collageof-frozenfear
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2004 7 April :: 12.02am
"This is the grace only we can bestow
This is the price you pay for loss of control
This is the break in the bend
This is the closest of calls
This is the reason you're alone
This is the rise and fall"
"The fever, the focus.
The reasons that I had to believe
you weren't too hard to sell.
Die young and save yourself.
The tickle, the taste of...
It used to be the reason I breathed
but now it's choking me up.
DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF."
"And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. I'll grow old and start acting my age. I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive. I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget"
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 6 April :: 11.58pm
Once again, I hear the sound of a condom wrapper and JERRY AND LIZ FUCKING AGAIN.
I hate this shit ...
I seriously do.
I can't come on the god damn computer for ONE minute and they start fucking.
I'll kill them all one day ...
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 6 April :: 11.08pm
Me and Jeff didn't hit it off too well when he came home so I went to Brandon's for the night.
I was hoping to stay there for a few days but mom said no. She's been taking Jeff's side a lot.
It rained a whole lot today. Me and Brandon went down to this HUGE water build-up thingy and we all played football in it. It was so great. After like, 5 minutes, everybody was soaked.
A new rule at home: Computer time ends at 12:00 a.m/Exception on weekends.
EH. O.O
I'm a bit upset at this.
I can't wait until I can leave this place.
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 5 April :: 5.53pm
Lost 2 more pounds.
Yay =)
Jeff came home today from missouri. Our vacuum had broke so we didn't get to vacuum or clean the floors and stuff. He came in all pissed cause the house looked like shit and took everything on the couch and threw it all over the floor.
My tummy still hurts =(
Eh ... I'm really getting sick of everything here.
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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-allister-
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2004 5 April :: 5.47pm
:: Mood: amused
hmmmmmm
well i have not said any thing on this in a while,but umm yeah ,hey it is ok. it is spring break and i'm actually getting bored really easy now,miss seeing my friends. i dont see them now because some i only see at school.
i got my hair dyed on wensday,and once again was so close to meeting adam. but oh well hopfully i get to meet him some day. i dyed my hair orange,and for thoes of you who have not seen it , it is not all orange.
this saturday i get to go up north to see dons side of the family *stright face*(than)*fake smile*. yeah so excited. :D..... :) ....... :I ....... :( YES MY EXCITEMENT EVEN OVER WELMS ME.
but any way.
I'm home alone,but that is a good thing i hate don being around. but it is also boring because i cant ask him to take me any where.*shrugs* oh well i guess.
i must be going because i dont have any thing else to say.
-allister-
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 5 April :: 2.06am
"Never again..."
"Hurry up and get in the fucking truck .. " the voice demands.
I do as he says and I climb in.
He races down the street, not glancing at me once.
I pull the sleeves to my sweater down over my hands, like I do when I'm scared, and I close my eyes.
I can't go back now ...
I light my cigarette as he pulls over into the ditch.
"So what do you think of me?" he asks.
I look down and he smiles.
I can feel his hot breath against my face as he puts my cigarette out.
With the help of his hands, he moves my legs closer to him and lets his hands wander.
"Kiss me"
"No .. Please .." I think to myself as he moves closer to my mouth. My chin quivers and tears begin to make their way down my face. .
He unzips my sweater, my only protection left against him and what I am told to do, and slides it down my shoulders.
"Never again ..." I swear to myself, with each new thing I'm told to do.
...Eventually, he drops me off at the end of my street.
For a moment I stare at the ground, thinking of all the horrible things I did ...
I deserved what was coming.
I walk into the house and go directly to bed.
I build walls around me with my blankets and stuffed animals so I know nothing will get me.
Under the covers, I try to sleep ...
Alone, sore, crying and softly whispering ...
"Never again ..."
2 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 4 April :: 7.48pm
Boredom X_X
Act your age: Not very often ...
Born on what day of the week: A Tuesday or a Thursday, I think.
Chore you hate: Cleaning my room
Dad's name: Samuel
Essentail make-up item: eyeliner
Favorite actors/actresses: Not sure...
Gold or sliver: silver
Hometown: Amarillo o.o
Instruments you play: Clarinet, Bass guitar
Job title: None
Kids: One day, possibly.
Living arrangements: Mom, Step-dad, Step brother, 2 brother and shit load of pets.
Mom's name: Shari
Number of socks you own: I dunno ...
