Music
Do you like to hurt?Put your fist up and vent your pain.Strong as what I believeI need you to seeI don't wanna be the reason whyThe guitar in the chorus makes me happy.Yay for bonus bonus tracks! I can't help you fix yourself.Life's. Not. Fair.You want commitment?SO much better than the original, IMO.I'll paint it on the walls.Awhoa, awhoa, whoa, whoaohohoh!How can you NOT love a song with a title like that?!YES! YES! YES!Due Tramonti = beautiful. @_@Altogether now...'This neverending road to Calvary...'How could I NOT?!?! O_____OIt's all about that voice. x.X

Fashion/appearance
Yay for looking studious. They're stretchy. They're flattering. They're warm. What more do you want? Redhaired and proud...oooooooh yes...Black - slimming and suits everyone.Not that I need them...but everyone loves heels.W00000t!Doesn't suit me, but I love it all the same.Ah, now this one DOES suit me. Fantastic.What can I say? Jewellery fetish...You Snap The Whip, baby! XD

TV
The funniest kid's programme I've seen in a long time.My love for Fillmore is superceded only by my desire to own Sam's wardrobe.Ah, Sam. Smart, beautiful, impeccable fashion sense - AND a redhead!

Games
Hockey is the new black.Yes, we have hockey over here.So 99% of Gaians are jerks...I've met some of the 1%. ^^No shit, Sherlock.

People
I ::heart:: Evgeni PlushenkoRacism=bad. Adolf=good, essentially.What can I say, but...SQUEEEE!-drools- Javert...the sexiest policeman in musical theatre.<3 Veko

Other
Tappa tappa tappa! Oh, come on, you know my passion for dancing... AMO LINGUA LATINA!

 

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JustADreamer

:: 2004 15 November :: 9.13pm

I still want to cry. I still can't. I downloaded "Ocean Breathes Salty" by Modest Mouse. Finally. Listening to it now. I really like this song.

I finished my History work. I have yet to finish Count of Monte Christo, and I'm at a complete loss as to what I should do on the poetry section and the writing the introduction to whatever I'm supposed to be writing. And I still haven't done my math. I don't even want to.

I'm so depressed. I just want to copy this song on a CD and listen to it over and over again in my room. In the dark.

That's scenario number one.

I'm so depressed. I just want to lay in my room and watch Moulin Rouge over and over until I fall asleep from sheer exhaustion and depression.

That's scenario number two.

I'm so depressed. I just want to sit in my room and watch/listen to the Coldplay concert until I doze off.

That's scenario number three.

Don't ask about the scenario thing. I'm just.. blah. I don't know if I'd even call it depression. Wah, wah, poor me, pity me. Nah, not really. I just don't want to have to go to school tomorrow or anymore. I don't want to have to read anymore, no more work. But everyone's gotta do this, so why should I be any different?

I just want to be alone, I think. I don't feel like being around my family right now either. I really do want to go listen to music or watch Moulin Rouge. I read a fanfic that was a parody of the Moulin Rouge, so that's why. Plus, I feel like being depressed.

Wow, you know it's really bad when you find me here for the second time in the same day. Two long entries on the same day, that's even worse.

I want to type something, but there's a chance that someone may see it and become utterly depressed and hate me. I don't want to be the object of someone's hatred, so I just won't say it. I can think it though, and I can tell my friends.

Sorry, I know I used to hate it when people got all mysterious like that. If I could be described as mysterious, haha.

... I think I could be described by .. =\

Sad, huh? Ah well. I'm not the most depressed person in the world, nor am I the worst off.. I'm just confused and tired and .. like I've said fifty times already, depressed.

Well, I've already repeated everything over and over so I'll just go... Do something...

Be safe everyone.

And forgive any typos I made.. not really.. here.. spelling-wise..

1 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 15 November :: 3.35pm

I feel like screaming. I don't know why. I think I'm going crazy. I can't remember a lot of things. Maybe it is just because I'm a teenager. I hope so. I feel like writing but I am so messed up now that I can't even get one idea out without letting it get jumbled in with fifty others. This really.. sucks (for lack of a better word).

