Jesus Girls: Strength, Hope, and Love~Live for Him

5 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?

:: 2004 15 September :: 9.15am

Happy one year Anniversary Mat! I love you so much.

:: 2004 14 September :: 8.57pm

My mom came to get me to go talk, and I have never yelled, screamed, cried in my entire life and I hope I never do that again because I have never wanted to die more so than that moment in the car with her ever in my life. Not a hug, not a kiss, nothing. Just more things to make this very reason for why I am living with Kate and why I hate my life and who I am even more than what it already is. Things were just getting off my mind, just starting to be pushed aside until I found some way to deal with it and then that happens and I just am so dazed and confused. I have never been so hurt and angry in my entire life. I'm trying to hold it all in, untill the right time, where I'm fully capable of dealing with the situation without making it worse and there just is no way. It's on my mind day in and day out, every second. I can't forget it, because it's been my life for the past 15 years. My family for the past 15 years. And even though it's been torn apart many times before, never like this. I feel lost, and empty, and so sad to think...my family is..in my mind gone. The only thing I have is the e-mails my mom sends me ..that's nothing. I just ughh dont know what to do because I can't forgive and forget right now...i can't. As much as I want to just hug and kiss my mom and dad and tell them i love them...I just have to accept it wont be that way again for a long time, and it breaks my heart and tears it in two that it even has to be like that. I just hope one day that it'll be okay again. Otherwise I'll continue to feel empty and as shitty and un-loved as i do right now. Of course my friends love me but it's just not the same as your mom and dad. It's just not. *sigh* akdjfajldkf;jalkdfjalkdjf;alksjdfalkjdf

I feel so useless, and I just need someone to hug me everyday and tell me they love me , something...or I dunno I'm just going to lose it all.

:: 2004 14 September :: 1.03pm

Yay I have a job again! 300 dollars a week! and Kate is gonna work with me! wooty toot toot!

4 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?

:: 2004 13 September :: 11.28pm

Wednesday is Mat and I's one year anniversary. I don't want him to spend a lot of money, so I thought I'd get us dinner and eat it out by the lake. Candles, bubbly, the whole thing. The only thing I can't do is actually make the dinner. I don't know what to buy him, since he's buying me something and I didn't know that until today or else I would have bought him something, so I thought that this sounded nice. That way he doesn't have to spend a lot of money that he doesn't need to waste, and I can do something for him for a change. How does that sound to everyone?

:: 2004 13 September :: 10.14pm

What the hell is that? Are you kidding me. Well hmm telling me she said that really makes me feel great. Just perfect! Wow I really hate you sometimes.

Grr..you stupid butt hole.

Mr. McDonald is cool and all, but how the hell does he expect us to memorize 35 friecken vocab words, and where they are located in the body system when he tells us the day ahead of time? Are you kidding me? Wow, get a grip on your life :) lmao.

Wow I really want to kill someone this very second. It could be

_ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ _ _ _ _ _

OR
_ _ _ _

Yupp, I feel like shit.

grrr

I need a fucking hug.

night

~jess

1 Thought | What are your thoughts?

:: 2004 13 September :: 4.59pm
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Martina McBride-How far

I could leave and chose to not come back, oh never come back...do you even care if I stay or if I leave
There's a boat, I could sail away
There's the sky, I could catch a plane
There's a train, there's the tracks
I could leave and I could choose to not come back
Oh never come back

There you are, giving up the fight
Here I am begging you to try
Talk to me, let me in
But you just put your wall back up again
Oh when's it gonna end

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

There's a chance I could change my mind
But I won't, not till you decide
What you want, what you need
Do you even care if I stay or leave
Oh, what's it gonna be

Out of this chair, or just across the room
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon

How far do I have to go to make you understand
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are
So I'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say
YeahI'm gonna walk away
And it's up to you to say how far

As happy as it makes me that I have this, the things you've said to me in the past few days, and what you've done..have made me feel like such a terriable person who's incapable of being loved. Then I realize you're just a bitch, and I *am* a nice girl, I am fun to be around, and I am sweet, and you can just save it because I don't need to listen to your crap.

School was better today. I was in a real giggly mood most of the time. Gotta lov that.

