Eyes are the size of the moon...

Eyes are the size of the moon...

:: 2003 31 December :: 5.09pm

happy new year everyone.. be safe. have fun.

:: 2003 30 December :: 1.00am

"hold on love" rocks my world. so does andrew.. dare i say. why the fuck are so many people online tonight. i'm out.

love always and rock out.

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 27 December :: 5.21pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: the clarks - the river

wtf
okay, the littlest things piss me off anymore.

jim finially called me last night for the first time in 2 days. so i was really pissed off at him. all we did practicly was fight the whole time we were on the fone. --and we haven't fought for a long time-- and i told him that i thought we needed time off; and he said okay. and i said okay, then hung up. he called back probably 5 times, i didn't answer. he didn't call back again for about 5-6 minutes or so.. and i answered. i was crying, blah blah blah, no one cares. now we're okay.

i'm glad to.

so far my break has been nothing but shit. no one has come over, i really haven't gone anywhere; and jim hasn't even stayed over. which pisses me off even more. i guess he's coming over tonight [*i'll update later, to tell if he does actually come over*]

i've been sitting around the house all day doing jack shit. watched my dvd's like 50 times each. i'm just bored out of my skull. so i went out into the kitchen my mom was making a pizza or whatever- and she had peperoni sitting out and i went to pick it up [I WASN'T GOING TO EAT IT] and my mom like grabbed it off me, and i was like "i'm not going to eat it" and shes like "i know" and continues to grab it off me. wtf? that pissed me off so bad.

so basicly right now i'm pretty pissed off, bored, and lonely. but my loneliness overcomes it all.

xx.jena

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 26 December :: 3.47pm

i'd like for things to be easy again... unconfusing... but, things change. i thought maybe a simple new year would be just the thing for me, but now with leslie trekking to louisiana, i find myself with nothing to do but head out to that party of dennis'. i know the traditions, and i know what will go down there, but i need some social interaction. so i've planned an escape i suppose. i'll be gone before midnight. gone before the resolutions and goodnight kisses. gone before anything bad can commence. but still i'm afraid. its been a month, a month since the last time i've seen him. he wished me a merry christmas and all those feelings came back, so i don't know if i can handle wild country tonight... and i don't know if i can handle that new years eve party. i don't know what i will be able to handle. and its getting close to the time when i will have to make my decision whether to leave or not. so i guess this could greatly influence my decision. i don't know anymore... if i ever did.

anyway... i'm tired and have to endure hell this afternoon and early evening so i will depart.
<3 always and keep rockin..

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 25 December :: 11.06pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: linkin park - numb

merry christmas
i'm just sittin here, messin' around with my digital camera i got for christmas. aww- everyone go to my photo album.

i'll be updating my album a lot, so keep checking.

merry christmas everyone.
hope it was a good one.

<3 jena

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 25 December :: 12.36am

well i guess that all there is left to say tonight is... Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.

girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 23 December :: 1.04am

i don't know whether i'm just lonely or if i'm still in love...

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 20 December :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: loved
:: Music: talking to jim

i'm just sitting here, eating a candy cane; listening to jim. he's playing driver 2 on playstation. i'm just sittin here watchin' and talking to him. i have to go back to school on monday, that sucks. but christmas vacation starts on thursday.. thank goodness.

my pap is home from the hospital [since yesterday] which is a good thing. let's hope he stays home for a while.

5 days til christmas.
and i still have to christmas shop.

xx.jena

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 18 December :: 5.35pm

i guess its not so bad...

all i need is a pint or 2 and a shoulder to cry on. my best friend comes home tomorrow. i can't wait to catch up. this christmas is gonna be great... i hope. can't wait to party it up and just have a good time. and nothing matters anymore...

girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 17 December :: 3.53pm

this is because i can spell confusion with a k and i can like it, its to dying in anothers arms and why i had to try it... its to jimmy eat world and those nights in my car where the first star you see might not be a star, i'm not your star...

its... over.

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 16 December :: 8.46pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: cheap trick - i want you to want me

wishing jim was here
school was hell; as always. i came home went directly to the bank with my mom to cash a check, went home picked up the girls from the bus and my brother from down the house, we all went to see my pap in the hospital. i was supposed to go shopping with jim.. but plans changed so i called jim told him i couldn't come..

the doctor told my gram that my pap wouldn't make it out of the hospital this time. his heart is giving out. ..right before christmas.

i really don't consider myself "depressed" i just think that sometimes i get sad; like everyone else does.

but right now i am truely upset, mad, depressed and every other word there is. i just really need to be with jim to fuckin' cry on his shoulder for a while. it helps when i do that.. it really helps.

