a long search for something i don't want to find

a long search for something i don't want to find

:: 2005 29 January :: 7.21 pm

Tucker is 100% better and proving it by being as crazed and annoying as he can be. He is constantly climbing on me and biting at me, trying to chew on anything that's around him. I love him to death but it's probably not the best thing that he's become nearly my entire life.

I got a drunk phone call at 2:30 in the morning from David trying to persuade me into his newest idea of us dating again, but not exclusively. For some unknown reason the conversation actually lasted for an hour, I just couldn't stop laughing.

I went out with Walter last Saturday, it was a little weird to hear from him completely out of nowhere. We went to plasma for - of course - latin night. He gave me lollipops from columbia which were awesome and gave me another salsa dancing lesson. He's good-looking and incredibly sweet, but for some reason I just don't see us together, I don't feel any sort of connection with him.

The next day I spent with David attempting to learn macro but accomplishing nothing productive. I worked that night with Josh and went home with him afterwards to watch napoleon dynamite. Danny and Marty were home and I really liked hanging out with all of them, especially Marty. He and I got to talk alone for a while and I'm impressed by everything about him. It's been a long time since I've had this kind of attraction to someone, so intense for someone I hardly know. I hadn't brought the scooter with me that night so I ended up staying over. I happened to wake up when Marty did so he and I got to eat together before his test. I did end up missing all my classes that day though.

David and I had our macro test that monday night, and for as little as we actually prepared for it, we both got A's. I'd like to say my math test went just as well but turns out I was little overconfident about it walking in there.

Not much else to say.

leave a comment

:: 2005 18 January :: 9.07 am

Tucker is healthy!

Wednesday, after I posted my last entry Alejandra and I took Tucker to the nearest vet for the worming medicine that the emergency clinic didn't have the night before. We were there for over two hours and I missed my Greece meeting, but this was more important. The vet was very nice and very thorough, she told us he had 3 different types of worms, severe anemia because of the worms, and a respiratory infection. She also explained to us the possibility that he might have something called parvovirus. It's a severe viral disease that is very deadly. He only showed one of the possible signs indicating parvo so far so she explained to us how crucial the next two days were in determining if he was going to get it or not. If he showed a single other sign he would have to be hospitalized immediately and there was only a 40% survival rate at that point. Of course this scared me shitless and I spent the whole night up with him. Turns out he didn't have it - thank god - but he was still plenty sick enough to be quite serious and definitely make him miserable. Since then my entire days were spent by his side cleaning up after him, force feeding medicines and just trying to comfort him. Danny had been under the impression that interaction with another dog might make him happier or maybe even start eating. I didn't believe it for a second but I was willing to try anything. Danny took Tucker and I to his house and Tucker actually played quite nicely with Sade, Marty's dog. I was so happy just to see him up and walking about. Marty even got him to eat! Yeah it was a piece of deli meat instead of dog food but at least it was something. Tucker got spoiled by it though because for the next couple days all he would eat was deli meats, he turned away from all dog food.

Friday night was an interesting night...
I was working with Josh that night and Danny, Marty, and a huge group of their friends came in for a party and get drunk. Some of the guys were pretty good-looking and very funny so I was having a great time.Marty became very touchy after a while and spent most of the night with his arm around me telling me how hot I was. Now I've liked Marty since I first met him when I was kind of seeing Josh but Danny was there and not looking happy to see us and I knew how he felt about me so as much as I wanted to hit on Marty back I restrained myself and kept busy with a lot of the other people. The guys were so nice they even cleaned their own table. Doing sake bombs make a pretty good mess and they felt bad that I kept cleaning it for them so they grabbed all the rags and napkins out of my hands and didn't allow me to clean their table the rest of the night. Everytime they saw me put a napkin down on their table to wipe it the entire table yelled at me and took it away.

Josh and I didn't get out of there until pretty late but that was okay because the huge partying going on was so much fun that it didn't feel like work. I went with Josh back to his house and there was about 15 of us hanging out talking about going to a party but we waited too long and when we went driving around at 3 am most of the parties were over. Didn't really matter though because we had a much better party when we got back to the house.

On Sunday Danny invited me to play tennis with him, Marty and their friend Heather, and of course I joined immediately. I haven't had the chance to play tennis in so long and I would get to see Marty again. We all played so badly but it was so much fun that we didn't even try.