Was I even here for the last week? Of course I was, but what did I say? What did I think? I can only remember bits and pieces. I guess it might have been because I was sick. When I get sick, I get frustrated easily. When I'm not sick, I get frustrated easily. What's it matter?

I'm looking for something that I'll never be able to have.

So, in the meantime, I'll just look for something right quick through my old Woohu journal entries.

I found somewhere where I'd described myself in ninth grade year. Most of it is true even now.. Although I wonder if I lose my temper so much now as I did then. Probably do.

Oh, wow. I found journal entries from back when I was with Kei, er, Chris. Oh whatever. I'll call him what I called him then. Kei. I didn't think I felt that strongly about him back then. Maybe when you're younger, it's easier to pretend that your feelings are real, so you trick yourself into believing them even though they may not be true.

Back then I was Mei. Am I Ashley now? Not Mei? ... Am I still Meiko? Am I still Li-Li? Did those people only exist back then? Li-Li, I think I am still, since whenever I do speak to Skye, she still calls me that sometimes. Meiko.. That was a really long time ago, or so it feels. Those were good times though.. I want to go back to middle school. Less responsibility, schoolwork wasn't so hard, nor was it so important.. Now everything we do determines which college we get into.

My head is starting to hurt, which I really don't need it to do. I have to start on my work again soon. I think I can make it through until Thanksgiving break.. Four days this week, since I missed today, and two or so days next week. I think. I don't remember very well.

I'm so stupid. Why did I have to get sick last week, and miss a whole week? Why didn't I just keep myself healthier? Why can't I finish my makeup homework? Why can't I remember?!

Er, sorry. Apologies.

Aw, I remember when I used to say 'freakish.' .. Didn't I used to say 'der' too? Oh well.

I feel like wearing makeup. I -never- wear makeup. Ever. So why now? Do I feel like hiding away from the real world? Is this even the real world? I think I live in my mind, making things out to be bigger than they really are. Every single thing has to have a meaning for me, hidden or apparent. I overreact even now.. That's kind of.. amusing.. Isn't it?

I didn't plan on typing out such a long journal entry.. Sorry, whoever's reading this.

... meh... I feel weak again. I hate it when I feel like this. I feel like crying.. but whenever I need to.. I can't.

Anyway, I think I'll go do something else for a while.. I really want to hear 'Ocean Breathes Salty' again. >_< I really like that song.

.. Maybe I'll change my journal layout.. It's too.. bright.. and happy.. I don't care, Tawney. I don't need color. Blah.

Be safe, everyone.

Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 10 November :: 11.08pm

I opened this window about 3 or more minutes ago. Then I started sneezing. Oh wait. More sneezing on its way. Or maybe not. Wait, wait.

Don't you hate it when you're about to sneeze, and you really need to sneeze, but then it just fades away? I do. Come back, sneeze! I need you!

Sickish. Cold. It' evolving... O_O It went from a sore throat, to .. whatever it was, to a bad cold. -twitch- Medicine is supposed to HELP right? >\ Makin' me miss almost a full week of school. If I stay home tomorrow also, is there any reason to go on Friday? Even if I get better? o_O

My teeth are stained medicine grape. No, I mean it. I can hardly take pills as it is, and with a sore throat? Hah. So I've been stuck with liquid medicine. It's either Robitussen "cherry" [Yeah. Right. Cherry. O_o..] or some other type "grape." Sorry, I prefer real grapes.

But, hey, at least this whole being sick thing is making me not eat as much. Not hurting me too bad.. >_>

Okay. It's starting to get hot. And I can't take off my socks because that would be too much freedom. Darn it. If I don't wear socks, then I'll get too cold (even though I'm sweating o_O), and if I get too cold, I'll get worse. Most likely true, but I don't have to admit that.

10:14.. Maybe I'll go lay down and reread some Anita Blake book. Start over at the second one, seeing as I don't have the first one? =D

Ah. Choo.

I wish.

Okay, I shall finish this sickly rambling thing I've got goin' on here and go prop myself up in a most-likely-warm room with a nice, gorey book. Hurray!

Okay, bye-bye.

2 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 6 November :: 4.24am

Dunno if I ever really told everything there was to tell about my parents planned divorce in my fifth grade year. Let's look at what happened.

