joslyn_julia
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2010 26 October :: 9.32am
of course it is my fault. it's always my fault.
if that's how you feel, i hope you enjoy the feeling of loneliness you will be feeling until I am able to split for good. I'm done.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 8 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: despondent
:: Music: Metric- Help, I'm Alive
I am in desperate need of sanity.
All i seem to do anymore is pull you down, make you miserable
I am nothing but a path of destruction and i don't think I can change.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 7 October :: 2.39pm
I'm on music obsession kick.
I think I have gotten almost 150 new songs... with another 100 or so to go.
Things are so much better when I am home alone. I think before I start the next batch of music though I am going to clean more in case anyone comes over this weekend. I know, not likely- but i am crazy about having a spotless apt when people visit now, so i better do it or I'll be pissed if they do.
And bonus, all new music to listen to while I clean.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 6 October :: 2.44am
i ought to be working on homework and I seem to be addicted to updating my facebook status tonight... So in an effort not to update it again, I am on here to bitch about my lack of motivation and constant distraction from my husband sleeping next to me... and rolling onto me, ect.
i hate writing intensive classes!
2 No way... |
Tell me...
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rayray
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2010 10 September :: 10.04am
So, I've concluded that watching Medical Miracles or whatever the name of the show is on Discovery Health, is not condusive to a good nights sleep..
There was a woman who was pregnant, but they kept telling her that it was just a cyst.. Well, after 9 months, she indeed had a child. However, that baby had a mass in its stomach that was an 18 week old fetus. It had a head, legs, and arms, with fingers and toes..
Trying to sleep with that in your head, is not easy.. And doesn't help when you already have strange dreams..
4 No way... |
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 3 September :: 7.40am
i don't want life handed to me on a platter, but i sure do wish things would go smoothly for once.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 24 August :: 11.06am
life is a whirlwind right now. so many good things, and so many that i am freaking out about.
I just got back to WI and now I feel like I need to turn around and head right back to michigan.
f*ing pain.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 11 August :: 3.19pm
for some reason i just started thinking:
"lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here. Father son and lolly get your adverbs here..."
I have either been watching too much children's programming or the onset of school next month is driving me crazy.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 5 August :: 12.13am
somedays, when i see the wedding albums of all the people i know on facebook, i get sad. I am happy for the people... don't get me wrong, but i wish that i could have gotten those things.
no wedding cake
no pretty white dress
no pictures
i wish i could have that fairy tale.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 30 July :: 3.32pm
it's a bit messed up when i start singing songs in my head just to avoid these arguments. I want this fuck head of a "guest" not to come back.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 25 July :: 12.14pm
sometimes I think my "friends" are just politely saying they don't want to see me in encrypted messages. I want a heart of stone. I hate feeling like this is all a lie.
If that's the truth tho, i guess i will never find out. My phone calls and attempts to do things can just be continuously evaded. Life goes on right, and nobody will ever truly understand how damaged i feel, how empty, or how alone.
1 No way... |
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joslyn_julia
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2010 23 July :: 5.46pm
somedays my dad just annoys me!
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 21 July :: 11.25pm
the people who told me to open up and trust have hurt me worst of all. it would figure right
Tell me...
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rayray
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2010 18 July :: 10.15am
Only roughly 111 more days..
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 14 July :: 5.14pm
i am feeling a bit mischievous! I wish I could come back to MI for a few days while my hubby is traveling.
And maybe I am.... oh yay!
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 13 July :: 7.16pm
I'm sick of fighting. I am sick of headaches and I AM SICK OF CLEANING UP THE SAME MESSES! I just want to be happy and calm. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is it that I don't' ever get a break, and as soon as he comes home from work that is all he gets. It's just the same redic. shit on another fucking day. And I wonder why I don't have a portfolio at all going into my senior year... maybe if i had the time to ever be creative I wouldn't feel like such a worthless sac.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 6 July :: 12.33pm
:: Mood: listless
why is it that friends just make me sad? or I feel broken because I am just all alone.
In other non whining about how my friends make me depressed news... apparently August 7th we (and by we, I mean my graduating class) are having a 5 year beach party. I like how it is not really official and I am invited through facebook. Maybe I'll sit on the beach here in Kenosha staring out at Lake Michigan thinking... Wow has it really been 5 years? I don't need to go home to see all those people. Most of the people I care enough to keep tabs on are facebook friends, and I wasn't much wanted or needed 5 years ago, so I think I can wait another 5 years to go and see that crowd anyways.
Mike is thankfully enjoying his new job and left for a 24 hour trip to pick up 3 ppl to bring back to WI tomorrow.
The suck thing is that as always I am left alone.
Being a cooped up bitch must just be the life. Although, you would think with how social I can be professionally, I would have more friends. Funny how it works, that the rest of the time I am just a wall flower, with nothing and no one.