I feel like I have a lot more to talk about, I just don't know how to get it out.

leave a comment

:: 2005 12 January :: 2.28 pm

I have a puppy!

Dixie is going to be so mad at me.

Anyway, Monday night Danny finally got here about 2am, and didn't leave until 4. We didn't really do much, just sat around and talked but I had fun, he's a really cool guy to hang out with. He made some allusions as he was leaving to asking me out but hasn't directly asked yet. I'm kind of glad, I have no idea what I'd say. I was supposed to get up for an 8:30 class Tuesday morning but instead missed it and barely managed to drag myself to the 9:35 one. I hung out around campus afterwards and went to talk to the guy from MoMo's with the puppy. He couldn't leave work though so he said to have my roommates come meet him at 5:30 (I would be working). Work was alright although Johnny kept being weird about the whole thing the night before with me refusing to go out with him, and Andrea seems to be getting more and more cocky with me and I'm not sure why. I know she likes Josh and she didn't like how close he and I were getting but since I haven't been hanging out with him as much she might be happy to move in. Good luck to her by all means. I made really good money last night - $120. I turned down plans with Danny and David after work so that I could rush home and see the new puppy. Turns out he was sick! He has tapeworms and fleas and is very malnourished, you can feel every bone in his body. If I see that guy again I may have to slowly torture him to death. Being the paranoid overattentive parents that we are Alejandra and I went looking for a 24 hour vet and ended up at the pet emergency center by midnight. They gave him something to kill off the fleas but didn't carry the medicine for the tapeworm so I have an appointment to take him to another vet today at 4. I was pissed last night though because they hardly did anything for him and the bill was $137. There went every cent I made that night and then some.

His name is Tucker. He's a 7 week old golden retriever.

I don't have to work tonight so I think I'll use tonight to hang out with David, I haven't seen him in a while and I need to stop hanging out with Josh, Danny and Johnny, it's only going to cause more problems.

leave a comment

:: 2005 11 January :: 1.32 am

Not much happened the week after christmas, just working at my mom's office and hanging out. New Year's Eve we went to City Place for facials at the spa and some shopping. We saw Closer, which was horrible. I was really surprised, Julia Roberts is usually so tasteful.

I got in a bit of an argument with Steve when I told him I wouldn't be spending the holiday with him. I know I hurt him and it hurts me to do so, but he has to finally accept that we aren't together anymore. A lot of my friends were out of town, especially in New York, I was so jealous. Richelle was with the twins and their family plus Diego on their way to Atlantic Ave so I met up with them there. I love those guys, they're awesome and so is their family. We didn't really do anything except hang out around the ave but it was still a lot of fun. left around 1 and went to a party in Boca. Richelle got wasted there and I spent most of time dancing with Alberto or trying to avoid Juan who kept hitting on me hard core. I got away from him when Josh called me but then he followed me outside, took my phone out of my hands and kept trying to put his arms around me. Luckily Alejandro happened to be nearby and rescued me. Josh spent an hour trying to convince me to drive down to fort lauderdale to see him because his friend had gone out of town and given him his place. I was on a time limit with Richelle though being so close to her leaving for Brazil and I was having way too much fun with the friends I was already with so there was no way I was ditching for him. The whole gang left the party about 3:30 and headed to the twin's apartment. Here a lot of laughing and wild dancing again took place before I finally found my way home around 7. A very kick ass New Year's.

Saturday was pretty much just spent recovering from the night before. Alex's family came over for dinner and presents but I've had a couple problems with Alex lately so I didn't speak much to him the entire time and even walked away a couple times that he tried to talk to me. From there I headed down to Boynton to meet Jenn, Richelle and Alejandro. It was great to see Jenn again but very sad when later I said goodbye to Richelle for the next seven months.

Next Alex called me in a last ditch attempt to rectify things and invite me to a party. I refused and hung up on him, then after a few minutes I regretted it. It was my last night in town after all and I hated being mad at him, I love that boy too much. I went to the party but just ended up fighting with him again and leaving. Dave met me there to have a last hang-out as well and I was glad I got to say goodbye. I stopped by Steve's house after that because it didn't feel right to leave without seeing him too at least once. It was awkward and depressing and I left feeling even worse. I got home about 4:30 and passed the hell out.