Fifth grade year, right near the end. I come home from visiting Traci (my old best friend) and they sit me down on the couch. "Ashley," Mom said, while Dad just sat there on the couch looking at the wall or whatever. "You're father and I have decided to get a divorce."

"Okay," was all I pretty much said. Walked into the kitchen and I could hear her say, "It'll hit her later, what's really going on."

I don't think it ever did. Still hasn't, in fact. Mom, Jody, and I moved in with Jamie and Bethany, Asa moved to Florida to his real mom, and Dad lived with Tobey, I guess. I finished my fifth grade year there, at Tatum. I only cried about it once, and that was because the stupid counselors were making a big deal out of it. I did it just to shut them up, I think.

So, the end of fifth grade year. Sometime during the summer, Mom, Jody, and I move into our own little house. Mom and me had to share a bedroom. Jody got his own. Jody worked with Jamie and Pizza Hut and I think Mom worked at a convenience store. I started school at Pine Tree Middle School. Oh man. The math was advanced, English, everything. Three or four homework assignments in each class.

During this time, Dad had found a girlfriend. Barbara was her name. I didn't, and don't, like her. -Shakes head.- It wasn't because it was some weird woman sleeping with my Dad, it was just because.. I just had a bad feeling about her. She was nice enough.. Just.. Eh.

I stayed with my Dad on the weekends. J.J. lived with my Dad. J.J. was my puppy. I loved him so much. Sometimes we'd give him a bath and bring him to the little house in Pine Tree.. Mom was always happy to see JJ.. JJ got smart in that short amount of time, and he was always overjoyed to see me.

I remember near the end of my sixth grade year, Mom went out for a drink with Dad. Things happened and we ended up moving back in with him, in the trailor I currently call home.

And now here we are.

I actually can't remember too much of my sixth grade year except my best friends were named Ashley, Ashley, Shaina, and Shay. (Seriously, Ashley M, and Ashley K. ((I'm Ashley E.)))

I don't know why I wrote all of that.. I just felt like writing something.. Anything.. in here.

Anyway, I'm just going to go lay down. Probably take some more medicine.. Hopefully sleep. I don't really want to do anything this weekend.. nor go anywhere.. Maybe next weekend the people who wanted to come over this weekend will show.

For some reason, I was under the impression that it's 3:37 AM on Sunday.. Odd.

I was wondering why no one had called.

All right.. That's all.. that I can put in here right now anyway.

Good night, or day, or whatever..

I'm beginning to get a headache from thinking, hah.

"Don't think too hard; you'll hurt yourself."

Indeed..

Indeed.

1 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 29 October :: 6.32pm
:: Music: Castles In The Sky ~ Derb

New Journal Layout.
Song modeled after:


"Castles in the Sky"

Do you ever question your life?
Do you ever wonder why?
Do you ever see in your dreams
All the castles in the sky?

Oh tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high
Please tell me why
Do we build castles in the sky
Oh tell me why
All the castles way up high


That's pretty much the way the song goes. It's a song from this dance party CD.

Someone told me my layout was getting old and I needed color. And I know.. It's bright.

Not sure how long it'll stay like this, but for now, I kind of like it.

I've been listening to Incubus alot lately.

Oh.

It's just now hit me that it's the weekend, which means no school tomorrow, which means I don't have to sit around doing nothing tonight. I might go outside and visit the kittens (then wash my arms and face because of my allergies).

Does this layout look okay? Tell me what you think.

I want your thoughts.

2 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 24 October :: 4.15pm
:: Music: Everything Will Be Alright - The Killers

They are redoing the floor in my bedroom. They tore out all of the old carpet and they're putting down plywood so I won't fall through the floor of my own room. Maybe it'll be flat now.

[/start]
I was out shopping for a doll
To say the least I thought I'd
Seen them all
And then you took me by surprise
I'm dreamin' 'bout those dreamy eyes

I never knew, I never knew
So take your suitcase
I don't mind
Baby, though I meant it
Everytime
You don't need to compromise
I'm dreamin' 'bout those dreamy

I never knew, I never knew
But it's all right..

