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m&ms487
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2006 30 November :: 6.20pm
I am SO fucking pissed.
Okay, nice little speech class, teacher doesn't teach us anything, gives us a study guide, I study the study guide, I take the exam.
I did better than the class average of 31/100.
I got a 41/100.
Now, the best grade I can get in that class is an 86%. Great.
And I hate that girl in U-Band, too.
Fucking bitch. The director moved her because I asked her to.
And she says, "Why did Sarah move me? Is it because you don't want to sit by me?"
My reply was, " I'm not going to lie, I don't like sitting by you."
"Well," as she glared at me like I was the most horrible person on earth, "I didn't want to sit by you either. You know, most of the things I said to you WERE true."
Yeah, I guess getting your head out of you're ass is pretty hard when it's as big as yours, bitch.
Whatever.
Now I remember why it was a good thing I didn't go into music. It's so I don't have to deal with bitches like that for the next five years.
[Edit] Test may not be as bad as initially thought. After talking to Jessie, I realized that, since the test was out of 50 multiple choice questions, I couldn't have gotten an odd score, it would have to be even. Therefore, I may actually have an 82. Have to discuss this with the teacher, but I believe I am right. Everything else I'm pissed about, though.
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m&ms487
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2006 30 November :: 10.15am
On the verge of the big final speech. I guess I wasn't thinking when I choose my topic (pro-choice) because I realized this morning that most of the people in my class are quite conservative. And, i'm pretty sure I picked it because I found out that another girl is doing pro-life, and I couldn't really sit by and let her do that without putting my two cents worth in, and so here I am, all dressed up and ready to talk about abortion.
I know what some of you are thinking: Baby hater! Murderer! Fetus Killer!
Except, that's the exact reason WHY I'm doing this speech (that, and my teacher allows it). Being Pro-Choice, is NOT being Anti-Life or Pro-Abortion, it just means that I recognize the societal need for abortion in some instances. It doesn't mean that I think every woman should have an abortion.
Well, I think I got that out of my system. I guess I just needed to rant and defend myself a little before I went out there and whatnot.
And the ironic part, is that I'm not even graded on the topic, or the content, but on my delivery and organization.
In other news, the dorm was very loud last night, as I believe there were lesbian fights and perhaps a little wrestling going on. At least, that's what it sounded like at three o'clock this morning.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 29 November :: 9.42am
I was late for my computer class today. I woke up about six minutes after it started [why is this starting to be the trend for me? I don't like waking up and shouting 'fuck!' and running out the door].
So i get into class [a huge lecture hall] and I start my way down the aisle and choose the fourth row back [i normall sit in the first row]. The prof notices me, and stops lecturing and says, "you can come and sit down in the front."
I explain, "I had a rough morning."
"It's understandable, my oatmeal was hot this morning. It was rough."
And he continues his lecture.
After class the girl who sits next to me tells me that the professor waited [in a class of 120] five minutes to start class becuase I wasn't there.
I don't think he even knows my name.
College is strange.
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m&ms487
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2006 28 November :: 12.49pm
Jenny:
I miss you! We NEED to get together over Christmas break!
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m&ms487
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2006 27 November :: 9.59pm
So I slipped and fell this morning while dressing in the dark. Bruise on shoulder, a constant reminder. Sweatshirt smells like it's been locked up all its life. Exam tomorrow. What do I know of Snarl words and Allness? Index cards transformed into flash cards with a few marks that make up words of a transient language. Silence, Social Clocks, Haptics. These words mean something to someone, but not me, not yet. In a few hours sleep will knowingly approach, and the day at an end, and what have a I got? Weary eyes, tuition bills, and words. Words that I will forget after the impending exam, because these words mean something to someone, but not to me, not yet, and not for very long.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 26 November :: 8.26pm
Driving home brought so many thoughts into my head. I have an immense fear of those around me dying. That's probably my biggest fear. Some nights I lie in bed and think about things as if someone was dead. What would I do? What would I feel? It always makes me start crying in the end, and I feel like I've committed some sin, as if thinking about that persons death is equated with me wanting them dead. How would I feel if I thought about them dying tonight, and then they did die tomorrow. Then all I'm left with is guilt, and all I have done is lie in bed before sleep overcomes me.
I've been lucky. No one close to me has died. I know it will happen soon enough. I don't wish for it, but the truth is, no matter how much I or anyone else wants to deny it, is that we all secede to death. It's our final end, an end we have little control over. I thought I had control over it once. It had control over me.
My grandparents are old and frail. They act with dignity, but they are slowly realizing death will come soon. They are planning the rest of their life for their death.
Do I plan my life for death? Do any of us? Do we wake up in the morning, watching the sunrise, or falling out of bed, or dreading another monotonous normal day and think of death? Should we? Would that circumvent the reason, whatever that reason may be, why we are living?
If we thought of death everyday, could we enjoy life? Are we meant to enjoy life?
Are we suppose to be "grieveing the sun" on it's final journy to the horizon? Or are we suppose to ignore the inevitable, find some shallow work to busy ourselves with, and only recognize the end when it comes knocking at the door to your [trailer, suburban two story, houseboat, yacht, mansion, cardboard box] home?
I am reminded of death when I look at my grandparents, the leafless trees, the brown grass, and deer splattered along the roadway.