Sunday I was on the road bright and early heading back up to Gainesville. Traffic was bad and I didn't make it to the house until 3:30. The rest of the day was spent cleaning and setting up as Brittany moved in too. Monday was a lot of running errands and work that night. Wasn't too bad although I didn't make as much as I wanted to. Tuesday I had to get up at 7 to go stand in line for a parking decal. Josh needed one too and had asked me to call him and get him up for it but in all honesty I didn't really expect him to make it, he's just not used to mornings. He surprised me though and came through, although I had to run to a class directly afterwards. That night was another crazy lady's night and coming home to pass out before my 7:30 class the next day.

I didn't make it to that 7:30 class, nor the 8:30 one after it. I did get a lot of stuff done though and had my first Greece meeting that evening. I'm so excited about this trip it's ridiculous. I went straight to work from the meeting and even though I got there three hours late I still made more money than I ever had yet. It was such a crazy night but it was awesome. We had three birthday parties come in all at once and it turned into one huge bash. Joel had Josh and I fill up an entire tray of sake shots to pass out to the whole restaurant and ordered us to take them with the group as well. They didn't do too much to me but Josh was trashed by the end of the night.

We didn't get out of there until 12:30 that night and considering I had a 6:30 flight that morning that I hadn't packed for yet I was anxious to get home but somehow got talked into going to Josh's house first. I ended up talking to Danny for most of the night though and he's a really cool guy. Josh and Johnny wouldn't let me go home and take a cab to the airport so they drove me to my house, waited for me to pack, then gave me a lift to the airport. At 5:30 am I was sitting in that terminal and having gone so long without sleep I definitely drifted off more than a couple times while sitting there waiting. I crashed on the flight to Atlanta and then again on the much longer flight from Atlanta to Colorado.

Beaver Creek, Colorado, one of the single most beautiful places in the entire world. It was perfect, absolutely breath-taking. They had more snow that week than they'd had in years, the skiing was amazing. I had a cold for most of the trip and Darcy had altitude sickness but I still consider one of the best trips I've ever taken.

I got home last night and my awesome roommates picked me up with a huge sign, it was embarassing and endearing at the same time. The airline lost my suitcase - of course - but somehow delivered it to me at midnight that night.

This morning I actually made it to my classes only to find out how much I'd missed while on the trip. I got a lot of homework done this afternoon and still had time to get into another fight with steve. I won't get into details, it's nothing new at this point. I had a good night at work tonight, made a ton of money, but the working environment was a little uncomfortable because johnny kept asking me out and wouldn't take no for an answer. To top it off Josh came in to have some beers and when he ran into me at the bathrooms around the corner - out of sight from everyone else - took me by surprise and kissed me. He spent the rest of the night grabbing at me everytime I walked by his table and I really hope it was only because he was drunk.

What am I doing now? Hanging out waiting for his best friend Danny to show up for a late night hang-out. I didn't realize until I a minute ago when Josh called me that Danny had apparently made a point of not telling Josh that he was coming here. Somehow I created a problem again.

8:30 class in the morning, another lady's night in the evening, dealing with Josh/Johnny/Danny later in the night. This is going to suck.

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 27 December :: 5.33 pm

So I finally came home from Gainesville Wednesday evening. I had toget out of there, Steve had come up the night before to surprise me with six dozen roses - two dozen red, two dozen orange, two dozen pink. He couldn't be making this any more difficult. Because of dealing with him Wednesday morning as well I didn't get on the road until 1, leaving myself only about an hour to settle in and get ready for the IB diploma ceremony. It was incredibly lame, I actually feel cheated. It's kind of sad that I was excited to go and see everyone until I got there and remembered that I don't like 80% of those people. I went out with Kristen, Nina and Jill afterwards to go see Meet the Fockers. Laura Vargas wanted to come but so did Richelle, and because there had been a confrontation the night before it was looking like niether was going to come for a while. Finally they both gave in and came just as the movie was starting, sitting on opposite sides of the theater and Laura didn't even look at Richelle the entire time. Highlight of the night: Richelle realizing she left her keys in the movie as we were walking to her car and me finding $120 on the floor while looking for them when we went back. I never find anything, especially money, and this one time I did I hit the jackpot. I felt bad keeping it but the theater was closed, there was no one to return it too. If I had given it to the front desk do you honestly believe they wouldn't have kept it for themselves? Oh well, I finally get a little luck in my life.