Everything
Will be all right
[/end]

I like The Killers. I like them alot. They're getting close to being one of my favorite bands..

Funny, I don't even know what my favorite bands are anymore. I really don't. It used to be Coldplay, Guns N Roses, and A Perfect Circle.. Now I really like The Killers.. And Shinedown is awesome as well.. And I adore "Finding Myself" by Smile Empty Soul and "Slow Chemical" by Finger Eleven.

I guess I don't really have a favorite band overall.

Hm.. I really should be working on my makeup work from all of those days I missed..

I will get it done. I'll probably go shut myself up in my room with some music and do it all. I'm not really looking forward to writing that story.. I don't have one specific story that stands out from my life. I'll most likely end up making one up.

It's not a good thing to hold a grudge against people for things they can't fix and never meant to do in the first place, but I can't help it.

Alice 19th is quickly becoming one of my favorites series. It's a great manga.

Oh, and I have the fourth book of the Anita Blake series. I don't have the first one, but I've read it. I'm still reading the third one..

All right. I'm bored of typing now. I think I'll go read or something now.
-Ash

2 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 19 October :: 8.48pm
:: Music: Touched - Vast

Meh. The breathing machine didn't help my wheezing last night. Scared the crap out of me. So I cried. I haven't cried in a long time.

I..
I looked into your eyes and saw
A world that does not exist
I looked into your eyes and saw
A world I wish I was in

Heh. Funny.. Really funny.. Thanks for my habits.. home slice.

I keep remembering things at odd times during the day.. I still regret nothing.

And though I doubt he even reads this anymore, I shall say one thing.

Thanks for the e-mail.. the only communication we've had in months.. and it was nice hearing from you again.

Perhaps now.. Aheh. Maybe I can now.

-Hic.- I'm sleepy-ish. But not really. I don't want to go to bed. Oh! It's only 8. Bwaha.

I want to play Phantasy Star.. but it's not as much fun alone.. =\ Aye, well.. Perhaps I shall go seek out a conversation with someone. Dunno who.

Hope everyone's happy. Unless, you know, you don't want to be.

Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 7 October :: 2.42pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: In the library listening to people talk and laugh

Grr.
Stupid people tell the stupidest jokes.

"That's not stupid! That's funny!"

Yeah. Uh huh.

"How do you put an elephant in a freezer?... You open the door and put him in there!"

.... No. That's not stupid at all.

I feel like watching Inu Yasha. Don't know why. I've only seen a few episodes. Oh well.

It's fourth period. We had to do this nice, long packet. There's only a few people done. The people that ARE done didn't really try too hard. I'm finished. I worked with Laura, and did most of the work. Didn't really care too much on a few of the questions, like how you're supposed to get a political answer out of a story about prose and poetry, and how they are natural and carefree. I'd like to see the "teacher" get answers to those questions.

I'm actually ready to go to fifth [and last] period. English. "Woohu."

I think it's raining.

I keep coughing. And coughing. And sighing, trying to breath deeply. It's not working. I'll be glad when I get to go to the doctor and get whatever I need. Two reasons for the doctor's visit. The only one I'll share willingly is the fact that I probably have asthma, and need an inhaler/to get diagnosed or whatever. Bleh.

All right. I think I'll go see what Laura's doing.

Now.. Time to waste space.

Moulin Rouge rocks.

Fruits Basket rocks.

Suki is not cool.

Neither is.. er.. What's it called.. Don't remember. Oh well.

OH! By the way, whoever's reading this.

What do you call a liar who lies all the time? I can't remember. It's like.. A something-liar. Grr. I can't remember. Been trying to remember it all day long. Okay. I lied. It's only been since the end of lunch.

Almost time for the bell to ring.

I think the rain stopped.

Bye.

3 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 27 August :: 8.07am
:: Music: Big O - "And Forever"

-Spazz's out and murders the computer.-

Bleh. So. Tired. Of. Stupid. School.

ROYALLY sucks. Well, maybe not ROYALLY.