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 16 December :: 8.48pm
:: Music: hannah hold on - the get up kids

i never witnessed bitter like this, i think i was shot in cold blood
thank god it will be holiday in 3 days. i can finally sort through my feelings and why i can't seem to sleep a night without dreaming of him. leslie is right... he is not the same person i fell for 2 years ago... but i know in him somewhere that person still is... and i feel as if i wasted 2 years waiting for him all to find that he no longer exists. i don't want to feel this heartache any longer, but it won't go away. and i know healing takes time... i never thought i'd get over eric, but that didn't take long. this is just so much more than that was... this is everything... was everything. and to have such friends and such hope was wonderful, and now that it is all gone, i feel so empty.. so hopeless. nothing feels like it will ever be right again...

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 15 December :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: outkast - hey ya'll [it's just on the radio..]

is it never ending?
i haven't been doing much lately. didn't go to school friday or today..

my pap went back into the hospital again around 7:00 tonight..

i'm almost done with christmas shopping, just a few more things.

10 days til christmas. wow.. that's not very far away.

i think i'm gonna get a shower tonight and just go to school in my pj's tomorrow.

xx.jena

"i want to be remembered as the girl who always smiled, the one who could brighten up your day, even if i couldn�t brighten my own"

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 14 December :: 3.46pm
:: Music: "displaced" - azure ray

its sort of strange... all i used to want.. all i used to think i needed... is gone.
it does sadden me that no one calls to ask me to do anything... but then again, the only reason i want to go over to dennis' is to retrieve my camera. i don't honestly feel attached to any of the people that i used to feel so strongly for. i'm through with trying to impress them and be someone i'm not. i don't know why it took me 2 years to realize that none of these people are worth giving up being myself.

well, <3 always and keep rockin'!

girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 12 December :: 12.16am

just before i forget...
i wanted to document what i want to name my kids... lol. i used to have the guy picked out but i guess that thats never going to happen but still...

Mitchell Andrew

and

Margot Noelle

girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 12 December :: 12.04am

its been terrible lately. i've lost all feeling that i had before... holiday is coming and all i can think about is leaving. i want to go to boston so bad. i just want to leave everything and everyone here behind. i want to be part of the city. big city life... being able to take the train to new york and baltimore and washington dc. all i want to do is meet new people and have a good time. i can't do that here. everything is ruined, all my big dreams have all fallen apart. i'm starting to think i'd be better off dead.

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 8 December :: 4.08pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: bob marley - no woman no cry

stressed.
-my pap is still in the hospital
-my mom is being stupid lately, we've been "fighting" about everything
-jim sometimes forgets to call me, i get upset
-i keep pasing out (..not joking.)
-i have a whole week ahead of me with assignments due, tests etc;; and it's really stressin' me out

now for the good news..

xx.jena

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 8 December :: 4.00pm

i had a bad day today... and it wasn't even that bad. my winter depression is setting in early this year and it hurts. i'm listening to the get up kids and wishing that i was gone. After missing 3 days of school with the flu, i am overwhelmed by the amount of work i have. i can't eat and can't sleep and i feel as if i am all alone... when in reality... well.. i am. i haven't been out for fun in weeks... after the thanksgiving night incident. friday is the concert. it was supposed to be great... but now i think it will not be fun. i think it will be a burden. i feel sick about everything... the only thing that seems to make it feel right is contemplating the biggest mistake i could possibly make right now... hooking up with dan. but it sounds so good to me right now. i don't know what i am saying anymore... maybe later i can straighten this out.
<3 always and keep on rockin.

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 5 December :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: switchfoot - ment to live

everybody knows..
my pap is in the hospital again.

he's not doing well. everbody in my family knows that, but no one will openly talk about it.

why is it so hard to talk about someone dying? ..it seems to be a simple question, but it's hard to answer.

..it's just to hard to face, so we cover it up and pretend like nothing is happening; when really we're losing a huge part of ourselves.

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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 4 December :: 10.35pm

i've been sick, which is why there has been no update. i am still sick and i want it to go away. its absolutely horrible.
i'm waiting on 4 college desicions, then i can finally make up my mind. i so want to go and leave this place. but all i can do is wait.

sickness hurts so i am leaving.
<3 always and keep on rockin.

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 1 December :: 2.04pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: linkin park - numb

everything's just getting worse
jim and i were supposed to go to the mall today, but his fone was busy busy busy- and i couldn't get through, so we didn't go. once again jim, thanks for basicly ditching me. 3rd day in a row.

HASH(0x88356d4)
You are the crying eye. You think nothing out
theres worth it an u just want to be alone. You
know uve been hurt 2 much wen u open ur eyes n
all u see are tears.

The type of pain ur eyes behold
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xxinterrupted

:: 2003 30 November :: 12.20pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: silence

there will always be that one special boy.. that no matter what he does to you, or how bad he hurts you.. you can never let him go.

..thats all i have to say.