Perhaps we are never meant to come to terms with death, only await it's inevitability. Freedom from our imperfect bodies may be our biggest birthday present. I once thought it was.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 24 November :: 12.30pm
Thanksgiving.
Work.
Feet hurt.
Loverly.
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imaqinary
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2006 23 November :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: "Dance Party Plus"- Head Automatica
Thanksgiving!
To begin with, Happy Thanksgiving to all. I've had a very good thanksgiving! I woke up pretty early today, around 9 something. Went to my aunt's house to feed the dogs and let them out. I'm taking care of her animals this weekend because she's out of town. I needed money and the opportunity arose, so yeah! lol. Came home, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That's a pretty cool parade. I wonder how much of our tax dollars go to that every year. Hmmm.... Anyway, time passed and the parade ended. Then, the beloved Dolphin game! 5-6 baby!!!! =] hehehe I'm extremely happy about that game. The final score being 27-10 and all. We whooped 'em! lol I wish I could've watched the game with Alyssa though. =[ Well, my dad had cooked a lot today and his girlfriend came over. It was really fun. We ate turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes... yummmm... lol i think my dad's girlfriend is bringing over an apple pie later on too. I actually prayed.. which is pretty funny because I'm bordering atheism. In about an hour I'm going to go back over to my aunt's to feed the dogs once more. I'm so thankful for so many people. Gees, I can't even name them all. Aly told me that she was thankful for me! yay! =] Tomorrow is the "Choral Thanksgiving" which I need to ask Alyssa about. I'm not sure if I'm going to go yet. Tiffany & I kind of started talking again. It makes me really happy because when we stopped talking, it hurt really bad. It won't ever be the same, but atleast it's something. =] Well, I'm having a pretty damn good day, so I'm going to go.
Love yaaaa!!
Hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving!
¢¾
I love Alyssa
Always & Forever
Here are some icons =]
Read more..
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m&ms487
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2006 21 November :: 1.35pm
I will be home at approximately ten p.m. for all of those who wanted to know.
Jessie: I expect a romp with you within just a few days of my return.
Michelle
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m&ms487
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2006 20 November :: 6.32pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I lay down exhausted,
But sleep will not come.
I get up,
Wash my face,
Put on new night clothes.
But sleep,
Sleep will not come.
I cease my thoughts,
Lie blank, staring.
But sleep,
Sleep will not come.
I recite these lines,
An unorthodox prayer.
My eye lids grow heavy,
I try to remember these lines
For the morning.
Creativity comes,
In this void of time.
When all I wish is
To remember until morning.
And sleep,
Sleep comes,
At a most inappropriate time.
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m&ms487
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2006 20 November :: 3.18pm
ANT 175 Archeaology of the Americas
EDU 107 Intro to Education
ENG 175 Intro to literary analysis
ENG 232 American Lit Real-present
PSC 105 Intro to amer. govern.
MUS 186U UNIVERSITY BAND!!
All of my classes are in the same building, except for uband of course, and they're all on MWF.
Heh. 16 credit hours, baby.
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m&ms487
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2006 19 November :: 11.07pm
Laundry.
Tired.
Grumpy.
No energy for a real entry, although I have so much bottled up inside that I need to write about that one will be coming soon. I hate how when I wait to write, everything just doesn't come out right. When the passion for the moment has been replaced by reason and thought, I've lost any spark of creativity I might have possessed. Everything just comes out wrong after I mull it over.
Michelle
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imaqinary
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2006 18 November :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: discontent
I should be having a great day!
I should be having a fantastic day... with getting a Superior at Solo & Ensembles and all. We would've went to States, but FVA isn't having States this year for some odd reason.
I was so nervous today. I messed up on our first song very obviously because of my nerves and I thought it all went downhill from there but apparently not. Our dynamics were really good. =] I was really proud of Lyndsay though. She started learning that music on tuesday and got it. It was so awesome! hehe..
I feel like I don't do anything right. Alyssa was mad at me again... still is actually. I don't know what to do. I really wish I can prevent her from being mad at me. Anjane slept over my house last night so it would be easier for me to take her to Solo & Ensembles today. She got mad. I was out all day at Solo & Ensembles and couldn't talk. She was mad. I'm sorry. What hurt me the most though was that she knew how many times I had cried about going today and how much I cared about this day, and when I told her we got superior, she didn't even care. Well, I guess it doesn't matter much.
Then Aly & Anjane got into a big fight about gift wrapping at Barnes & Noble this year. Aly didn't call them and sign us up and Anjane was really mad.. oh well, it's sort of done & over with now. I guess I'm going to go. Alyssa's not going to talk to me for the rest of the night so I'm extremely bored. I might go to sleep.
♥
I love Alyssa
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m&ms487
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2006 18 November :: 4.57pm
:: Mood: contemplative
I'm so excited that my car is fixed. I just went and got it from the parking lot in no man's land, and went and put gas in her (and got a cherry coke). I drove her all around and it made me happy.
And, I have half way good shifts for Thanksgiving weekend. 3p-11:30p on Thurs, Fri, and Sat. Of course, I'm sure I'll be staying into the wee hours on Thursday night/ Friday morning. Friday is what we in retail call "Black Friday". It's the most busy shopping day of the entire year, and it all started with the four a.m. sales. Last year they had lines of thirty people at all the open registers at four a.m.
The holiday season is starting!
Michelle
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