well i just got home from seeing the harper creek high school play...which was very good!! encore encore!! =) my buddy dj was halarious! ahh i love my harper boyz...so we were sittin talkin during intermission and ben decided that i'm going to go to this CORNFIELD maze with him on halloween! i'm like you better be willing to like.....carry me!! i'm gonna be so scared! ahhh! but i love ben, he's like one of my best friends ever, and kane...hehe =) can't get enough of those guys! oh and don't forget bob!
speaking of bob...well last night...let's see...ok i'll just tell about the whole thing cuz it was a night to remember!

so me and kane worked and had our boy therapy session at work till 9 o'clock and then got out...my mom called me during work and told me she was in GR and stayin there all night...sweet!! AND she said i could have people over...the one thing i DIDN'T do...besides kane and bob comin over...but she said NO drinking...one thing i DID do...and more! ah, so we went to kane's house got her stuff then drove around looking for this abandoned road and house she was takin pics at earlier in the week...but it was foggy as all fuck! and i couldnt' see shit! before we got that far i fuckin almost hit these 2 deer that just decided to take their precious time and chill in the middle of the road! moby stick fuckin fish tailed when i slammed on his brakes....i was so scared, but then when we stopped we just sat there and laughed our asses off!! god...it was crazy! so we finally made it to my house...after our exploration, near death experience, and oh yeah...finding alcohol! man...they got bacardi O and it's some nasty shit...but that didn't bother me!! i had...hmm...6 shots...i THINK...i lost track after 2...whoopsy! :-X so it was me kane and bob and i was the only one drunk, kane got sick from it and bob can't drink hard liquor...so then after the 6th one...i was kinda gone, but that didn't stop me! we managed to get some weed, and i was determined to try it...so i did! with bobby's creative skills he made us a bowl (is that what it was??) out of a beer can...YUCK BEER...and we went outside. i was so scared, i had no fuckin idea what i was doin, but i guess i was a natural b/c i did it...and man...it was good. i'm not an alcoholic and i'm not a pothead...yet! haha j/k!!!! so anyways...we came back in and bobby was just sitting on my bed, and he's like how was it? and i was fuckin gone..and he was like damn...ur gone. and he was right! so i just layed down on my bed and my phone beeped and it was chris...FUCK was the only word that crossed my mind...and i INSISTED that i talk to him...so i did! and he knew i was drunk....but not high....sad thing is... i was BOTH. i know he's gonna find out...but i don't know how he's gonna react...he said he'll never talk to me again if i ever do that...but...i hope that's not true. i love him...and i can't lose him. all i kept askin him was if he was mad at me...that's why i drank so much...i was pissed that he didn't come over and he was mad at me for no reason...but on the phone he INSISTED that he wasn't mad...so yeah...i was like ok. and that was it. then bobby decided to leave...he was getting mad for some reason and i couldnt' tell why...but i guess i wouldnt' let him leave kane said, and i kept like hanging on to him telling him not to leave me. but i finally just said ok and walked him out to his truck. i was like is there something we have to talk about bobby and he's like yeah...but not when you're high or drunk...and i was like good idea...but i wanna talk about it...cuz i wanna know what you're thinking. and he said we would talk later...i called him 2 times that night again...and i talked to aaron online and he assured me he wasn't mad...he just had been busy and not been online and stuff...ben told me today that aaron is tryin to let amanda know that it's over...but he doesn't wanna hurt her or himself...and i understand but...i dunno...it's out of my hands and i can't worry about it...i'm just here for him as a friend if he needs me. well...i have LOTS of math homework...fuckin mrs.dobbin......W/O the S!!! bitch...i hate that class...but oh well...kk well i better get goin, if anything exciting happens tonight...i'll let ya'll know. ttfn...tata for now!

k~

don't hate me
well here i am...chillin with kaneface and myself and yeah.....i'm just here....i'm thinking and wondering what's going on...haha but yeah i don't even know what to talk about....today's been good...got an extra hour to drink and have a good time! right on! who knows whats goin on in my mind righ tnow.....i sure don't know!! i talked to chris...he sounds angry...but i don't care anymore....if he can't accept me for who i am..then he doesn't love me like he says he does...bobby came over....and i like him....a lot...and i told him we had to talk...and he told me when i wasn't high or drunk...and i said good idea....
aaron doesn't hate me...but we're just gonna be friends...and i'm ok with that =)
but i'm gonna go....write more later...
when i come back from lala land.....whever the FUCK that is...
~k~


p.s. people who get mad at me are fucked up! it's my life....let me live it!!!!