Overnight hospital stays: Yes
Phobia: Planes, Sharks, Falling =P
Quote you like: "When you get older, your heart dies..."
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
Siblings: three brothers
Time you woke up today: 9:00 a.m with the help of an alarm clock.
Unusual habits: If I touch something with one finger, I have to do the same thing with all the rest of my fingers, when I go to sleep, I have to put my right leg on top of my body pillow =P I think that's all ...
Vicious thing you've done: I don't really think of DONE anything "Vicious" ...
Worst habit: Yelling ... oh, and biting my nails. Eh
X-rays you've had: 3 sonograms, tailbone, ankles, knees, chest .... think that's it.
Your favorite season: Autumn =)
Zodiac sign: Scorpio
o.0
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 4 April :: 6.29pm
I was helping mom move stuff and I found the fucking binder and all the notebooks I had made for my writings and stuff.
The ones that got taken away when I went to Colorado.
I grabbed the binder and mom said "It's mine ... Remember???"
I grabbed it and one of the notebooks and took them in the house with me.
I must share this with Andrew when he comes online to entertain me =P
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 4 April :: 5.43pm
Stayed at Brandon's house the whole weekend. Mom was really mad at me for staying a second night and when I had called her that night, she was crying a whole lot.
She said she missed having a person to talk to that actually related to her and stuff.
We talked for a little while and I told her I loved her and stuff. Eventually, she fell asleep. I still feel like shit for that though.
I wasn't even here to help her finish the chair and the house and stuff and Jeff's supposed to be here tomorrow.
When I came home, I was looking through the fridge, found some grape juice and was then told that I couldn't have any of it because it was Liz's (Jerry's girlfriend). I started looking at the OTHER items in the fridge. On just about every food in there, the name "LIZ" was written in big blue letters.
Mom went out and bought some milk and cereal and stuff. We notice that half of the gallon of milk is gone. Who drank it??? Jerry and Liz.
I fucking hate that shit.
She even had a huge cake in there, for god's sake.
Eh.
Fasted for 2 days so far. Lost 5 pounds =)
Go team. hehe.
Brandon gave me a locket last night. He's going to court on Friday. There's a possibility of Jail for 2 years.
Not thinking about that though ...
Oh yes ...
Brandon had these pills that this girl gave him. They were for people that had ADHD, I think.
Anyway, we split what was in the bottle up between us and took them. It didn't make me feel much different. My legs were just Jell-o-ish and my tummy hurt all freakin weekend.
It fucking sucked.
Oh! I found a black leather guitar strap in Mom's room. After whining to her for months and months about buying me one, she had one laying right there.
*Hug* for Pixie.
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 2 April :: 6.59pm
People are SO god damned stupid. I swear.
They fucking tell me to make plans ahead of time, I do, everybody agrees and then the next minute, THEY'RE the ones that change their fucking minds about it all.
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 2 April :: 2.21pm
*Sigh*
Andrew still hasn't come on.
I had a dream last night that mom made them send me back to Colorado.
How interesting ...
Brandon might come over later.
Hopefull I can convince Mom to let him stay the night. I'm tired of being alone.
And even with Brandon here, I still feel alone ...
I've eaten WAY too much. A fast would be nice. I dunno why I stopped doing them.
Guess I just don't have the will power o.o
I'm in an interesting mood though. I'm sure I could go a week.
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 2 April :: 12.10pm
:: Mood: mellow
I woke up this morning to thunder and a really dark, gloomy sky which I love so very much :)
I went outside and sat down on our swing and stared at the sky for a while. It smells so good outside.
Rain :)
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 2 April :: 12.57am
:: Mood: Empty
I feel so drained ...
Eugene said he's leaving tomorrow for New Mexico. I remember when we'd talk and he's say "One of these days, I'm gonna go to New Mexico and be something" ... and there he goes.
Without me, of course.
I'm never gonna get out of here.
....and everytime I'm happy talking to a person, they always find some way to change it.
I really want to be something ....
Don't Forget Me
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collageof-frozenfear
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2004 1 April :: 8.36pm
:: Music: Dare you to move ...
"Don't ask me what I want, I don't even know what to wish for when I look at the stars or blow on a one of those poofy flowers"
First of all ...
For all the believers of "God" out there, Your faith is fucking bullshit.
Maybe you should all take a good minute and look around you ...
I don't even know what to fucking say. I'm pissed at the world and I can't even answer why ...
1 remembered |
Don't Forget Me
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