swimfan14
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2006 15 March :: 10.49pm
If you see me walking with someone else, it's not because I love him. It's because you're not brave enough to walk beside me now.
If you see me smiling, it's not because I've forgotten you. It's because I'm tired of crying for you.
If you see me living again, it's not because I wanna get back at you. It's because I want to get back what you took from me.
But most of all
If I fall in love with someone else, it's not because I wanted to.
It's because you were never there to catch me and love me back.
This is so difficult for the both of us. I know I tried so hard, there's just no hope right now. Well it's more than a shame that I lost to this game. All my walking, talking, sleeping, breathing- -
nothing will ever be the same.
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brokenmentality
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2006 15 March :: 9.21am
im going on a date tonight, where... im not sure. its a suprise. i was just told to get dressed up and to be ready by six. i love how that "feeling" never dies with us. how happy i am when i see you, how proud i am to call you mine, how you simply make me smile even when you're not around. we're going on 16 months now. and im just as giddy and excited to spend time with you as i was when we first started dating. and im not going to be all cheezy and melodramatic and say that you complete me, because you dont. and nobody should feel that way about somebody else. but we complement eachother so perfectly.
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 13 March :: 9.58pm
Well let's see here. The National College Fair wasn't all that bad. None of my friends even knew what it was. We honestly went just to get out of class and Mr. A told us we'd get free pens which was a lie lol. Not that I don't have enough of those anyways but out of all the colleges I was only interested in two of them which are both in California. Imagine that? I know. I sort of want to go to The Fashion Insitute of Design for fashion design obviously. I don't really know which one I'd go to. They have a school in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Orange County, and San Diego. I've would probably say Los Angeles or Orange County and then the other school is The University of San Francisco. So besides those two schools, the whole thing was a big waste of time but we missed almost the whole day so I guess I can't complain too much. I was talking to the guy that works at The Fashion Institute of Design and that is where LC from Laguna Beach goes. Haha I made sure to ask him that. He said he knows her pretty well. Well, thats nice. I'm not going to go there just because she does because I honestly could care less it's just I thought that was pretty interesting and I don't even know if I'm going to go there in the first place. It's just a small option I have. I still really really want to go to USC. I don't even know yet.
Okay so enough college talk.
I feel like my house is going to blow over any minute. That might be unfourtunate.
I can't let you go. It's who I know.
<3 Ashley
4 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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tonyp.
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2006 13 March :: 7.51pm
when i walk through parts of this house i feel like were moving out. its weird but its great because everything looks soo great in her. im glad my family stoped fighting. my mom might be able to come home from the hospital this weekend, ill probly have to leard how to give her shots which is no big deal, i dont really have a problem with needles i mean thats what i do is work with them, im supprised im not a heiroin (sp) uses.
i miss my friends.
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 12 March :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: The Veronicas-4ever
I can honestly say that today I had my doubts about all of this but after that talk I realize I don't have any reason to doubt things and that things are just the way they should be.
Come on baby we ain't gonna live 4ever, let me show you all the things that we can do, I know you wanna be together, and I wanna spend the night with you.
2 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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brokenmentality
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2006 12 March :: 10.08am
today will be wonderful. i dont have to work, keegan doesnt have to work. its just an "us" day. i got to see him for like 3 hours last night after he got out of work before he had to go home.... and 2 1/2 of those hours we were sleeping. lol.
i started my brit lit paper last night. anybody else reading this will feel my pain. im doing mine on jack the ripper.... i almost had a break down last night about how there's no way im going to get it done in time. i mean... this week i have to write a 6-8 page research paper, a 5 minute speech, arrange everything for the talent show, work, i wont beable to get anything done on my paper on saturday because we're going to Ann Arbor for a BBoy battle. (hopefully i can use the schools camera) stupid mysterious murderer stressin me all out.
4 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 11 March :: 12.57pm
Lisa and I are procrastinators and we figured since Spring Break is coming up we should probably buy our tickets to Florida so that's what we did today and the total for both of us was $1,000. Yeah, that's what happens when you wait so long. We should have gotten them a long time ago but I always wait until the last minute to do everything. Oh well I guess. $1,000 later and we're off to Florida soon. Thank god. We both need to get out of this horriable place.