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xxinterrupted

:: 2003 29 November :: 2.22pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: p.o.d. - will you

i don't even know anymore..
so last night jim was like "yeah, i'll call you when i get home." he didn't even fuckin' get home until 1:30 a.m. or so he says and thats why he's calling so late. so i was like okay whatever.. and being that today is our one year anniversary- i figured he'd be like "happy anniversary" or SOMETHING. but of course not. he didn't say shit. a week or so ago we were talking about what we were going to do today and he told me that we were going to the mall, movies, dinner, ect. i kept asking him what we were gonna do today and he was just like "i don't know" "who knows" i'm like okay..? i got really pissed after about 4 minutes, because 9 out of 10- he didn't remember. so i said bye and hung up.. but he didn't call back. so i was just like "fuck it" to myself.. cried for a while. a long while. watched a movie, cried after the movie. did something bad, cried some more. went to sleep at 4:30 or so.. i thought maybe he'd call me back and say something nice, tell me that he didn't forget.. or something.. but no. he didn't.

my aunt called at like 9:30 this morning, because i was supposed to go to centry three with her and my gram, but i didn't go. who the fuck wants to go somewhere when their heart has literally been ripped out of them? i feel like shit.

i always feel like shit anymore.

maybe i'm wrong, maybe he didn't forget.. maybe he'll call me in a little bit and talk to me and say happy anniversary and tell me how much he loves me and everything, but i doubt it.

i'm doubting everything anymore.

//.jena

"your lies leave scars on my wrists"

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xxinterrupted

:: 2003 28 November :: 11.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: legally blonde on tv

bad day
it was just a bad day today..

sally
You are Sally. Jack is your love but he doesn't
even think of you that way. you long to become
your own person and get away from your
posessive creator.

What character from Nightmare Before Christmas are you???
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girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 28 November :: 9.06pm

in order to extract my revenge... last night i got drunk without him. i did the chugging and the shots that he despises, just to get him back for lying... but then i realized... it is not him whom i am hurting... it is only myself... so i regret last night now. and i realize that i can't be mad at him because i really do love him... absolutely. so now that he's gone for the evening... i can loathe in my stupidity and hang my head because i love him and he does not love me in return.

girlxunnoticd

:: 2003 27 November :: 6.02pm

last night was absolutely terrible.
6:30 - dustin ims me and tells me to go to wild country with everyone. i wanted to.
6:45 - left for basketball game
8:00 - darren calls and asks for a ride to wild country if we go.
10:00 - get back from basketball game
10:30 - call darren and ask if he still need a ride. he doesn't.
10:35 - dustin calls and says leslie and i should go to wc.
10:36 - jayme calls and wants to ride around. we tell jayme we are going to wild country. she calls roger to ask if she can go. he says no. we decide to go without her.
10:40 - darren calls and says wild country is no fun tonight, don't come. we ask what he is doing now, he says probly going home.
11:00 - jayme calls and wants to go out.
12:00 - leave jayme. go to dennys to get food.
1:00 - leave dennys and go back through staunton.
1:30 - leaving staunton we see darren's car still parked at rogers house... meaning... they didn't come home like he said.
2:00 - go by dennis and dan's to see if they decided to go there. no one is there.
2:30 - go back through staunton. his car is still at roger's.
3:00 - go home very upset that a friend would lie to me.

maybe it doesn't sound so bad... but it hurt me... it really did.

xxinterrupted

:: 2003 27 November :: 5.31pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: bush - glycerine

happy thanksgiving everyone.
well, first off i'd like to tell everyone happy thanksgiving! and i hope everyone is having a wonderful one, with friends/family.

i was up my aunts, and a lot of my family. i would just sit in my chair and watch them. now about 1/2 of them have little kids, and my cousins greg and tiff just had a little girl about a year or so ago.. and i would just sit and watch how my cousin greg would look at her. you could just tell she was the center of his world. it was so cute. hailey [thats her name] is so cute. very very cute.

so i'm glad about everyone being up there.. but i wish more people could have made it. my pap isn't doing to good, so who knows what will happen, ya know? i just wish some people would understand that.

i think this year was the first year i actually stayed ate at a table with some people. i usually just go off by myself and eat in the living room- or whatever. but hey, i can change.. right? =]

jim said he was going to be out around 3, haha fuckin' yeah right. i hate when he tells me something and then doesn't do it! he could call me or something. but no. no no no.
i don't even care.
i'm in a pretty good mood- even though i am disappointed in him.
but hey, what else is new?

it'll be a year for jim and i on the 29th of this month. ONLY 2 DAYS AWAY! ahh! it's so scary! but it's wonderful. =]

i'm gonna go back up my aunts. like i said, i hope eveyone is having a wonderful thanksgiving!

xoxo.jena

"i made the choice to finally go because i can�t stand this pain. it�s time for my last tear to fall and me to smile again."

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