My last year of high school is fast approaching, and I'm torn between what to do.

I'm home from Dallas. In Dallas, I was energetic, happy-go-lucky, and overall joyful. As soon as I got back to this town, my energy went downhill and I felt more self-conscious. In Dallas, you don't have to worry about anyone knowing you, really. Here, everybody knows everyone and what they do.

Part of me, the not-nice part of me, says, "Screw it. It's my last year. Why should I care at all what anyone else thinks? I'll just do what I want." But the rational side says, "No, you can't do that. You've got to be nice and all of that nice stuff."

It'll probably be the latter. I'm nice by nature, apparently, but I like being outgoing sometimes. Smiling at strangers, waving out of car windows, dancing and singing along with Skye and my other friends.. All great and fun things. But I'm not that outgoing. I can't do all this alone. I'm not equipped with the quality of making friends easily and keeping them. I'm not popular. I cannot keep a conversation about makeup and another girl's boyfriend (or lack thereof) for hours on end. I refuse to go shopping for shoes and clothes in a large group.

So that eliminates most people I know my age. But hey, one more year. Then I'll be around more people, and maybe that'll make it easier to reach out and talk to some random person I don't even know.

This is all assuming I can make up my mind about where to go. Oy...

For some reason, here, in this town, it is so incredibly difficult to be.. obviously happy and outgoing. It's oppressive, in a way, but at the same time.. I don't know.

Yes. Just a little ramble on the difference in country and city.

2 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?