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swimfan14
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2006 10 March :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack-My Favorite Accident
I really hate calls like those. Calls when you can't even understand your friend because they are crying so hard. I don't even know what to say to make her feel better. It's hard for me to imagine being that upset because I haven't been that way in a long time and right now I'm genuinely happy. I feel so useless because some of my friends really need me and yes I am here for them it's just I can't always help them in the ways they need to be helped. It really makes me sad to see her like that because I can honestly say that less than a month ago I was the same way. It's hard. It hurts. I know. I've been there and I'm sure I will be again someday. I never believed that something great would come along and make me forget about all those things that were bringing me down but eventually it does and you just need to learn to let go of the people who cause pain. It's not worth being down. I've learned that the hard way. I have no idea how talking about my friend turned into something like this but I just hope that things start to look up for some people who really need it and they know who they are.
This morning when I pulled into school Bruce was already parked and he waited for me and we walked into school together and he told me that he feels like today was going to be a good day and I just had a feeling it wasn't going to be and sure enough it really wasn't. I was such a bitch to everyone for no reason. I was just so upset that I could've cried. I have no idea why I was upset but it was just one of those days but I think I really just needed to talk to this person and after we talked and everything was better. So I apologize for being that way today.
Mishy: I'm pretty sad because those wonderful sunglasses that you bought for me have been stolen by Aaron. He was wearing them after school and he told me he'd give them back tomorrow. He has like ten things of mine at his house haha.
I guess this is all for tonight. I'm just rambling on.
<3 Ashley
4 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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tonyp.
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2006 10 March :: 1.07pm
for those who care my mother is out of i.c.u. im soo happy shes out. hopefully next week shell come home. gona start cleaning the house for her and were gona need help so if anyone cares to help movie alot and alot of old toys and broken junk let me know. my down stairs family room is huge but theres alot of junk lying around but once its cleaned i get to turn half of the shop into a tattoo shop which is awsome cause theres a slider door and the half id be getting is pretty big so i could have small get togthers in there whenever i wanted. so if anyone is willing to help my family her and there would be awsome.
god i need to sleep.
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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just_peachie
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2006 10 March :: 11.47am
Yep...the weekend.
Brianna, we're going out tonight and having a ladies night!
*winks
luv me!
6 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 9 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Panic! At The Disco//Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off
Aww I love those moments when you say those things. It's so adorable.
This week has gone by so slow but it's definitely been worth it. So much has happened this week and so many things have changed it's unbelievable. I'm happy. Everything is pretty much wonderful. I'm off to bed. Goodnight!!
I love you all.
<3 Ashley
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 8 March :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: tired
Tonight was fun. I hung out with Emily Esch and Elyse until the game. Emily always wants to drive my car but when she asks me we are always on our way somewhere so I always say no but then today she asked me again and I told her she would have to call my dad and ask him if he would let her since he wont let barely anyone drive it unless it's him or me and I really didn't think she would call him but she did and sure enough he said yes because she is definitely one of his favorites out of my friends. They sat there and talked on the phone for like five minutes. I was like seriously just drive lol!!
Once I get everything straightened out and I begin to enjoy life...something happens. It happens because there has to be some kind of event that hits me in the face and makes me realize that it's not all gonna come easy.
Part of me just can't let go of the past and the other part tells me I have no other choice.
Having that talk with you made me realize that we have so much more in common than we ever thought. We are almost like the same person and it's good to know that someone thinks the way I do. I guess you always understood those things in me.
I think this is how things are going to be and I'm really happy right now. For once I finally feel like this is something real.
4 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 7 March :: 7.51pm
Everytime we touch I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. I need you by my side. Everytime we touch I feel the static and everytime we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat slow? I can't let you go. I want you in my life.
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brokenmentality
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2006 7 March :: 12.15pm
stacy: bdlaaaaa
hahahaha.....