The next day Darcy and I drove up to Melborne to visit our two cousins. They all wanted to see Meet the Fockers that night so I got to sit through that a second night in a row. It was a good movie but twice in two nights is too much. Christmas eve and Christmas day were spent entirely with the family, which was nice. We baked a ton of cookies and have been enjoying them ever since. For christmas I got a lot of stuff for the house, which I knew I would, but I needed it anyway. I got a great pair of sunglasses, a new watch, and a DVD player. All three of the girls also got facials at our favorite spa so we're doing a spa day on friday.

Sunday was my Dad's 50th birthday. We had been planning a surprise birthday party for him for the last two weeks at the Mai Kai. If you've ever been there you know how awesome that place is. We had 23 people coming and although he suspected something was going on, he didn't actually know what it was so it was a nice surprise. Dinner was wonderful and it was great seeing everyone there, I love how well-loved he is by everyone. We finished around 8 and although the rest of the family went home I stayed behind. Josh had just gotten home the night before to his dad's place which happened to be in fort lauderdale, so I met up with him for a couple games of pool. He beat me of course but it was still fun to play. I really do need to start playing more regularly, especially since Dad also bought me my own pool stick and case for Christmas. Could he be trying any harder to push me into it? I hung out with Josh and a couple of his friends until about 1 then finally drove back north to delray and hung out with David. I got home by 3:30 since I was coming to work the next morning with my mom.

So yeah, I'm here at her office now, making some extra money by helping out with the filing and what-not. I'm obviously bored which always seems to be my inspiration in actually taking the time to update this thing (unless I have an emotional crisis going on). Having to work today during my holiday break sucks but I'm making good money and I still have a week left to enjoy. Dad and I found a moped we like and we'll probably pick that up tomorrow or the next day. I was going to get a used motorcycle but I don't have time to learn how to drive it very well before I have to be back up at school, so I made a deal with Dad that I would learn over the summer and he would buy me my own bike by middle/end of summer. Hell yeah, that is so damn sweet.

leave a comment

:: 2004 19 December :: 11.47 am

Wow I really let this thing go, and that's not good because a lot has been happening. Josh and I ended up not going to dinner that Saturday night, we each had things we had to do and I was still pretty tired. Sunday was spent cleaning the house which takes forever because of how big it is. David came over to give me a ride back to campus and was very impressed by my pimp house.

On Monday I went with Laura and Richelle to the mall. They had to buy secret santa presents for Danza and I had to buy CDs for my mom's birthday (plus the movie Dodgeball because I love it). We all went out to lunch afterward and they got into a little spat about Alejandro again. When two best friends are dating twin brothers it's bound to be really cool at times and a huge mess others. I had to work that night but it was alright. I worked with Josh - of course, Joel never schedules us without each other - and when he asked me what I was doing that night I told him my plan to spend the night in my new house. My dad had left the air mattress there and I was excited to have the house to myself for the first time. He came over with me and we made a fire and watched Dodgeball. Turns out the heater had broken though and we nearly froze to death throughout the night.

Tuesday I basically just spent the whole day sleeping to make up for the night before and woke up just in time to go to work. I went out with Josh and Johnny afterwards to see a friend of Josh's. We later went back to his house to watch Dumb and Dumber - best classic ever - and finally fall asleep. My phone had died during the night though and I had no way to charge it so when my Dad and Grandpa arrived in Gainesville at noon the next day, they were unable to get ahold of me until I finally woke up and borrowed Josh's phone to call him at 2 in the afternoon. I think Dad was a little pissed but not too bad. Josh and Johnny and I went out to IHOP for a late lunch and I finally made it back to my dorm at 3:30. By 4:30 Josh and I were back at work again. Thirty-six hours and we spend only an hour of it apart, I swear it feels like I'm living with that kid.