Did you know that my school is considered a "Wealthy" school? -Laughs sarcastically.- Riiight. We're only considered that because some company feels sorry for us, so they go and buy us some new equipment. Like, so far, we have new bleachers.. We're supposed to expanding the gym [what was the point in the bleachers again?] and something about the baseball field. Oh, and a dance studio and new dressing rooms.. See a pattern? Sports are the only important thing. Maybe they were going to throw in a couple more things; can't remember.

I despise breakfast commercials. Especially when it's morning, and I'm hungry! But I can't have cereal because there's no milk! -Stabs the breakfast commercials.- Forget you! I'm having donuts anyway! -Crosses arms.- Hmph.

So, I have a Xanga. I update on there alot. Because no one ever reads this. Well.. I guess I kind of deserve it, because I never really read anyone else's journals on here either..... Ah well.

I shall post a poem, just for old times sake! [Old times? What old times?]

>_>

"Prison of a Fairytale"
There was always that bit of bliss,
The bit that kept me being swept away
But it wasn't enough to sweep me away from this
Prison of a fairytale that you keep reciting,
All of these happily-ever-afters,
These pointless promises into oblivion.
Turn away before I fall any further.
My eyes are veiled from these recurring moments,
These expectations of your prescence,
This pain from years past keep making this crack
In my heart only larger and worse.
If only it were possible to die of a broken heart
And promises never kept, then this bitter longing
Would finally subside.

I still love everyone, even if I don't post so much anymore ^^;.

But I still hate those stupid breakfast commercials.
-Ash

1 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 15 August :: 12.33am
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: "My Will" -Inu Yasha// "Touched" -Vast [(Other)]

Nakitakunaruno..
So.. Being a sophomore royally sucks. It's completely and utterly boring, and I have almost no time for anything other than school anymore.

I've only attended school as a sophomore two days and I can already tell what kind of a school year it is going to be.. only worse. Even lunch is boring. English is the only class not so bad. That, and Geometry. Because the teacher is funny. Let me tell you [whoever is reading this] about my schedule.

[Block 1] BIOLOGY
We haven't done much of anything in this class. Yet. She's warned us that we work bell to bell. I have homework in that class. Two packets. And it's always freezing in that classroom. Which, I admit, is good. I like having an excuse to wear a jacket. Dull class.. Julie's in there, by the way. But we'll never be able to talk, or anything like that, so it's kind of pointless. Guess it's nice to have someone I'm friends with in there, but.. -Shrug.-

[Block 2] GEOMETRY Pre-AP
The teacher? Hyper. The students? All male. Except for myself. Which is not so bad actually. Not because the guys or attractive or I have a 'crush' on anyone; don't even suggest that. Gross. Because they're hilarious. And when you match up amusing male students with a hyper, excited-about-math teacher who's rather humorus herself, the class period becomes fun. The work isn't so bad, and she talks everything out, and explains it wonderfully. She'll help with class work, as a whole class on the overhead/board, and she'll help with homework. It's not so bad. And I'm not the only one who doesn't really talk in there. Alex, this person I don't really talk to, is kind of quiet, also. It's reassuring, not being the only one who's not making jokes and laughing.

[LUNCH]
Even this has proven to be dull somehow. Maybe it's because I'm used to Skye, Liv, and everyone, the whole big group, being there, being loud, laughing, joking, and talking. Now? It is only me, Laura, and Heather. Occasionally Cassi. Rarely Julie. We have our laughs, but it's just not as fun. It's just a break from the work.

[Block 3] SPANISH 1
Oh. God. I despise this class. The teacher isn't so bad. The notes aren't so bad. I dislike talking out in class, though. Or working with people in this class, because I have no friends in this class, which figures. I hope we get a seating chart, so I won't have to sit by that idiotic girl who continually talks and is just completely and utterly stupid. For lack of better words.

[Block 4] WORLD HISTORY
You know, it just figures that the classes that we're actually allowed to talk in, and allowed to work in groups in, I have no friends in. The first group activity that we did, writing definitions, I ended up one one person who wrote slow, and one who had a pretty face, but, I soon learned, was a rather cruel person. And he 'did drugs.' And he swears every single sentence. What would most people call him? A "poseur?" Laughing at a mistake a mentally slow person made. I know I said I like bad boys, but come on. We didn't even work as a group. We just wrote down the definitions individually, which I would have rather done anyway. Last year Brandy was in my History class, and working in pairs was fun, but this teacher decided that we're going to have to work with everyone in the class. Different people. -Sarcastically.- Grand. Other than all that, the class isn't so bad.

