doesnt want to be around me. Sometimes it does and sometimes it just feels like he doenst. Maybe its not even that... wait no its not that. Its more of a in the beginning when he was with me it always felt like he never wanted to leave. Like it was always a clinging onto feeling. Almost as if that time would be the last time he'd see me. And now its not like that. When we are together we are happy and boy oh o boy is he doing all this cute stuff and just making me all squishy and constantly relizing what a nice and wonderful boy I have. But sometimes it just feels like he is thinking that if he doenst spend what time we have together then it doesnt matter because he'll just see me later. And its true, he will. But at the same time, I'm looking at it as this is what time we have. Next year with college I dont know how much time I'm going to have. I mean I will always make time for him and all that stuff but I know its not going to be like the summer where I can see him during the week and weekends and whenever I feel like driving to Lansing. So I have been and prolly will keep being all think-y about that.
Also just about friends. I dont know whats up. I just dont feel like going out lately. I mean I do but I dont feel like calling people and doing all the planning anymore. And that sucks because I love to go out with them and to be perfectly honest none of them are planners so I'm thinking that if I do what I want to do and stop planning then basically I'll never go out. But if I keep planning and hate it then I get to go out.
DP- She is cause of much thinky too. Her and her men and her apartment and her life. I kinda worry about her. And as much fun as it sounds I hope that I am never like that. I dont think I could be, I hope not... oh the thinky.
School next year- what in the world am I going to do. After a short time of thinking I've decided that I hope I dont suck at this. High school was painfully easy, college isnt supposed to be easy. So what if I cant do it? What if I am just not smart enough to do it? What if I cant pay for it all? Am I being unrealistic with what I want to do? Am I insane for taking out all the loans? Will I be able to pay them back?
Too much. I'm going to go now. Ok bye

gimmie a ring

:: 2003 2 July :: 9.12 pm
:: Mood: drained

2 Month
Today John and I went with his family to Silver Lake. OMG I had so much fun! His family is nice and of course it was wonderful spending the day with John. He even would do the things that I like to do and he doesnt. He went swimming and didnt complain about it and he looked like he was actually enjoying himself. That is so cute for a guy to do. I know he hates it but I thought it was really nice. I wonder if he knows the little things that he does that just make me smile so much. Like they are the stupidest littlest details. And I cant write em cuz I'm sure he reads this and I cant just tell him. That wouldnt be fair at all. But the more I am with him the more I realize what a truely wonderful guy he is. I'm a lucky girl.

gimmie a ring