The girls and I had wanted to go to a club for a while now but haven't had the chance so we decided to go tonight, especially since Alberto was up visiting. Wednesday night clubs are XS and Arcadia, and since Arcadia had been such a good club last time they picked me up from work and headed straight there. Turns out the club was completely dead so we just went back to the apartment, made a ton of drinks, turned on the strobe light and loud techno music and had our own house party, which are the best ones anyway.

Thursday morning when we finally got up I met my Dad at my dorm and packed up most of my dorm. We spent the rest of the day setting up the house which was starting to look great and then I had to head right back to work. I worked with Whitney that night but Josh came in with a his roommate and friend anyway to get trashed on sake bombs. The place was dead though so Joel sent Whitney home at 8:30, which was nice because I made a little extra money but it also took me forever to close, so I didn't get out of there until 12. Josh wanted to come pick me up and chill at his house again but the gang was going out again and I like going out much better than staying in. We went to Slim's which has classic 80's music so it's never been very popular but we like it because we can get in for free, it's not so crowded that we get trampled, and we can dance any way we want. After Slim's Lelis and Alberto kept bugging me about getting them some pot so I called Josh and asked if he had any to sell. Luckily he did so we all took a ride out there, but I ended up staying behind at Josh's when they left with their pot.

Friday morning Josh took me home and my dad came over again to move out the rest of my stuff. Surprisingly it didn't take very long at all. I've been unpacking ever since though. Alejandra came over to paint her room and now I have the urge to do the same. Anyway because Richelle, Daniela and Lelis were all going home on Saturday and not coming back up before they went abroad, Friday night was the last night we had to all be together. We went to Latin night at Simon's,which I thought was a very fitting place to go for our last night out. Alberto tried teaching me salsa but I just couldn't get it, the only time I can dance it is with Lelis because he's such a strong leader. From there we went back to the apartment to get trashed but Daniela ended up falling asleep and I was coming close. Lelis and Alberto took me home at 3 in the morning and I didn't realize until this morning that I left my wallet there. My dad and Grandpa left yesterday after setting up the wireless and I went back to bed. I was even still sleeping when Natalka got here and started moving in. Alejandra came by to finish painting her room but she seemed distracted and told me about a fight she had had with Andrew, her boyfriend. She was crying and so upset and I tried to help her but I wasn't sure what to say since I don't know her very well or Andrew at all. She ended up not painting her room and just drove home to Pensacola. She won't start moving in now until after Christmas. Josh called me at one in the morning last night while hanging out with Johnny and even though he said he was going to sleep when we hung up he called again after 2, no idea why. Apparently I'm on orders to go into Kotobuki to eat tonight since he's working by himself.

Richelle tells me that Walter called me the other day to ask me out and I didn't pick up. I don't remember missing any calls so I don't know if that's true or not but either way from what Lelis says he does want to go out with me. So I guess the question is: Walter or Josh?

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 11 December :: 12.17 pm

The last two nights have been crazy and eerily similar at the same time.

Besides the test that I failed, Wednesday night was a kickass night. I don't care too much about the test, I'll still end up with a B in the class and I probably would have even if I had gotten an A on that final. Laura picked me up at my dorm later and we stopped by MoMo's so I could talk to the guy with the puppy. Half lab, half golden retriever, two weeks old, and he's giving it away for free. Fucking awesome. Since MoMo's is right next to Kotobuki I popped in there to say hi and to tell Whitney about talking to the guy. She's very excited, she wanted the dog herself but since she can't get it she wants me to and bring it into work every day. Josh was happy to see me and a group of guys tried to get me to stay and do sake bombs with them but I felt bad that Laura was waiting in her car for me so I took off pretty quickly. Lelis was at her apartment when we got there but Richelle was showering at her dorm and Daniela was still working. I baked a cake while Lelis made drinks and the others started arriving. Walter surprised us by showing up and for some reason wasn't as amused by our cake design as the rest of us were (don't ask). Once everyone was properly drunk and scantily dressed we headed out to a new club for once - Arcadia. It was a really great club but too damn expensive - ten dollar cover. When it closed we all headed back to the apartment still smashed and craving cake. The guys hung out outside and we girls - left to our own devices - of course went out of control. I think we're the only people I know our age that still has food fights. The cake was completely mutilated to any point beyond actual eating and their entire apartment was trashed. I think the guys were actually scared to walk in and see us like that. David joined the party just as Lelis and Walter left but it didn't last much longer. Daniela, Laura, and Richelle fell asleep almost immediately but for some reason David and I couldn't sleep so we were up until about 6 just talking and laughing. It's been a long time since I was able to talk to someone - especially a guy - for that long and that well. It was so comfortable being there with him which is weird because we didn't talk for so long after we broke up and even when we started becoming friends this year it was usually just chit chat and constant teasing each other. He says I'm two completely different people and he can't believe how much more he likes this other side of me, when I finally put away the childish little arguments and just talk about things I think about. I do believe that's the first time I've spent a whole night in bed with a guy where absolutely nothing happened but talking (although he did ask at one point if he could kiss me. still, out of about three hours and that being the only awkward moment is pretty damn good). It's weird to think he's become a close friend.