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 6 March :: 10.53pm
I'm not exactly sure what I should say. Everything I do is a mistake. Your attention is attention. It doesn't matter if it's real or fake. I'll take it if I get it. I've made up my mind. I'll do it over any time.
You're over it, over me. Present just physically. Last words from the dying scene, you're over me.
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swimfan14
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2006 5 March :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack//The Future Freaks Me Out
<3
I think I'm just being paranoid. I always feel like I need to know what's going to happen and if I don't know what's going to happen then I freak out. It's not really necessary but I can't stand that feeling.
This weekend was extremely exhausting. I barely slept. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family in Lansing and then I went to my friend Missy's house. She also models with me. We went ice skating with her two sisters Holly and Katrina and then their friends Tori and Haylie. It was really fun. They have an ice skating rink at their house. Weird? I know. Saturday we had modeling from 11-6 which was the exhausting part. Afterwards we had a fashion show and international dinner. They both we're really fun. Sunday we went to church and then I just went to my dads for a while to see him before he left and then I came home.
A few pictures from this weekend.
Read more..
When I got home today I found out that my mom put a phone line in my room so now I have my own internet. It's actually quite nice. I'm just being a lazy ass right now and I'm laying in my nice comfy bed talking to my friends on my laptop.
This week should be a busy week. I'm most likely going to all three basketball games on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday with Lisa and Elyse and then Tuesday i'm hanging out with Cohen and then Thursday I'm going shopping :D
tomorrows monday..what a drag.
I would stay here if I could but I know it wont do any good. Maybe one day you'll understand something in me. It's something I gotta do. It's not you. It's something in me.
I still love you.
Did you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
2 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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tonyp.
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2006 5 March :: 7.58pm
well moms been in the hospital for the past week and shell be gone this week to, shes in i.c.u..
all ive done latly is play D&D which i cant complain but i still am kinda down. i went to breakfast with david the other day which was fun. hung out and played video games. everyone in this family is fighting and angery and worried and its pretty annoying i wish some of the adults would relize there are more important things to do than fight.
but like i said im pretty down..i guess the doctors are saying my mom might not make it which is pretty sad but shes not gona give up even tho here body already is. they have her on a resporator and shes got pumps on her legs that keep her blood moving. they say the cemo triggered it and now shes gona have her second treatment on tuesday so i have to keep my fingers crossed that it wont get worse.
5 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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Paradox
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2006 4 March :: 10.57am
Oooooh man, it's been a while since I've updated. This is going to be a bunch of quick thoughts on my life, so tere won't be much connectivity between them. Lol
Dancing for the rampage is fun, it's becoming more and more of an outlet for us to move onto other and bigger things in the future, which is nice.
Theres too much drama in our crew though.
Erika and I got a hamster and named him Sushi, he kicks ass.
I'd move down to Tennesee if I could afford it.
I think I need to sell my car and get a new one.
Having to pick up my sister because my mom works 2nd shift is a damn nuisence.
I need to find more time to write.
I love weekend nights with erika.
I have an attitutde problem, that I need to fix.
I've gotta get on college. Now...
I hope erika and I steay together for a long time...
Theres a bboy battle in Ann Arbor on the 18th I'm excited.
Next rampage game is the 16th at 7. Be there.
Thats all I can think of
4 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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eyesofcrystal
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2006 3 March :: 11.19pm
I dont know why I am bothering to write in here, but i figure maybe there are people interested, so i will just quick say that i am super excited because tomorrow i am going to meet Batista and i love him! So yea...be jealous! haha
Oh, and I got my labret pierced and it looks really cute! But it hurts like a bitch! thats all.
4 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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kellilynn21
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2006 3 March :: 9.53pm
:: Mood: Excited:)
:: Music: Crush- Mandy Moore
Basketball... Ya We Totally Won. Duh! Cant Wait Till Districts... Ya, Definitly Cant Wait.
Their He Goes.... Doing It Again. :D
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 3 March :: 4.04pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Ne-Yo//So Sick
Today was...interesting..to say the least.