1 No way... |
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joslyn_julia
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2010 24 June :: 8.51am
ya know considering that I am 23 I should not be having petty arguments with my mom. I am so sick of being blamed for her finances I could just smack her.
I as an only child, should be able to expect some help with buying clothes. Oh wait... I had to buy my own shit in high school, why the fuck would I get help now.
I am fed up with not having appropriate clothes for the season and even more annoyed that I am constantly having to get clothes that my friends are getting rid of, and then keeping them forever, just because I constantly am unable to get any clothes for myself. I really wish I had the gumption in high school that I have now... but it's prolly good I didn't, or I would have been in a lot of fights.
I am not spoiled! I have to work for what I want/ need. And considering that everyone thinks my parents are rich just because we have a jewelry store... wake the fuck up and smell the roses. The only people who seem to buy gold these days are place who are selling it to china. And people buying 9karat or less stamped goods coming from china with.... *drumroll please*... unregulated markings!
People keep buying crap that is marked totally wrong. What happened to trade regulation, and pride in work? What happened to honesty? We are living in an era where it is so difficult to find any of the things we ought to have. Decency is gone... for the most part. I am sick of living in a world where it feels like I am the only one who cares.
What's worse is Mike doesn't even want to understand. I feel totally fucking alone. I should probably be used to that by now... since it's just about all i've felt for the last 10 years.
3 No way... |
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joslyn_julia
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2010 21 June :: 9.23am
I'm on the pursuit of happiness <3
Mike starts his new job today. And I am wishing I could have stayed in MI for at least another week.
Oh yeah... and wake up sex rocks! lol
Tell me...
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chelthesmell
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2010 16 June :: 10.00am
14 hours! =)
1 No way... |
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joslyn_julia
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2010 13 June :: 11.20pm
somedays i think i am cursed to always be alone... might as well start getting used to my own company
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 26 May :: 10.28pm
i hate that mike isn't working normal hours. i hate not being able to know when the heck he'll be home...
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 20 May :: 1.53pm
sometimes life makes me feel like we will always be stuck between a rock and a hard place. thankfully things somewhat pan out. and thank God that our land lord is willing to work with us and can understand how life happens.
a long weekend of work and weddings in MI is coming up.
Tell me...
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rayray
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2010 19 May :: 1.58pm
:: Music: Life After You - Daughtry
I used to think that I was going to be one of those people that lived alone with 50 million cats and grew old by myself.
Apparently, someone else had a different plan for me.
I never imagined myself being pregnant. Always swore it off and said it wasn't going to happen.
And no, I am not that girl that says "OMG! How did this happen?"
But something about being pregnant has changed me, other than the obvious things.
My outlook on life hasn't really changed, yet.
I still think the world is cruel, people are selfish, and I am more scared to raise a child in this world than I am to live the rest of my life in it.
I had to work my way up to taking a pregnancy test.
I was scared for the result, I had my hopes up for both possible answers.
Part of me knew what the test was going to say, but a piece of me doubted it.
Then for the next few weeks, it didn't seem real to me at all.
The only thing different in my life, was that I hadn't had a period and I didn't crave mountain dew.
At my 11 week appointment, the situation changed. I heard the heartbeat for the first time, and my hear grew a million sizes.
I knew it was real, but it still didn't feel real.
Since then, I have had cravings, ripped the ass out of my favorite jeans, cried an immense amount of tears about my pants not fitting, and grown out of all of my bra's in a weeks time.
I am becoming more annoyed with people, and have been having dreams that make it seem like I am smoking crack before I go to bed.
I had my 15 week appointment today.
I heard the heartbeat again, had blood drawn to test the baby for certain things, and scheduled my ultrasound.
Now things are becoming even more real.
I cannot wait to meet this little nugget.
I joke about my fears of ginormous ears, and reddish hair.
Now my BIGGEST fears are, that my child will hate me, be as shallow, selfish, emotional, and messed up as me.
I HOPE that my child is as athletic as his/her dad, as smart/funny as me, but knows that it has a HUGE family from both sides that will love him/her unconditionally no matter what.
I know I can't be a perfect parent, but I just want to be a good one.
I want my kid to understand that it's not always what you have in life that counts.
Tell me...
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joslyn_julia
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2010 18 May :: 9.35am
almost done with school for the semester... thank god. and it seems funny to me how many people are now photographers that I know. at least we all have our own niche, which makes me not as bothered by it.
This week shall be filled with cleaning and rearranging... then off to MI for Garrett and Amanda's wedding. I need to find a job like asap, but right now i feel way too sleepy to even think about what i have to do for my exam in 30 mins.
everything will pan out... i have to believe that much.
Tell me...
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