Thursday morning we were all up bright and early due to a portuguese class Richelle and Laura had that morning. David and I both needed a ride home so we had to be up and out with them. I got home and just completely crashed until I had to go to work. I probably smelled pretty nasty too from sweating so much in the club the night before, I didn't wake up in time to shower. Work that night was insane, it was only Josh and I serving and I ended up with a 21 person birthday party to handle all by myself on top of three other tables. It wasn't my best serving performance ever but I did end up making $91 that night. Josh invited me over after work to hang out and since we both have exams Saturday to make each other study too. He dropped me off at my dorm while he took John home and got changed so I finally had a chance to shower and grab my books. I was wondering what had happened to him since he hadn't called me in a while and figured he sold me out. I was planning on going to bed but went downstairs to satisfy an M&M craving and ran right into him as he walked through the door. Turns out his phone wasn't working so he was just going to ask the front desk to call me in my room, although I don't know how he would do that since he didn't know my last name or my room number. So due to a freak occurence of fate I grabbed my stuff and we headed over to his place. His house is really nice and his roommates are cool. We watched pulp fiction and I made the effort to study but it just wasn't happening. We decided that because it was so late (about 5) we would just get some sleep and study in the morning. Problem was the same thing happened to me that happened last night - I couldn't fall asleep, and niether could he. This time, however, we didn't finally fall asleep after a few hours of talking, we never did go to sleep. We were up til 10 in the morning talking but mostly just fighting with each other until we decided to get some McDonald's breakfast. He asked me at some point if he could kiss me too. It's so amusing how guys seem to have just thrown away the romance of just kissing someone and now ask permission first. I finally came home after breakfast and fell asleep about 11:30 this morning. Poor Josh had to work tonight, I wonder how he got through it.

Had dinner with my Dad and went with him to the house to check out how it was coming along (and I kind of missed it). It's looking good but there's so much more that has to be done it's kind of overwhelming. I am so grateful to my Dad for being here and working so hard on it, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have him.

I've been studying tonight - finally. For once in my life I showed some self-discipline when Richelle called and said I couldn't go out tonight. I'll make up for it tomorrow night.

Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be having dinner with Josh tomorrow night. I don't think it's a good idea, but at least it'll give me the opportunity to talk to him about last night and why I don't think I can date him.

2 comments | leave a comment

:: 2004 9 December :: 4.10 pm

The day after a really great night always sucks, have you ever noticed that?

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 8 December :: 11.24 am

So far so good...

Lazy weekend but it was nice that the twins came up. Kind of weird Alejandro watched Richelle and I leave the club Friday night and followed us around town before telling her he was here but that's just the way he is. Sunday night was the Danza dance show and gang of us went to support our girls. Laura had been right, it was very ADA style, which made her and Richelle's dance stand out all that much more. There were a few I really liked (and I know a couple in particular that the guys liked, they don't even try to hide those smiles anymore) but Richelle's and Laura's was hands down the best. I had been with them when they choreographed some of it but not nearly all and it was my first time seeing everything put together. The glow sticks and the raving looked awesome, the crowd loved it. Some people may have thought the dance was out there and very weird but the majority loved the completely different style it had from the rest of the show. I hope they win, they deserve to (said completely without bias). We went out to eat after the show (like always) and just as the twins were about to leave to head back home Ale and Laura got into it again. I swear to god no one gets under Laura's skin as much as Alejandro does, he knows all the best ways to piss her off. Laura stalked inside after he got in the car and once they had left Richelle and I went up to see if she was alright. She was extremely mad but also hurt and started crying, which even pissed me off. We stayed up talking most of the night so Richelle and I just slept over.