It makes me happy that you're a cool kid now. Real happy.

~jess

:: 2004 13 September :: 12.52pm

I believe I'm going to come home this weekend. And unlike last time, I think I'll actually have energy to hang out with my friends. Saturday sound good to anyone?

2 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?

:: 2004 12 September :: 9.32pm

I love the Schaub's. That's all I have to say.

:: 2004 12 September :: 7.18pm
:: Mood: hot
:: Music: Mandy Moore-Candy teehee

I'm missin you like candy yah yah
"I can't believe I'm listening to Mandy Moore"

Me and Kate went out last night. Went to barker's and Howard City. Fun night.

Went for a run today. Lol ..nice.

~Jess

:: 2004 12 September :: 3.36pm

Mat came over for the weekend. I was really happy he came. We went to see a movie last night, and then sat around, got some lunch, filled out an application at Mongolian BBQ, and played video games today. I'm so glad that he came, but damn my period to Hell. He left a few minutes ago, and now I have nothing to due until Sam gets back here. Hope everyones weekend was good.

:: 2004 11 September :: 6.39pm

Let's Just Say That I Got Bored
Created by RaiyneDevil and taken 38 times on bzoink!
About You...
Name	Jess
Birthday	November 11
Hair Color	Red
Eye Color	Blue
Height	5'4
Favorites...
Color	Aqua
Type of Music	Rap
Movie	How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
Band	Rascal Flats
Singer	Ryan Cabrera
Actor	Ben Affleck
Food	Grapes
Drink	Apple Juice
Animal	Panda
This or That...
cuddle or kiss?	Cuddle
punk or metal?	punk
music or movies?	both
love or hate?	love
aim or msn?	msn
boys or girls?	boys
Friends...
Who are your best friends?	Kate, Jess, Dan,Cass,Linds, Shea, Erika, Jenna
Loudest friend:	Linds
Funniest friend:	Jess
Drunkest friend:	Kate
Kindest friend:	Kate and Jess
Friend you've known the longest:	Jess
Miss any old friends?	Andy
Have you ever...
been in love?	nope
been dumped?	yupp
got drunk?	yupp
smoked?	yupp
been arrested?	nope
cried over a guy/girl?	yupp
been so drunk you threw up?	yupp
broken a bone?	nope
Your Significant Other (skip if you're single)...
What's their name?
How did you meet?
How long have you been dating?
When's your anniversary?
Their best physical feature:
Their best mental feature:
Would you change anything about them?
Have they said they loved you?
Do you love them?
One person that you...
love:	ryan cabrera
hate:	bah
trust:	kate
distrust:	brianna
feel sorry for:	-
want to get to know better:	justin
want to see right now:	dunno
are talking to right now:	dan
Random Stuff...
What would you like to change about yourself?	my ears
If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on?	clothes
Where would you like to go on vacation to?	hawaii or new york
Have any piercing? If not, want one? If yes, want more?	yes, and yes
Have any tattoos? Want one? Want more?	no, but i want a star on my hip or lower back
What time is it?	6:38
Final word:	wierd lol
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