[BLOCK 5] ENGLISH Pre-AP
This class isn't so bad. Laura's in it. The teacher is the same as Spanish 1. We're reading "The Scarlet Pimpernel" in there. So far, it's really interesting. I think this may be my favorite class. English is normally my favorite class anyway. Nothing horribly bad about this class. I'm comfortable with most of the people in this class. The only other class I'm vaguely comfortable in is Geometry. -Shrug.-

End Complaints

You know, everytime I go into the Library, there's either nobody in there to check out the books, or they leave as soon as I enter. Therefore, there is no way I can check out the one book I've been wanting to read for a while. And that is... Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte. I've just been wanting to read it for some reason. Maybe because there was a quote in there that I've read before that draws me to it.. Hm.

Went shopping today for a few new clothes. Bought two pairs of dark jeans.. Three shirts which I am going to describe just because I can. One, which is my Mom and Dad's favorite is black, which pink and white striped cuff thingies on the end of each sleeve, which ends a bit past the elbow. Three-quarter sleeves, I believe they are called. And the pink and black pattern is also on the collar. I like it, too. Also, a black shirt with red hems. There's a heart on it, with the American flag inside of it. I bought it because I liked the black and red colors. Plus it was the only other thing I could find that wasn't white, orange, or bright pink. Then there was another one that was an orangish shade of red, I guess, and had some words on it. Can't remember. That's about it.

Oh yeah. This little orange beanie thing came with one of the pairs of jeans. It says "Born to be Free" on it in black lettering, with a motorcycle under it. Just thought that was amusing.

I have to use my locker this year. I have no choice. I cannot carry that backpack. I can hardly pick it up, much less carry it all day. I don't even have my Biology book in there, which is the largest book I have so far. Oh happiness.

I guess things may get better next semester. I only have two real classes next year, which are English and.. -Thinks.- Health.. probably.. Then I have three electives. Drivers Ed, Choir, and.. Newspaper? Don't know why -that's- on there, but it is. I might try and get some of those electives off of my schedule and take 11th grade classes. Trying to graduate early, you know? So I won't have to put up with the idiotic people in this school.

Last year, several of our dear, sweet, intelligent, innocent students got sent to AEP, which is an alternative school, for possessing and selling drugs on campus. Oh, my! What a surprise! Albeit a pleasant one for me. They've all come back this year.. Darn it.

-Sigh.- I'm not looking forward to this school year. Everyone keeps dressing up, putting on makeup and such, just so they can show it off during classes, and in between, and at lunch, but there's absolutely no reason. Why should you have to look good when people should be studying, and paying attention to the teacher instead? Because people are that shallow. And they don't pay attention to their school work anyway, so why not play dress up in their spare time!

I'm sick, literally disgusted, at this. At them. At life in general. It sucks. I'm turning 15 in a few weeks. Shouldn't I be happier? -Frowns.- I guess I should be happy. The older I get, the sooner I get to leave the foolish people that I call my 'classmates' behind, to fret over their ridiculous lives wondering why they can't get into college, and why they never paid attention in classes. Then they can be the ones who look back enviously at those of us who went on to have a successful life. For I know, I just know, that life has got to get better after this. After this, I'll be glad I worked so hard, and tried to maintain good grades. At least, I guess, this is how I hope things turn out.

I'm not really that confident about this.

Somehow, being busy working doesn't give me that release that I need from my thoughts. They still get in the way. Daydreaming, I guess you could call it. However..

I am proud to say that I have absolutely no attraction for anyone in my school, or anyone in particular right now. I am happy to say that I am not drooling over some guy, other than Draco, melting into a pitiful puddle everytime some guy glances past me. Nor am I crying right now because of a broken heart. I haven't broken down in a long while because of something like that.

