goodbye
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2024 24 January :: 12.18am
:: Mood: Sick to my stomach
I can't do this anymore. I can't be such an afterthought. I can't mean so little to the person who I should mean the most to. I don't understand your continued mistreatment amd disregard for me. I can't continue to justify this with your past trauma. You've had so many chances to correct it. A second trip to Japan where I'm not included after the damage it did last time; you continue to make choices that don't reflect any love for me. I'm heartbroken and you can't take it back. And I can't ignore it anymore. And as much as you have tried to make me believe otherwise over the years, I know, deep inside my soul that I deserve better than this.
I just don't know why I should keep on forgiving this stuff when the most minimal amount of foresight would have prevented it from happening.
try again
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godessalthena
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2024 15 January :: 7.08am
I broke my right foot a couple years ago, it's healed up fine ... but now my left foot causes me excruciating pain after walking even short distances. I'm seeing the doctor this week but it's made exercising nearly impossible and it's extremely depressing.
this winter has also just been giving horrible so far. it's been in the negatives all week. now we are finally maybe getting our first real snow, followed by shitty rain. it's always dark.
I might take some classes at the community college in the spring just to give me something to do. my joints hurts so much anymore I don't crochet or do any crafts, I just sit on the couch and watch YouTube obsessively. it's fucking sad. maybe I just want to love it my last few months kids free doing stupidly mindless shit?
I'm in my second trimester and haven't gained any weight, which I am very proud of. the first Dr I saw said I should gain 30lbs, which would essentially be undoing all my hard work over the past year. that really fucking brings me down too. this journey i thought would be fun and exciting but it's mostly just been painful and sad. hopefully I don't have ridiculous post partum depression once the nugget arrives, but I'm deeply concerned...
why am I just such a pile of trash? my body hates me, my mind hates me... am I even worth anything?
2 --- |
try again
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godessalthena
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2023 23 December :: 6.43am
well... I quit my job at JoAnn... the one on the south hill is such an absolute joke I had to leave in the middle of my shift and cry in my car for a couple hours. I don't understand corporate decisions on hours and shit but what they are doing there is just fucking wrong.
way too stressful for me and my strawberry. I have this awful feeling of guilt over it, but I know it's the right decision.
but watching and partaking in the slow collapse of our society really took a heavy toll on my heart and my mind. this country is a fast sinking ship and no one wants to help bail out the water.
and those who do want to help are quickly burnt out and tossed off the side.
1 --- |
try again
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