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Your Life Survey
Created by BrokenHalo and taken 4 times on bzoink!
The_Basics
Full Name:	Jessica Lynn Hazen
Date Of Birth:	November 11th
Age:	15
Location:	Cedar Springs
Hair Colour:	red
Eye Colour:	blue
Your_Favourites
Color:	aqua
Animal:	panda bear
Food:	grapes
Drink:	apple juice
Candy:	starburst
Movie:	How to lose a guy in ten days
TV Show:	One Tree Hill, SNL, South Park, Real World, Road Rules
Actress:	Sandra Bullock
Actor:	Ben Affleck
Book:	A walk to remember
Author:	Nicholas Sparks
Band:	Rascal Flats
Song:	On the way down-Ryan Cabrera
Video Game:	don't play video games
Home_Life
Type Of Home You Reside In:	A house?
# Of People In Household:	4
# Of Rooms:	5
# Of Bathrooms:	3
# Of Closets:	6
Your Chores:	clean the whole house
Pets:	3 dogs
Favorite Room:	my room
Upstairs Or Downstairs:	upstairs
School_Life
Name Of School:	cedar springs high school
Grade:	11th
# Of Classes:	6
Subjects You Take:	French, English, Math, Anatomy, History,
Favorite Subject:	French
Current GPA:	better be a 4.0 since it's the second week of school i better have all a's
Love_Life
Girlfriend/Boyfriend:	nope
Crush(es):	heh
Last "Flame":	dan
What Would You Do For Love?	who knows
Have You Ever/Do You Cheat?	nope
Are You A Virgin?	yes
Your Sexuality:	straight
Best_Friend
Name:	Kate And Jess
Date Of Birth:	march 3, and march 8th
Age:	16 and 16
# Of Years You've Been Friends:	15 and a few years
Ever "Romantically Involved"?	no
Name Something About Your Best Friend That Is:
Cute:	jess-her wolf laugh kate-her "stick"
Funny:	"hey purtttyyy pussy! I'm gonna getch u!"-"hmmm wierd, wierd wierd!"
Mean:	their both really sweet
Annoying:	farting and burping
Sexy:	idk
Ugly:	idk
Sweet:	idk
Special:	idk
Hot:	idk
Stupid:	idk
Perfect:	idk
Imperfect:	idk
Who_Was_Your_First:
Kiss?	Kyle Harper
Important Girlfriend/Boyfriend?	dunno
Love?	never
Big Break-Up?	idk
Crush?	idk
Do_You_Believe_In:
God?	yes
Love?	yes
Destiny/Fate?	yes
Karma?	ehh
Ghosts?	no
Aliens?	no
The Boogy Man?	no
Santa Claus?	no
The Toothfairy?	no
Make_A_Wish: (It Can Be Anything At All!)
First Wish:	I got a job
Second Wish:	a car
Third Wish:	a load of moeny
Create a Survey \| Search Surveys \| Go to bzoink!

8 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?

:: 2004 11 September :: 12.47pm

So what's happening to all my Rockford friends except Kyle because he's the only one that likes to update his journal? I was just wondering because I haven't seen an update from anyone but him in a few days and was curious. Just wondering.

:: 2004 11 September :: 11.26am

Pancakes yumm! :)

Me and Kate rented Jersey Girl last night it was so cute. I love Ben Affleck and he's so adoreable when he cries.

Ahh *sigh* I just don't know what the hell to do.

"Are you falling asleep?"
"....no....*snore"

We're gonna go wash some car woot woot!

~Jess

2 Thoughts | What are your thoughts?

:: 2004 10 September :: 7.51pm

I made a new friend today. She's in my French class with me, and we were partners and I liked her when we first started talking, so I decided to talk to her some more. She's really cool and has the potential to become an anime nerd like some of us. :D She already has and loves Hoshi No Koe, and I told her that she had to come over and watch Sen to Chihiro No Kamikakushi, Mononoke Hime, Castle in the Sky, and a bunch of others. Her name is Kassondra. Like the chick from Soul Caluber II. If Mat doesn't come over this weekend I'm going to invite her over to watch some movies here, and maybe finally watch Hoshi no Koe at her place. Which is on campus as well.

:: 2004 10 September :: 5.25pm

Well that really sucks. I am clueless as to what I'm going to do now or what to do, or where to go. I don't know...I'm pretty much screwed. The only good side I see to it is that maybe I can actually see a normal side and happy side to myself not being around that anymore. Ahhh I don't know what I'm going to do.

I don't know what I would do without Kate. I love her. :) *Smiles.

First week of school down, went better than I thought. I love being able to leave and not sit in the lunchroom with a bunch of gay people. I loveeee that!

Mrs. Babbit talks so long grr it bugs me. Oh-well it keeps her from giving us work.

I'm thinking about switching out of yearbook I'm not liking it so much. It's kinda boring so far. But I'm sure it'll get better. And it's a little too late to switch out anyhow. I got good spreads though Prom, Homecoming, Junior, and Choir. Happy bought that one. Yay!

Yeah so Kate made a new ring tone for me on my phone lol I love it! Damn her she figured it out before I can figure anyting out on my phone.

Gonna go play casino woot woot!

~Jess