-Semi-smile.- Summer is over. I guess I should be happy about that. It was a dreadful summer, at times. Summer being over means last year is over. Last year being over means "it" is over. I mean it! I'm honestly over it. Tragic, isn't it? How much I've cried in the past however many months. I don't even feel like reading through old e-mails and journal entries. Maybe I do a bit, but I'm not going to right now. Doubtful I'll let myself anytime soon. Not until I'm completely over it.

[Quotes Found Online From Wuthering Heights]

"I despise him for himself, and hate him for the memories he revives..."

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it... He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

And the last?

"It is not in him to be loved like me: how can she love in him what he has not?"

Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 5 August :: 1.31pm

School.
So, school is starting soon. Finally got my schedule.

English Pre-AP [Pre-Advanced Placement]
Geometry Pre-AP
Biology
World History
Spanish 1

As far as I know, I have English with Laura, and I'll probably have Geometry and Biology with her if she gets to switch them around. I have Spanish 1 with Drew and Julie. Dunno who I have in World History. I need to call Martin and find out his schedule.

And even though I'm already a year younger than most of the people in my grade, I'm going to try and graduate early. I'll be sixteen when I graduate. Won't that be fun?

I feel kind of 'blah.' The Fish Dance is tomorrow, and I'm supposed to consider myself a 'host' because I'm in Key Club. I get to help clean up afterwards.. Not helping set up, though.

Julie and Laura are supposed to be coming over afterwards. Julie may not, because her grandfather on her father's side is dying. She might miss school, also, which is going to be hard on her. Last year she missed a week of school and it was pretty bad.

I think I'm going to go and visit some websites, then go and call Martin. I hope we have some classes together. He's a great friend when he's not completely annoying.

Hope everyone's having a nice day, whenever they read this, and if they do.
-Ash

3 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 30 July :: 6.31am

One good thing about living in a trashy trailor is that, if you put your hands on the ceiling, you can feel the rain pounding against the roof.

Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 29 July :: 5.14am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Tv.

Bleh.
So, I've done it.

Finally.

I've blocked him. I've changed my screen name. I've changed SO many things already. It's going to be hard not to go back on this promise to myself. So hard.

I've even started a new Xanga. I've changed this journal's background and icon. I'm going to change other things. I'm longing to dye my hair again.. But I just dyed it not too long ago.. I don't want to kill it.

It seems I've become addicted to cherry chap stick. Weird.
-Ash

Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 23 July :: 1.26am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Rain -Yoko Kanno

Waaaalk.. In the raaaiiin..
Sorry, everyone who has me on their friends list, for all the entries I've made in that little of time! x_X!

I really, really, really want to go somewhere tomorrow.. But I don't want Mom to be lonely. She said I could go, though.. <3

Okay. That's about it for now. Sorry, again! Bye-bye.
-Ash

Fill the darkness?


JustADreamer

:: 2004 21 July :: 3.20am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: She Will Be Loved -Maroon 5

Thus begins the next chapter of my life..
So, after tomorrow, my life shall be different.. Though not very different.

I'm not terribly torn up, nor am I about to break down crying and asking God 'WHY?!'

I'm actually kind of hyper. I feel like going somewhere.. Coffee! That's what I crave. I feel like going to Books A Million with Skye and Laura and everyone.

Ohh, I hope everyone gets to come on Friday or Saturday.. Whichever it is.

I think it's supposed to be.. Skye, Laura, me, Livy, Robert, Julio, and Drew.. I really, -really- hope everyone gets to go. I can't wait to see Liv... even though it's not been very long since she's gone off to college. I miss her already. My Shigure! <3

Most of the time I update Xanga alot, but lately it's been Woohu. I -did- pay my two dollars, after all..

Oh man. I'm kind of nervous about babysitting my cousins tomorrow. I really, really hope they aren't going to drive me crazy and torture me! ;-;.. I know Mom said Leia doesn't listen to Shauna, and she's a little tyrant [Shauna is my cousin, and Leia's her baby girl.] Mom said Leia always copies Leaton.. Please let Leaton be a good little kid! ;-;

Well, he loved me last time I was down there.. I hope he remembers me..

I like this song. -Hums.-

Anyway, that's about it. Skye's pestering me about watching some flash thing.. Looks scary.. Bye-bye!
-Ash

1 fell as Lucifer fell. | Fill the darkness?

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