well today has just kinda...dragged along, but wasn't bad at all! so that was a plus...except school...blah school! i was talking to kane and the her and adam deal..so i was gonna talk to adam for her so i stopped adam in the hall and told him i had to talk to him later, and he's like ok...and kept walkin, then gayass mike turns and yells to him, "it's about lauren" what a dueshbag!!! ahh!! i went off on him! i was like what the hell are you doing? he's like well that's what it's about...well what if it's not, it doesn't matter IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! it pisses me off when people think they know everything that's goin on and that they can just stand there and say whatever they want! so before 4th block i told kane about what mike had said and she was PISSED, well i was too...but she went and took him aside and set him straight! go kaneface!! =)

i think the more math that i learn everyday of my life becomes more and more less exciting...i realized this today...i only hope it's not true...

i went to chris' house today and we hung out...we went in his hot tub then he threw me into the COLD ASS lake!! ass! i was sooo cold! ahh but it was fun! lol i love hanging out with him =) he's cooking me dinner next week...i'll have to see if he's really worth keepin...hehe

so on the way home i 2wayed kane to see what she was up to...she was babysitting her lil kids and the lil girl was talking to me on the phone.....she was SOOO cute!!....but anyways....i BROUGHT up the subject of my friend bobby...like how much we've been hanging out, and ya know it was just a thought cuz like he asked me out to lunch last night, but we do that a lot, and he called me last night, and we talked for a while and he came over the night before that and we hung out....i dunno....it's weird but...yeah kane thinks he likes me! ahh! i dunno what i would do...like i WANNA say something to him about it...but then again...it's a STUPID thing to bring up ya know? i keep sending him messages on AIM, funny little ones...lol but kane was like have you seen his profile? and i was like yah...why? and it says "why can't i just say it" and i was like so! that doesnt' mean it's directed to me! and she made a joke about it and started singing some mickey and minnie song but...yeah that's kane for ya =) lol well....i WAS working on this stupid english paper that i have to write...WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO WRITE A PAPER ABOUT ANOTHER PAPER?!?! god...school's a bitch these days but...oh well! well i best get back to that paper! gotta get some sleep to get up early tomorrow and go develop my film! nighty night

~kail~

p.s. yesterday i worked then went to khols' and spent $58 on clothes! 2 bras, 2 pairs of underwear, and a pair of khakis and a pair of jeans!! ahhh!! lol (for info on yesterday)

p.s.s i went to ruby tuesday today and talked to the manager and turned in my application....i hope i get a job! (pray for me!!) kk night! =)

life...it's goin
well today wasn't all that bad...on and off i suppose. my kittie was lost last night and this morning and that brought down half my day...but when i came home from school she was here!! i was so glad!! =) i had to work....which was a pain but i worked with my BCC girl alliecat so it was all good! Goal for the week: FIND ANOTHER JOB!! ahh!! need to get on that one. i'm sitting talking to chris...yeah...he's that someone that i'm really close to...but i dont' know where it's going right now...i'm just so sick of guys and all the drama..i'm not worried about it!! yeah! why is it that when teachers don't know what they are doing they try and hide it but then the kids just prove them wrong anyways!?!? ah hem MATH!! ahh i'm sick of the x's and o's with the f*ckin numbers! it's so retarded (can't say gay anymore cuz it's offensive...another goal...stop swearing so much!!) that ones gonna take a while..haha so i guess i'm gonna just go...not really any thoughts on today, except i hope tomorrow is better...but it's a new day again right?? right... well that's it...good evening and good night

~k

so i guess i'm starting this journal thing...thanks kaneface! maybe it'll help me with some of my...issues lol

so this weekend i went up to state and stayed with my cousin and got fucking TRASHED! it was great! but then i realized i had to come back to reality when i got back home...work...school...boyz...all the shitty things that make everything seem like it's always ganging up on me till i break...again. so what am i supposed to do, i'm torn right now no matter where i turn and i feel like everything is just going to fall apart everytime i try to put it together. so i guess i'm just confused and annoyed at the fact that bad shit always happens when i think things are going good! but it's life right? and i have to deal with it right? sure there's other ways out but that's just stupid to think about that...so i won't. the one person i really need to talk to is sleeping...as he always is...but i guess even that wouldn't help me right now...i don't know what would, and that my friends, sucks ass! but oh well...tomorrow is the beginning of a new week and a new day, so we'll just have to see where all this goes...my cup is filled but soon it'll just drain and fill up again like always...so in a nut shell...that's all for now folks...thank you and good night

~kail