Haha yes apparently Mr. McDonald did forget he had a seminar class so Mishy and I just left. We went out to eat and to Starbucks.
"Ashley, taste this, I think she gave me eggnog, instead of cafe' vanilla".
"Okay...*sips* mmm.."
"Doesn't it taste like eggnog?"
"...I've never had eggnog."
*both laugh*
Haha thinking about that still makes me laugh. I don't even know why I tasted her drink if I've never once tasted eggnog.
And yeah I'm really happy about what I said too. I'm just happy in general. I hope everything works out for the best.
I need to go pack though. I have to go to Lansing all weekend for modeling. I'm pretty stoaked for that business!! I'll bring my laptop with me. Haha I'm talking like I'll be gone forever but I'll be coming home on Sunday.
Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Stacy we'll hang out next week because I miss you!
Love Always,
Ashley..........
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
I am nervous that you won't be my lover. Oh, I adore you.
5 Chances |
Words Of Hope?
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brokenmentality
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2006 3 March :: 9.02am
soo.. there's some seroius talk about us moving to Tennesse sometime this summer. that would be the most wonderful thing.
i was talking to Keegan about it last night, and im not worried about leaving him, because more than likely, he'd come with us. i just hate michigan, and i hate cedar springs. i know that sounds bad because i was the red flannel queen, and i guess hate is to strong a word. cedar springs is my home, and no matter where i go, where i end up... it will always BE my home. and regardless of what anyone says, we will never FULLY get away, because this town harbors all of our childhood memories. we are who we are because we've lived in Cedar Springs, and i'm not ashamed to say i'm from a small town, because there is a "Cedar Springs" all over the U.S... what i hate is the routine of living in the same place all my life. what i hate is living in a town that is so closed minded and traditional. and what i hate is living in a town who's known for dollar stores and pizza places.
Tennesse on the other hand, is absolutely breathtaking. i've known that i wanted to live there since the 5th grade when we went on vaccation to the Smokies. i'm not a big city girl. i dont want to live in an expensive appartment for the rest of my life! i want (corny) a big back yard and a little yappy dog that barks at squirls bigger than it! i want a window FOR ONCE with a view. and i want and desperatly miss that feeling of connection with a power so much greater than myself when i look at the mountains. thats what i want. there's nothing here for me. after school... there's NOTHING here. i would have a hard time leaving my friends... but i'd deal.
the one person i could NEVER leave though, is keegan. at least not right now. not when he's my best friend and a big part of my life and quite possibly future. thats why if we leave, he'll leave. we're not about to give up on something so beautiful.
so.. perhaps this a goodbye to miserable winters and tanning salons?! i guess we'll see.......
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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kellilynn21
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2006 2 March :: 10.28pm
:: Mood: Tired
[Random Update About Nothing]
SNOW DAY!
Thank goodness for this snow day. I went back and got my hair re-dyed today. TO ME it looks better than it did. I liked it last time… I just, didn’t, because it wasn’t what I wanted. But its ok, I went back and got to talk to Kristen for like 5 hours while she was dying my hair. Jordan went with me, then after we went to Taco Bell. Yummm. I don’t really have anything new to update on besides the fact that we won the league championship on Tuesday for our basketball team. It was friggen awesome. Like I said before… I just LOVE going to basketball games. We have one tomorrow. It’s the first one in districts so I’m excited! I hope we make it far. I’m sure we will! Sorry my life isn’t more exciting haha.
<3 K
Words Of Hope?
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jennapie
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2006 2 March :: 8.20pm
Today is our two months! I can't believe it went so fast! It's been the best two months of my life. I owe it all to you! You are my everything! I love you Jake!
1 Chance |
Words Of Hope?
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swimfan14
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2006 2 March :: 3.25pm
Fate fell short this time.
Nothing is forever and the time comes when we all must say goodbye to what we knew.
Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.
Goodbye to those we thought would never leave us.
And when these changes finally do occur and when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken it's place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome those new feelings.
You're the one who has to live with yourself.
[Stacy: I have no idea where you are but I really need to talk to you.]
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