Monday was uneventful other than a chem quiz, which I actually did pretty well on considering I hadn't read any of the material until that morning. I worked that night with Josh, who at least kept it interesting. He asked if I wanted to go out with him after work, and I wasn't ready to go through with a real date so I just suggested we go across the street for ice cream. At least then it wasn't anything secluded or serious and since it was so close chances were some other people from work would come too so we wouldn't be alone. I brought in 75 bucks that night, which is sweet for a monday night, and John did end up coming with us for ice cream. They wanted to go smoke at a friend's house but it was already 1am and I needed to seriously cram for my bio lab exam so I just had them take me home.

Tuesday I studied a little, went to class, then decided to hit the gym. I've been kicking myself about how lazy I've been about it so I finally dragged myself over. I feel good about it now although I am very sore. I went straight to work from the gym too so I probably smelt all sweaty and nasty. It was Ladies' Night that night so it was packed and this would normally be great, but because of the 2 for 1 special all the bills were cheap, so I only ended up making 70. Josh came in for about hour just to drink some and hang out, although it was a little awkward when I caught him staring at me three or four times. Joel the manager ordered us a pizza from MoMo's and that motherfucker was the biggest pizza I have ever seen (4.5 ft diameter to give you a picture). I finally got to meet the other servers too - the only other two girls on the whole staff. They're both really nice and damn they are fast. We were completely done with everything by 11:30. Today was supposed to be a day just recovering from sleep loss and physical exhaustion from the gym and so much work but I was up bright and early for studying for my lab final tonight. Laura called to invite me to lunch but I couldn't afford to miss my very last bio class. Oh well, she wants to go out tonight and Alejandra called about a party tonight so looks like a pretty good night in store after this test.

leave a comment

:: 2004 4 December :: 10.11 pm

A phone call can mean what you make of it, a lot or a little. No phone call, however, says everything.

You won't be hearing from me again. I'd rather not have you in my life at all than be an obligation in yours.

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 1 December :: 1.36 pm

Everything is finally starting to turn around.

When things looked dark and my account balance was negative, I found out I had three hundred dollars in savings bonds that I could cash, so I was able to Christmas shop at last. My sister is doing well and the relationship between her and my dad is getting better everyday. I got an A on my chem test last night - the first A I've gotten on ANY test since I've been here. It's now actually possible that I could get an A for the semester. I got a job (yes another one) waitressing at a japanese restaurant where the food is good and expensive so I'm sure to make some good money. I'm saving up for a motor bike since I'll be living off campus next semester, plus some spending money for Greece. I'm finally getting myself to a gym and I'm feeling good. Steve and I are getting along now and we can still have good talks. Got hit on by a cutie in the dining hall last night and may have a date for this weekend.

Things are looking too good right now, what's going to happen to mess it up?

leave a comment

:: 2004 28 November :: 10.34 pm

Terrell keeps bugging me about writing more in my entries so I'll try and be more descriptive this time.

Wednesday I went to the bookstore about a job and although I got it, I also found out that it only pays minimum wage, so I picked up an application to a seafood restaurant down the street from my new house. I had been planning on going with Richelle and the gang home but got a last minute call from David asking me to go with him because he didn't want to make the drive alone. Because of holiday traffic we spent five and a half hours trapped in a car together and I think we spent 80% of it yelling at each other. He claims he doesn't fight with anyone else except me, but I find that hard to believe considering how irritating he is. I just get bored too easily and since I dated him I know all his buttons and how to bug the hell out of him the most so it's amusing for me. It gave me something to do at least, although I may have gone too far since at one point he pulled off the side of the road and told me to get out. It would have sounded a little more intimidating if he could stop laughing as he said it. That's just how we get along and as weird as it is it made the long ass ride down there not too bad.

We didn't get to my house until almost 7:30 so I just spent the night in hanging out with the folks. Thursday morning my mom came into my room at 9 am and started jumping on my bed in order to get me up for the Thanksgiving parade, because apparently there is nothing more important than all of us watching it every single damn year. We called up to the family in Ohio and got some really bad news, which I already posted about. We went down to my Grandpa's for Thanksgiving dinner which is always great. I love that at everyone one of his holiday dinner parties there's anywhere from 10-30 people and they're all people we've known and loved our entire lives.

