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fadingintoblue
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2003 5 May :: 5.07pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: tori amos
the gym final
i hate hate hate it. for the final, we have to run the mile, do the sit and reach test, do pull ups or flexed arm hang, and two other tests i'm not sure of yet. we are being graded on how well we do, not effort. our preparation? one week, out of the entire semester! i "ran" the mile for the first time today in over a year. i couldn't run it. i have *breasts* for goodness sakes. i'm also not in shape. i'm not athletic. even at my peak physically (like last summer), i'm not great at running. but i have always gotten As in gym class. i put forth effort, unlike some of the actual atheletes in the class. i'm trying to get back in shape, i just don't have much time. my teacher explained that if we put forth our best effort, we would pass. but i'm still going to get a d! the grade for a c is 10 min, 30 seconds, or something right around there. my time is somewhere around 13 or 14 minutes. i am not going to shave three minutes off my mile time in a week! most of the other tests i'm going to do just as terribly on. i can try my hardest, and i will still get a D as my final grade, despite doing A work all semester! i don't care if the final isn't a big deal (which it is!), i don't care that the A grade is based on the 65% percentile of girls my age in this country. also, my teacher is convinced i can get at least a C if i try, so i might fail for "not putting forth effort." I WAS NOT MADE TO GO FAST! i was holding back tears after the mile today. and i'll have to run it everyday this week. i know i'm being way too sensitive, but i can't be happy with myself if i'm getting a D. i should be able to do better than that!
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fadingintoblue
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2003 22 April :: 10.32pm
:: Mood: grumpy
i'm leaving for my grandma's tomorrow. my parents are going away for a long weekend, something they've been meaning to do for years. for some strange reason, they don't feel comfortable leaving me with my sis (jen's 20, but obviously not trustworthy enough to look after her 16 year old sister), so i'm off to my grandma's house untill they get back. i'm not even sure when they're getting home on sunday, so i'm bringing homework. i feel like my spring break is being cut short. my grandma lives to lecture, and i'm going to spend the entire time sewing a jacket from fabric i dyed a few months ago at her house. nothing i do is ever right when i sew, and i hate ripping seams, but it will at least keep me busy. the worst part of all this, though, is leaving the computer. yup, i'm semi-addicted to the internet. my aunt has a computer i can borrow to check my email, and maybe read news, but i can't do anything private. i'm hoping i'll somehow have fun...i'm bringing a backpack full of books along with my evil hw.
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fadingintoblue
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2003 19 April :: 11.09pm
:: Mood: listless
i'm feeling all alone...just because i haven' t talked to a teenager all day. i hate holidays sometimes because everyone goes away and i have no one to talk to. the people who stayed home (like me, ugh) are all busy. also, i haven't done anything at all today. just read two books (one of which had a disapointing ending that's been hanging over me all day--i wanted a happy ending darnit!), and went out to dinner with my parents. i turned down an offer to go to the mall with them (they wanted to walk). i hate the mall, and i hate walking around the mall alone aimlessly even more. i do have tons of hw i can do...but i'm going to procrastinate a bit more. though i did read another two pages in Ethan Frome. if i keep it up, i'll have it done by june...too bad i only have two weeks to get it done. on a happier note, i did go driving today.
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fadingintoblue
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2003 15 April :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: rushed
tomorrow is one of my favorite holidays, passover. i'm not so happy, however, at all the stupid work my teachers are assigning. if i want to have to time to actually celebrate tomorrow, i'll have to do tons of hw tonight. and there's no way i'm not celebrating passover. i'm not really religiously jewish, but it's still part of my heritage and i want to celebrate! stupid teachers.
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fadingintoblue
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2003 14 April :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: andy and denise
i hate english class. i hate english class even when (due to this evil cold i have) i don't actually have to attend it. the witch we have as a teacher, while occasionally showing glimpses of humanity, normally is beyond mercy. apparently she insulted katherine today during the debate (it was on A Scarlet Letter), saying that katherine's point was completely wrong. and it wasn't. i'm dreading actually attending class. i didn't feel up to doing schoolwork until this afternoon, so i'm only halfway through the book. and the debate isn't over, and i'll be expected to talke *5* times in order to get an a. an a i need in order to keep up my grade in order to stay in honors english. i want to stay in honors english because? not quite sure, but i hate college prep (average) classes, and i don't want to take another one. i'm just hoping the teacher doesn't insult *me*.
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fadingintoblue
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2003 12 April :: 10.32pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: tracy chapman
i'm bored...and sick...and tired...maybe i should go to bed.
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