Friday morning was another rude wake up, my mom actually wrestled the covers away from me and threw the ferrets on top of me. Thus I got up bright and early for Black Friday shopping. It was very unproductive - in six hours we had bought more presents for the dog than anyone else.

Jenn called me wanting to see a last minute movie and go out. Much thanks to Glenn for letting us skip the ridiculous line. Bridget Jones was very cute, I liked it. Danielle Harder and Richelle - both of who couldn't make the movie because of how late I called (what can I say, I'm lazy) - called me while I was in the movie. After Jenn and I grabbed some dinner we met up with the ole' gang to create our own little party.

Saturday some of us met up for lunch, Dean Anthony's has the best pizza. Jenn went to work and I went home to hang out for a bit.

I got my first motorcycle lesson! While coming home from the store he pulled off inside the neighborhood and told me to take the bike. He used to do this occasionally to teach me how to drive, just randomly tell me to take the wheel. I loved how it felt sitting there holding the whole weight of the bike. He walked me through putting it in neutral and explaining the gears to me (keep in mind I still don't know how to even drive a stick shift car.) However he happened to tell me how to put it into first gear before he told me how to stop so I was slowing going down the road without knowing how to stop it and not even daring to put it in a higher gear. I suddenly remembered him mentioning once that the brakes were on the right so I managed to brake it smoothly but forgot to pull in the clutch so it stalled. I had been handling the weight just fine before but the sudden stop of it stalling threw me off balance and I couldn't catch the weight quick enough so I spilled over. I didn't get hurt but the mirror cracked off the bike. Dad didn't care about the mirror, said it was easy to bolt back on but I felt terrible. I didn't care that I fell, quite honestly I expected to, but I couldn't stand doing anything to his bike.

Sat night the whole family went out to for dinner and a movie together so I finally got to see the Incredibles. It wasn't what I was expecting but it was very cute, I liked it. Jill had called me about a reunion party she was having at her house so I went straight over there. I can't believe it's been so long since I've seen her, and it was so great to see her and everyone. Even Mike was there from MSOA. He's apparently come out of the punk phase, he didn't have any of his piercings anymore. Robin was there too, I miss hanging out with him. He's going to be up here in middle January for a tennis tournament so we'll get to go out for a night or two. Andres came, which was completely awkward and I wanted to shoot myself. I got to meet Jill's new boyfriend, he's a real cutie, although he was a little too drunk to determine the kind of guy he is. Oh well, Jill has good judgement so I trust that he's a good one.

Sunday I watched a movie with my mommy, then we went out for - what else - some more last minute shopping. Richelle picked me up at 2 and we hit the road. At 10pm I finally walked into my dorm. I don't want to go into yet another rant about it, but what should have been a three and a half hour drive turned into eight goddamn hours.

The girls made a date to work out at 7:30 tomorrow morning. Who wants to take the bet of us actually making it there?

1 comment | leave a comment

:: 2004 25 November :: 11.54 am

We just got a call from my aunt: my cousin who's my age and recently dropped out of college tried to commit suicide this morning. She's in the hospital right now and she's not conscious yet.

Mom doesn't know if we should go there or not, she's afraid of having to go there for a funeral by the end of the day.

Will this never stop?

Happy Thanksgiving.

leave a comment

:: 2004 22 November :: 12.06 am

You know, it really isn't fair.

For years the pattern was that weird guys liked me, but the ones I liked couldn't care less.

It seems in all my wandering and experiences, I've come back to this pattern.

Wonderful guys care about me, I can't return the feelings. Weird creepy guys that work in the dining hall - for example - won't leave me alone (seriously, i'm somewhat uncomfortable about the touching). David has somehow become ten times a better friend to me now then he ever was a boyfriend. Steve loves me to death but it turns out he's unstable. The only guy I've fallen for in my life hasn't felt even close the same back.

It would be so nice in the future for just one of the guys I fall for to be one of the few that falls for me too. But considering my history that seems like a little too much to ask. Damn my karma.

3 comments | leave a comment